I am not up on the bima
A cantor sings in his baritone voice that I do not have and I am not up on the bima
I am not up on the bima
“What’s the right choice to make as Jews?” the rabbi asks and I am not up on the bima
I am not up on the bima
I cut my hair and I “don’t have time” so I am not up on the bima
I am not up on the bima
It isn’t fair I’m scared of what’s mine and I am not up on the bima
How can I be up on the bima?
Sacrificing myself? Do you want to cut me in half so I can be up on the bima?
How can I be up on the bima?
I stand back by the shelves, away from the staff and I am definitely not up on the bima.
When will I be up on the bima?
Next Shabbat or years from now when I am welcome up on the bima?
When will I be up on the bima?
When my life is taught, all of it, not just some when I am up on the bima
I see others up on the bima
There’s never beings like me up on the bima
I see others up on the bima
Then I start seeing YOU up on the bima
I am not up on the bima
But YOU are. You’ve cut your hair, but you are not scared and YOU are up on the bima
I am up on the bima
Through your spirit because we are all one when there is someone up on the bima
I am up on the bima
Because you are there and we share not only a G-d but a pride in ourselves standing tall up on the bima
I am up on the bima
And if there is one place I belong, it’s: UP ON THE BIMA
Mar 28, 2020
Mar 28, 2020 at 6:39 PM UTC
We are not misfits and we are not weird
We wrestle with that which you do not know
We travel to places you’ll never go
The only contrast: the way we are feared
We are not misfits and we are not strange
We love in ways you do not comprehend
There are no rules in place we don’t transcend
No words you hurl will ever make us change
Misfit does not describe the way I am
Misfit is yours alone but ours to claim
Misfit is not a strategy to ****
Misfit will never make me feel your shame
Misfit is real but you are such a sham
Misfit is not how I will be renamed
Mar 28, 2020
Mar 28, 2020 at 6:37 PM UTC
I could paint the stars a million times and never get them right, because I've seen you
fierce feelings find me seamlessly smitten surrendering doubt of forever
days when the future called me names have misted away from the heat you bring me
there's more strength in me now because you make the little things count
daydreams are a drop of an ocean that you bring
feelings are severe, but loving you is how a mountain stands
natural and unwavering
Jun 30, 2019
Jun 30, 2019 at 9:56 AM UTC
I love comedy, I love to laugh and smile
I’d been looking forward to this night for a while
We were seeing a funny guy crack jokes and jests
there's absolutely no reason to be stressed
Except the venue was unconventional
Great location, the seating was plentiful
I didn’t realize where we were about to go
So as we walked up my footsteps began to slow
My curly hair blew through the air
And I uttered a little prayer
Because we were walking up to something I knew very well
I’d spent my childhood in one if you couldn’t tell
The place was a synagogue in downtown DC
And all of a sudden I felt I needed to flee
I walked inside and my heart started to race
Why couldn’t they have had this in a different place?
In a flash I’m back on October twenty-seventh
Where I watched the news to see that there had been eleven
Eleven lives lost for practicing their faith saying a prayer
“Baruch atah adonai, please help me, I’m scared”
They couldn’t escape and now neither could I
Every part of me thought I was going to die
There! A man is holding a gun!
Come on people! You have to run!
But it was his phone, my eyes were wrong
Don’t start to cry, please be strong
But I started to cry, no I started to sob
I held my head, it started to throb
I was scared out of my mind
I decided I had to resign
My mom took me back to the car
I needed to go somewhere really far
Then, I thought I would feel shame
But instead the anger came
I used to go to a synagogue and feel love and delight
But now all I feel is my fight or flight
They took my safe space away from me
They said I can no longer just be
I have to be scared because "Jews will not replace us”
I have to run because goyim want to chase us
There were always bomb threats during the sabbath time
There were picketers with their signs up, people throwing dimes
But I was a child, never afraid
No matter what, never dismayed
But now I see the casualties climb to terrible heights
And I haven’t been to a synagogue since that night
I used to be excited to learn different melodies of the sh’ma
And then the classic chanting of the v'ahavta
But now I’ll never feel safe again
I’ll always be looking towards the amen
Oseh shalom bimromav, Hu yaaseh shalom aleinu
Part of the mourner's kaddish I now give to you
I hope there’s a long time before its said about me
But it might be soon because I am not going to flea
The next bat mitzvah I’m invited to
Whoever it’s for, I don’t care who
I’ll be dancing and I’ll be squealing
The words to the black eyed peas’ “I’ve got a feeling”
I’ll always be afraid and I’ll always be sad
I won’t stop myself from feeling mad
But maybe instead of counting sheep
I’ll let the mi chamocha lull me to sleep
My life will not belong to the people that want it gone
So to stick it to them… I’ll just have to live on
Apr 3, 2019
Apr 3, 2019 at 1:35 PM UTC
I smile at you as I walk in
Because I think you’re cool
You grin I feel I win
Even if I’m at school
I smile at you as I walk in
Because you laughed with me yesterday
We spoke we joked
And I am excited for today
I smile at you as I walk in
But today things kind of change
You sneer at my tears
It was a little bit strange
I smile at you as I walk in
Because I’m afraid of if I forget
You roll your eyes I get into disguise
As someone who’s not breaking yet
I smile at you as I walk in
But you don’t smile back
You look mean from what I’ve seen
Your eyes are glowing black
I smile at you as I walk in
And you roll your eyes at me
I’m stunned so I run
Don’t care where just have to flee
I smile at you as I walk in
I don’t know why I still do
In spite I try to be polite
Even as your cruelty grew
I smile at you as I walk in
And you smile as well
But I’m aware of your affair
With making me walk on eggshells
I smile at you as I walk in
And maybe you get to me
I forget your words and threat
And I start to agree
I smile at you as I walk in
But because I know something new
I’ve tried to be tough but it’s enough
Everyone now knows what you do
I smile at you as I walk in
Because its your last day in these rooms
I grin because I win
You’re a flower that will never bloom
Mar 8, 2019
Mar 8, 2019 at 8:54 AM UTC