"Do you think peoples dreams come true?"
"Yes."
"Do you think that someone will ever not find that?"
"No. Only if they give up."
As a kid,
I didn't know how to dream.
Santa was my Uncle Raymond.
DJ Laid out the Easter eggs.
Mommy was the tooth fairy,
so if I was good, I'd get a few extra dollars.
I used big words like concentrating and forgiveness.
I didn't pretend my Dad would one day be there for me,
He wasn't.
He was an alcoholic.
My mom hated her body.
Bill abuses my aunt, and I have always known.
I did not know how to dream.
I had nightmares.
Swiper the fix trying to swipe me.
Peeing the bed.
People leaving and dying and chasing and falling.
I do not remember dreams.
Whimsy.
You are my miracle.
We're.
We're.
We're.
I learned how to dream when I held you.
When I saw that look in your eyes when you were dreaming..
I somehow learned how too..
It isnt what it is cracked up to be.
I do not like to dream.
Not now that you are gone.
I have to realize that I am logic.
I am a rock.
I am alone.
I am school work and planning and organizing and predictability.
I cannot be a dreamer.
That is why you leave.
Always will.
I learned to dream.
I will always have you to thank for that..
But I have to give that up now.
The shoe did not fit.
Dreams don't come true.
Dreams don't come true.
Dreams do not ever come true.
Logic does.
I learned to dream of us and love and trust and forever and Caleb and family and...
I give up on my dreams.
Aug 17, 2015
Aug 17, 2015 at 2:01 PM UTC
Stomach acid
I loved you then
When you couldn't feel anything but the sting of stomach acid
When nothing mattered
When loving you tasted like Juicy Fruit and salty tears
I loved you still
When you uttered I don't know anymore
When you reached for her hand
And she took it
Loving you feels like that stinging stomach acid
The painful sensation comes in waves
And after a few minutes of deep breathing,
It's almost like you're going to be okay.
Like you won't toss your biscuits and you're ready to hit the coaster again.
But then you get comfortable.
Take a few steps toward "The ball and chain coaster"
And it hits you so hard.
You have to sit in the "Designated Friend Zone"
While the love of your life rides with someone else.
She got rid of her pain.
Her stomach acid was you.
Puked you right up.
And you can't seem to let it come out and move on.
Well come on sweetie,
Someone else is waiting to ride with you.
Aug 17, 2015
Aug 17, 2015 at 1:54 PM UTC
Soon, normalcy will come to an end.
Everything ceases.
There will be no more.
There are no ends to these sentences.
You may make it as deep or shallow as you need.
There will be no more Margo Roth Spiegelman.
There will be no more famine.
There will be no more late nights.
No more breath.
No more understanding.
No more lessons.
No more pain.
You must know that ends are not the end.
Life goes on, until it doesn't.
You will miss the days of normalcy past,
But some day...
There will be no more you.
Don't dwell on yesterday's happiness and the lack of the like today.
Live for this moment.
Friends come and go.
Friends change.
Life comes and goes.
Life changes.
And that is the only normalcy you should expect.
Aug 17, 2015
Aug 17, 2015 at 1:53 PM UTC
It means nothing.
Five letters shouldn't be different than six.
Why is it then?
At three a.m.,
When I'm screaming into my pillow,
Crying,
Wishing the demons would leave,
Five letters are better than six.
Five letters help,
Not the person attached.
The person attached isn't there.
He is at home sleeping,
Dreaming of something else.
But his five letters are there to float around my ears.
The six letters linger from before,
But five feel safer.
Maybe the man attached to the six loves me more,
Maybe not,
But I want five.
If the name is enough,
That must mean something.
Aug 17, 2015
Aug 17, 2015 at 1:50 PM UTC
If I showed you who I was, would you cringe?
Would you laugh in my darkness?
Would I regret myself?
If I showed you my scars, would you stare?
Would they glow with shame?
Or fade into who I am, that being okay?
If I showed you my eyes, would you see my soul?
Would you find nothing there, like he did?
Or would you see the flame I saw in you?
If I let my tears flow, would you know why?
Would you tell me that I didn’t make sense?
Or would you know all to well what each salty tear represents?
If I showed you myself, and all that I am,
Would I finally understand it myself?
Would you make me feel whole?
If I showed you who I was,
If I showed you who I am,
Would you show me the same of you?
Feb 18, 2015
Feb 18, 2015 at 10:06 PM UTC
One smile set my soul on fire
One leap of faith is all it takes
One heart is all each has to give
One moment creates a brand new friend
One sudden feeling makes it more
One sentence is all it takes
One shot in the dark begins a new life
One compliment ignites a soul
One act of kindness could change the world
One hand is all I need to hold
One hand is all I need to hold
Feb 18, 2015
Feb 18, 2015 at 10:05 PM UTC
Look at the white walls shine.
The black curtains,
The grey clothes.
The door is open,
Doesn’t it look lovely?
Switch.
Now the walls are black,
The curtains shine white for all to see,
The clothes remain.
The door is shut,
Don’t you dare try to peak.
Switch.
Open door.
Welcome to my nice clean home,
No scratches on the walls,
Not a speck of dust in sight.
What do you mean…
I… I am sorry…
I just had to clean.
Yes sir, I know it is spotless but…
It really did need cleaning..
I’m not..
I understand.
I’ll be out in a moment.
Closed door.
Switch.
I am cleaning as fast as I can.
It is all going too quickly.
Only moments before another open door
And the walls are black again.
They see gleaming white through the curtains,
They think it is ***** and span.
Little do they know my little arms are scrubbing
Faster than I can comprehend.
Open Door.
No Switch.
Not this time.
He has seen..
The walls drip with ***** water
I couldn’t clean up in time
What will he say?
What should I do?
Silence.
He picks up a sponge
Without saying a word.
Starts scrubbing with me,
This is not his first time hiding the darkness.
Switch.
Each day from then on,
We scrubbed each others rooms.
No one would see the dirt on our hands.
No one.
And in the night, when we were all alone..
Switch.
Darkness again,
And this time,
We sit in it together.
And for the first time,
We do not have to hide.
Feb 18, 2015
Feb 18, 2015 at 10:04 PM UTC
The day I left you,
I didn't want to drive away.
Part of you was still mine,
And I realize now that it was your heart.
That seems irrelevant now.
Threats are not the way to win me back.
Neither are love letters.
Phone calls.
It is over.
I was so in love with you.
You ****** that up.
I was protecting you, and you repay me with this.
I admit I wanted you back.
Not now.
Maybe one day, that boy with the big brown eyes,
The one I see standing at the alter when I close my eyes,
Maybe one day he will help me get over this hell you put me through.
Love me.
Unlike you.
Maybe I've never met him,
Maybe I have.
I see him though.
We will be happy.
And as for you,
I hope you realize I did everything I could to help you,
I left when I didn't want to.
You chose to break me.
Your mistake.
I'm moving on.
To find my brown eyes,
And wash away your big blues.
Dec 18, 2014
Dec 18, 2014 at 8:30 PM UTC
The thing is:
You **** me off.
I am literally so done with your sass.
Your stares that cut through me.
The annoying way you ignore me to get me to "chase after" you.
What the hell do you think you're doing?
Im not a toy, **** it.
Either love me or don't.
Fact of the matter is, I will ALWAYS love you.
I have tried not to. I can't win.
So either leave me alone,
Or hold me while I cry.
Dec 18, 2014
Dec 18, 2014 at 8:17 PM UTC
(I) have always seen you differently
You have never (lied) to me
(You) have such pure intention and
I am not used to honesty
As the caterpillars (are) changing
You remain the same
Think they are (perfect) anyways
That is....
Special
But (to) be frank
I do not need you
I am a caterpillar and I can manage on my own
Grow on my own.
I shall go on being (me)
And you can have your flaws young man.
I don't need a mirrored dream.
Dec 16, 2014
Dec 16, 2014 at 9:32 PM UTC