Head spinnin,
I'd do anything to feel,
Numb most moments.
Not sure where to go,
Or what to do,
Feelin like all all I can do is lose.
Putting on a brave face,
So I don't feel like a waste.
Family having sent me on my way,
I thank them for hell.
The fire that forged me,
And left me to myself.
Made me the King I am,
Feelin royal on the streets.
Praying to the True King,
On my knees,
Hands out to the heavens.
Sometimes feeling heaven sent,
Other days feelin like a piece of hell.
Wishin my enemies well,
Including myself.
Feelin like I been put on the shelf,
Tucked away,
Something to be ashamed of,
Something to hide.
Missing living in the night,
In a room with just me,
Drawing to save myself.
Picking up the pencil now,
I feel hollow,
Unwell.
Dreams feeling better,
Missing the moments I close my eyes.
Burning through my days,
A bittersweet waiting game,
Waiting for sleep.
In the night,
My fox waits for me,
Disheveled, himself.
Finding peace,
In the spaces we meet.
Become a demon myself,
When an angel was all I wanted to be.
Fallen now,
Brimstone burning in my chest,
Blessed to have my soul held by the best.
A kin to the beast,
He holds me,
So I don't freeze.
Missing his warmth,
During the days of winter breeze.
Hoping he's with me,
Even during waking hours,
So I don't feel alone,
He puts me at ease.
The wrinkle in his smile,
Better than anything.
Feeling the swell of my heart,
When we meet.
Passing through the veil,
So we can have
You & Me,
A different kind of We.
Craving to be conjoined,
A soul bond I never want to leave.
Nov 24, 2025
Nov 24, 2025 at 2:55 PM UTC
Don't know why,
I keep losing my mind,
Can't look behind,
At what was.
Missing a love that was empty,
Fearing I missed what is meant to be,
When I know what was,
Was only ash on my tongue.
Shouldering cigarettes,
Turned into an ashtray.
Flesh burning,
My stomach churning,
Just wishing he could say,
Those three warm words,
But no sound passed his lips.
Homesick
For a dead relationship.
Our ships having set sail,
In opposing ways.
Captains,
Of different directions.
Nov 24, 2025
Nov 24, 2025 at 2:54 PM UTC
Only home I've ever known,
Nestled between my flesh and bone.
Forever lost,
Feeling in the dark,
For a place for my heart.
Lost,
Never found,
Coziness in my ribcage,
Home when I breathe.
Don't know where I'm goin,
Or where I'll stay,
But Lord be with me,
I'll find a way.
Nov 24, 2025
Nov 24, 2025 at 2:49 PM UTC
Soft padding of the rain,
Heartbeat of the sky.
A cool embrace
From above,
The only love I feel,
Nowadays.
Alone no longer,
When the sky opens up.
Hazy faces,
The people I meet,
Along the way.
Who will I keep
Close to my heart?
During this endless storm,
I shift,
Changing form.
Morphing,
To temporary companions,
Trying to fit in places
I do not know.
Soon the weather
Will turn to snow.
What will I be,
When the frost echoes
Over me?
Nov 24, 2025
Nov 24, 2025 at 2:47 PM UTC
The numb I feel
Compares to no drug.
It's as if I've been scooped out,
Of all my innards.
Or perhaps,
Smothered,
Would be a better word.
I tend to think I can't get hurt,
Tossing moments over my shoulder,
Heart heavy like a boulder.
Did they ever really know her?
Or him?
Or them,
All I am?
We became more like kin,
In the end.
Or,
Whatever sick example of family I've known.
Sad that we became hollow,
And cold.
I would have told them how I felt,
But it would have come lashing,
Like a belt.
I cared not to hurt them with final words,
So I spared them,
Let their mind do the worst,
So my voice doesn't ring in their mind,
Like theirs did all that time.
It felt like a mercy,
An attempt to be kind,
As I had no kind words left,
After they hollowed my chest.
Nov 24, 2025
Nov 24, 2025 at 2:46 PM UTC
Hard to tell if it was me,
Or you,
That went quiet,
First.
Truly,
I know it was you.
You let go of the twine,
Keeping us
Intertwined.
Faded blue into black,
Turning into nothing but a sack,
Of electrified meat.
You went from misery,
That I loved for company,
To nothing.
And I made everything,
Out of your
Emptiness.
But too long without connection,
And the heartbreak,
Well,
It set in.
Settled somewhere deeper than
My bones.
It must've shown,
I know.
But three years time,
Was nothing,
To your disassociated mind.
You,
Thinking things were fine,
For such a time.
Was rotting your definition of love?
It must have
Been.
Could you see the flesh,
Sloughing off,
Of my bleeding heart?
Were you even looking,
Or were you replaying
The start?
I know I did,
After a time.
To make myself stay,
I would replay
Our first days.
Up until the day
You made fear stay.
I wish forgiveness were easier,
I wish I could have let you see her.
But she didn't want to be seen,
When every time she was around,
You were cold,
And mean.
Those are simple words,
Perhaps cruel suits it better,
Remember-?
You were lucky you even met her.
Nov 24, 2025
Nov 24, 2025 at 2:45 PM UTC
The air has been thick,
Lately.
I can't seem to get in a full
Breath.
Chest wound tighter than a spool of
Wire,
As I try to stop the world from extinguishing
My fire.
Aching to be higher,
No,
Higher-!
Flames licking at the skyline,
Mine.
Something to show them,
I'm more than their simple
Desire.
Hollow shell on a pile,
All I ever was to them,
Ash,
On the Funeral Pyre.
Nov 24, 2025
Nov 24, 2025 at 2:41 PM UTC
I reflect on my recent youth,
And realize,
I chase empty husks,
Seeking a love I’ve never felt.
I suppose I have always known,
Always seen that I seek home in others.
Perhaps it was home,
Once,
Or twice,
But if it was,
It was built in lust,
And their luck.
An object in their eyes,
And they a god in mine-
Not once did I fall because it was convenient,
It was quite the contrary,
Really.
My lust is a reflex,
A cry for love,
Not this petty game,
Of white lies I am often subjected to.
Feeding into your fantasies,
To get what they seek.
I feel like a plaything,
That sweet, behaved BabyDoll.
A pawn on their tabletop
And willingly, too,
Title upon my collar.
Ashamed, I am,
Of this toy I become,
For boys who claim to be in love.
Jul 9, 2022
Jul 9, 2022 at 1:10 PM UTC
I am rather emotional, and honestly, you all probably already know that.
Each of you has probably seen me cry once,
Or so full of rage that silence was never an option.
Some would say that this makes me too much to handle,
That I need to control myself.
But how I am now, is better than how I used to be.
The screaming and the yelling and the crying and the falling apart,
It's all so much better than sitting in my room at night, unable to sleep, my mind racing, but my heart numb.
It is so much better than being unable to smile a real smile,
It is so much better than despising my life and everything within it.
I'd rather fall apart over something small than be unable to shed a tear over something big.
And maybe I look crazy,
Maybe I am out of control,
But at least I feel whole.
Jan 16, 2020
Jan 16, 2020 at 1:19 PM UTC
I have been told that I am stupid, in love.
I don't know if I'm stupid, or simply in love.
Either way, I have no clue what I am doing,
But when others try to advise me what to do it goes in one ear and out the other, like things do when your parents lecture you,
Because in all honesty, I don't want to hear it.
I understand, yes, you love me, watching me break down isn't fun, watching my sanity slowly ebb away like the light of the sun in the evening is not easy,
But I need you to understand, I am in love, and love makes us do stupid things, but I am not stupid for loving who I do.
Because this love is true, and something I will be holding onto.
Mistakes may be made, and yes, they might play themselves on repeat,
And yes, forgiving them over and over is a feat, but I need you to listen to me.
I have never loved this much, I had always been either sad or numb,
And he is the one who changed that, he's the one who didn't make me feel fat, for once, he's the one who accepts my flaws and holds on when I am afraid and try to run away, he is the one who loves me back, and I am not willing to loose that.
So if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all
Because I will be holding on, and I need you to respect that, or step back.
Jan 16, 2020
Jan 16, 2020 at 10:27 AM UTC