five years
since i’ve written on this page
Its my story of a teen girl midst ideation
15 years old I was scared of my own brain
felt as if evolution failed on me
how could i want to die
when every cell in my body was made to want to stay alive.
I’m 20 now
I can’t believe i made it out.
This page is now a testimony for myself
My brain is protecting me now
I can’t remember the memory
but they speak to me through my young words. no matter how poorly written.
Just here to say my life is now beautiful
There is no cage.
The peace I feel.
Writing is memory
and a way out.
Jan 30, 2025
Jan 30, 2025 at 11:23 PM UTC
Running my fingers down the chest.
I resented hours before.
the damage from the previous fight still bare, screaming through his breath
confused, why I decided passion rather than destruction this time.
questioning his own love
while it’s mine that’s damaged
leave me before you need me
he can see right through me it kills me
holding me down as i fight to leave
i need to be
copper wire laced between my fingers
cutting deeper
the walls get smaller
Crying out to me my body gives in
euphoric as it is
i’ll repeat myself till inevitably
I fall between the last of those who choose to hold me. if any
a battle repeatedly fought
a cry repeatedly heard
becomes a burden.
May 25, 2021
May 25, 2021 at 10:51 PM UTC
He sat under the stars, his eyes glowed as he told me how big the universe is and how insignificant we are.
How he wished he could be like a star, something that lasts forever and starts deep meaningful conversations
I wanted to tell him that he is my star
He made me stop and forget the insignificance of my existence
and how every word he spoke made me want to listen deeper.
That even if he isn’t a necessity to the universe, he gave me a reason to forgive the world, because no matter how evil the world is, it must be good for it inhabits him.
I want him to see me and think
“this is all i need”
Feb 18, 2021
Feb 18, 2021 at 8:47 PM UTC
As a family
As a family we stand,
together we fall.
We lose one,
we lose them all.
Nov 29, 2020
Nov 29, 2020 at 11:22 PM UTC
I know i won’t leave my bedroom
I know i lay down all day
I know i don’t go out
I know i don’t eat
I know i’m messy
I know i’m disorganized
I know i’m doing bad in school
you don’t have to remind me i tell myself everyday. I ******* hate it too.
I hate feeling hopeless and depressed
I hate not even having energy to leave my room
I hate not being able to laugh with the inevitable wave of sadness that comes
I hate not having friends i can go out with anymore
I hate feeling numb and overwhelmed all the time
I know it seems like the bare minimum
But for the love of God
I’m trying to ******* stay alive.
It’s okay though, i hate me too.
Nov 29, 2020
Nov 29, 2020 at 11:18 PM UTC
Im nauseated from the ups and downs
I get so low I forget what its like to breathe,
drowning by my crys and screams
I get so high that its seems I have a perfect life
I wish I could be in a time loop of this night
When it rains is poors when its sunny it burns
I appreciate the highs more every low I get
Life is like Russian roulette
You could be here one second go the next
life isnt promised the only thing promised is death
so appreciate life with all its highs and lows
your pain and hurt might never go away
but your here right now so try to live through the pain.
Oct 28, 2019
Oct 28, 2019 at 1:04 PM UTC
Forbidden love is to meet this day
to wipe a family's history and pain
A love, hate twisted Hurricane
No war can keep them apart
for they feel there love was crafted as beautiful art
They told there love from there lips
forever sealing there dying wish
to come together as one
love stronger than their families hate
love stronger than the oceans waves
from first sight and to there last
but hush for there families can not know
that adversarys joined
a sword against their neck
the only choice in this love is death
Oct 18, 2019
Oct 18, 2019 at 8:06 AM UTC
what is it ?
The mere thought of happiness that rushes through our veins,
When we see someone we love, our crush, our family, the sunshine,
If those were to fade away, a part of us would simply shatter, vanish,
Rain clouds would keep away the sunshine in our life the heavy wind would brush through our hair and remind us of such great tragedies,
like a sleeping terror, the chains of fate, the flow of time become;
Meaningless, without what has been blown away like ash by a breeze,
What you must not forget, will never lose, what wont change is...
The past, where your memories, our remarkable actions are living,
Hold them dear, these several rays of sunlight to keep the rain clouds away, to pull yourself together and shine beyond the scene, rise.
Even if you do lose all your strength and your muscles refuse to carry your beautiful soul trapped within the flesh of your very existence,
Even if you fall into an abyss of despair, devoured by regret.
As long as you are alive, you may as well do a change.
As long as you are alive, you can make the present joyous by striving for a better future, for yourself, for what you lost.
Live, for the love of light is for all to bare
Oct 18, 2019
Oct 18, 2019 at 8:01 AM UTC
I felt a lot
Not just my own emotions I endured others as well
I was gifted with
empathy, pain.
Oct 18, 2019
Oct 18, 2019 at 7:57 AM UTC