The holographic fairy dust bubble
that used to be us
Has exploded into
Regular dust
Grey and *****
Unwanted
I love you more than you
Could ever imagine
More than you
Could ever understand
but your love for me is no more
I am
Unwanted
Jan 11, 2020
Jan 11, 2020 at 4:48 PM UTC
With the glass of champagne
Still in your hand
You tell me that you're not afraid
Of death
Of dying
You ask me if I'm afraid
I sip the champagne
Death is something
I don't allow myself to think about
Finally I answer
No
No I'm not afraid of death
It's weird I haven't thought about it
Not before you
You look at me
Still holding the glass of champagne
You look good
You have some sort of magical eyes
Eyes that I'm not afraid to look into
You say
Most of us who have been feeling
Like we have been feeling
Are not afraid of death
Because somehow
We have already
Experienced it
Never have I heard someone
With a glass of champagne in their hand
Say something that intelligent
Something that life changing
I sip the champagne
And I smile
Nov 19, 2017
Nov 19, 2017 at 7:29 PM UTC
You know that feeling
When it feels like you're actually
Going to die
Literally like there is no air
For your lungs to breath
You know that feeling
When it feels like you're actually
Ripping apart
Literally like your heart
Is breaking
You know that feeling
When it feels like you're actually
Crying
Literally waterfalls from your eyes
But you don't
The truth is
When it feels like you're dying
When it feels like you're crying
That's means it all done
The truth is
You've already used up all those tears
There are none left to cry
You want to but you can't
The truth is
You have already died
You died when no one listened
Even when you tried to explain
Oct 30, 2017
Oct 30, 2017 at 5:20 PM UTC
I dont want to apologise, not to anyone.
About anything.
I just want to tell myself that I'm sorry.
And will always be sorry.
For all the pain, the unbearable pain I've forced myself to go through.
For all those sleepless nights, filled with unbelievable thoughts.
For all those voices I let myself listen to, those lies I myself created.
For all those moments of missing out, because of truths that I decided was real.
I want to tell myself that I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I've been so mean to my body. To my face.
Telling it how much I hated it.
While during this whole time, my own face. My own body. Was the thing moving me forward. Getting me through. Getting me out.
I'm sorry that I have been so hateful against myself for no real reason.
I'm sorry.
I hope that someday I will be able to forgive myself for that.
That is my only apology.
Oct 10, 2017
Oct 10, 2017 at 6:00 PM UTC
I got there crying.
You took me in your arms asking
Honey what's wrong
What's wrong
I'm here talk to me
Sweetheart what's going on
My tears were suffocating me
I couldn't speak the words
You gave me a kiss on the forehead
Honey what's wrong
Tell me what's going on
Hugging me tightly
My body wasn't still
I was shaking
You let me cry still holding me
How can I help
Is there anything I can do
What's wrong
I love you
But I want to breakup
You let go of me
You just stare at me
No no no no no
You start crying
That's how I ended it
How I killed what used to be us
Apr 29, 2017
Apr 29, 2017 at 4:18 PM UTC
I try to keep myself busy.
Cook new food.
Got a second job.
Make plans with friends.
Spend time with my mom.
Read.
Plan a trip.
Walk.
Talk to that girl.
Laugh with my brother.
I try to keep myself busy.
Only because I don't want to admit
That its over.
I don't want to admit
That it has been over for awhile now
How do you tell someone
It's over
But make them understand
That you still love them
An awful lot
Feb 27, 2017
Feb 27, 2017 at 6:00 PM UTC
Having freshly washed bed sheets
My bed feels so much larger
I feel so much smaller
I feel too far
Away
from
You
Feb 10, 2017
Feb 10, 2017 at 6:24 PM UTC
Taking that first magical step out of the plane. The heat strikes you, the humidity is overwhelming.
Taking a seat in the first taxi. The prettiest of palm trees, magnificent skyscrapers trying to reach over the clouds.
Smoking the first cigarette, drinking the first drink.
New people, old people, bars, laughter, beaches, tattoos, sunshine.
Taking that first dreadful step out of the plane.
The cold punches you, the dry air takes your breath away.
Taking a seat in the old familiar car. Cold grey snow trying to stay on the highway.
Smoking only half a cigarette, it's better to be inside.
Old people, old news, grey skies, still the tattoos but lack of sunshine.
Snap out of it. Back to reality.
Bring me back soon.
Jan 10, 2017
Jan 10, 2017 at 10:56 PM UTC
'' So how many more sessions do you think we need?''
A question I thought would never be asked
I don't allow myself to think bad thoughts
I have my knights in shining armour around me
Fighting off those bad thoughts with silver swords
'' I don't know...?''
She was always my saving grace
The one who kept me on the ground
Even when I wanted to fly away
My fluffy pink pillow with cotton candy scent
'' I'm thinking 10 more sessions ''
She is going to leave me
Alone with these thoughts
Alone with my emotions
Alone with my demons
''... Okay''
I've been in therapy every week
for almost a year
She did so much to help me
get rid of the monsters under my bed
and the devils inside of my head
'' You will be fine''
I'm not good at being on my own
I need someone to hold my hand
Guide me when there is no sunlight
Help me rebuild my castle when the walls break
''Sure''
Who am I going to be
Without a hand to hold
Without my knights
Without her
I am scared to find out
Apr 9, 2016
Apr 9, 2016 at 10:26 PM UTC
How do you greet a stranger,
With a simple hello
or with a loving hug
How do you treat a former friend,
Bringing up ancient memories
or creating new ones
Well
It's been a while
How's Everything been?
Are things better now
or are you still struggling?
How do you say your farewell
With a simple goodbye
or with a light kiss and teary Eyes
I hope you are okay
or at least that you are still hoping
For that happy ending
Well
it's been a while
I'm still here
I still Believe in you
I hope you do too
Jan 16, 2016
Jan 16, 2016 at 7:40 AM UTC