emma-n-boyer - Hello Poetry

One summer I was So out of shape that I decided to run With my little sister. She was on The cross-country team. I always told myself I could beat her. I mean She’s younger than me. The first day she dragged me Out of bed I couldn’t feel My legs. There were creases On my calves from the dusty sheets Of the bottom bunk. I tripped On my laptop trying to find my shoes. I realized she didn’t Wear shorts that often. The muscles Beneath her skin smirked at me While I fumbled with my laces. Her hair Was in a high ponytail, pulling At her cheekbones. We jogged out of the driveway. I had to clean out the back room when I decided to skip class. There was so much Random **** it made my head spin. Hours consisted of me choking On dirt and throwing away boxes. The cardboard reminded me of Moving day and how we all slept on the floor but She left her canopy still hanging when we Drove away for the last time. I found a drawer full Of paintings. None of them finished, All of them signed. I didn’t even know she could Write until I found a journal in my Hockey bag. Blue leather, full of stains. Words I don’t think I would’ve Noticed coming from someone else’s Hands. I left it on the locker room bench, open We went cliff jumping and I trembled at the edge with my Heartbeat in my mouth The water wasn’t liquid it was Made of welkin stone I couldn’t find my voice and my pulse was Way too high She leapt from above me without Looking down

0

Sep 25, 2017

Sep 25, 2017 at 9:38 PM UTC

"Wait"

One summer I was So out of shape that I decided to run With my little sister. She was on The cross-country team. I always told myself I could beat her. I mean She’s younger than me. The first day she dragged me Out of bed I couldn’t feel My legs. There were creases On my calves from the dusty sheets Of the bottom bunk. I tripped On my laptop trying to find my shoes. I realized she didn’t Wear shorts that often. The muscles Beneath her skin smirked at me While I fumbled with my laces. Her hair Was in a high ponytail, pulling At her cheekbones. We jogged out of the driveway. I had to clean out the back room when I decided to skip class. There was so much Random **** it made my head spin. Hours consisted of me choking On dirt and throwing away boxes. The cardboard reminded me of Moving day and how we all slept on the floor but She left her canopy still hanging when we Drove away for the last time. I found a drawer full Of paintings. None of them finished, All of them signed. I didn’t even know she could Write until I found a journal in my Hockey bag. Blue leather, full of stains. Words I don’t think I would’ve Noticed coming from someone else’s Hands. I left it on the locker room bench, open We went cliff jumping and I trembled at the edge with my Heartbeat in my mouth The water wasn’t liquid it was Made of welkin stone I couldn’t find my voice and my pulse was Way too high She leapt from above me without Looking down

50

Loving you is like the static ache of sleeping limbs It’s like yawning when exhaustion makes your back knot up like yarn it's like stretching out your fingers till your shoulders glide again lavender, soft yellow and red raging in the rain, tendrils of pink promises proposing to the sky it's the first sip of hot chocolate it is reading by the fire it is racing home to leave again and sighing under sheets, cradling my ankles cause they never felt your lips Wondering was waking up and finding only empty rooms, slamming doors and calling out to nobody at all, crossing sidewalks backwards and ignoring traffic lights, guided by the sand around my eyes and in my shoes worrying was poisonous, it pinched me all day long, underneath my armpits and behind my pen tattoo I wish I didn't know you touched her did she hug her ankles too did she know how many freckles there are sleeping on your back Losing you was cold it was my heart made out of lead, sinking into stomach aches and leaning on the stall, puking out your promises and pulling out my hair, counting cuts at midnight checking ribs for wandering knives it was the day they put him underground he couldn't drown me anymore and they said it wasn't anybody's fault but his alone and it's weird because i watched and not a single person cried until they dropped their chuckling roses onto earth made out of lies, spitting up aromas of my brother's drunken wish I peeled back lazy scars **** I showed you all that I had left, hoping you would stroke my hair and help me be alive This second try is fragile it's a glass full to the brim, a leather seat on a summer day on the far side of the lot, warm enough to doze off but too hot to really dream

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Sep 25, 2017

Sep 25, 2017 at 9:36 PM UTC

Work In Progress

Loving you is like the static ache of sleeping limbs It’s like yawning when exhaustion makes your back knot up like yarn it's like stretching out your fingers till your shoulders glide again lavender, soft yellow and red raging in the rain, tendrils of pink promises proposing to the sky it's the first sip of hot chocolate it is reading by the fire it is racing home to leave again and sighing under sheets, cradling my ankles cause they never felt your lips Wondering was waking up and finding only empty rooms, slamming doors and calling out to nobody at all, crossing sidewalks backwards and ignoring traffic lights, guided by the sand around my eyes and in my shoes worrying was poisonous, it pinched me all day long, underneath my armpits and behind my pen tattoo I wish I didn't know you touched her did she hug her ankles too did she know how many freckles there are sleeping on your back Losing you was cold it was my heart made out of lead, sinking into stomach aches and leaning on the stall, puking out your promises and pulling out my hair, counting cuts at midnight checking ribs for wandering knives it was the day they put him underground he couldn't drown me anymore and they said it wasn't anybody's fault but his alone and it's weird because i watched and not a single person cried until they dropped their chuckling roses onto earth made out of lies, spitting up aromas of my brother's drunken wish I peeled back lazy scars **** I showed you all that I had left, hoping you would stroke my hair and help me be alive This second try is fragile it's a glass full to the brim, a leather seat on a summer day on the far side of the lot, warm enough to doze off but too hot to really dream

58

i watched two lovers in the moonlight fighting over wasted breath they would stalk away from each other tears scalding swollen cheeks I saw her stumble over smooth ground and her knees hit marbled earth i saw her shoulders catch the universe as he cried out with borrowed pain i saw her give into the starlight and her body melt away i saw him fumbling for the remnants of her voice amongst the stars

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Sep 25, 2017

Sep 25, 2017 at 9:35 PM UTC

Fumble

i watched two lovers in the moonlight fighting over wasted breath they would stalk away from each other tears scalding swollen cheeks I saw her stumble over smooth ground and her knees hit marbled earth i saw her shoulders catch the universe as he cried out with borrowed pain i saw her give into the starlight and her body melt away i saw him fumbling for the remnants of her voice amongst the stars

18

the sky will kiss your cheeks when you are sobbing in your sheets it will breathe into your lungs it will remind you that you’re young there are angels in your stride and there are flare guns in your mind don’t let them make you blind don’t let want and need collide you are golden as the dusk and you are more than just enough i will race you to the edge and we can leap until we fly if he won’t kiss your cheeks you know you always have the sky and if your flare gun leaves you weak please remember you have i

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Sep 25, 2017

Sep 25, 2017 at 9:33 PM UTC

Sister,

the sky will kiss your cheeks when you are sobbing in your sheets it will breathe into your lungs it will remind you that you’re young there are angels in your stride and there are flare guns in your mind don’t let them make you blind don’t let want and need collide you are golden as the dusk and you are more than just enough i will race you to the edge and we can leap until we fly if he won’t kiss your cheeks you know you always have the sky and if your flare gun leaves you weak please remember you have i

22

mixed signals in my forearms racing tampering with my pulse this ache was born but dies with you i wish i could explain i'd never felt my bones agree with anything but sleep but when your finger tips almost traced my lips they screeched their bold consent "let him in oh let him in let him have what's left"

0

Sep 25, 2017

Sep 25, 2017 at 9:32 PM UTC

Consent

mixed signals in my forearms racing tampering with my pulse this ache was born but dies with you i wish i could explain i'd never felt my bones agree with anything but sleep but when your finger tips almost traced my lips they screeched their bold consent "let him in oh let him in let him have what's left"

14

They say once your heart is Broken there's a Clock on when you cry I mean you Wake up in the morning and you're whispering his name I wonder why it Hits me when I'm Staring in the mirror, counting all the reasons I would prob'bly leave me too but you know That's the ******* problem that's why All the bad boys win they Teach you that your image isn't Whole when they're not there they Twist your arm behind your back cause You like to hold their hand and Then when they let go it's like the Pain of phantom limb, you Wish there was that pressure still that Felt like you belonged but "Property" and "follow me" aren't really What you need there's Not so many hours just to Give to someone else you Have to wonder if you want to be Obedient or not my point Is that I'm so in love that I can't tie my shoes but I know that If I asked he wouldn't Bend his knees to help so as much As I don't like to shake or Lie myself to sleep I Recognize that hazel eyes are Not my Golden Fleece and Cold steel in my stomach tells me "Call just one more time" but Nothing about how he speaks Suggests that he's still mine and You know that's the ******* problem that I Want to own him too I Want promises that make the days Seem shorter than they are I'm Definitely broken but that's not What matters most It's that every time I see his face I Flinch a little less so Please let me remind you and I Guess myself as well that Clocks are obsolete unless You choose to face the wall

0

Sep 25, 2017

Sep 25, 2017 at 9:29 PM UTC

Tick Tock

They say once your heart is Broken there's a Clock on when you cry I mean you Wake up in the morning and you're whispering his name I wonder why it Hits me when I'm Staring in the mirror, counting all the reasons I would prob'bly leave me too but you know That's the ******* problem that's why All the bad boys win they Teach you that your image isn't Whole when they're not there they Twist your arm behind your back cause You like to hold their hand and Then when they let go it's like the Pain of phantom limb, you Wish there was that pressure still that Felt like you belonged but "Property" and "follow me" aren't really What you need there's Not so many hours just to Give to someone else you Have to wonder if you want to be Obedient or not my point Is that I'm so in love that I can't tie my shoes but I know that If I asked he wouldn't Bend his knees to help so as much As I don't like to shake or Lie myself to sleep I Recognize that hazel eyes are Not my Golden Fleece and Cold steel in my stomach tells me "Call just one more time" but Nothing about how he speaks Suggests that he's still mine and You know that's the ******* problem that I Want to own him too I Want promises that make the days Seem shorter than they are I'm Definitely broken but that's not What matters most It's that every time I see his face I Flinch a little less so Please let me remind you and I Guess myself as well that Clocks are obsolete unless You choose to face the wall

48

what have you noticed lately about the girl with caramel braids I heard her hum a song once she thinks the moon is brave for floating in that gentle ink we call the midnight sky every morning hiding every night waiting to die what have you seen lately does she stumble when she walks what's set her off balance does her heart race with the clock she whispered in my ear once that she thinks the clouds should sing her daydreams sprint beside her but without them she could win what have you heard lately about the girl with emerald eyes they wrapped her wrists up twice this time maybe just a bit too tight she told me that the Earth is sore from holding so much weight she echoes, and she's empty now but she's glad she did not change what have you noticed lately about the girl with caramel braids I heard her hum a song once yes she thought the moon was brave for floating in that gentle ink she knew she'd never touch every morning: nothing every night waiting for love

0

Sep 25, 2017

Sep 25, 2017 at 9:27 PM UTC

Caramel

what have you noticed lately about the girl with caramel braids I heard her hum a song once she thinks the moon is brave for floating in that gentle ink we call the midnight sky every morning hiding every night waiting to die what have you seen lately does she stumble when she walks what's set her off balance does her heart race with the clock she whispered in my ear once that she thinks the clouds should sing her daydreams sprint beside her but without them she could win what have you heard lately about the girl with emerald eyes they wrapped her wrists up twice this time maybe just a bit too tight she told me that the Earth is sore from holding so much weight she echoes, and she's empty now but she's glad she did not change what have you noticed lately about the girl with caramel braids I heard her hum a song once yes she thought the moon was brave for floating in that gentle ink she knew she'd never touch every morning: nothing every night waiting for love

41

I do not have to be sorry for Just standing in the mirror, Searching for the hole i can feel Tearing through my skin I don’t Have to apologize for sitting On the tile way too fast and Way too hard I don’t have to Spell your name the way I Heard it the first time because Suddenly it’s different because Suddenly it’s wrong i don’t want to get up I don’t want to lift my heart again It is buried in my hip bones it has Weighed me to the floor I cannot Speak about the bruises that left Foam beneath my shirt Screaming at each other til they Snarled like dogs and spit

0

Sep 25, 2017

Sep 25, 2017 at 9:26 PM UTC

Snarl

I do not have to be sorry for Just standing in the mirror, Searching for the hole i can feel Tearing through my skin I don’t Have to apologize for sitting On the tile way too fast and Way too hard I don’t have to Spell your name the way I Heard it the first time because Suddenly it’s different because Suddenly it’s wrong i don’t want to get up I don’t want to lift my heart again It is buried in my hip bones it has Weighed me to the floor I cannot Speak about the bruises that left Foam beneath my shirt Screaming at each other til they Snarled like dogs and spit

18

I stood in the field fidgeting with My dress there was a blue stain on My sleeve I rubbed at it while they Carried him by and wanted to laugh because My uncles were making silly faces their Eyes were big and red like the Horn on my old bike my Mom grabbed my wrist and Forced a rose into my palm I Wanted to keep it for myself but Everyone around me threw theirs down black Ghouls staining the morning sobbing Staring at The ground, each with a different reason that “It’s really not his fault” My father never gave me flowers he never Even tucked me in but I Remember hoping that the thorns would Wake him up as I Let go I stalked through the gray hallway with my Books close to my chest A hauberk for the rumors and the Guesses that they made I Slammed her head into the locker when she Looked up and saw me sob it’s just I Didn’t want to tell her that There was so much ******* blood It soaked into the hours that I Just stared at the wall Hoping someone would just ask me So I could Keep lying to myself I don’t know how to write about All the things I wish. I am Ashamed to want to know him I am Furious and cold I don’t know how to love only to Throw myself away And I know that when I meet him I will Want my flower back

0

Sep 25, 2017

Sep 25, 2017 at 9:25 PM UTC

2004

I stood in the field fidgeting with My dress there was a blue stain on My sleeve I rubbed at it while they Carried him by and wanted to laugh because My uncles were making silly faces their Eyes were big and red like the Horn on my old bike my Mom grabbed my wrist and Forced a rose into my palm I Wanted to keep it for myself but Everyone around me threw theirs down black Ghouls staining the morning sobbing Staring at The ground, each with a different reason that “It’s really not his fault” My father never gave me flowers he never Even tucked me in but I Remember hoping that the thorns would Wake him up as I Let go I stalked through the gray hallway with my Books close to my chest A hauberk for the rumors and the Guesses that they made I Slammed her head into the locker when she Looked up and saw me sob it’s just I Didn’t want to tell her that There was so much ******* blood It soaked into the hours that I Just stared at the wall Hoping someone would just ask me So I could Keep lying to myself I don’t know how to write about All the things I wish. I am Ashamed to want to know him I am Furious and cold I don’t know how to love only to Throw myself away And I know that when I meet him I will Want my flower back

43

I can't focus. This is in the footnotes of an essay I have to write but I cant write he's sitting fifteen feet away from me and there’s nothing I can do about it because he doesn’t understand what his heart wants or even what his body wants and I don’t think that is fair and how am I supposed to write about time and immortality when the only thing I can see lasting forever is this burn behind my rib cage and his eyes inside my dreams. I don’t want to wake up or go to sleep or walk to class or feel another boy’s kiss against my lips or on my hips or between my legs I just want to play with his hair or sing him to sleep or wake up in his world but I cant and I wont and it aches aches aches but I have to sit here. I have to write an essay. I have to go to school. I have to go to sleep; wake up; carry on. With him fifteen feet away.

0

Aug 29, 2016

Aug 29, 2016 at 9:03 PM UTC

Library

I can't focus. This is in the footnotes of an essay I have to write but I cant write he's sitting fifteen feet away from me and there’s nothing I can do about it because he doesn’t understand what his heart wants or even what his body wants and I don’t think that is fair and how am I supposed to write about time and immortality when the only thing I can see lasting forever is this burn behind my rib cage and his eyes inside my dreams. I don’t want to wake up or go to sleep or walk to class or feel another boy’s kiss against my lips or on my hips or between my legs I just want to play with his hair or sing him to sleep or wake up in his world but I cant and I wont and it aches aches aches but I have to sit here. I have to write an essay. I have to go to school. I have to go to sleep; wake up; carry on. With him fifteen feet away.

1