If you must tell a lie, do so well -
Lies likely fall apart
Often crumbling due to bumbling
A speakers deadly demise
My passion is the lonely lie
Lone creates shine
A lie must deliver cleverly
Or all would align -
Aug 6, 2020
Aug 6, 2020 at 5:37 PM UTC
“Are you mad at me?”
Stare at the words. Will asking make it worse?
“Are you mad at me?”
Press send. Or delete.
“Are you mad at me?”
............... Send. Sent. Now to wait.
“Are you mad at me?”
It’s been ten minutes. Has it been seen yet?
No.
Anxiety.
“Are you mad at me?”
30 minutes. What about now?
No.
Anxiety. My chest feels tight and...
breathe.
“Are you mad at me?”
It’s been 45 minutes. Surely by now...
No.
Something large has taken up residence in my rib cage and it’s hard to breathe. My anxiety has been joined by doubt and self hate.
“Are you mad at me?”
They’re ignoring me. I know it. They know what this does to me. They know.
“Are you mad at me?”
1 hour.
My skin itches and crawls. My nails demand blood as they scratch. The weight in my chest has turned violent.
“Are you mad at me?”
1 hour. 30 minutes.
My heart is trying to escape the storm within and I can feel it banging on my ribs demanding exit. They’re ignoring me. But what did I do?
“Are you mad at me?”
Does the punishment fit the crime?
Oct 10, 2018
Oct 10, 2018 at 3:56 PM UTC
Sometimes I look up into the sky and feel myself disappear.
I want to return to the the stars, live among the cosmos
Explore every black hole and feel the warmth of the lingering sun
Weave through the asteroid belts and get lost in an everlasting void
I want to cup every star in my hands and whisper
“You’re beautiful”
Because even though I’m sure they know they are,
that they bring a light to my life I had no idea I needed before I first set my sights on them,
it’s still a nice thing to hear.
I need to feel the weightlessness and freedom only the galaxy can offer
I
I look up into the sky and feel myself disappear.
But I never get far
No matter how hard I try or how much I long to be a part of that great expanse
I am no star and I do not belong within the sky.
Aug 23, 2018
Aug 23, 2018 at 6:16 PM UTC
Beware of strangers online
that's what you've always been taught
Yet look at you now
Was it all for naught?
Be careful of those who wish to harm
They'll seem nice at first and later raise alarm.
May 1, 2018
May 1, 2018 at 7:48 PM UTC
It will find you
Somehow the loudest, alone in bed
Summoning all those voices in your head
Thinking isn’t bad
Overthinking, though, is deadly
Open the window and stare at the stars
Wonder if they can feel this all the way on Mars
Has it found anyone else
This burning, bright violence
Silence.
Feb 25, 2018
Feb 25, 2018 at 7:25 PM UTC
They can be brought on by guilt or desperation
said in quiet whispers behind closed doors
screamed from rooftops where everyone will hear you, you hope everyone will hear you
dragged out by suffocating pressure or freely given like the air that fills your lungs
hard and soft and all places in between
spoken with sharp edges and lashing tongues
with warmth like hot chocolate after playing in the snow
they can bring pain or joy
fickle things
I'm sorry
I love you
It was never you
Always you
Confessions.
Jan 29, 2018
Jan 29, 2018 at 3:26 PM UTC
I am a pumpkin.
I am new and young and happy. The grass is comforting and cool. I spend my days lounging in the warm sun surrounded by other pumpkins.
I am a pumpkin.
The grass is changing but I am still comfortable. The sun isn't as warm but my company makes it all okay.
I am a pumpkin.
I have been taken from what I knew. Everything is different and I'm scared. Why has this happened?
I am a pumpkin.
Until I'm not.
I am a pumpkin but something is wrong.
My head hurts.
It's gone.
I am a pumpkin.
I feel wrong.
I can feel you removing my seeds.
I know I can't stop you but please, be gentle.
I am a pumpkin.
I am a pumpkin.
I am... hurting.
The carving is sharp and mechanical.
It's excruciating.
It's okay. It'll be over soon.
Smile.
Smile? Why?
I am a pumpkin.
I am a pumpkin.
I am a pumpkin no more.
I am a jack-o-lantern.
I am changed.
I am sore and in pain.
I am bitter but concealed.
I am a jack-o-lantern.
Watch me wither.
Watch me rot.
Watch me smile.
Oct 20, 2017
Oct 20, 2017 at 11:50 AM UTC
No
I will not get you a gun
I will not help you hold it steady to your temple as your hand shakes
No
I will give you a number instead
1 (800) 273-8255
That's the suicide hotline
I remember the fist time you asked me for a gun
I was twelve
I waited until you were asleep before placing notes into your books
"I love you"
You were an avid reader and I knew you'd find them eventually
Looking through your books today I found one of those notes
I still wonder how many you found
I had spread them throughout the books in your wall to wall library
I remember how many I wrote
Twelve
One for each year I had been alive to love you
I still love you
May 5, 2016
May 5, 2016 at 12:45 AM UTC
I exchange my pain for needles
The needles may burn but the pain, it's like fire
Spreading through my veins until I can't fight anymore
The needles help, like water
The drugs spread and sooth me
Like a river flowing over dry, cracked land.
I exchange my pain for needles
I'm not afraid anymore
May 4, 2016
May 4, 2016 at 10:12 AM UTC