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emily-lawson
emily-lawson
16/F - full of hopeful lies -
I look at you like you hung the moon If I’m not touching on you, kissing you, playing with your hair, If I’m not ******* or ******* you, You look at me like a burden, an annoyance An itch you can’t seem to scratch A bug that just won’t go away A blister rubbing against your shoe You like me best as a pretty picture on the wall Smiling until you call for me Obeying and loving every second of it Even when you look at me like that You hung the moon
0
Aug 8, 2020
Aug 8, 2020 at 6:28 PM UTC
red moon
You are my world, so can I be your moon? My gravity will pull and push you, Creating tides in the depths of your oceans and the surface of your atmosphere I will cause some of your highest highs and will be there for you at your lowest lows. I am composed of debris from a nameless planet colliding with earth long ago Which means I am literally your other half. Our orbit began during chaos I needed someone to cling to someone to love like I love you. Now we're locked in this give and take forever At least until the sun swallows us whole in forty billion years. Somehow, that's still not long enough. I'm not sure if there's an after life for celestial beings So I pray to every god I can think of that there is So I will never spend too long in the silent absence of you - It always crawls at my skin to think of missing you. For now I'll sit back and enjoy the view. Ever wonder why the moon has no atmosphere? It's because the earth took its breath away.
0
Sep 12, 2018
Sep 12, 2018 at 9:21 PM UTC
Locked into Orbit
Whenever an old white guy butts into the middle of my conversation without fail he forces his opinion into my ears down my eustachian tubes and into my stomach. his opinion always comes up, like saltine crackers when you're sick or too much ***** when you're dumb. It burns my throat on the way up, but I never stop it I don't have the will to swallow it down. My face gets red even as the words come out of my mouth That is to say When an old white guy interrupts my conversation asks me a rhetorical question in a demeaning tone and acts like he's a greek philospher while I'm a lowly "stupid teenage girl" I find myself agreeing with him. I never truly believe him, but something in me becomes inexplicably embarrassed, it's easier to spew his own ideas back at him than it is to hold my ground. This is something I've been working on. See, maybe he is like a philosopher. His words can sound convincing But pretty words don't equate to the truth. He is aristotle. Aristotle was wrong about biology Chemistry Psychology Astronomy and yes Basic. Human. Rights. I may just be a stupid teenage girl, but aren't all the revolutionaries?
0
Sep 8, 2018
Sep 8, 2018 at 7:14 PM UTC
The old white guy interrupts the stupid teenage girl, again.
To whomever is the next unlucky boy to momentarily fall in love with me,      You should know, that when I fall, I do not simply slip down a step on the stairs. I plunge into the depths of the ocean, sink to the bottom of the mariana trench.      I will relinquish my heart, body, and soul to you. Whether you reciprocate or not, I will give myself to you completely, let you see my soft spots and my rough patches, the lines around my eyes and the fat on my thighs, the scars on my wrist and the hair on my arms.      You will give me an inch in return for my mile, but it will be the most precious inch I have ever seen.      I will say I love you too soon, but I will mean it with every fiber of my being.      When you lie through your teeth I will believe you, because you will have told me that you will not lie. I will always believe you.      For a few months everything will be perfect. Then I will try to formally gift you my soul, unpatch it to show you my all. You will look at it with pity, refuse to meet my eyes for a week. Eventually, I will find it buried in the trash, between moldy red apples and an empty box.      You will say that you love me. I will quietly beg you to show me, to prove yourself. You will pretend not to hear, and I will believe it is my fault for screaming so loud that you went deaf. You will silently agree. To the next unlucky boy who briefly falls in love with me,      You will say that you've fallen out of love.      I will cry,      say I hate you, I will never speak to you again.      Sometimes we will pass each other, I will do my best to avoid it, but I will look you in the eyes. For a moment I will feel the chords between us that I cut connect again. I will have to cut them again.      I will tell myself I do not love you, that I never did,      But I will never stop. I have a collection full of every unlucky boy who has ever had the misfortune of falling in love with me. If I was to fall off a building  like humpty dumpty you would see their names are tattooed on the grey matter inside my skull, engraved on every bone in my body. My body will move on, but the memory will never leave me.
0
Sep 3, 2018
Sep 3, 2018 at 10:44 PM UTC
Letter to an Imaginary Boy
To whomever is the next unlucky boy to momentarily fall in love with me,      You should know, that when I fall, I do not simply slip down a step on the stairs. I plunge into the depths of the ocean, sink to the bottom of the mariana trench.      I will relinquish my heart, body, and soul to you. Whether you reciprocate or not, I will give myself to you completely, let you see my soft spots and my rough patches, the lines around my eyes and the fat on my thighs, the scars on my wrist and the hair on my arms.      You will give me an inch in return for my mile, but it will be the most precious inch I have ever seen.      I will say I love you too soon, but I will mean it with every fiber of my being.      When you lie through your teeth I will believe you, because you will have told me that you will not lie. I will always believe you.      For a few months everything will be perfect. Then I will try to formally gift you my soul, unpatch it to show you my all. You will look at it with pity, refuse to meet my eyes for a week. Eventually, I will find it buried in the trash, between moldy red apples and an empty box.      You will say that you love me. I will quietly beg you to show me, to prove yourself. You will pretend not to hear, and I will believe it is my fault for screaming so loud that you went deaf. You will silently agree. To the next unlucky boy who briefly falls in love with me,      You will say that you've fallen out of love.      I will cry,      say I hate you, I will never speak to you again.      Sometimes we will pass each other, I will do my best to avoid it, but I will look you in the eyes. For a moment I will feel the chords between us that I cut connect again. I will have to cut them again.      I will tell myself I do not love you, that I never did,      But I will never stop. I have a collection full of every unlucky boy who has ever had the misfortune of falling in love with me. If I was to fall off a building  like humpty dumpty you would see their names are tattooed on the grey matter inside my skull, engraved on every bone in my body. My body will move on, but the memory will never leave me.
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16
It is 12:43 in the morning. I am envisioning lighting my face on fire. Eyelashes drenched in kerosene, dripping down my chin, soaking my hair Blink. Blink. Light. I feel the scrape of the lighter under the pad of my thumb before my hair catches fire face engulfed in flame, turned to blistered flesh in seconds. People use the term “faceless” to describe someone they do not know the identity of. For that reason, my appearance finally matches my lack of identity. No pun intended.
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Sep 3, 2018
Sep 3, 2018 at 12:49 AM UTC
Matches
sometimes, out of great pensivity, instead of telling the truth when people ask "how are you" I hold on to the idea of "privacy" not today for the second time this week I break the parts of me I dammed shut came bursting out fast as Niagra Falls these words I scream are like rocks, breaking happiness on friends faces like stained glass churches and my happy dust falls away leaving everyone in stunned numbness shadows of questions drip off their faces as if they had wicks sticcking out of their heads what do you say to people you love when you didn't mean to say anything at all? nothing. you run out of there as fast as legs can move and hide sobs with pillow cases
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Jun 10, 2017
Jun 10, 2017 at 1:01 AM UTC
stained glass churches(draft)
your words are pushpins. pushpins that held my dreams in place on the wall of lilac lies that you built around me. they left termite holes in the gypsum board that remind me of how useless a promise can be.
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Mar 10, 2017
Mar 10, 2017 at 8:51 PM UTC
Untitled
stood at the top of a concrete hill longboard under my feet down I go my arms go out flap like wings I feel feathers every flap sends a gust of wind through my hair they flap faster, faster faster still until I take flight for a moment I control the weather cyclone, I think every problem disappears I'm weightless pure bliss it never lasts my wings falter I begin to fall the worlds problems whisper marred words in my ear in the form of laughter as I hit the ground I scream they scream back no it never lasts
0
Dec 6, 2016
Dec 6, 2016 at 10:26 PM UTC
Fallen
I've found my new obsession. Smirk affixed to his face with sarcastic remarks and slippery words, mysterious in that stupid teenage way. I'd **** to hear what he has to say about the nonsensical ******** we're forced to endure each day that the government calls an "education". I'm sure his opinions on how we're taught to the standardized tests, nothing more and nothing less could cause enough raw power to run the whole of New York City for a month. Though, too, I'd **** to learn the terrain of his lips as our bodies slammed against lockers, oblivious classmates a wall away consumed by the awesome world of geography, missing out on something so much more. He and I, we'd know what more is, we'd know how to consume it, how to keep it at bay, how to work it like a hat, a hat we aren't allowed to wear at school. We'd laugh at our own obscurity, and shared secrets would run through our veins like blood, one cut and it all spills
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Dec 3, 2016
Dec 3, 2016 at 10:16 PM UTC
Things Left Unwanted to be Heard