I once owned a candle when lit displayed the most beautiful light ever seen, switching from color to color with a site as breath taking as the northern lights. Sadly, I lived in a windy area, in a shade deprived of windows. So to shield it I sort a glass box and covered it. Through the glass it shinned as bright as ever it was an enchanting site but it never lasted, before long that flame was out leaving behind a cold darkness.
Too much of everything is bad. You are the candle in this story, the glass box is my affection. Afraid to lose you I showered you with so much affection unaware I was suffocating you. Never wanting to be apart from you I forgot you too have a life to live.
Maybe I liked you too much it scared me,
maybe you were right, I did not love you.
Or maybe I have abandonment issues and I’m clingy cause I’m afraid like the rest you’d wake up one day and feel I’m not the one you want.
Like a bad nurse I tend to close my wounds before taking care of the infection.
You see I lash out when hurt, so like a coward I’d rather run than face my woes
I’ve been bottling up and running from myself for so long, I can’t stop now cause I’d be slumped into deep dejection left crippled… so for now I’ll run till my feet fail me
Feb 19, 2022
Feb 19, 2022 at 3:24 PM UTC
A sensation of familiarity.
A hallucinogen.
A fantasy used to escape woes.
It's meaning has been lost to time, just as the scars incurred were errased.
All that "remains is an idea existing only as a myth"...
Elvito
Apr 21, 2020
Apr 21, 2020 at 10:49 AM UTC
All i have ever known is the fight and struggle, never had it easy. Fighting to have something to call my own and struggling to keep whats mine, but always losing in the end.
Battered, bruised, scarred and broken i have been.
i'm just a shadow of what i once was,
like a foster child searched for a home I've been tossed from house to house, used but never wanted.
It is me they wish for but not me they really want.
I am nothing but muscle tissue yet like glass I've been broken.
Been stolen but only to be used and discarded
Even though i was a facade i still played the part of the person they envisioned, distant, uncaring and arcane. But it was never enough... Even after dropping my wall, cutting myself open and wearing my heart on my sleeve i still was never enough.
I remember the words "i love you"
How i believed and respected those words.
Now i only say them out of curtsy, with a smile as false as the bleak emotions behind them.
Now i'm unwanted for becoming the person they molded me into and hated for my incapacity to care... I unknowingly inflict pain in my search to feel something
Jan 16, 2020
Jan 16, 2020 at 4:46 AM UTC
Tired and fatigued…
Been running... Been running from myself
.…Been so many people I have lost my identity.
Solitude. It seems it’s all I have ever known. No matter the company, I have somehow managed to find a safe haven in the bleak and desolate parts of my mind, content with the thoughts that keep me up at night.
Going senile. Been on the move for so long I have long forgotten what I am running from, driven by the dreaded thoughts of the unknown.
Stuck in a paradox. I try to forget yet I leave notes, yet I make scars to remind myself, so that even if my forgiving heart forgot i would remember when i look to my writs.
I guess some truths you can only hide from for so long.
Mar 7, 2019
Mar 7, 2019 at 4:30 AM UTC
I cant help myself,
I think of you more than I wish to.
It's like the song that goes "you distract me, but am distracted without you".
You like a song of which I only know the chorus.
Am not sure if its love or obsession but it scares me.
You haunt my dreams at night n roam through my mind by day
My heart ignites at the thought or the sight of you.
Your company is what I long for, yet in your presence i am either mute or dumb. With so many thoughts n emotions being processed I am left in great turmoil.
Apr 7, 2018
Apr 7, 2018 at 12:01 PM UTC
She was as beautiful as my mind preserved her
Even in a dream she was still a vision of beauty, having the effects of a mirage.
In a realm where time had no hold on reality, things still seemed to move slower at the sight of her.
I found myself dazed as though drifting into another dream
The curve her lips formed radiated bliss.
I enveloped her into my arms and felt a wave of excitement stream through my body, her cologne as intoxicating as i remember.
And her voice soothing...
I had seen some of the wonders of the earth but the warmth of her gaze i saw, that i had never known.
I felt her sear through the cold realms of my heart n mind disarming me
Everything felt so perfect until my brother turned on the light n woke me LoL...
Jan 10, 2018
Jan 10, 2018 at 3:33 PM UTC
My actions still pain me even now.
Am not sure if i was trying to hurt you or protect you cause it feels like ive brought you nothing but grief.
I wanted to be better than your first but i guess ive just proven we all the same.
At times it takes all of me just to stop myself from calling you and begging you to take me back, but again I'd only hurt you more in the end.
I try to tell myself it was best that way but maybe thats just me trying ease my guilt.
At times my last thoughts before i sleep are of you, wondering what you think of me now.
I wouldn't blame you if you hate me, at times i hate me too, hope its not too late to say am sorry...
Aug 24, 2017
Aug 24, 2017 at 5:59 AM UTC
Ever wondered what makes it feel frightening?
Why it feels so familiar even when its new?
Why its so daring?
What makes it feel so tempting, it feels worth it?
Or how it can feel right and wrong all together?
Why it feels so complicated yet simple?
Ever wondered why?
There is no mistaking it. Like deja vu its always familiar.
The longing,
The anxiety,
The adrenaline,
The high,
The low,
The maze.
It hits you like a fever. The chills, the hallucinations, the butterfly effect, the goosebumps n the weakness...
You feel so calm yet excited.
You feel so vulnerable yet complete.
You see only the beauty in one.
Time stops n flies at the same time.
There is no contentment, like air you only crave more.
Head over heels they say ❤
Aug 24, 2017
Aug 24, 2017 at 5:57 AM UTC
Wish we could erase our minds of these memories that burden us now.
Wish we could go back to the start.
To that very first moment.
To moment when my eyes were unaware of the beauty in front of them.
When my heart didn't leap to the sound of your voice.
When thoughts of you didn't keep me up at night.
To the moment before my mind was captivated by your personality.
To the moment when you were but a stranger to my heart.
When i didn't have to hide behind my facade smile.
To that moment when i saw only a friend in you.
To the moment before hello,
If only we could be strangers again...
Jun 5, 2017
Jun 5, 2017 at 5:26 PM UTC
I love you.
For the first time I say it.
For the first time I am not afraid to say it.
For the first time those words flaw out of my mouth to the ears of one that worthy.
And for the first time i am afraid.
Not because i love you, but because i can't love you.
Am afraid i can never have you.
No matter how much I will it, i know you can never be mine.
But still i love you...
May 22, 2017
May 22, 2017 at 1:42 AM UTC