ellis-danzel
American
Welcome to the widest thoughts of my mind and the deepest depths of my soul. Take in each word as if it were steps that you were taking and let your mind travel. I have scares from loving people that I shouldn't and hope for things that will never happen. The heart ache of a writer may never be forgotten and I am no excuse. My pain, my suffering, and my happiness is yours for the taking. So grab a cup of you favourite tea.. Or coffee and enjoy the words on the page. Take a journey into the depths of my soul.
queer and tatted.
always running
from
my shadow.
but SHE
stopped chasing me
some time ago.
a ******
maybe.
that's something
i can be.
yet, i cannot bare
to stomach
what you'll call me.
dare to call me
a woman...
or a ******
i'll **** you up real quick.
bet you thought you
were funny.
bet you thought you
were slick.
truth is,
you just make me sick.
because
you're
just
a
*******
bigot.
Mar 23, 2017
Mar 23, 2017 at 5:22 AM UTC
may we all
dream dreams
that can
never
be crushed,
and
may all your crushes
never
crush you,
for it is the lovers
who are the lucky ones
and
the heartbreakers
who will be
forever shunned.
Mar 14, 2017
Mar 14, 2017 at 12:50 PM UTC
I tried to drink my sorrows away,
but the alcohol wouldn't
take me
like you do.
It can't hold me
in it's arms
like you do.
it can introduce me to new people,
and help me make friends.
but it could
never
kiss me
like you do.
despite
the fact that
I find myself
in a dark alleyway,
thinking about kissing your lips
with my own lips...
my lips
are kissing a bowl,
and
i cannot
bring
myself
to
spark up
without thinking about you.
Mar 14, 2017
Mar 14, 2017 at 12:45 PM UTC
I love you, but I don't want to.
I want to forget about you....
because having feelings for you
makes me feel crazy.
why can't I let it go?
I should just let YOU go.
but seriously,
I wish you spoke to me.
you know
it's really,
not in the least bit easy
to forget someone like you.
Apr 23, 2016
Apr 23, 2016 at 4:11 AM UTC
you obviously don't care,
so I'll have to train myself not to.
I cannot sacrifice my sanity for
six seconds of bliss.
I could not even trouble you for a kiss...
you don't care,
you'd hide me if you could.
you won't even give me the decency
that I thought you would.
my heart is as good as cracked...
I know this to be fact.
it's all starting to fade to black.
you are just pushing me away,
just like the rest.
I digress.
********
you have a lot of things
to show me.
I now believe,
that I'm truly meant,
not to be happy.
you have slain me.
**** off.
Apr 16, 2016
Apr 16, 2016 at 1:03 PM UTC
i had just given up,
on coffee,
when i met you.
but your life is coffee.
so my heart just agreed.
i love when you put your arms around me.
but listen, i need you to pace this out correctly.
i need you to just hold on to me.
cling to me like a spy
on a grappling line.
and i swear,
i honestly don't mind
if you smell like wine.
sometimes.
i've been meaning to write more poetry.
but i'll probably never use this.
for it to turn out presentable...
i guess would my only wish.
because i needed to find a way
to say i love you
without having to stumble
over a bunch of other words.
that can wait till Wednesday.
but i bet that is something,
you already knew.
look, let me just say that
i am afraid of falling for you.
my track record is not so great,
and i've got a lot of activist work on my plate.
and what is the distinct possibility
that you and i,
could give each other what we need?
i'm just so terrified,
that you might leave.
my life has been full of a lot of ****** things.
i don't need another chance to be broken.
and it's been a few days since we've spoken.
i don't care how long it takes...
i'll stick around.
i feel like something
you picked up from the lost-and-found.
or a pathetic puppy from the pound,
like those dogs Sarah Mclachlan talks about
in the ASPCA videos.
i was homeless once.
does this mean that me i qualify
for this new space
to take the place of my new home?
the first time we ever had breakfast together,
you made me sit on the counter
while you were busy at the stove.
little did i know.
i fell in love that day.
and i hope you can find that to be okay.
because *********
i love you.
Apr 2, 2016
Apr 2, 2016 at 9:52 PM UTC
the most magical experience in life,
is being gifted
an unexpected epiphany.
epiphanies exist in many,
non-discriminatory
shapes an sizes.
and it just so happens that
this particular one
came to me in a time of
new awakening.
spring has sprung...
and so has my heart,
into your lap, that is.
just over a week ago,
I acquired a thick new layer of skin.
a soft, yet durable,
and pleasantly portable
safe space.
it has become my new happy place.
I now, cannot imagine
myself without
this undisclosed,
name-brand jacket.
and to me,
this is, a not-so peculiar notion.
because honestly
nothing has resonated with me more,
than this jacket of denim.
I feel like the blue guy
in that classic pop song
from the early 2000's.
my clothes are blue,
my hair is [cobalt] blue...
where is my **** corvette though?
I swear,
I need my own **** tv show.
however, I think there is something
that needs to be said,
beyond thank you.
I love this jacket
more than
the distance between
the earth and the moon
I have never felt so coddled
by an article of clothing,
than I do
right now.
in this instance,
I have recreated
my own new sense of style:
adorable queer alters reality
via jean jacket
and a black floral romper.
you can tell that I'm a "90's kid"
by the way I sport denim on denim
like it went out of style yesterday.
lovin' it like you got your arms around me.
oh darlin you did not
have to hand me your heart.
here, let me earn it.
let me work for your love.
I am gracious for YOU,
my beautiful gorgeous human being.
for it is you
who makes my heart swell.
my genderless Romeo,
my Sunday morning sweetheart.
push me up against the tree
in your front yard.
I want the whole neighborhood
to know
that my soul found solace in YOURS
and I want to shout if from
a ******* mountain.
making love with you
cleanses my mind.
leaving only room for
the notion of us riding off
into the sunset together
after spending an entire day
consuming the rays
like an all-you-can eat buffet.
and stashing them away,
like a chubby squirrel
during winter solstice.
this whole experience
has almost felt religious.
I pray this is something
I wouldn't part with, easily.
I want you to take me.
you've unlocked my aorta artery,
and I want to
make sure
that you are aware
that you are welcome,
to make this space
your home.
Mar 21, 2016
Mar 21, 2016 at 5:21 AM UTC
this is what it looks like to me.
a queer white picket fence
this is what I believe it to be.
the sun shown through the trees
and rays landed, thusly
on the particles that dusted
the front porch.
begging us to take a picture,
that would eventually
be given the title of "dad vibes."
and the cats are staring at us
through the domestic screens
on the windows, and I swear
that I heard one them gossiping...about
us.
you make vibrate.
it's like aorta telepathy.
something must be wrong
with me.
I swear,
I've never seen a more unlikely pair.
we have the same nickname,
I think that is SO ******* cute.
and yes, let us pillow talk about
road tripping, to see
van gough's bedroom.
and HERE,
I lie with you...
looking up at the ceiling.
surround by four walls of warmth.
canary yellow is something I've been obsessed with lately.
it's something I see in my dreams.
a colour that blesses my soul with the ability to imagine
something
as serious as serious as
a ***** balloon popping contest.
and
as hilarious as
the way, I look
when I'm pacing my way through
my to-do lists.
i know, that it is
spring break,
but a diet of coffee and
"ciggies"
may have contributed
to our lack of sleep
or
maybe
it's the four days we spend in bed.
then
when you asked me
to sit on your face,
i knew this to be true.
I'd never want to bid you adieu
if, at some point in my lifetime,
my soul could copulate with yours.
if I could beg you
to make more noise.
I'm sorry I'm so quite between
these sheets.
I notice these things
and FIND them to be true.
I left my boxer briefs in your dresser.
my ripe gift
is to be left
for a worthy soul like you.
Mar 18, 2016
Mar 18, 2016 at 6:27 PM UTC
this morning
I did not wake up in my own bed,
the last thing,
I remember
was the silhouette in the doorway
THEIR silhouette in the doorway.
and I know this is real.
yet I digress
I propose this is a dream,
consequently
in true half-awake fashion,
the silhouette slips away from me.
so I slip deeper into sleep.
this cycle isn't too kind, you see.
I find myself on repeat.
day dreaming of THEM
between THEIR sheets
for what could this mean?
I dreamt of times spent
dancing in rain.
drinking hot tea, watching droplets
plummet down glass pains.
rosie cheeks and fogged spectacles,
yet, they collectively,
look a bit skeptical.
the clouds seem to say,
who need NETFLIX AND CHILL,
when we could climb that tree?
when we could get sidetracked,
you and me.
side by side,
we find synchronized breathing.
will you help me,
decipher this hidden meaning?
here I find rays gleaming.
since when did YOU and I,
become we?
I'm not even sure that you fancy me.
this notion fills my head.
rays streaming
through the glass pains.
this afternoon, around about three.
I did not wake up in my own bed.
the last thing,
I remember
is that I thought this was a dream.
Mar 12, 2016
Mar 12, 2016 at 2:41 AM UTC
cotton candy kites clinging to an infinite sea of allusions
temperament changes are frequent forecast and gravity is the only thing standing between me melting like the wax on Icarus' wings.
i am standing too close to the sun.
a star.
a super nova.
how many more **** times am going to have to tell myself that i deserve better than the women i typically swear by?
i'm always eager to pick up the pieces someone left behind.
expunged memories caught in a loop.
feurdian repetition ,
as if it were a competition,
a race to figure who can lose their sanity first.
i do not believe that people who are "in love" are sane.
i do not believe people who aren't are either.
i am not bias
i just think everyone is a little bit crazy sometimes.
bet you thought this would all make sense by now?
that my imagery would make a reappearance and you'd be able to comprehend the vast intel my spoken heart has to offer.
well sorry to disappoint.
this poem is morphing into a rant.
i am not here to crowd please anymore than i am here to shove my pencil up your...
ear.
i have a hard time giving you my heart because it'd just look like i was handing a ******* hand spun cliche.
the women i have dated have their own gravitational pull
and i'd be lying if i told you i didn't believe a single one of them belonged in my galaxy forever, you see
for i am just a comet.
i get trapped for a while, spun around,
doomed to kiss the surface of anything that crosses my path
these words I know to be true.
we are but stars
shining quite different,
yet somehow the same.
where were you?
last night.
when I was calling your name.
and who am I to blame?
for this constant torture,
this particular pain.
my heart, does not follow
a transparent weather vein.
I know these notions to be true.
for this is my world,
and through me, you'll see,
a whole new shade of blue.
brighter than any sky,
yet still saddening,
still maddening.
I often refrain from recanting
my time with you.
each day praying, I'd become
someone new.
this queer life style
is the safest thing I could find.
and I sure hope you don't mind,
the fact that I bind.
you COULD certainly win me over
because YOU KNOW that I'm about
as lucky as a three leaf clover,
and about as melodramatic
as day-time television.
but then,
I guess it would be to assume
that I've grown quite fond of you.
and I don't know...
maybe you'll find this charming.
or maybe not.
it's just a thought.
I'm just throwing this out there.
with these last few seconds,
to spare.
I bid you adieu with some confusion. if this lust is truly an allusion,
just like the colour of the sky.
I'd like to remain idle near by.
to see what might come of this.
how we might change and grow,
with this.
for I speak these words in truce.
let us forfeit our sanity together.
it might not be so bad to let myself be here,
to be present
with you
these words I know to be true.
Mar 5, 2016
Mar 5, 2016 at 11:14 PM UTC