ellie-mcgoldrick
Canadian
My name is Ellie McGoldrick, I have been writing poetry, music and various other pieces for as long as I can remember, I read every day because good writing is what inspires me to carry on my journey, nothing in life gives me greater pleasure than reading the accounts of moments in the lives others to which I can relate, and cherish through the art of writing.
Life.
In my eighteen years of it I have leaned a few things.
Music.
Will heal my soul every time and anytime.
No matter how much my heart is broken, how much my soul is wounded
Music will heal, music will revive, and with music I will survive.
Friends.
Will keep me sane when nothing else can.
Even if they have hurt me before
When all things considered I couldn’t ask for more in any of them
Pain.
It is part of life.
Without it, you will never appreciate all the good there is in the world.
Pain will always find you, when you expect it too, and when you don’t
It is how you deal with pain that constructs you as a person.
Loss.
One cannot truly appreciate what they have until it is no longer with them
When things seem to be completely lost, they are not always lost
Sometimes you simply have to look in a new place,
By some greater power they have been moved.
Sometimes from one actual place to another, and sometimes
From your everyday life, to your heart and though it seems they are lost
If you look deep enough, you will find them, where they really belonged all along
Family.
You cannot control them. You cannot choose them.
To have family is to be blessed with something that will never be apart from you
No matter how many miles you put between them and yourself they are always with you
Choice.
Every minute of every day you will face something that requires a choice.
Follow your heart, follow your soul, follow your head, follow advice
Follow what you will, but the remember the choice is yours always.
Love.
Will find you eventually.
A heart is a useless tool if it is not used to its fullest potential.
Part of this is love. Let your guard down and it will find you.
When it does, jump in feet first and never look back.
Death.
Is as much a part of life as living is.
There is life before death, there is life after death.
For the deceased, and for those who survived.
Parting advice for those who have believed me so far.
Find something everyday that makes your simply being alive having a life.
A song.
A friend.
A pain.
A loss.
A family member.
A choice.
A love.
A goodbye.
Jul 8, 2011
Jul 8, 2011 at 10:28 AM UTC
In the darkness I sit in silence, you are beside me, but I am alone
Your chest rises and falls as peaceful as ever
Why are we doing this, can we please just go home?
You were my hero my rock, you were supposed to live forever.
What happens when this is all over, when I leave this place?
Will I ever feel healed; will I even remember your face?
My palms are sweaty, my heart is racing now, its beating so fast
Please wake up and hold me, I don’t want this feeling to last
I loved you from the beginning; I held your hand as best I could
You were so strong, but this beat you as I knew it would
My world is shattering in front of me
As I sit beside you and I watch your soul flee
You have left me alone as of tonight
This is it, you have given up the fight
It kills me to see you so weak so sick and pale
As I hold your limp hand, so empty and frail
I cannot even breathe in, for fear of disturbing you
I am sick to my stomach, but I promised I would see you through
Through good and through bad, I promised I would be here
No matter how much you hurt me, I promised I would always be near
My heart is beating as the minutes turn to hours on this night
I look at your face, and nothing seems right
As I clutch to your still breathing body this moment lasts so long
But you were gone the whole time; you had already sung your last song
I turn and walk out of the room, once last glimpse of your face
I am gone, and I will never go back to that place
I held your hands to the very end
I loved you so much, you are my dad,you were my friend
Please all I ask of you now is to help me through
Because I don’t know how to do it without you
I will always keep going, with you in my heart
Because you are gone but we are never apart
Your journey begins; your soul has gone free
But please wherever you go, carry with you part of me.
Jul 8, 2011
Jul 8, 2011 at 10:26 AM UTC
Here we are, apart again, and as I lay cold and alone without you
I look back on the darkest of days that you helped me through
My heart warms up as I remember your face
My lips part as I remember your smile
How I wish I was back in that place
If only just for a while
Our lives have twisted in and out
Together and apart we have been
But with you I found what love is about
And with you , true happiness I have seen.
I believe I have found something so pure and so true
And to let it go is more than I feel I can do
To be all the way out here alone
To be here so far from home
Would seem nothing to me
If every morning it was your face I would see
For as long as I can remember, As far back as I go
It was you who I loved, and I just need you to know
That from here on and now, until it is breath that I lack
It is to you my sunshine that I will always come back.
Jul 8, 2011
Jul 8, 2011 at 10:25 AM UTC
Walking through the busy streets of life
Living each and every day
Feeling caught under the knife
Acting, looking, feeling a certain way
You did your best you say?
Your tried as hard as you could
But you failed at the end of the day
As everybody knew you would
Lay your head to rest poor soul
Close your eyes tonight
Tommorrow you'll achieve your goal
Tommorrow you'll win the fight
Another day has come, you strive to do
All the things they are asking of you
Pushing, pushing just to get by
put your head down, acting so shy
This day is almost over
You will soon be in your bed
Your battle for the day will be won
And you shal be left alone in your head
How many days can you carry on
How many fake smiles can you produce
Before your souls completley gone
Your heart cannot take the abuse
Stand outside yourself
Look back at the world you've created
Please, put your pride on the shelf
You've become everything you hated
All hope is not lost poor soul
Tommorrow dawns a new day
Climb out of this hole
And live your life your own way
Wake up tommorrow poor soul,
Wake up and take control.
Jul 8, 2011
Jul 8, 2011 at 10:24 AM UTC
A year ago today My world came crashing down
A year ago today all familiarities and comforts were stipped from me
In a downward cycle of pain and loss
A year ago today, you left me.
As I lay at the bottom looking in a desperate state for a way i could swim to the top before I ran out of breath
I evaluated and re-evaluated everything in my life,everything in your life
where we went wrong and how things got to the point of emptiness and misery.
I poured countless days, endless heartbreaks, and streams of tears into trying to save you.
All I ever wanted was to see you smile and mean it, All I ever wanted was to take your pain away.
But I couldn't and so a year ago today it ended.
You put your head down and pushed through life,waiting for your chance you rise above it all,
Well I pray that you are soaring now, higher than ever before, and will never fall.
The wind beneath your wings will never lay still and I will love you until
My time to join you comes.
Its been a year and I have
shed a lot of tears
overcome a lot of fears
made some new friends
tied up some loose ends
loved and lost
felt used and been tossed
laughed and smiled
been silly, just like a child
felt hurt and afraid
felt cheated and played
grew closer to some that were apart
lost some i thought would never leave my heart
ive grown up and moved on
and danced the same dance, sung the same song
In the last year I have stood on the line seperating the end and the beginning,
the shadow between the darkness and light
Ive felt the weight of the decision to give up, or move forward in life
I have stood on the edge of the cliff peering down
and I turned around.
I started over and picked up pieces of the life that I knew
and rebuilt a new life, a life without you
And at the end of the day, all I can say,
is that I would give anything just to see you again.
Jul 8, 2011
Jul 8, 2011 at 10:23 AM UTC
Across the midnight skies they drift
shining on the blackest night
up and over, through the clouds they sift
the sun descends and they take flight
watching us peacefully as we sleep
giving direction for all lost
while we partake in dreams so deep
they do not part until morning frost
wherever life may bring you
they will always be above
strung across the skies askew
as peaceful as a dove
around the moon they dance
the path to heaven they light
even far off in the distance
they shine with all their might
no matter your situation
they will shine for you
whether it be dismay or frusteration
their light will shine you through
power wil burn out
and lights will turn dark
but they will shine without doubt
along the skies they ark
many years shall pass
some may leave this world, and some have entered
but still they be a compass
and keep our universe centered
what be these powers
of which i speak so great
how do they withstand the darkest hours
can they control our fate
these powers are the stars
which shine among us bright
they protect the earth from scars
and see to it our world is right
in all your journeys through the years
when all lifes songs of joy and sorrow fill your ears
when you succumb to fear
and the pain feels far too great
shed not one tear
and feel no hint of hate
when i am not there to watch over you
look at the stars and remember,
that i am looking at them too.
Jul 8, 2011
Jul 8, 2011 at 9:56 AM UTC