elle-nell - Hello Poetry

Lately I’ve been trying to figure out how I might be able to miss you and not feel sad about it anymore

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Feb 27, 2019

Feb 27, 2019 at 8:23 PM UTC

Lately I’ve been trying to figure out how I might be able to miss you and not feel sad about it anymore

I should’ve know when you didnt want to talk bout the future that you wouldn’t be here for long You dodged my questions when I asked about where you saw yourself in five years. About grad school. About moving to New York You didn’t ask me questions about where I saw myself in five years. About grad school. About moving to New York. I should’ve known you’d be painfully present when you wouldn’t share about the past We never did talk about grade school, or skinned knees, bad grades or good teachers All you ever could think in was the present, and when I started to ask about the future, bout next week, I was no longer welcome in your presence You vanished and took with you our time together, past tense So I keep sleeping, to escape the present Hide behind my covers in broad day light My dreams take me to a place where the past, present and future are nowhere to be found And that’s where I’m able to find you, again

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Feb 17, 2019

Feb 17, 2019 at 3:18 PM UTC

Give / take

I should’ve know when you didnt want to talk bout the future that you wouldn’t be here for long You dodged my questions when I asked about where you saw yourself in five years. About grad school. About moving to New York You didn’t ask me questions about where I saw myself in five years. About grad school. About moving to New York. I should’ve known you’d be painfully present when you wouldn’t share about the past We never did talk about grade school, or skinned knees, bad grades or good teachers All you ever could think in was the present, and when I started to ask about the future, bout next week, I was no longer welcome in your presence You vanished and took with you our time together, past tense So I keep sleeping, to escape the present Hide behind my covers in broad day light My dreams take me to a place where the past, present and future are nowhere to be found And that’s where I’m able to find you, again

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I tell my best friend I don’t know why I’m still sad That it feels wrong to feel so much for someone that I don’t think felt much about me She tells me it’s easier to be sad than to let yourself feel better And she’s right cause it’s easier to miss you than hate you Easier to be sad than to be happy and forget or forgive I’m more comfortable being sad cause then no one can take happiness from me There’s nothing left to lose in sadness, except for the comfort of it all And isn’t that, beautiful, too?

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Feb 7, 2019

Feb 7, 2019 at 8:19 PM UTC

Static / flow

I tell my best friend I don’t know why I’m still sad That it feels wrong to feel so much for someone that I don’t think felt much about me She tells me it’s easier to be sad than to let yourself feel better And she’s right cause it’s easier to miss you than hate you Easier to be sad than to be happy and forget or forgive I’m more comfortable being sad cause then no one can take happiness from me There’s nothing left to lose in sadness, except for the comfort of it all And isn’t that, beautiful, too?

9

How do you mourn the loss of something you never had in the first place You were the greatest almost I ever had I hope to know you again soon Your footprints are riddled throughout south Boston from our cold walks wandering They’re still here Still a reminder of us there Together was my favorite place to be But you’re gone like it was nothing And i miss you like it was something Those moments felt like everything Does any of it matter, any more?

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Feb 6, 2019

Feb 6, 2019 at 1:03 PM UTC

Coming / Going

How do you mourn the loss of something you never had in the first place You were the greatest almost I ever had I hope to know you again soon Your footprints are riddled throughout south Boston from our cold walks wandering They’re still here Still a reminder of us there Together was my favorite place to be But you’re gone like it was nothing And i miss you like it was something Those moments felt like everything Does any of it matter, any more?

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9. You came back for a fleeting moment / won’t you stay

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Feb 4, 2019

Feb 4, 2019 at 9:12 PM UTC

Reliving / reincarnation 002

9. You came back for a fleeting moment / won’t you stay

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Maybe I miss you and maybe I shouldn’t but the truth is I do I’m in a crowded room Surrounded by bright lights and lovely people but i still wish we had more than a passing encounter last night Wish I knew for certain that this would one day go somewhere cause I don’t lend my heart out often I was hopeful And you surprised me And hurt me And left me But didn’t quite leave yet Will you come back to stay

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Feb 3, 2019

Feb 3, 2019 at 9:13 PM UTC

Pause / repeat

Maybe I miss you and maybe I shouldn’t but the truth is I do I’m in a crowded room Surrounded by bright lights and lovely people but i still wish we had more than a passing encounter last night Wish I knew for certain that this would one day go somewhere cause I don’t lend my heart out often I was hopeful And you surprised me And hurt me And left me But didn’t quite leave yet Will you come back to stay

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You left my bed filled with a terrible nostalgia Now I can’t sleep without dreaming you next to me I conjure up your ghost Why do you continue to haunt my sheets

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Feb 2, 2019

Feb 2, 2019 at 12:46 PM UTC

Alone / lonely

You left my bed filled with a terrible nostalgia Now I can’t sleep without dreaming you next to me I conjure up your ghost Why do you continue to haunt my sheets

4

Killing myself has always been a back burner option Been something floating in the foreground like an exit sign in a dimly lit room that I’ve never used See, I wake up every day and choose not to use it I decide it’s all worth it The way the cold makes my thighs red on a Friday night How the crisp winter breeze reminds me what it’s like to feel something How you made me feel good, past tense and bad present tense but **** isn’t it a gift to feel this range of emotions again I feel all this love and heartbreak that I never thought I would again I thought the winter wind made me numb but instead it made me realize how wonderfully alive I am I would never do anything to change that, I’ll never take the quick exit For that, havent I won, something?

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Feb 2, 2019

Feb 2, 2019 at 10:48 AM UTC

Give/ Fight

Killing myself has always been a back burner option Been something floating in the foreground like an exit sign in a dimly lit room that I’ve never used See, I wake up every day and choose not to use it I decide it’s all worth it The way the cold makes my thighs red on a Friday night How the crisp winter breeze reminds me what it’s like to feel something How you made me feel good, past tense and bad present tense but **** isn’t it a gift to feel this range of emotions again I feel all this love and heartbreak that I never thought I would again I thought the winter wind made me numb but instead it made me realize how wonderfully alive I am I would never do anything to change that, I’ll never take the quick exit For that, havent I won, something?

11

I used to sleep to dream you But now I wake to forget you cause My subconscious mind keeps bringing us back together And when I wake it hurts all over again Like I’m losing you all over again In my dreams I can still reach for you You’re still with me Laughing Then I wake up and remember you’re gone, again Come back, again I’ll love you, again

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Feb 1, 2019

Feb 1, 2019 at 9:06 AM UTC

Dream / reality

I used to sleep to dream you But now I wake to forget you cause My subconscious mind keeps bringing us back together And when I wake it hurts all over again Like I’m losing you all over again In my dreams I can still reach for you You’re still with me Laughing Then I wake up and remember you’re gone, again Come back, again I’ll love you, again

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4.The last time you kissed me was the first time you kissed me with the lights on, standing 1. We even were able to outstay the jazz band/laughing as they passed the bass off the stage 6. You said there was no connection 5. I showed you how to dance, just to be near to you, again 4. We ****** like our bodies were familiar/ your skin was no longer a stranger to my sheets 1. You told me you had fun and we should do it again, sometime 6. You told me you had fun, but had to sort out your feelings 3. We slept, naked and familiar 6. I was harsh with my words 7. I apologized/ I am no longer decifering your intentions 7. I think I hurt you, too 2. By the end of the night, our hands were stuck to each others magnetic bodies 4. We kept missing the train 7. I still miss you 8. Will we see each other, again?

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Jan 31, 2019

Jan 31, 2019 at 11:42 PM UTC

Reliving / reincarnation

4.The last time you kissed me was the first time you kissed me with the lights on, standing 1. We even were able to outstay the jazz band/laughing as they passed the bass off the stage 6. You said there was no connection 5. I showed you how to dance, just to be near to you, again 4. We ****** like our bodies were familiar/ your skin was no longer a stranger to my sheets 1. You told me you had fun and we should do it again, sometime 6. You told me you had fun, but had to sort out your feelings 3. We slept, naked and familiar 6. I was harsh with my words 7. I apologized/ I am no longer decifering your intentions 7. I think I hurt you, too 2. By the end of the night, our hands were stuck to each others magnetic bodies 4. We kept missing the train 7. I still miss you 8. Will we see each other, again?

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