ellagrace - Hello Poetry

Close the curtains Turn off the lights Take off the make up Hang up the costume I’m done Done being the girl you want I’m done pretending I don’t want to be an actress This is me. I’m imperfect My skin isn’t flawless And my body doesn’t look like hers. I change everyday Some days I can’t get out of bed And others I feel like I can touch the sky Sometimes I don’t know who I am. Am I the girl who shows her colours with pride? Or the girl who hides her scars? Maybe I’m the girl who hides behind a book But I’ll ever be the girl who hides behind a man. I will find myself some day I’ll show the colours that suit me I’ll show the world my pain I will be me. But for now, I’m done No more shame No more fear No more acting I just want my liberty I want to kiss her without fear To wear my clothes without harassments To be free.

0

Jun 26, 2020

Jun 26, 2020 at 10:14 AM UTC

My Liberty

Close the curtains Turn off the lights Take off the make up Hang up the costume I’m done Done being the girl you want I’m done pretending I don’t want to be an actress This is me. I’m imperfect My skin isn’t flawless And my body doesn’t look like hers. I change everyday Some days I can’t get out of bed And others I feel like I can touch the sky Sometimes I don’t know who I am. Am I the girl who shows her colours with pride? Or the girl who hides her scars? Maybe I’m the girl who hides behind a book But I’ll ever be the girl who hides behind a man. I will find myself some day I’ll show the colours that suit me I’ll show the world my pain I will be me. But for now, I’m done No more shame No more fear No more acting I just want my liberty I want to kiss her without fear To wear my clothes without harassments To be free.

32

Keep your eyes on the page Don’t look away Don’t look at the ticking clock Or the burning fire Keep your mind clear Try not to think Don’t think about the deadline Or the rising emotions Just stay focused Push through the block in your mind Ignore the buzzing in the room Stay in the zone Keep your eyes on the page Stop looking Don’t stare at the clock Or the scorching fire Keep your mind clear Stop thinking Don’t worry about the time Or the raging emotions Just get back to focusing Stop staring at the block in your mind Stop listening to the buzz Get back in the zone You failed. You couldn’t stop Time just kept on ticking The fire became wild And your emotions took over How could you? I told you what to do All you had to do was focus Why couldn’t you focus? It’s your fault You should’ve managed your time Everyone’s disappointed Why did you get distracted?

0

Jun 15, 2020

Jun 15, 2020 at 8:31 PM UTC

Stay Focused

Keep your eyes on the page Don’t look away Don’t look at the ticking clock Or the burning fire Keep your mind clear Try not to think Don’t think about the deadline Or the rising emotions Just stay focused Push through the block in your mind Ignore the buzzing in the room Stay in the zone Keep your eyes on the page Stop looking Don’t stare at the clock Or the scorching fire Keep your mind clear Stop thinking Don’t worry about the time Or the raging emotions Just get back to focusing Stop staring at the block in your mind Stop listening to the buzz Get back in the zone You failed. You couldn’t stop Time just kept on ticking The fire became wild And your emotions took over How could you? I told you what to do All you had to do was focus Why couldn’t you focus? It’s your fault You should’ve managed your time Everyone’s disappointed Why did you get distracted?

37

I’m hungry Starving for a body I'll never obtain Somebody save me from this pain I just want to look like her I’m running Sprinting from a body that I’ll never outrun How could I be so naïve? I’ll never look like her You don’t need breakfast or lunch Have a glass of ice if your hungry Was dinner too much? Spend the next hour locked in the bathroom I can reach my goals Just a little longer Who am I kidding? I’ll never be skinny Small thighs Flat stomach The scale tells me my weight But the mirror shows me differently I can look like her I just need to push myself No more calories I’ll run more I’ll never stop being hungry Will never stop pinching my skin The body I want is unattainable But I’ll never stop trying.

0

Jun 15, 2020

Jun 15, 2020 at 8:29 PM UTC

Hungry

I’m hungry Starving for a body I'll never obtain Somebody save me from this pain I just want to look like her I’m running Sprinting from a body that I’ll never outrun How could I be so naïve? I’ll never look like her You don’t need breakfast or lunch Have a glass of ice if your hungry Was dinner too much? Spend the next hour locked in the bathroom I can reach my goals Just a little longer Who am I kidding? I’ll never be skinny Small thighs Flat stomach The scale tells me my weight But the mirror shows me differently I can look like her I just need to push myself No more calories I’ll run more I’ll never stop being hungry Will never stop pinching my skin The body I want is unattainable But I’ll never stop trying.

28

My eyes They hold my secrets They shine with tears They shine from heartbreak My wrists they show my pain stained with red and white stained with my bad choices my heart it pumps blood but I’m not alive it’s been broken too many times it doesn’t know how to love my mouth it’s covered by a mask I’m the joker my smile has been etched on look at me really see me you miss all of these things you don’t notice hear me listen closely you’ll hear my cries covered by my laughs don’t tell me you know me don’t tell me you know what it’s like because you don’t you don’t know my pain you don’t know anything you don’t know why my body is scarred or why I jump when you touch me you don’t know why I don’t eat I’m the book you never read You think you know me because you’ve seen the cover But you haven’t even read the pages You couldn’t be bothered to dig deeper So, don’t get too close Because you don’t know me

0

Jun 15, 2020

Jun 15, 2020 at 8:26 PM UTC

You Don't Know Me

My eyes They hold my secrets They shine with tears They shine from heartbreak My wrists they show my pain stained with red and white stained with my bad choices my heart it pumps blood but I’m not alive it’s been broken too many times it doesn’t know how to love my mouth it’s covered by a mask I’m the joker my smile has been etched on look at me really see me you miss all of these things you don’t notice hear me listen closely you’ll hear my cries covered by my laughs don’t tell me you know me don’t tell me you know what it’s like because you don’t you don’t know my pain you don’t know anything you don’t know why my body is scarred or why I jump when you touch me you don’t know why I don’t eat I’m the book you never read You think you know me because you’ve seen the cover But you haven’t even read the pages You couldn’t be bothered to dig deeper So, don’t get too close Because you don’t know me

38

I like boys They can protect me from the world A world filled with pain and betrayal I can wear their jumpers and t shirts I can feel safe in their arms I like girls They can make me smile and forget Forget about the tears I’ve shed They can wear my perfume and rings I can feel loved when holding hands There’s nothing wrong with that, right? All I want is love and protection To date the pretty girls To date the bad boys Yet, I still get hate To society I don’t exist My sexuality isn’t valid Its. Just. A. Phase They call me greedy They say I’m confused Just pick, they say Bisexuality isn’t a thing Jokes on them I won’t pick a side God said Adam and Eve So, I did both

0

May 21, 2020

May 21, 2020 at 9:22 AM UTC

Bisexuality isn't a thing

I like boys They can protect me from the world A world filled with pain and betrayal I can wear their jumpers and t shirts I can feel safe in their arms I like girls They can make me smile and forget Forget about the tears I’ve shed They can wear my perfume and rings I can feel loved when holding hands There’s nothing wrong with that, right? All I want is love and protection To date the pretty girls To date the bad boys Yet, I still get hate To society I don’t exist My sexuality isn’t valid Its. Just. A. Phase They call me greedy They say I’m confused Just pick, they say Bisexuality isn’t a thing Jokes on them I won’t pick a side God said Adam and Eve So, I did both

26

Blue and red lights I didn’t get to say my goodbye Packing you up in a body bag I’m still calling your phone I’m sorry we didn’t get there in time I’m sorry we didn’t take it seriously If only I took a second to ask If only I heard your cries Please forgive me Please come back I never got to say I love you We never got our adventures You’ll miss so much Your first drive Your first love Your graduation Here I am Standing in a black dress Watching as they put you six feet under Please come back Why did you have to leave? Why couldn’t you stay? We would’ve helped you I need you here I can’t do this without you You always made me laugh and smile Don’t do this to me Please come back

0

Apr 27, 2020

Apr 27, 2020 at 1:11 AM UTC

Please Come Back

Blue and red lights I didn’t get to say my goodbye Packing you up in a body bag I’m still calling your phone I’m sorry we didn’t get there in time I’m sorry we didn’t take it seriously If only I took a second to ask If only I heard your cries Please forgive me Please come back I never got to say I love you We never got our adventures You’ll miss so much Your first drive Your first love Your graduation Here I am Standing in a black dress Watching as they put you six feet under Please come back Why did you have to leave? Why couldn’t you stay? We would’ve helped you I need you here I can’t do this without you You always made me laugh and smile Don’t do this to me Please come back

28

Why aren’t your bones showing? I don’t see a gap between your thighs You shouldn’t wear that top That shirt isn't flattering Calories, calories, calories Better start watching them I think you’ve gained a few Do your clothes even fit you? Push past your limits Watching what you eat is a good thing Its fine to skip a meal …Or two What do I want to look like? Well, I want my ribs to start showing My thighs to start thinning and don’t even get me started on my double chin I hate myself I hate my body I just want to look like her Why do I have to look like this? Look in the mirror and tell me what you see Be careful about the food you eat Cover your body, nobody wants to see that Just be skinny!

0

Mar 12, 2020

Mar 12, 2020 at 4:45 AM UTC

Just be skinny

Why aren’t your bones showing? I don’t see a gap between your thighs You shouldn’t wear that top That shirt isn't flattering Calories, calories, calories Better start watching them I think you’ve gained a few Do your clothes even fit you? Push past your limits Watching what you eat is a good thing Its fine to skip a meal …Or two What do I want to look like? Well, I want my ribs to start showing My thighs to start thinning and don’t even get me started on my double chin I hate myself I hate my body I just want to look like her Why do I have to look like this? Look in the mirror and tell me what you see Be careful about the food you eat Cover your body, nobody wants to see that Just be skinny!

24

How dare you I don’t know you You killed the boy I knew You made him disappear Who are you? My boy would never treat me this way Why don’t you take no? Since when did no mean yes? I miss my boy He treated me like a queen I don’t like you. You treat me like a dog The love he gave me I can't find it You use me Make me feel like I’m just another girl I thought you were different My boy never would have done this My boy would hold me You leave me cold My boy stood out in the crowd He never cared about my looks But you blend in texting me at 12 am asking for pictures Where is he? What did you do to him? Why did you do this? I can't ever look at you the same I’m scared Scared of the man that stands before me You stand where my boy stood please leave me alone You violate me Leave me shaken and cold Tear stained cheeks I miss my boy.

0

Jan 9, 2020

Jan 9, 2020 at 8:22 AM UTC

My Boy

How dare you I don’t know you You killed the boy I knew You made him disappear Who are you? My boy would never treat me this way Why don’t you take no? Since when did no mean yes? I miss my boy He treated me like a queen I don’t like you. You treat me like a dog The love he gave me I can't find it You use me Make me feel like I’m just another girl I thought you were different My boy never would have done this My boy would hold me You leave me cold My boy stood out in the crowd He never cared about my looks But you blend in texting me at 12 am asking for pictures Where is he? What did you do to him? Why did you do this? I can't ever look at you the same I’m scared Scared of the man that stands before me You stand where my boy stood please leave me alone You violate me Leave me shaken and cold Tear stained cheeks I miss my boy.

36

Sometimes I forget, I forget about you. And in those few blissful moments I'm ok. But then your name pops up or a song comes on and I remember. I remember how you made me feel, the fear I felt. The fear wasn't of you but the person within you. The one who told you things, the one that commanded you. That person, that demon made me scared, he made me cry I heard what he told you I felt what you locked inside he became my demon too. But he hit me differently he made up stories created lies My tears shone brightly but my screams were muffled. You became numb whilst I was filled with emotions they hit me like a tidal wave thoughts flooded my head feelings drowned me you couldn't hear me scream because I was pulled underwater then everything just stopped. The thoughts stopped streaming. My feelings dried up. I thought the demon left That he showed me mercy I was wrong. He showed me a different kind of pain A pain where nothing hurts. A pain where pain didn't exist. Nothing did. Not happiness. Not anger. All I wanted was to feel something I begged him, I fell to my knees. Then I found something. Cuts created a map on my body each destination made me feel something different But then they started to bring me only one thing pain. but the pain made me smile I smiled because I felt something I smiled because I thought I defeated him I made myself hurt I controlled the pain, not him I thought I won.

0

Dec 12, 2019

Dec 12, 2019 at 8:13 AM UTC

Demon

Sometimes I forget, I forget about you. And in those few blissful moments I'm ok. But then your name pops up or a song comes on and I remember. I remember how you made me feel, the fear I felt. The fear wasn't of you but the person within you. The one who told you things, the one that commanded you. That person, that demon made me scared, he made me cry I heard what he told you I felt what you locked inside he became my demon too. But he hit me differently he made up stories created lies My tears shone brightly but my screams were muffled. You became numb whilst I was filled with emotions they hit me like a tidal wave thoughts flooded my head feelings drowned me you couldn't hear me scream because I was pulled underwater then everything just stopped. The thoughts stopped streaming. My feelings dried up. I thought the demon left That he showed me mercy I was wrong. He showed me a different kind of pain A pain where nothing hurts. A pain where pain didn't exist. Nothing did. Not happiness. Not anger. All I wanted was to feel something I begged him, I fell to my knees. Then I found something. Cuts created a map on my body each destination made me feel something different But then they started to bring me only one thing pain. but the pain made me smile I smiled because I felt something I smiled because I thought I defeated him I made myself hurt I controlled the pain, not him I thought I won.

55