ella-byrne - Hello Poetry

I was so scared to lose you Now I have But I'm still breathing, I survived You're still there but it's not the same It may never be the same I'm starting to realise that's okay Our love was as deep as the night sky But even the most beautiful stars fade away sometimes The shards of my chest are still tender But I know we will become stronger I want to be the person I'm meant to be I guess we were a little too comfortable, now we have no choice I will live, I will live, I will live And so will you We will shine again Maybe in different galaxies But always connected Perhaps a broken constellation Can be mended in new ways I want you to be happy You deserve it I want to be happy I want to overcome my demons I am strong It took losing you to realise it I can do this I no longer need you in that same crazed way I will grow, I will grow, I will grow I will become the most beautiful thing in the sky And when time heals my wounds I will be grateful you set me free.

0

Apr 1, 2016

Apr 1, 2016 at 1:25 PM UTC

I want to be happy

I was so scared to lose you Now I have But I'm still breathing, I survived You're still there but it's not the same It may never be the same I'm starting to realise that's okay Our love was as deep as the night sky But even the most beautiful stars fade away sometimes The shards of my chest are still tender But I know we will become stronger I want to be the person I'm meant to be I guess we were a little too comfortable, now we have no choice I will live, I will live, I will live And so will you We will shine again Maybe in different galaxies But always connected Perhaps a broken constellation Can be mended in new ways I want you to be happy You deserve it I want to be happy I want to overcome my demons I am strong It took losing you to realise it I can do this I no longer need you in that same crazed way I will grow, I will grow, I will grow I will become the most beautiful thing in the sky And when time heals my wounds I will be grateful you set me free.

31

I feel like there's a shard of glass puncturing my heart sinking deeper and deeper, with each resurfaced memory it bleeds more and more. I wonder if I'll ever stop crying, if this longing to talk to you, the desperation to make you change your mind will ever go away. I still love you, I wish I didn't. I want to forget, I would even settle for being numb but I feel things on a grand scale and I can't tie every memory of you into a box like I want to. You want to be my friend but when did you stop wanting to be my lover? I know deep down this is for the best but I don't know if I can live with this ache, this pain. I want to overcome my demons but this weight on my chest makes it hard to breathe, I'm drowning. I want you to love me again, please. I can't believe that you could just stop loving me just like that. What about everything we shared, everything we've been through? I know you have your demons too but I'd help you if you let me. Reality is, we just weren't working out together anymore. You weren't my perfect fit for right now anymore. Somewhere along the way we lost touch, too consumed by our own problems. I let my guard down and you gave up. I'm in pieces, doing my best to pretend to be okay even though it feels like you're stabbing me every time you refer to me as your friend. I don't want to be your friend. I don't think I can be your friend. I want to love you. But I can't. I know I have to love myself first but right now all I feel is pain. You caused it. You've dragged me down to hell and left me to face it on my own. Why? Why did you do this to me? You always said you wouldn't be fine and although you cried and said it wasn't easy for you either it seems like you have no cares in the world. You don't love me. I wish I could say the same. Someday, in time, I'm sure I will. But right now I can't see past everything I'm feeling. It's New Year's Eve, I should be going out with my friends, having a good time, forgetting about you. I know you will be forgetting about me. You probably already have. But I can't do it, I can't face my friends and tell them why you're not there. I can't lose myself in the sweet surrender of alcohol like most people. I wish, I wish, I wish. But wishing is pointless. Tomorrow is a new day, the new year and I will learn to let you go. The day will come and I won't cry anymore. I'll think of you and everything we had and I'll be happy. I'll be happy without you. Thinking about you won't feel like having a gun pointed at my head. I'll get better and I'll move on and maybe we'll be okay again. I just wish it wasn't so hard for me to feel okay now.

0

Apr 1, 2016

Apr 1, 2016 at 1:05 PM UTC

Stream of Consciousness

I feel like there's a shard of glass puncturing my heart sinking deeper and deeper, with each resurfaced memory it bleeds more and more. I wonder if I'll ever stop crying, if this longing to talk to you, the desperation to make you change your mind will ever go away. I still love you, I wish I didn't. I want to forget, I would even settle for being numb but I feel things on a grand scale and I can't tie every memory of you into a box like I want to. You want to be my friend but when did you stop wanting to be my lover? I know deep down this is for the best but I don't know if I can live with this ache, this pain. I want to overcome my demons but this weight on my chest makes it hard to breathe, I'm drowning. I want you to love me again, please. I can't believe that you could just stop loving me just like that. What about everything we shared, everything we've been through? I know you have your demons too but I'd help you if you let me. Reality is, we just weren't working out together anymore. You weren't my perfect fit for right now anymore. Somewhere along the way we lost touch, too consumed by our own problems. I let my guard down and you gave up. I'm in pieces, doing my best to pretend to be okay even though it feels like you're stabbing me every time you refer to me as your friend. I don't want to be your friend. I don't think I can be your friend. I want to love you. But I can't. I know I have to love myself first but right now all I feel is pain. You caused it. You've dragged me down to hell and left me to face it on my own. Why? Why did you do this to me? You always said you wouldn't be fine and although you cried and said it wasn't easy for you either it seems like you have no cares in the world. You don't love me. I wish I could say the same. Someday, in time, I'm sure I will. But right now I can't see past everything I'm feeling. It's New Year's Eve, I should be going out with my friends, having a good time, forgetting about you. I know you will be forgetting about me. You probably already have. But I can't do it, I can't face my friends and tell them why you're not there. I can't lose myself in the sweet surrender of alcohol like most people. I wish, I wish, I wish. But wishing is pointless. Tomorrow is a new day, the new year and I will learn to let you go. The day will come and I won't cry anymore. I'll think of you and everything we had and I'll be happy. I'll be happy without you. Thinking about you won't feel like having a gun pointed at my head. I'll get better and I'll move on and maybe we'll be okay again. I just wish it wasn't so hard for me to feel okay now.

1

I've spent all day cry(i)ng My heart is broken Going numb You're right I've known for a long time But I always thought Our love was stronger than anything I love you I always will Even if you (d)on't Even if you're happier with(o)ut me I want you to be happy You deserve it It was(n)'t fair I los(t) myself in you You didn't ask for that I placed too much (w)eight on your shoulders When you h(a)d Your ow(n) burdens (T)o bare I miss you so There are ghos(t)s of Y(o)u everywhere I look Every corner of my (b)rain I was so scar(e)d to live without you (B)ut now you've left Me no cho(i)ce I have (t)o find my own way, I know I wan(t)ed to be The girl you deserv(e) But now I have to do it fo(r) myself. (I don't want to be bitter)

0

Apr 1, 2016

Apr 1, 2016 at 12:39 PM UTC

Broken

I've spent all day cry(i)ng My heart is broken Going numb You're right I've known for a long time But I always thought Our love was stronger than anything I love you I always will Even if you (d)on't Even if you're happier with(o)ut me I want you to be happy You deserve it It was(n)'t fair I los(t) myself in you You didn't ask for that I placed too much (w)eight on your shoulders When you h(a)d Your ow(n) burdens (T)o bare I miss you so There are ghos(t)s of Y(o)u everywhere I look Every corner of my (b)rain I was so scar(e)d to live without you (B)ut now you've left Me no cho(i)ce I have (t)o find my own way, I know I wan(t)ed to be The girl you deserv(e) But now I have to do it fo(r) myself. (I don't want to be bitter)

32

You held my hand You told me we weren't going to work You still like me You still want to be my friend But you don't love me Your voice cracked When you whispered no And I can't believe You'd fall out of love with me so quickly You said you've been thinking about it for a while, me too But to me being with you was worth all the upset and the waiting Being with you was bliss Was It hurts to think of us as past tense You said this wasn't my fault We tried our best but I'd be happier without you It was my first relationship You said everyone goes through this You said I'll be fine without you You said forever once You said I was the most important person to you in the world You said you've never loved anyone else like me You said you'd love me You said you'd always be there You said You said You said goodbye.

0

Apr 1, 2016

Apr 1, 2016 at 12:28 PM UTC

28.12.15

You held my hand You told me we weren't going to work You still like me You still want to be my friend But you don't love me Your voice cracked When you whispered no And I can't believe You'd fall out of love with me so quickly You said you've been thinking about it for a while, me too But to me being with you was worth all the upset and the waiting Being with you was bliss Was It hurts to think of us as past tense You said this wasn't my fault We tried our best but I'd be happier without you It was my first relationship You said everyone goes through this You said I'll be fine without you You said forever once You said I was the most important person to you in the world You said you've never loved anyone else like me You said you'd love me You said you'd always be there You said You said You said goodbye.

27

All week I've been counting down the days, hours, minutes Until I see you again And now One nights sleep One bus journey Is all that lies between us Yet, I feel as if the space is as vast as the galaxy Will it ever end? Even shooting stars burn out No matter how bright they once were Time makes them fade Not all wounds can heal Or perhaps There was too much fire? Perhaps our flames engulfed each other Until only ashes remained For a girl who loves words so much I can't help but feel I am too careless with mine I can't help but feel I'm spread too thin I can't help but feel We have all the weight of the universe on our shoulders And our time is running out We may never reach each other You are the brightest star in my galaxy I want so desperately To be the sun you deserve But I'm no longer certain I can stitch us back together And save myself as well I need you in my life, my guiding star, centering me (mostly), My best friend But I am lost Nothing but particles and dust I don't think you have the energy to find me It's hard enough to keep my own dim light alive But I'm waiting (please hold on) I'm all burnt out (and fading) I can't save us on my own.

0

Apr 1, 2016

Apr 1, 2016 at 12:12 PM UTC

Burn Out

All week I've been counting down the days, hours, minutes Until I see you again And now One nights sleep One bus journey Is all that lies between us Yet, I feel as if the space is as vast as the galaxy Will it ever end? Even shooting stars burn out No matter how bright they once were Time makes them fade Not all wounds can heal Or perhaps There was too much fire? Perhaps our flames engulfed each other Until only ashes remained For a girl who loves words so much I can't help but feel I am too careless with mine I can't help but feel I'm spread too thin I can't help but feel We have all the weight of the universe on our shoulders And our time is running out We may never reach each other You are the brightest star in my galaxy I want so desperately To be the sun you deserve But I'm no longer certain I can stitch us back together And save myself as well I need you in my life, my guiding star, centering me (mostly), My best friend But I am lost Nothing but particles and dust I don't think you have the energy to find me It's hard enough to keep my own dim light alive But I'm waiting (please hold on) I'm all burnt out (and fading) I can't save us on my own.

41

It's too much for me This life is too heavy a burden to bare I can't deal with this constant fear I can't deal with anxiety and panic Clawing up my throat Strangling me from the inside out It feels like it's getting worse It feels like it's taking over my life I don't have the energy To fight anymore A ten year war with yourself Is enough to destroy anyone I feel like I've gone mad Something's gone wrong in me Something's irreparably broken I want to give up I don't want to struggle anymore Swallow me whole My worst enemy My biggest fear Myself Take all that's left I wave my white flag Consume Gone The End.

0

Apr 1, 2016

Apr 1, 2016 at 12:07 PM UTC

White Flag

It's too much for me This life is too heavy a burden to bare I can't deal with this constant fear I can't deal with anxiety and panic Clawing up my throat Strangling me from the inside out It feels like it's getting worse It feels like it's taking over my life I don't have the energy To fight anymore A ten year war with yourself Is enough to destroy anyone I feel like I've gone mad Something's gone wrong in me Something's irreparably broken I want to give up I don't want to struggle anymore Swallow me whole My worst enemy My biggest fear Myself Take all that's left I wave my white flag Consume Gone The End.

26

I honestly can't describe How much it means to have you by my side Supporting me, guiding me Being my light Through my darkness moments Patiently bringing me back Always searching for a way to solve my problems Standing with me Every step of the way Even if there is no solution You are my rock, my heart, my soul I am the most me when I'm with you The most real You bring out every emotion in me From euphoric to heart broken despair No matter how much I try to contain it You don't mind when I stain your shirts with tears Or cling onto you to stay grounded And I wish, I wish, I wish I could show everyone I wish I could find the words To tell you, to tell the world Just how incredible you really are You are the oxygen I breathe You are the gravity pulling me back to earth You are the love of my life And I will never let you go. (I just want to love you and love you and love you.)

0

Apr 1, 2016

Apr 1, 2016 at 12:00 PM UTC

Now You'll Never Read This

I honestly can't describe How much it means to have you by my side Supporting me, guiding me Being my light Through my darkness moments Patiently bringing me back Always searching for a way to solve my problems Standing with me Every step of the way Even if there is no solution You are my rock, my heart, my soul I am the most me when I'm with you The most real You bring out every emotion in me From euphoric to heart broken despair No matter how much I try to contain it You don't mind when I stain your shirts with tears Or cling onto you to stay grounded And I wish, I wish, I wish I could show everyone I wish I could find the words To tell you, to tell the world Just how incredible you really are You are the oxygen I breathe You are the gravity pulling me back to earth You are the love of my life And I will never let you go. (I just want to love you and love you and love you.)

28

I used to think it was as simple as Falling into the shadows But my existence Has been every shade of grey imaginable Blue-grey, light-smokey-grey, dark-almost-black-grey It's never plainly Black or white Happy or scared It is a constantly changing vortex I thought I was finally breaking free of the colours - feelings - thoughts Restraining me I know I've gotten stronger But why did I crumble so easily? Just when I thought I was safe Panic reared it's ugly head again This time I felt powerless My heart raced irregularly As it placed it's hand around my neck Strangled the air from my lungs Until I fell backwards into a dream Into respite for ten seconds, into darkness My body doing it's best To save me from my head Every colour seemed faded Strangers watched As I struggled to catch my breath They were kind, concerned, helpful I am grateful But I'm also ashamed I couldn't control it better That I couldn't stay pure white without it being filtered, mixed into black I did my best to hold it together on the way home But eventually the delicious meal came back up The fog cleared a little but I was still a shivering mess My family and my love Brought safety and comfort again But now the morning after I can't help but feel afraid My biggest fear came to pass yet again I'm still here, I'm still here I want to pretend I'm fine To get up, go out Without a care But the colours are all shaken up I don't know what to do I don't know if I've the strength to keep going on, muddled and grey When all I want is to be Iridescent.

0

Apr 1, 2016

Apr 1, 2016 at 11:51 AM UTC

Colours of Panic

I used to think it was as simple as Falling into the shadows But my existence Has been every shade of grey imaginable Blue-grey, light-smokey-grey, dark-almost-black-grey It's never plainly Black or white Happy or scared It is a constantly changing vortex I thought I was finally breaking free of the colours - feelings - thoughts Restraining me I know I've gotten stronger But why did I crumble so easily? Just when I thought I was safe Panic reared it's ugly head again This time I felt powerless My heart raced irregularly As it placed it's hand around my neck Strangled the air from my lungs Until I fell backwards into a dream Into respite for ten seconds, into darkness My body doing it's best To save me from my head Every colour seemed faded Strangers watched As I struggled to catch my breath They were kind, concerned, helpful I am grateful But I'm also ashamed I couldn't control it better That I couldn't stay pure white without it being filtered, mixed into black I did my best to hold it together on the way home But eventually the delicious meal came back up The fog cleared a little but I was still a shivering mess My family and my love Brought safety and comfort again But now the morning after I can't help but feel afraid My biggest fear came to pass yet again I'm still here, I'm still here I want to pretend I'm fine To get up, go out Without a care But the colours are all shaken up I don't know what to do I don't know if I've the strength to keep going on, muddled and grey When all I want is to be Iridescent.

49

Doubts Can clutter the mind I know better than anyone The damage they do I'll be honest I've had my doubts about us They've suffocated me Until I faced them head on and set them free I wrote you a letter about doubts But truthfully, I can't remember a word I wrote You doubt if you're good enough for me I've been there, I've felt that weight You always say you're so lucky to have me But if we're honest I'm the lucky one I would have given up a long time ago If it wasn't for you You are safety, comfort, freedom So next time you are clouded with doubts my darling, know this: You've broken my heart and you can break it a thousand times more I will still want you I will always want you. You can't love someone the way we do - Selflessly, definitely, bravely - Without getting hurt We've been through heaven Dragged through hell and back And we still held on, we still fought for us Many people would have given up I might have too, if I was fighting for anyone else but you. So cast aside your insecurities And revel in the fact We have something that no one else has Know that we are stronger together than apart.

0

Apr 1, 2016

Apr 1, 2016 at 11:32 AM UTC

Last Hope

Doubts Can clutter the mind I know better than anyone The damage they do I'll be honest I've had my doubts about us They've suffocated me Until I faced them head on and set them free I wrote you a letter about doubts But truthfully, I can't remember a word I wrote You doubt if you're good enough for me I've been there, I've felt that weight You always say you're so lucky to have me But if we're honest I'm the lucky one I would have given up a long time ago If it wasn't for you You are safety, comfort, freedom So next time you are clouded with doubts my darling, know this: You've broken my heart and you can break it a thousand times more I will still want you I will always want you. You can't love someone the way we do - Selflessly, definitely, bravely - Without getting hurt We've been through heaven Dragged through hell and back And we still held on, we still fought for us Many people would have given up I might have too, if I was fighting for anyone else but you. So cast aside your insecurities And revel in the fact We have something that no one else has Know that we are stronger together than apart.

34

I feel it crawling underneath my skin The sadness that lies within Twisting my mind Draining my soul Am I going mad? I feel so alone Nobody understands All the pain I hold inside I can't explain no matter how hard I try I'm dying to feel alive.

0

Apr 1, 2016

Apr 1, 2016 at 11:23 AM UTC

I feel it crawling underneath my skin

I feel it crawling underneath my skin The sadness that lies within Twisting my mind Draining my soul Am I going mad? I feel so alone Nobody understands All the pain I hold inside I can't explain no matter how hard I try I'm dying to feel alive.

10