I was a pillar
A mountain
Ten thousand stories high
Then came the day
It became clear
This was a vicious lie
I toppled over
Piece by piece
Falling magnificently
And all the while
Those I loved
Kept defending me
What a glorious falsehood
What an impressive ruse
When no one could tell
This mountain
Wasn’t yet a hill
Despite the clues
Perhaps even a valley
No a pit
Of cheap despair
For anyone who cared
To look
Would find
No pedestal was there
Still the mirage holds
Delusion rules the day
And when they all
Find out the truth
My God
What will they say?
Oct 22, 2025
Oct 22, 2025 at 10:48 PM UTC
I guess you’re always late
Or perhaps you’re always right on time
I know with certainty you’re never early
Or you’d already be mine
When I was a little girl
Laying in my bed at night
I’d pray for you with urgency
So that I’d know you right on sight
That must be why The Greats
All claim that love is blind
For years I’ve been searching
And yours is a face I cannot find
And by this simple fact
I can’t get you gift
So I write this message in a bottle
That it might find your heart, adrift
Perhaps you love another
Perhaps my heart is sealed
Maybe we have more to learn
Before our identities can be revealed
Either way rest easy, lover,
Knowing it’s you I even now adore
Happy Valentines Day, my love, my dear,
My missing paramour
Feb 14, 2020
Feb 14, 2020 at 11:17 AM UTC
It’s selfish of me
Hoping you’ll never get over us
When I perjure myself daily
Claiming I wish the best for you
It’s wrong that
We were never technically “us”
But I’ve already
Seen our life together
Paradoxical that
In this short time
I became disinterested
In the vast sea of options
Wishing, hoping, waiting
You’d come to your senses
And see that your heart
Beats to my same ache
I’m sorry that I
Assumed the worst in you
But you assumed
The worst in me
Perhaps that’s why
I’m drinking here alone
While you determine
Your next receptacle
It would bother me but
I know you
Like you know me
She doesn’t matter
She matters to me
Next in the long line
Of unfulfillment
I wouldn’t do the trick
How unfamiliar will
We become?
How quickly have you
Been able to move one
While I sit here
In anguish
Longing for the touch
And smell of you
Laughing at my desperate words
Unable to stop typing
Or make sense
Of the outcome
Apr 3, 2019
Apr 3, 2019 at 11:26 AM UTC
I wish I could have met myself
At this age
When I was a little girl
I wonder if I would
Have liked who I've become
Would I speak to this adult
And find a resilient strength
Or would I see through
The bulletproof glass
Straight to her insecurities
Would she laugh and
Find me funny
Or pity the deflections
Would I stand beside her
And think
This is who I want to be
Apr 1, 2019
Apr 1, 2019 at 1:38 AM UTC
Someone once compared me to a rose
What a flower to be
Blooming only in the best conditions
With perfect tending
And tedious attentions
Beautiful, but thorny
Admirable, but painful to hold
Offering their beauty only
To those so fortunate
As to be in the garden
No
I'm not a rose
I'm the wildflower that
Offers beauty to all around it
Grows wherever it lands
Withstands the storm
And finds the sun
Apr 1, 2019
Apr 1, 2019 at 1:35 AM UTC
“Once upon a time”
The age old fairytale
About each perfect little princess
Finding her perfect little male
From birth into adulthood
We read about princes and knights
We’re promised a perfect match
To join us on our plight
So we sigh and sit and wait
Or sit and work and sigh
Always quietly wondering
If our prince has passed us by
Then with each lunar passing
And each trip around the sun
Our age brusquely informs us
That our prince may never come
No knights on noble steeds
Ride up to right our wrongs
There is no handsome nobleman
To play us his love songs
Except for those of course
Whose love proves insincere
The ones who leave us jilted
And actualize our greatest fears
With each disappointment
Another petal falls away
Slowly killing any magic
Leftover from our early days
Until one day an unassuming
Handsome man appears
Offers a ride on his white horse
Then promptly disappears
Mar 5, 2019
Mar 5, 2019 at 12:20 AM UTC
You came into my life like an IED
Unexpected, unwelcome, and explosive
Not what I pictured
As a little girl
Hoping to get swept off her feet
We were an accident
A happy one, I thought
Two flames come together
To engulf what haunts us
A sideways smile, subtle winks
Subtle hints you found the fire too hot
I suppose the problem with flames
Is they cast a large shadow
And illuminate the unseen
Like the burdens ****** upon you
Or the scars I never manage to hide
I thought this was different
But then our fire ran cold
Not because it was extinguished
No
Because you left my flame
Without the courtesy of a warning
So I sit and wonder
Where it all went wrong
How I misunderstood
Realizing that the IED
Was me
Drowning the comfortable darkness
In a blinding light you
Weren’t prepared to face
But couldn’t bear to lose
So you left
And pretended that you remained
Choosing to brave the dark alone
Declaring that it made you strong
Trading the new fear in
For the old
Because at least you’d trained
For that
Mar 3, 2019
Mar 3, 2019 at 9:09 PM UTC
It’s quite a thing for us to have
A beating, working heart
To inhale, exhale, inhale again
As you fall spectacularly apart
For when you die according to
Any book I’ve read
Your heart goes still, your lungs deflate
To be considered dead
You shouldn’t feel the pulsing blood
Flow warmly through your veins
You shouldn’t walk and talk and think
Or feel such intense pain
There’s something so poetic
In being the walking dead
To be murdered so profoundly
On such an inconsequential bed
As dignity fell to the ground
Like a ***** takes of her clothes
Your body somehow betrays itself
And completely and utterly froze
So while you lay there dying
Your heart remains so strong
Your lungs- they keep on breathing-
It’s as though there’s nothing wrong
When the killing is finally finished
When the deed is finally done
The world slowed and hastened all at once
Into confused, oblivion
For how can you be breathing
When your life has come to an end?
When you’ve been so completely broken
There’s nothing left to even mend
But get up and walk you do
And inhale, exhale you must
Because, unfortunately, your heart must stop
For you to turn to dust
Like a ghost without the benefit
Of being properly dead
You inhale, exhale, all the while
With that memory in your head
Being undead hurts and numbs your
Senses simultaneously
And your wounds bleed out in places
No one else can feel or see
Wake up, inhale, exhale, sigh
Pretend the same you still exists
But that girl is dead and gone
Even though her ghost persists
Apr 2, 2018
Apr 2, 2018 at 1:15 AM UTC
You came ‘round when I needed you
For that I owe you much
Your loving words caressed me
When we were much too far to touch
I find comfort in your presence
And solace in your arms
So the last thing I would want to do
Is bring you any harm
But you knew I came with baggage
You knew my sorrow was immense
You knew the risk of loving me-
-In my terrible defense
Please don’t think I never loved you
Please don’t try to curse my name
Don’t perjure yourself into believing
That I didn’t feel the same
I meant each aching syllable
I meant it to my core
Imagine my dejection finding
We could not be anymore
I promise that it’s harder
To say no to someone’s love
When that someone is the person
That you think so highly of
You jumped in while I was drowning
You wiped away my tears
And a small part of me dies
As I evince your deepest fears
I’m who I am because
You took the time to care for me
You listened and you carried a
Portion of my misery
Please know, while I was dying,
So slowly bleeding out,
You plugged the wound so gently
Washing away my rotting doubt
And though you may feel gutted
At this thought of life apart
I’ll extirpate myself before
I fully break your heart
For a brief and lovely moment
Our souls were quite aligned
But matching us is simple proof
Cupid indeed is blind
For at the core we differ
We match like fire matches ice
It took too long for me to realize this
And for that, you pay the price
Apologies mean nothing
If you can’t act out remorse
You’ll want nothing of me
And proscribe me at the source
I’ll be banished, gone forever,
From your mind, and heart, and soul
Until you find the person
That can plug your newfound hole
Hearts never quite recover
From a love that has been lost
So the mind begins to wonder
If it’s really worth the cost
Perhaps the one we find shares
Some same love induced defects
Perhaps the bond forms over
The many love stories we’ve wrecked
But to the point, I’m sorry
Sorry that I’ve let you down
So sad to give back to the world
The wonderful man that I have found
You’ll stay with me forever
My heart branded by your eyes
Thinking of what could have been
With discontented sighs
What could have been will never be
I think this we both know
It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever do-
Watching you permanently go
My heart brakes while I write this
Tears falling down my chin
As the scar painfully rips away
And I feel the bleeding rebegin
Apr 2, 2018
Apr 2, 2018 at 1:13 AM UTC
It's not easy to be me
That's a generalization true for most
We all have our battles.
But I'm so jealous
So jealous of the way you all move on
Because when I see the pain
When I see the hurt
When I see the purity of a baby's foot
My cracked heart of stone
Can't help but beat again.
With every beat those pieces crash
Clack-clack-clack
Until a fire erupts inside of me
And I can't help but
Fight.
Fight for the children playing on the slide
Giggling and screeching
So blissfully unaware of the
World they were born into...
For while they laugh and play
I know someone is out there
Crying
While the screams of a new born
Ring out into the world
The crushing silence of loss
Envelopes all the noise-
Silent screams erupt
From those who have no voice
While the rest of the world
Finds glory in their deafness
Not me.
I hear it all.
Every scream, every laugh, every word
Like a supersonic torture chamber
Until I'm paralyzed
I'd try to shut it out
But if not me then whom?
Someone has to hear.
Someone has to act.
I wouldn't trade this for the world
Because while my heart bleeds
And though my soul is crushed
At least I know I feel
At least they know that
Someone else feels the hurt
They can't hide anymore.
Someone hears them scream
But who hears me?
Jun 11, 2017
Jun 11, 2017 at 5:13 PM UTC