Her beauty pained me greatly. Her edges, the lines of her curves cut into me like razor wire.The deepest and most vulnerable parts of me choked on tears of want. Nothing truly beautiful can ever be obtained. Indeed the very notion of attainability is utterly destroyed by the vision of what is truly beautiful. Even one's own body, the source of longing itself becomes belonging to something bigger; belongs to no one at all. Her form, her poise, her grace, her *** which shone off of her blindingly. My mind, usually engaged in white-washing the world in colors suiting my narcissistic bent is arrested, transposed. My greedy, perverse imagination simply cannot top the marvel pleasuring herself playfully before an audience innumerable. My rendering engine cannot keep up with my desire and I break down. Religion floods my heart and not worship but sacrifice overtakes me. I want to die for her image. I don't want to know her physically- too much pain would be involved- though I would starve myself indefinitely just to taste her.
Nov 14, 2017
Nov 14, 2017 at 4:31 PM UTC
I haven't lived a day past the day I met you. Every day since has been lived inside of that day. I've tried to tear time apart at its hinges so as to be free and my will has left me a sundered man. I left everything with you that day, as you unknowingly asked me to do. I hate everything about everything about how much you mean to me. I have lived every day since that day inside of the pain of that day. You tell me to move on. You don't know that there is no one to move on and nowhere to move to. I live inside of nowhere. I live inside of the day that never could have been otherwise and yet needed to be so. You tell me to move on...
Nov 14, 2017
Nov 14, 2017 at 4:30 PM UTC
Blazing inferno!
Now I will carry water;
Through ice-mountain pass
Nov 23, 2015
Nov 23, 2015 at 1:41 PM UTC
Glass pressed to your curious smile
your eyes are already drunk
empty though it seems
I still taste the wine on your lips
I know the flavor well by now
bitterness gives way to a rosy sting
and I melt into the chalice
and feel at home
as a grape pressed and aged
and allowed to breath
finally savored
Nov 3, 2015
Nov 3, 2015 at 1:20 PM UTC
And you were so happy...
I looked at you with hollow mournful eyes
I could not join you in rejoicing
I was already looking back on this that we have lost
I wish you really understood
the way I saw you
I would want you to know the way
the light on your cheek
still shines in my memory
and your smile as I held you
is the first image that comes to mind
when asked about beauty
The sunrise in summer
is cute, even quaint
The harvest moon in eclipse
is a striking novelty
The first snow fallen fresh
is pretty while pure
And the light on your cheek as I held you
will haunt me
as it did
even then
Oct 30, 2015
Oct 30, 2015 at 5:03 PM UTC
I’m left spinning
one side pushed
the other pulled
center held still
suspended above
the ramblings of a mind
obsessed with lack
“Are you happy?”
you ask me
“Does it matter?”
I respond
I don’t feel ‘good’
though I’m not sure
if that is the object of this game
All these people chasing
their objects across their fields
and yet they have forgotten
the rules of the game
The only rule I know
is know no rule
So I’m tired and my head aches
and my heart hurts
and my gut rolls into itself
and yet I am not taken
into this place of panic
some people are so fond
of calling home
The clouds roll over my head
as I stand stalwart
against the storms that don’t exist
And I become the mountain
laughing with every crack of thunder
Yes you became the moon to me
and like the tides I am still pulled towards you
and like the tides I fall back into myself
and am not drawn out of the Ocean
I Am
Jul 18, 2015
Jul 18, 2015 at 4:17 PM UTC
A world unnoticed
Toiling armies wade through moss
Life built upon life
_
Reaching for the sun
Even at night growing strong
Master of patience
_
Just another tree
Home for all of these beings
Just another world
May 28, 2015
May 28, 2015 at 1:10 PM UTC
And the thorn said to the rose,
"Why do you resent me so and pretend I don't exist when it is I who makes you the beautiful treasure you are?"
And the rose replies,
"It is true people love to look at me and savor my perfume but had I not you thorns perhaps someone would want to pick me up and take me with them."
"You belong here grounded in the earth by your roots dear rose.
It is I that protects you from being picked and taken on a journey not your own", responded lovingly the thorn.
May 23, 2015
May 23, 2015 at 3:22 PM UTC
This matter of life and death
is a serious matter
not to be taken lightly
as though watching a play
from a seat in a balcony
Stand up
get on stage and take your bow
choose a character and play yourself
as far as your heart will take you
the part has been written
the casting call is posted
you are invited to play the role
you were born for
May 16, 2015
May 16, 2015 at 11:09 AM UTC
I remember the first time I wished I didn’t have to live.
I remember where I was.
I was outside my house. Next to the driveway.
I was thinking about how much I hated school.
How much I hated not being able to be free.
How much I hated not being able to be outside.
I loved mother nature and I wanted simply to be and to love her.
I hated that I was trapped. I hated that I was trapped for 12 years.
I knew this number. 12. Years.
I had only been alive for 6.
Twice my lifetime I would have to be stuck at a desk performing menial tasks.
I thought I would never be able to survive this disconnection from the wonder I experienced when I sat outside.
I remember this.
Vividly.
Apr 17, 2015
Apr 17, 2015 at 9:44 PM UTC