I've come to accept
That it's okay to miss you
It's okay to wonder how you are
And question if you're still thinking of me
It's okay to miss you
And the feeling of your lips on mine
And think that someone else's lips
Feel so foreign to the point of tears
It's okay to think in my head
"This isn't right, this isn't you"
As he runs his fingers over my skin
Because I have the power to live my own life
It's okay to wonder
Why we ended
And how you feel about it now
It's okay to wonder
If I pass through your thoughts
And if you understand quite how you did me wrong
And it's okay to feel pain
It's okay to hurt every now and again
Thinking about the what ifs
And torture myself wondering what went so wrong
It's okay to feel the pain
Of your absence
It's okay to miss the normality
Of having you as a constant in my life
And eventually
It will be okay to move on
I will feel okay to hold someone else's hand
And cuddle in close to them between sheets
And it will be okay to know
That I deserve more than you could have ever given me
And that what we had was not all there is
And that it's good that we ended
And that I'm so much better off
Because we were not pop rocks and coke
We felt right, yes
And I felt the way I did for a reason
But there is so much more
And I will be ready for it
Eventually I will be ready for it
Yes, I'm not completely over you
And I miss you on occasion
Despite how you treated me so wrong
But I've come to accept
That I'm so close to moving on
And it's 1 am
And I'm drunk
And I don't want to text you
And I'm happy
And that's all I need.
Jun 21, 2015
Jun 21, 2015 at 12:53 AM UTC
Banging and banging
Open the doors of the cage
Let it all out
Liberation is what keeps me
From embodying the fictitious feelings
You so kindly spared for me
My heart is a bird
Since a day in which I cannot recall
Locked up for my own vitality
The constant trials and failed escape plans
Have left me no choice
But to unintentionally fall down
To the misconceptions I thought I had once denounced
The only hope being to get out
Fly to you
And sing you a song
More melodious than
The sound of lilies that bloom
Rather than petals which sink
Trapped in here by your will
With the only thread of hope
The only glimmer of light
Being to some day break out
And be with you once more
Where I will pour my painfully veracious emotions
Into your falsified heart
And tragically attempt to not turn into dust
While you become every ounce of human
I had once prided myself on.
Jan 24, 2015
Jan 24, 2015 at 9:35 PM UTC
In my half daze of a slumber I remember how your scruff felt brushing against the skin of my spine
As you laid soft kisses down like you were planting rose buds in the soft of my skin to stay long after you left
And the way our bodies radiated heat together deep under the covers tucked away from the world
How easily I dozed off to the sound of your breathing against my neck
And your erratic twitches of a nightmare
And your arm protectively wrapped around my waist up until our hands interlocked
I remember how our hands melted into one another that they felt like one
Beautiful and synchronized
I could have laid there with you all day like a work of art, never moving from the comforts of your bed
I remember thinking, maybe it is possible to fall in love
And maybe one day I can fall in love with more than just the idea of you.
Oct 16, 2014
Oct 16, 2014 at 12:00 PM UTC
As the sun dips down into the vast expanse of water
I think about how my weary feet are buried in sand
And how my nose stings whenever I apply sunscreen
Because it's past saving
And I think about how if I could just reach the sun
Before it dips down into a short lived oblivion
Until it's faithful return the next morning
Then maybe I could finally be with you
Or maybe if I could just believe that if I reached out my arm
And felt the warmth of the suns rays one last time
It could be possible that I could feel the warmth of your breath
As you whisper into my neck
But I know that you are across that great expanse
And I cannot just wish or believe
Because you are an ocean away
You are an ocean away
You are an ocean away.
Aug 5, 2014
Aug 5, 2014 at 9:10 AM UTC
If you shine the light
Just fast enough
And at the perfectly imperfect angle
At the peak of the most treacherous time of the night
You will be able to see all of the shadows
Of ways in which you have gone wrong
And all of the mistakes you regrettably made
All of the fossils left behind from
Childhood selfishly induced fights
And hear the dead leaves crunch from
The times you ran away
You will be able to paint with
All of the blood spilled
When kisses would have sufficed
Every scraped knee and bruised shin
Will be reflected on the ground before your feet
You will see all of the broken
And taste the salty pool of tears that needed to be shed
These times of hurt will cling to you
They will developed you in ways you will rarely see
But you need that shadow there
So you will always remember the sting
Of your broken arm and of your broken heart
Let it guide you but not define you.
(Pain is only relevant if it still hurts.)
Jul 9, 2014
Jul 9, 2014 at 12:41 AM UTC
It's like I have been
Letting the beaten path
Take hold of my marionette strings
Through every step onto the grassy field
And every hug
And every smile
Has been half from love and happiness
And half from my autopilot tendencies
The truth is I don't want to be sad
I am ready
This is life
And it demands to move forward
You can either see that life is full of lasts
Or see it is full of firsts
That was my first high school graduation
And now it is the first time I am ready
Fully capable to spread my wings
And all of that corny ********
But it's all true
There comes a time in life when you must decide
Do I fly or fall?
And I have been planning to soar
The past is beautiful
And I'm sure nostalgia will eventually come
Knocking on my heart's door soon enough
Striking with pangs of emptiness
For the realization that childhood is over
But it's not lost or forgotten
It is simply time to move on
Holding those memories in the most central part of our souls
I will miss it all I'm sure
But firsts are always too exciting to think about the possibility for lasts.
Jun 26, 2014
Jun 26, 2014 at 12:30 PM UTC
The stars just have this way about them
That makes me want to fall in love
So deeply
That it hurts
In ways I never thought a heart could hurt
While still pumping blood
I want to watch your fingers
Sprout flower buds
With every touch upon my cheeks
I want to hear the crickets harmonize
With the beat of your heart
As my head rests upon your chest
I want to lose my breath
As we part ways
Because you are now my only source of oxygen
I want to wake up the next morning
And finally understand all the hype
I want to understand
The whispers of the wind
And the messages from the stars.
Jun 5, 2014
Jun 5, 2014 at 10:32 PM UTC
I can breathe in the passion
Of your coke and pop rocks kisses
And feel my hot lava tears
As I feel you touch me one last time
I can feel the beauty
Pounding down the bricks
Surrounding my heart
As blood starts to seep through
Every crevice where I purposely
Didn't put enough grout
Hoping someone would care enough
To come knock all four walls down
Each embrace is played again and again
In my head before
I lay down in a field of
Wilting daisies
Waiting for you to come
And bring them to life
Forever hopeful is my patient heart
But I have been warned that patience wears thin
After years of wear and tear
And I have heart ghost stories
Of lilacs that stop blooming
When they've been picked so many times
Maybe love does leave
When you hold out so long hoping for its truth
Maybe these beautiful hopes
Strung out for so long
Are more sinful than soothing.
(I won't lose hope.)
May 12, 2014
May 12, 2014 at 8:06 PM UTC
I hope that my tears
Can write the script for you
When I am at a loss for words
Because I never know how to form the phrase
"I don't have all the answers"
I've trained myself
In the art
Of mask making
I have learned how to
Sculpt perfection
And mold it to my face
A disguise so that they don't see
The boiling black
Of the god-forbidden unknown
So I don't have to see
Their bewildered looks
When I respond with indifference
When my life plan was meant to be
Tattooed on my forehead
For that would be better suited
To calm their nerves
I don't have all the answers
I don't have all the answers
I don't have all the answers
I wish I could give you more
I wish I had more to give
But all that's left of me
If you dare uncover the mask
Are mascara streaks and
Hallowed out, fear stricken eyes
My shaky hands tried to draw the map
Everyone was shouting at me
But I have since broken
The tip of the pencil
I don't have all the answers
I don't have all the answers
I don't have all the answers.
Apr 11, 2014
Apr 11, 2014 at 5:50 PM UTC
As I read
Each line
Of permanently evanescent truths
I felt small
Demonic fingers
Crawl out from behind my eyes
And snakes
Coiling inside of my throat
Misunderstandings
Were always the death of us
Turning butterflies to ash
The curling up of lips
And mellifluous hums
Of once forgotten tunes
Turned to bashed in taillights
And withering tree bark
I don't know why
But the phrase
"I'm sorry"
Seems to pop into my head
All too often
I know that would only make you angry
For you never blamed me
But you should never
Have had to take that ax
To your ribs
Chopping down your body
Each little bit at a time
To see a rainbow emerge
From the overwhelming cracks
In my heart.
(It's all my fault)
Mar 9, 2014
Mar 9, 2014 at 6:00 PM UTC