seeing hatred in the eyes that once showed you immense love
is as painful as life can get
Feb 11, 2022
Feb 11, 2022 at 12:25 AM UTC
have I become just a 'friend' to you?
whose calls you don't return
4 am texts you leave unanswered
only calling when it's convenient to you
only missing me when you feel like it.
how do I get myself to do what you're doing to me?
the truth is, I would never do what you're doing to me.
Feb 8, 2022
Feb 8, 2022 at 11:53 AM UTC
do you miss me like I miss you?
tried so hard to focus on myself
but all I am reminded of
is you.
Feb 7, 2022
Feb 7, 2022 at 4:11 AM UTC
when did the butterflies in my stomach
transform
into a nauseating pit of anxiety?
Jan 30, 2022
Jan 30, 2022 at 12:45 PM UTC
today, I witnessed death.
the death of a being so close yet so unfamiliar.
I witnessed how less people cared
but -
also how much they cared
about something so minuscule.
the lump in my throat refuses to settle
and my heavy heart weighs me down.
how will I ever deal with the death of someone so close,
when I can't even comprehend that of a distant one?
Apr 19, 2021
Apr 19, 2021 at 6:36 AM UTC
Right now, life seems to be falling apart -
not the whole of life but the part that made my life whole.
How? How did I let myself fall into this trap, again?
This tangled web of what has already been weaved countless times before?
Many times, I have fallen into the depths of my own thoughts -
some claims true, many untrue.
How do I even know the truth is the truth anymore?
Are they the lies I've been fed that I now accept as the truth?
I find myself once again
in the same fall,
in the same failure,
in the same state of imbalance,
that haunted me last month, the month before, and several times last year.
When will these nightmares end?
When will I have the courage to acknowledge them?
When can I finally allow myself to fall?
to let go,
to get back up,
to trust the process and love again.
Feb 21, 2021
Feb 21, 2021 at 11:27 AM UTC
"a break" means to be stuck in a limbo
between life and death
uncertain of your place, even in the afterlife
"a break" is like a crumb in the crevice of the keyboard
impossible to dig out,
its lingering presence unable to bear
"a break" is also the in-between
of constant anxiety and the sweet relief of knowing & not knowing what could possibly be next
Jan 4, 2021
Jan 4, 2021 at 10:13 AM UTC
Yesterday I asked a friend for **** and sought comfort from strangers.
I unintentionally drank (heavily) two days in a row.
I forgot to send an email for work again.
I am having a lot of trouble keeping it together.
Sep 20, 2020
Sep 20, 2020 at 2:15 AM UTC
hate is a strong word,
so is detest
and so is loathe
they're not emotions to be planted easily
so.... why do I find myself
gathering resentment,
comparing joys and have nots,
planting them in my garden of envy
for someone unworthy of it all?
prying through the screen
bustling through naked assumptions
guilty as charged I am
my mind says do not
you'll find empty abyss
but my heart says go on,
eat the crippling doubt,
you may find the thing you were afraid to be mad about
Jun 25, 2020
Jun 25, 2020 at 11:58 AM UTC