egressx - Hello Poetry

I feigned sleep As his hands wrapped my body A safe cocoon in blue arms I wonder how much time I have left until the spell To break Home is a homeless place Love and you will never Find it elsewhere His heart beat loud in my Back and a hardness That pulls me closer I stayed awake As the room filled with blue And the clock as my consort A hand of warmth, his touch Like the touch of many others Before and after You felt blinded to be alive But he turned off the light And tucked you under Love, it doesn't have to feel This way but which way Must you go when Home is not a home to you You've been gone for So long His blue arms are what draws You back and you Cleave as if it's your roots Blue love, blue arms Blue hearts, blue room I feigned sleep A safe cocoon in blue arms

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Jun 21, 2019

Jun 21, 2019 at 10:20 AM UTC

Blue arms

I feigned sleep As his hands wrapped my body A safe cocoon in blue arms I wonder how much time I have left until the spell To break Home is a homeless place Love and you will never Find it elsewhere His heart beat loud in my Back and a hardness That pulls me closer I stayed awake As the room filled with blue And the clock as my consort A hand of warmth, his touch Like the touch of many others Before and after You felt blinded to be alive But he turned off the light And tucked you under Love, it doesn't have to feel This way but which way Must you go when Home is not a home to you You've been gone for So long His blue arms are what draws You back and you Cleave as if it's your roots Blue love, blue arms Blue hearts, blue room I feigned sleep A safe cocoon in blue arms

34

he asks when will it open what, i asked your heart. he says i brought hammers but i fear it might hurt you i said soft, love. soft hands. soft touch is enough he says kiss me you won't have to open your legs just your lips, nothing else no, touch me soft he tears my heart and licks the inside i moan because my tongue is tied he touches and touches but i won't come i won’t come but i still moan to keep him occupied im afraid the wolves might come i tell him when it's all over that night the moon was too loud so you trust me? he asks like howling wolves we lie, crying and as the dusk came he covered me in his arms in the morning i woke to see the bed empty only stains of the last night in the bedsheets i was afraid the wolves might come

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Nov 13, 2018

Nov 13, 2018 at 7:23 AM UTC

Two Wolves

he asks when will it open what, i asked your heart. he says i brought hammers but i fear it might hurt you i said soft, love. soft hands. soft touch is enough he says kiss me you won't have to open your legs just your lips, nothing else no, touch me soft he tears my heart and licks the inside i moan because my tongue is tied he touches and touches but i won't come i won’t come but i still moan to keep him occupied im afraid the wolves might come i tell him when it's all over that night the moon was too loud so you trust me? he asks like howling wolves we lie, crying and as the dusk came he covered me in his arms in the morning i woke to see the bed empty only stains of the last night in the bedsheets i was afraid the wolves might come

43

I wanted to die in his car As he drove in the highway To the unknown The night dark as coal He said he would give me the night But I only wanted his heart I closed my eyes As he sped along My heartbeat loud in my ears Place me in your heart I’ll show you where my sadness hides Love, it doesn’t always have to feel This way But I can no longer bear the hollow of Tomorrow I turn to face him, Eyes fixated on the endless road If he wanted he would have chose me I will never be in love I will never feel it all.

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Feb 24, 2017

Feb 24, 2017 at 11:54 PM UTC

Night Drive

I wanted to die in his car As he drove in the highway To the unknown The night dark as coal He said he would give me the night But I only wanted his heart I closed my eyes As he sped along My heartbeat loud in my ears Place me in your heart I’ll show you where my sadness hides Love, it doesn’t always have to feel This way But I can no longer bear the hollow of Tomorrow I turn to face him, Eyes fixated on the endless road If he wanted he would have chose me I will never be in love I will never feel it all.

20

1. My house is the same size as his mother's bedroom. 2. He was the first to notice the colour of my eyes. 3. He kept his left hand on my thigh and steered with his right. 4. He drew a long breath and breathed out a smoke on my face 5. He said men should not hurt their wives. 6. He drove sober while I leaned back with a bottle of cider in my hand. 7. He asked why I was so sad. 8. He told me he and his mother never talked. 9. I liked the feel of his hand on my hair. 10. He stopped kissing and wanted to talk about it 11. I've tried so hard to keep my wrists clean. 12. He claimed he was not looking for *** 13. He only wanted me for my body. 14. I was not ashamed of my nakedness. 15. He stopped when I said no. 16. I fumbled; I was only a ****** 17. He sobered up in the cold shower while I lay in his bed, waiting. 18. I thought I heard my mother's voice from the back of my head, asking me my whereabouts. 19. I was somebody's daughter. 20. He was somebody's son. 21. There was a drawing by his kid sister, with a caption: the best brother in the world. 22. I felt too ugly to be lying there. 23. For all my life. I've wanted a brother. Someone who would protect me. Someone who would fight for my mother, who would gently cup my ears in the midst of my father's violence. 24. He came back and kissed me again. 25. I touched him because I was lonely. 26. I did not stop him from making marks on my neck. 27. I wanted to give myself up. I did not care. I had no reason to keep my virginity. But I was somebody’s daughter, and I...I loved myself too much. 28. He faltered at the mention of her name. He loved her. It was all too familiar. 29. He wanted to know how long I was staying. 30. My flight was only in eight hours. 31. I felt angry at his dominance over every events of my life. 32. I did not know how to forgive him. He, who was supposed to be my lighthouse, my shade. He made it so hard for me to trust, too vulnerable, always playing on the safe side. He hurt me too much. 33. He fell asleep with his back turned against me. I wanted to reach out to be held. But I did not know how to please him. 34. I was supposed to feel safe under my father’s shadow.

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Oct 29, 2016

Oct 29, 2016 at 12:18 PM UTC

34 Reasons for why I cried that night

1. My house is the same size as his mother's bedroom. 2. He was the first to notice the colour of my eyes. 3. He kept his left hand on my thigh and steered with his right. 4. He drew a long breath and breathed out a smoke on my face 5. He said men should not hurt their wives. 6. He drove sober while I leaned back with a bottle of cider in my hand. 7. He asked why I was so sad. 8. He told me he and his mother never talked. 9. I liked the feel of his hand on my hair. 10. He stopped kissing and wanted to talk about it 11. I've tried so hard to keep my wrists clean. 12. He claimed he was not looking for *** 13. He only wanted me for my body. 14. I was not ashamed of my nakedness. 15. He stopped when I said no. 16. I fumbled; I was only a ****** 17. He sobered up in the cold shower while I lay in his bed, waiting. 18. I thought I heard my mother's voice from the back of my head, asking me my whereabouts. 19. I was somebody's daughter. 20. He was somebody's son. 21. There was a drawing by his kid sister, with a caption: the best brother in the world. 22. I felt too ugly to be lying there. 23. For all my life. I've wanted a brother. Someone who would protect me. Someone who would fight for my mother, who would gently cup my ears in the midst of my father's violence. 24. He came back and kissed me again. 25. I touched him because I was lonely. 26. I did not stop him from making marks on my neck. 27. I wanted to give myself up. I did not care. I had no reason to keep my virginity. But I was somebody’s daughter, and I...I loved myself too much. 28. He faltered at the mention of her name. He loved her. It was all too familiar. 29. He wanted to know how long I was staying. 30. My flight was only in eight hours. 31. I felt angry at his dominance over every events of my life. 32. I did not know how to forgive him. He, who was supposed to be my lighthouse, my shade. He made it so hard for me to trust, too vulnerable, always playing on the safe side. He hurt me too much. 33. He fell asleep with his back turned against me. I wanted to reach out to be held. But I did not know how to please him. 34. I was supposed to feel safe under my father’s shadow.

34

You thought you could spread your legs to the first stranger who spoke your name, but even then you were so ashamed of your skin, the marks and scars of the body you were born in that you eloped. You never came back. You asked what you had to do to be loved. To be wanted. It was all you've wanted. The first boy whom you confessed to smiled, amused, and asked, so? It's the question you've been trying to answer all your life. so? Your first kiss was at eighteen, ugly and untouched. He only wanted your body, but you've forced yourself to think otherwise. Oh, love. It is so sad to live in your own body, to watch him watch her, watch her link her arm around you and starts telling you about her problems Problems. oh, you had them too. but you were just a listener, with ears always, always open. you felt like a mute. your mouth filled with sand. Do they know how much you love yourself? You did. You had to. You were trying, but no. You were not enough. At night he is always there, in your bed. Your brother, i mean. Whispering how much he loves you. But in the morning he is gone and you have not seen him ever since. This does not make sense. No, no more questions. Nothing will ever make sense. Today, you texted a boy who used to love you, and when he didn't text, you nodded to yourself. it's alright. you expected this. be calm. don't panic. your friends call you the queen of sarcasm, of loudness. Some asked why you were always so depressed. Depressed. Empty. Sad. Vulnerable. It's all you've ever been since the day you saw the front door close behind your father. Since the day you left your own country. But your days no longer revolve around your mother's sadness, or your father's violence. And you are too old now. No more lighting candles. No more days of fresh hotel sheets and smells of sunscreen. In December, a boy confessed he liked you. You didn't want to choose him because you were lonely. And when you wanted to choose him because you were lonely, he was not there. You thought if he comes, you would give him all your love. All the yellow light you've been hiding in your heart. You wanted simplicity. Love and his eyes. Stop, this is getting too long.

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Oct 28, 2016

Oct 28, 2016 at 6:54 AM UTC

To the first stranger who called you beautiful

You thought you could spread your legs to the first stranger who spoke your name, but even then you were so ashamed of your skin, the marks and scars of the body you were born in that you eloped. You never came back. You asked what you had to do to be loved. To be wanted. It was all you've wanted. The first boy whom you confessed to smiled, amused, and asked, so? It's the question you've been trying to answer all your life. so? Your first kiss was at eighteen, ugly and untouched. He only wanted your body, but you've forced yourself to think otherwise. Oh, love. It is so sad to live in your own body, to watch him watch her, watch her link her arm around you and starts telling you about her problems Problems. oh, you had them too. but you were just a listener, with ears always, always open. you felt like a mute. your mouth filled with sand. Do they know how much you love yourself? You did. You had to. You were trying, but no. You were not enough. At night he is always there, in your bed. Your brother, i mean. Whispering how much he loves you. But in the morning he is gone and you have not seen him ever since. This does not make sense. No, no more questions. Nothing will ever make sense. Today, you texted a boy who used to love you, and when he didn't text, you nodded to yourself. it's alright. you expected this. be calm. don't panic. your friends call you the queen of sarcasm, of loudness. Some asked why you were always so depressed. Depressed. Empty. Sad. Vulnerable. It's all you've ever been since the day you saw the front door close behind your father. Since the day you left your own country. But your days no longer revolve around your mother's sadness, or your father's violence. And you are too old now. No more lighting candles. No more days of fresh hotel sheets and smells of sunscreen. In December, a boy confessed he liked you. You didn't want to choose him because you were lonely. And when you wanted to choose him because you were lonely, he was not there. You thought if he comes, you would give him all your love. All the yellow light you've been hiding in your heart. You wanted simplicity. Love and his eyes. Stop, this is getting too long.

57

you never liked the sun touching your face. you wanted the night. its dark hiding your flaws. you wanted to cry but you were flaccid, like a wilted flower. you wanted to love but your blood tasted of running, running, running. because he told you to lie down, and for a second you were hesitant. you felt him hard between your legs, but he still stopped when the alarm went off. lightly child. lightly. move your feet lightly. touch your memories gently. because he told you how he and his mother never talked, and you closed your eyes when he said men should not hurt their wives. lightly child, lightly. you never liked the sun. the way the rays exposed your skin to the world. you wanted to sway. you wanted to burn. he never bothered to keep in touch but you still think of him now and then. you thought you would burst from all these ugly feelings but you held the explosion so tight it melted inside your bog of depression. in the midst of your sadness, you cannot help but think about him, her, about the night that concealed all your flaws. and you know that you are young and you have so much time to make things better. you know, and you are trying just to leave your bed, just to hold your legs back from running into the roads, just to keep your head above the sea. so love, draw back the curtains and close your eyes. you never liked the sun touching your face.

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Dec 26, 2015

Dec 26, 2015 at 8:09 AM UTC

You never liked the sun

you never liked the sun touching your face. you wanted the night. its dark hiding your flaws. you wanted to cry but you were flaccid, like a wilted flower. you wanted to love but your blood tasted of running, running, running. because he told you to lie down, and for a second you were hesitant. you felt him hard between your legs, but he still stopped when the alarm went off. lightly child. lightly. move your feet lightly. touch your memories gently. because he told you how he and his mother never talked, and you closed your eyes when he said men should not hurt their wives. lightly child, lightly. you never liked the sun. the way the rays exposed your skin to the world. you wanted to sway. you wanted to burn. he never bothered to keep in touch but you still think of him now and then. you thought you would burst from all these ugly feelings but you held the explosion so tight it melted inside your bog of depression. in the midst of your sadness, you cannot help but think about him, her, about the night that concealed all your flaws. and you know that you are young and you have so much time to make things better. you know, and you are trying just to leave your bed, just to hold your legs back from running into the roads, just to keep your head above the sea. so love, draw back the curtains and close your eyes. you never liked the sun touching your face.

44

Sadness fills inside And you just wish to Sway, Be carried away, Like the waves Flowing inside you. Your heart pounds As the club’s music bursts Your eardrums, Along with the beat That pulsates Through your body. You just wish he would Love you Like he used to. You are trying. You just want to feel whole again. Blend yourself Inside the crowd and Close your eyes. No one can Save you But yourself.

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Jul 31, 2015

Jul 31, 2015 at 9:34 AM UTC

Sadness fills inside

Sadness fills inside And you just wish to Sway, Be carried away, Like the waves Flowing inside you. Your heart pounds As the club’s music bursts Your eardrums, Along with the beat That pulsates Through your body. You just wish he would Love you Like he used to. You are trying. You just want to feel whole again. Blend yourself Inside the crowd and Close your eyes. No one can Save you But yourself.

23

Come take a walk With me. You know You are the one I’d die for. I just wish to Cry And suffocate myself Inside your smoke. But my eyes, They have been dried For so many Years. There is so much I wish to tell But love, They have cut my tongue. Besides, I would not Know Where to even Begin. There is a boy in my dream. With eyes oh so gentle. He thanks me For being born. But in the morning he is gone, And I have not seen him Ever since. And you, You gently drape Your arms Around me And ask If I would go for a walk With you. You know You are the one I would die for.

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Jul 2, 2015

Jul 2, 2015 at 10:41 AM UTC

Come take a walk with me

Come take a walk With me. You know You are the one I’d die for. I just wish to Cry And suffocate myself Inside your smoke. But my eyes, They have been dried For so many Years. There is so much I wish to tell But love, They have cut my tongue. Besides, I would not Know Where to even Begin. There is a boy in my dream. With eyes oh so gentle. He thanks me For being born. But in the morning he is gone, And I have not seen him Ever since. And you, You gently drape Your arms Around me And ask If I would go for a walk With you. You know You are the one I would die for.

40

Go to sleep little bird. It will be a new morning when you wake up.

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Jul 2, 2015

Jul 2, 2015 at 10:29 AM UTC

little bird

Go to sleep little bird. It will be a new morning when you wake up.

2

In the beginning we started out the same. But do you realize that now, we are the total opposites? Do you crave to travel? Move to different places year after year, and interact with different races, learning their new cultures? Because I’m so sick of these long flights, wandering aimlessly without a place to stay. You were my safe haven. One that I thought would never change. Anyone but you. Anyone in the world but you. You were the only person I could look back to see that nothing had changed. You were the only person that could not be changed. You should have been exactly the same way I left you. You were supposed to be there, reminding me of where I was from. You were my only hope. You see, I no longer know who I am. Please, remind me of the girl I used to be. But love, you won’t know. You will never know who I really am, or what I’ve done, or what I’ve seen. I'm so confused. I know you are too. We're both confused. We are too young to figure out the exact moment life started to change. It was good, wasn't it? Good old days. At least it was for me. Holding hands, sharing our memories, we were invincible you and me. We shared the same sky. We had the same blood. Are you sick of your life? You've had the same house, same school, and same familiar people from the day you were born. I bet you have never even been on a plane. Are you looking for a way out? Because all I wish for is a place to go back, without feeling lost. I want to surround myself with people I've known for years, streets I've known by heart, and a home that brings me comfort. That is all I want. I'm sick of being the new girl who comes and goes. I wish to stay. I remember. Holding hands, we roamed around the streets like we ruled the city. The whole world was ours. I miss the smell of the morning air in the mountains. Miss the smell of cool rain drops in summer air, and sliding the snow hills on top of cardboard papers. You might not remember all these. You might not care. You might have never even thought of them before. But for me, these memories are always in my head, being constantly replayed on my mind. I treasure them so much. I will always miss those times. To me, you were a flower, stuck on the ground, blooming in the spring and withering in the winter. I must have been a butterfly, who bloomed flowers like you, without even a place to stay. I'm still wandering, looking for a place to rest. Do you understand what I'm talking about? Can you even hear me? I am not the girl you used to know. I am not the girl you‘ve known all your life. I've seen so many things, things that I shouldn’t have seen. Known things I shouldn’t even have known, said things I could never take back. I’m scared. I've changed so much that I don't even recognize my own self. I’m scared. I’m scared. I’m so ******* scared. Help me. I need you. Talk to me. I'm so lonely. Do you feel my loneliness? Please don't treat me like everybody else. I'm supposed to be different. We are supposed to be real. We have the same blood. We were from the same place. We started out the same. We had grown up together. How did we ever come to this? I know you. I know us. This world is not what we thought it would be. But please, don't be a stranger. You of anyone.

0

Jun 16, 2015

Jun 16, 2015 at 11:18 AM UTC

Same Blood

In the beginning we started out the same. But do you realize that now, we are the total opposites? Do you crave to travel? Move to different places year after year, and interact with different races, learning their new cultures? Because I’m so sick of these long flights, wandering aimlessly without a place to stay. You were my safe haven. One that I thought would never change. Anyone but you. Anyone in the world but you. You were the only person I could look back to see that nothing had changed. You were the only person that could not be changed. You should have been exactly the same way I left you. You were supposed to be there, reminding me of where I was from. You were my only hope. You see, I no longer know who I am. Please, remind me of the girl I used to be. But love, you won’t know. You will never know who I really am, or what I’ve done, or what I’ve seen. I'm so confused. I know you are too. We're both confused. We are too young to figure out the exact moment life started to change. It was good, wasn't it? Good old days. At least it was for me. Holding hands, sharing our memories, we were invincible you and me. We shared the same sky. We had the same blood. Are you sick of your life? You've had the same house, same school, and same familiar people from the day you were born. I bet you have never even been on a plane. Are you looking for a way out? Because all I wish for is a place to go back, without feeling lost. I want to surround myself with people I've known for years, streets I've known by heart, and a home that brings me comfort. That is all I want. I'm sick of being the new girl who comes and goes. I wish to stay. I remember. Holding hands, we roamed around the streets like we ruled the city. The whole world was ours. I miss the smell of the morning air in the mountains. Miss the smell of cool rain drops in summer air, and sliding the snow hills on top of cardboard papers. You might not remember all these. You might not care. You might have never even thought of them before. But for me, these memories are always in my head, being constantly replayed on my mind. I treasure them so much. I will always miss those times. To me, you were a flower, stuck on the ground, blooming in the spring and withering in the winter. I must have been a butterfly, who bloomed flowers like you, without even a place to stay. I'm still wandering, looking for a place to rest. Do you understand what I'm talking about? Can you even hear me? I am not the girl you used to know. I am not the girl you‘ve known all your life. I've seen so many things, things that I shouldn’t have seen. Known things I shouldn’t even have known, said things I could never take back. I’m scared. I've changed so much that I don't even recognize my own self. I’m scared. I’m scared. I’m so ******* scared. Help me. I need you. Talk to me. I'm so lonely. Do you feel my loneliness? Please don't treat me like everybody else. I'm supposed to be different. We are supposed to be real. We have the same blood. We were from the same place. We started out the same. We had grown up together. How did we ever come to this? I know you. I know us. This world is not what we thought it would be. But please, don't be a stranger. You of anyone.

16