i feel the emptiness struggling to find areas in my body that aren't already captivated by her
an addiction i can never seem to shake
watching myself become engulfed by her from the opposite side of the room
dancing to a choreography that has always been instilled in her
im not strong enough to fight her off this time
i want to feel it
i want to feel numb
Jan 26, 2023
Jan 26, 2023 at 11:16 PM UTC
She lingers behind hidden street corners-
in the front garden, at the very top, barely visible-
in closets of rooms I find myself most comfortable in
She hums an eerie hymn that is muffled
through the walls of the house
but is echoed through the streets
following me - every time I try to leave
She waits for moments of uncertainty
to burn me with the crimson end of a smoking cigarette
not once
not twice
enough to bring me to the ground pleading Her to stop
Her words, cruel, reminding me of every decision I shouldn't have made
Her hands feel like cacti, they stick into my skin with one touch,
Her hair like snakes, engulf my body and wrap tightly around my neck, She whispers in my ear:
"Dont worry, I'll take care of you for a little while"
This time feels different
It's time to surrender
Jan 25, 2021
Jan 25, 2021 at 9:34 PM UTC
stop
breathe
recognize the leaves
of the trees
falling in patterns
on the ground
we cannot recreate
notice the hum
of the street cars
and people frolicking
to and from bars
wrapping themselves
in sweaters
trying to handle
the change in weather
a tune to hum while
dancing in the fall
skipping steps that
matter more than
anything at all
stop
breathe
stop
b r e a t h e
Oct 29, 2020
Oct 29, 2020 at 10:37 PM UTC
i write my best poetry when i'm high on drugs
the endorphins in my brain, i mean...
maybe sometimes i mean the sensations in my body of
spinning
nausea
uncomfortable
shaking
i come to this conclusion every time
i fight the demons i've tried so hard to bury in graves deeper than six feet -
it doesn't ever get easier
there might be a "green flash" when the sunsets on the west coast over the ocean
but it's only for a moment
only enough time to see
once
(before you blink)
a phenomenon
that moment
of perfect
*******
timing
who knows if either of these things are real
or just a figment of our imaginations
Oct 23, 2020
Oct 23, 2020 at 1:37 AM UTC
Riding a bicycle is easy
so they say, when you're a kid
"you'll never forget"
I've forgotten a lot of the things they
told me at that age
looking at the world through
rose colored glasses
seems so different
now
I wish I still had that ability -
to see
to feel
to love
to dream
without bias,
without judgement
to be
p u r e
to feel
p u r e
to just
be
Oct 20, 2020
Oct 20, 2020 at 11:56 PM UTC
my mind runs faster
than that racehorse, Thoroughbred -
He holds the record in the Guinness Book of Records for fastest horse racing.
Mine is held for
mind racing
when you're sitting on a coast, in the middle of the jungle, waves crashing in front of you... Is it possible to break the record?
Or must it still be held?
Oct 20, 2020
Oct 20, 2020 at 10:35 AM UTC
standing in the middle of a barren desert
my eyes meet the sky --
bluer than usual --
not a single cloud to shield the sun from my pale skin
sometimes the sun sits in a position so high
that I feel like she might just disappear
it might not be a bad thing for us -
for the world -
might shake us
shake us in a way to we need to be shook
Sep 22, 2020
Sep 22, 2020 at 6:22 PM UTC
trauma is stored in places
I do not have access to
in places hidden deep down
beneath the cement walls
where a single padlock key
can unlock what the grim reaper
is hiding, holding his scythe
waiting for me to stop breathing
Jul 21, 2020
Jul 21, 2020 at 3:15 AM UTC
it's funny
the way my lips move
in times of uncertainty
the way my hips sway
in times of distress
the way my fingers dance
along each finger tip
feeling one another
trying to grasp the tangible
i've tangled myself between
too many bedsheets
to not understand that
what is in front of me is "it"
that what it in front of me -
is all i've ever yearned for
i've tripped over myself
on too many sidewalk cracks
where i drew my heart
in sidewalk chalk
hoping you wouldn't step on it
i've suffocated my lungs
in too many embraces
that i have a hard time coming to my senses
and differentiating
between
manipulation
or love
i've been let down too many times
that my fingers
and toes
can't keep track anymore
Jul 15, 2020
Jul 15, 2020 at 2:16 AM UTC
i feel sick
in my mind
thinking about all the burdens
i have put
on the people i love
most
a trigger of emotions
coming out of left field
a field goal
from behind the starting line
a broken toe on a ballerinas foot
after spending years practicing
one slip up
one moment
one word
can shake it all
can rupture the volcano
at least it doesn't always last for this long
Jul 10, 2020
Jul 10, 2020 at 2:49 AM UTC