I'm a bullet with your name on it.
I lick my lips green,
And the whole world melts around us.
You used to swim in the sea as a kid,
Or atleast I dream you did,
You still have the salt in your hair
And running in your eyes
And I don't know which part of me I want you to break first.
You see
When I was small
I thought the more pieces of me I had
The sharper I would be.
But they broke me down and cut their hands
Until I had to file myself down to stop all the carnage.
I never wanted to be a bad thing,
But you made pain sound so sweet
Coming from your sucker punch lips.
You cradle my throat like a bird wing
And i am so afraid to fly.
You hold my throat like feathers
Waiting for the struggle
But I am too afraid to fly.
Nov 6, 2018
Nov 6, 2018 at 10:14 PM UTC
You told me you were falling for me
Like it was a lecture
Like I should be taking notes
Write it down and look it over
Some other day
When I might actually care
You told me you were falling for me
About the life you pictured for us
All I could picture was you hitting the ground
Mar 14, 2018
Mar 14, 2018 at 10:10 PM UTC
I don't taste my food when I eat.
Love isn't supposed to make you want to go back to therapy.
I felt good about myself when you held my hand.
My comfort zone was so big with you, I was able to step out of it.
You think I'm stupid for not knowing how to love you.
You think I'm broken because I can't love you.
My bones are so heavy they can't get away,
My heart is so empty it wants to scream.
I don't think this is what love is,
just because you do.
Feb 28, 2018
Feb 28, 2018 at 6:48 PM UTC
I havent found you in another body.
My hands wither
with every new touch,
But nothing new
ever blooms in the summer.
Me and you were a crash landing
And every parachute has a whole in it.
I was supposed to get over you.
10 years is far too long
To spend aching yourself awake.
The last time I cried on someone's shoulder
I called them your name.
I haven't made eye contact with someone
and meant it
since you last held my hand.
His jaw against my thumb felt more hollow than your lungs,
and I don't know how to breakup
with someone without a heartbeat.
Jan 13, 2018
Jan 13, 2018 at 4:58 AM UTC
I tie my strings together,
Before the frays can scare you away.
You like me when I'm begging,
But only half hearted.
I started being vulnerable the day I realized endearment was no longer an anchor,
But you wear masculinity like a chain, too heavy for me to ever hold you.
It's maddening
Watching you run from me,
Sidestep and tiptoe across emotions.
The world used to be my racetrack,
Til I drove into the wall and still came out lonely on the otherside.
I never hit the breaks for you.
You want me tied up,
But I've never been good
at unraveling slow.
Dec 8, 2017
Dec 8, 2017 at 10:23 PM UTC
I am always missing out.
They locked me inside of my own house
And keep bragging about what the leaves look like on the trees.
There is so much happening
And I have far too many keys to sort
Before I can unlock the door.
I cut all the papers with your name on them into a pile and jumped in,
Fell into a dream where the sun is orange but burns so hot it looks white.
I'm a firm believer in music but haven't listened to it in years.
When the birds sing
It sounds like pebbles against the windows.
I put you in the ground the day I told someone your name.
Let it drip from my lips like a flood,
Like a dam bursting,
Filled to the brim with grief.
They say I talk about you like your waiting for me on the porch,
Like it's just a door that's keeping us apart.
They'll never understand how it can still feel like that.
How speaking your name was the closest I'll come to a eulogy,
How my heart still races when someone knocks.
They think I'm crazy
Because I keep yelling about the bars on the windows,
How you keep throwing pebbles
to me.
My mother opens the blinds
But the sun won't shine through,
Throws open the glass
But the wind jams in the screen.
My soul still feels like a room you can't air out,
Mourning is a dark room you can't light up.
Oct 8, 2017
Oct 8, 2017 at 8:37 PM UTC
I keep having this nightmare
where you show up on my doorstep, but our hearts
don't recognize eachother anymore.
Sep 13, 2017
Sep 13, 2017 at 11:58 PM UTC
You loop the rope around my wrists,
so delicately
I almost forget this is supposed to thrill me.
Your eyes glow barbaric
but mine can't unlock
from the braided cord
just barely rubbing my skin.
I never liked ropes in these kinds of situations,
I never felt they were right kind of tempting.
You see when you become part of the other you have to embrace it,
Like a flaw,
Only this one comes with a body count.
The rough texture of the rope feels like hay,
Like beard stubble
pressed against your cheek
in a high school classroom,
Like broken strands of your now fried hair lying at the bottom of your shower drain.
My wrists have a noose around them,
But this is a suicide not a lynching.
When his wife crawls into her bed
at the end of the night,
she won't smell my perfume,
We never go to his room.
I don't want to know
what a marriage bed looks like.
But you have to understand,
This is my choice.
I don't want him to love me,
Nor do I think he ever will.
He loves what I do to him,
What I'll let him do to me,
And that's as much of a connection
as the both of us need.
It always ends with me being called
his *****
by a woman who doesn't know
he's turned on by that word,
But I never break them up.
Either she doesn't leave,
And if she does,
We all 3 know this wasn't my doing.
The rope snapped
And its my skin that is left raw.
Their tension will only make me bleed.
Love will hurt you.
Women like me are a catalyst,
Not a damnation
Jan 10, 2017
Jan 10, 2017 at 8:12 PM UTC
Sometimes it hits me
that all the anguish,
the disgust,
the numbness,
and ultimate defeat
that I had left behind
will only reignite as I age.
And sometimes,
The though of that
Makes me not want to do it at all.
Aug 2, 2016
Aug 2, 2016 at 12:51 AM UTC
Dont say it'll be fine
when we both know you're lying
My racetrack mind was never supposed to cross the finish line
Jun 21, 2016
Jun 21, 2016 at 4:58 PM UTC