hopes and dreams are lies in disguise as something beautiful tearing you apart from the inside
Oct 2, 2022
Oct 2, 2022 at 10:20 PM UTC
how does one admit that they are the problem?
how does one accept that they’re a monster?
how does one allow themselves to push away the people they wanted to stay forever?
how does one overcome the thoughts of wanting to join the angels in heaven more than wanting to stay with their angels on earth?
how does one cope?
how does one keep themselves from turning into everything they despise?
i am one.
can someone answer me?
Oct 10, 2020
Oct 10, 2020 at 3:17 AM UTC
the phone rings in the middle of the night, it's not my father, he doesn't even know what i look like
to have love reciprocated, that's all i really want
abandonment seems like a sweet gesture at this point
i'm tired of threatening and being threatened
i wish someone would just follow through
but then again,
who am i to speak?
endless days in the emergency room,
countless attempts,
no resolve.
no one cares.
when did that happen?
i try not to dwell on the past.
but is it dwelling if i can't tell the difference between 3 years ago and now?
Jun 18, 2019
Jun 18, 2019 at 1:08 PM UTC
i'm going to die
that part is inevitable
you aren't going to miss me
i wish that part was avoidable
but chances are
when i gasp for one last breath
you'll be somewhere laughing
while my spirit releases into the air
like one of those balloons that kids only love for 5 minutes
May 15, 2019
May 15, 2019 at 9:38 PM UTC
the worst lie i ever told was "i love you"
my best truth was realizing it
May 15, 2019
May 15, 2019 at 4:49 AM UTC
hospital gowns
wedding gurneys
ashes to ashes
you are my end-all
Mar 25, 2019
Mar 25, 2019 at 12:15 AM UTC
our exchanged glances used to be filled with passion
and now they're empty.
where there used to be laughter there is frown lines.
where there used to be skin, there is blood.
where there used to be life, there is death.
you were my favorite melody.
where have you gone?
Nov 19, 2018
Nov 19, 2018 at 12:38 AM UTC
i am filled with anguish and resentment
i keep loving
and i keep losing
i wish i would win
i wish i didn't feel the need to sin
against my maker
and burn the temple he gave me to the ground
but all i feel is the desire to die
my brain hates me
it makes me think everyone is against me
i don't have anyone anymore
so please don't leave me
i don't get to run my fingers through the little boy's hair anymore
or call my daddy when i'm hurt
and boy, am i hurt
my heart is breaking
my hands are shaking
all i can think about is the wreckage that is my life
i try to distract myself
but all i come back to is
please don't leave me
don't run away like everyone else
i know that it's hard
but i can't make it alone
and all i feel is isolation
so please
take my hand
love me
kiss me
hold me
and for god's sake
please don't leave me
Nov 19, 2018
Nov 19, 2018 at 12:28 AM UTC
my love for him is wholehearted, however, it seems like i can't love him correctly anymore?
i can't put my arms around his waist, or touch his chest, or hold him certain ways.
i used to be understanding when it came to the lack of p.d.a because i agreed that it was inappropriate.
but, now, i feel like the girl that he just holds on to because he feels like no one else will accept him how he is.
under the binder, behind the socks in his underwear.
i don't care which gender he is because i fell in love with who he is at heart.
but anymore, i'm scared his heart is changing.
his mind definitely is, from putting on mascara 6 months ago to trying to make a shadow.
i am understanding.
i am loving.
but i am not benevolent.
or all-knowing.
but who knew loving someone unconditionally would come with so many conditions?
Nov 4, 2018
Nov 4, 2018 at 2:42 AM UTC
i can see you in the stains on my glasses.
Sep 9, 2018
Sep 9, 2018 at 1:49 AM UTC