dulceedee - Hello Poetry

I haven't written in a year. I don't fully know who I am or what I'm doing anymore. Less than ten days left until the new coming year. Maybe 2016 will be less gray..

0

Dec 23, 2015

Dec 23, 2015 at 9:06 PM UTC

This isnt a poem

I haven't written in a year. I don't fully know who I am or what I'm doing anymore. Less than ten days left until the new coming year. Maybe 2016 will be less gray..

1

"So the thing is, the thing is. And that thing is this: I live in a bit a blurr (a bit of, sorry), I can think (can’t, sorry), I am forever interested in disillusion (how am I still breathing?). What are grammar, what is speling, spieling all the **** I used to feel so burn in stomach; I used to be so alive. Maybe it was the Dramamine I took in bed this morning with twice my scrip of xanaxian colored pillz devouring like candy yum how delicious is it to disappear, I am in love with the Nothing of it all (I’m no nihilist, though, no.) For example, for proof, I shall explain how yesterday I had a long beautiful walk along the water with lovely friends and we laughed and I even ate healthy even though I did drink (how many nights of the week do I? Don’t ask, please, but it’s New York, that’s what we all do — right, that’s what we all do?) But I’m not a sad girl, I’m not a sad girl anymore, I’m just a blurred girl now, I can’t even see myself straight, how do I expect anyone to see me. (Should there have been a question mark after that.) Switch lines like knives’ eyes (wait, what kind of line, literary or otherwise?) I try to focus on pages, I try to focus on work, but all I can do is mutter and mispell misspelll twice and attempt to convince myself (and you, sir, lady) that I’m perfectly fine. Italicized. The truth is (and here’s the crazy part) I actually am fine, I actually am fine for the first time in a long time, I’m mostly actually amazing and ecstatic and all those great ALL CAPS words we toss around in life on phones in text like little sweet congrats donuts, but I guess the truth is that I’m also something else, I’m also volatile, I’m both happy and a mess, I’m just in progress, I guess. I’m honest, I’m honest, I’m not hiding this time behind a second person narrative (god how comforting those babies are). No, this time, I’m just telling the truth, and the truth is the thing; and the thing is, I am better than I’ve been in a while except in certain small moments when everything collapses inward crushing down, and in these moments, I am helpless and hapless and less than everything I want to be. I want to be perfect, you know. I want to happy all of the time. I want every day to be like yesterday. But today is not. Today is just wrongly prescribed glasses making everything all hazy glazed over, today is just overused parentheticals explaining things to people who don’t need to be explained to. Feel free to hate me, I do sometimes. Feel free to love me, I do sometimes. Feel free to vindicate me / indicate me / masticate me in crunching acid commentary. but GUESS WHAT today is just today tomorrow will be tomorrow (obligatory obvious, sorry) But it all adds to the very bones of the thing which is: this moment I want to ***** up all my self indulgent sadness and be okay, but I cannot do anything but snuggle it in corners into words and have faith that the other end of the daylight holds a girl in sharper focus than this one"

0

Sep 16, 2014

Sep 16, 2014 at 8:32 AM UTC

Blurry Girl

"So the thing is, the thing is. And that thing is this: I live in a bit a blurr (a bit of, sorry), I can think (can’t, sorry), I am forever interested in disillusion (how am I still breathing?). What are grammar, what is speling, spieling all the **** I used to feel so burn in stomach; I used to be so alive. Maybe it was the Dramamine I took in bed this morning with twice my scrip of xanaxian colored pillz devouring like candy yum how delicious is it to disappear, I am in love with the Nothing of it all (I’m no nihilist, though, no.) For example, for proof, I shall explain how yesterday I had a long beautiful walk along the water with lovely friends and we laughed and I even ate healthy even though I did drink (how many nights of the week do I? Don’t ask, please, but it’s New York, that’s what we all do — right, that’s what we all do?) But I’m not a sad girl, I’m not a sad girl anymore, I’m just a blurred girl now, I can’t even see myself straight, how do I expect anyone to see me. (Should there have been a question mark after that.) Switch lines like knives’ eyes (wait, what kind of line, literary or otherwise?) I try to focus on pages, I try to focus on work, but all I can do is mutter and mispell misspelll twice and attempt to convince myself (and you, sir, lady) that I’m perfectly fine. Italicized. The truth is (and here’s the crazy part) I actually am fine, I actually am fine for the first time in a long time, I’m mostly actually amazing and ecstatic and all those great ALL CAPS words we toss around in life on phones in text like little sweet congrats donuts, but I guess the truth is that I’m also something else, I’m also volatile, I’m both happy and a mess, I’m just in progress, I guess. I’m honest, I’m honest, I’m not hiding this time behind a second person narrative (god how comforting those babies are). No, this time, I’m just telling the truth, and the truth is the thing; and the thing is, I am better than I’ve been in a while except in certain small moments when everything collapses inward crushing down, and in these moments, I am helpless and hapless and less than everything I want to be. I want to be perfect, you know. I want to happy all of the time. I want every day to be like yesterday. But today is not. Today is just wrongly prescribed glasses making everything all hazy glazed over, today is just overused parentheticals explaining things to people who don’t need to be explained to. Feel free to hate me, I do sometimes. Feel free to love me, I do sometimes. Feel free to vindicate me / indicate me / masticate me in crunching acid commentary. but GUESS WHAT today is just today tomorrow will be tomorrow (obligatory obvious, sorry) But it all adds to the very bones of the thing which is: this moment I want to ***** up all my self indulgent sadness and be okay, but I cannot do anything but snuggle it in corners into words and have faith that the other end of the daylight holds a girl in sharper focus than this one"

16

I lay motionless in front of the fan blowing a warm breeze, any sudden movement will have me drenched in my sweat mixed with insect repellent that I had to spray all over my freshly bathed skin to avoid the spreading mosquito virus. I already have 29 bites,itching while counting each minute they allow us to have electricity see, here the government can shut off the power throughout the entire village as they please even in 100 degree weather heat. Don't take the electricity, eyes tightly shut..don't take the electricity, maybe if I concentrate hard enough, don't take the electricity, i continue to plead. It's funny how we can take things for granted. As I think this the fan stops. The heat instantly begins to engulf itself around me there's nothing else I can do so I continue to lay still, it's now silent and In the distance I can hear faint voices talking. Mom and dad and a couple of friends are reminiscing on the good ol times when they were all together in the past. It's been 18 years since then. And I'm glad to be here with them to see their emotions filled with happiness. Visiting old family members and friends, they greet with their warm embraces, I smile. And even though more then half the county's population is in poverty on top of not being in the best medical condition you can tell that they except what life gives them so they continue to keep moving to keep going to keep fighting with less crying. Man It's funny how we can take things for granted. Mom and dad aren't the richest in fact they aren't rich at all but it's encouraging to see them still giving. We've only been here 5 days and it seems like they gave everything they have, but I trust that Jehovah will continue to provide materially for them, so I'm not worried about they're survival when we break up with vacation and go back. I have faith. Reality of todays condition hits when you witness someone who has far less then yourself. Kids playing race car with a wooden bench and sticks is a sight to see. You wondered why you cried when mama got you that cheap plastic Barbie doll, you girls know what I'm talking about, the one with the legs that easily popped off. Instead of the one that came in a fancier box. It's funny how we can take things for granted, even as innocent little children. And at least you get the option to ride on a bus that cost 2 bucks with comfortable enough seats and cool ac. Talk about luxury. Try riding in a pick up truck packed to the brim in the summer heat knocking on the back of the drivers window seat to signal the next stop and then paying him 8 bucks. See It's funny how we take things for granted. Now that I'm older Im grateful for what I had while growing up. That I have parents who fought to get where they're at with Jehovah's help. Haiti is my love, I'll embrace my culture with open arms and warm tender cheek kisses. Stitch my people's pain inside the bottom of my sleeve. And weave the essence of Haitian on the outside rim of my beating heart. Knowing that, when this system comes to a complete end this, this is when my country Haiti will truly live again. For Jehovah said “I am creating new heavens and a new earth.”— Ayiti ou se peyi mwen, menm si mwen pat fet ladan, map toujou renmen ou ne *** sa moun yo di mwen, konye a wap soufri men pa pou two lontan, kontinye kenbe djanm nan fen system la. As long as I am Jehovah's Witness I'll be there to witness Haiti's rebirth. And I will not take that for granted, not while in Jehovah's paradise new earth.

0

Aug 26, 2014

Aug 26, 2014 at 11:24 AM UTC

Untitled

I lay motionless in front of the fan blowing a warm breeze, any sudden movement will have me drenched in my sweat mixed with insect repellent that I had to spray all over my freshly bathed skin to avoid the spreading mosquito virus. I already have 29 bites,itching while counting each minute they allow us to have electricity see, here the government can shut off the power throughout the entire village as they please even in 100 degree weather heat. Don't take the electricity, eyes tightly shut..don't take the electricity, maybe if I concentrate hard enough, don't take the electricity, i continue to plead. It's funny how we can take things for granted. As I think this the fan stops. The heat instantly begins to engulf itself around me there's nothing else I can do so I continue to lay still, it's now silent and In the distance I can hear faint voices talking. Mom and dad and a couple of friends are reminiscing on the good ol times when they were all together in the past. It's been 18 years since then. And I'm glad to be here with them to see their emotions filled with happiness. Visiting old family members and friends, they greet with their warm embraces, I smile. And even though more then half the county's population is in poverty on top of not being in the best medical condition you can tell that they except what life gives them so they continue to keep moving to keep going to keep fighting with less crying. Man It's funny how we can take things for granted. Mom and dad aren't the richest in fact they aren't rich at all but it's encouraging to see them still giving. We've only been here 5 days and it seems like they gave everything they have, but I trust that Jehovah will continue to provide materially for them, so I'm not worried about they're survival when we break up with vacation and go back. I have faith. Reality of todays condition hits when you witness someone who has far less then yourself. Kids playing race car with a wooden bench and sticks is a sight to see. You wondered why you cried when mama got you that cheap plastic Barbie doll, you girls know what I'm talking about, the one with the legs that easily popped off. Instead of the one that came in a fancier box. It's funny how we can take things for granted, even as innocent little children. And at least you get the option to ride on a bus that cost 2 bucks with comfortable enough seats and cool ac. Talk about luxury. Try riding in a pick up truck packed to the brim in the summer heat knocking on the back of the drivers window seat to signal the next stop and then paying him 8 bucks. See It's funny how we take things for granted. Now that I'm older Im grateful for what I had while growing up. That I have parents who fought to get where they're at with Jehovah's help. Haiti is my love, I'll embrace my culture with open arms and warm tender cheek kisses. Stitch my people's pain inside the bottom of my sleeve. And weave the essence of Haitian on the outside rim of my beating heart. Knowing that, when this system comes to a complete end this, this is when my country Haiti will truly live again. For Jehovah said “I am creating new heavens and a new earth.”— Ayiti ou se peyi mwen, menm si mwen pat fet ladan, map toujou renmen ou ne *** sa moun yo di mwen, konye a wap soufri men pa pou two lontan, kontinye kenbe djanm nan fen system la. As long as I am Jehovah's Witness I'll be there to witness Haiti's rebirth. And I will not take that for granted, not while in Jehovah's paradise new earth.

1

Just know that when you are ready to no longer be a coward when you think that you want to commit to this I wont be available This isn't the right time, I understand and that's completely fine Just keep in mind that.. When a woman Is content with who she is and what she can ultimately get that's when you hold on If your to ignorant for this then

0

Aug 5, 2014

Aug 5, 2014 at 5:55 PM UTC

Untitled

Just know that when you are ready to no longer be a coward when you think that you want to commit to this I wont be available This isn't the right time, I understand and that's completely fine Just keep in mind that.. When a woman Is content with who she is and what she can ultimately get that's when you hold on If your to ignorant for this then

7

I'm not MIA I'm just piling up my words in "unfinished" drafts.

0

Aug 5, 2014

Aug 5, 2014 at 2:43 PM UTC

I hope you dont find me

I'm not MIA I'm just piling up my words in "unfinished" drafts.

3

I wonder what you ever saw in me. I wonder if you still feel what you felt when you thought you almost loved me, because I think back on the days when you loved me. I wonder if those thoughts will ever go away. Kind of like the way your love did. I hate how your love is now past tensed. And I can't get past this. I reminisce on the time we kissed on the top deck of my apartment complex. Sweat dripping down our faces on a hot July summer day but it didn't matter baby I wouldn't mind reliving it. Someone told me that true love didn't exist, that you'd be stupid if you ever believed in it, but I do. My shattered heart is broken proof. And even though your cold feet got the best of you I know our love was true. I still hold on to us like we'll go back to what we used to be. Like you'll start to believe in our potential, see even though you said you never loved me..I did. It's pathetic and sad but I'm not ashamed to admit it. The past is the past although deep down inside I feel like you actually did. But that could just be my positive side seeping through my sheet of pessimistic. I'll make sure to love you at a distance. Because even after all of this I'm not done trying. I'm not done trying. You won't forget this.

0

Jun 27, 2014

Jun 27, 2014 at 12:59 PM UTC

06/26/14

I wonder what you ever saw in me. I wonder if you still feel what you felt when you thought you almost loved me, because I think back on the days when you loved me. I wonder if those thoughts will ever go away. Kind of like the way your love did. I hate how your love is now past tensed. And I can't get past this. I reminisce on the time we kissed on the top deck of my apartment complex. Sweat dripping down our faces on a hot July summer day but it didn't matter baby I wouldn't mind reliving it. Someone told me that true love didn't exist, that you'd be stupid if you ever believed in it, but I do. My shattered heart is broken proof. And even though your cold feet got the best of you I know our love was true. I still hold on to us like we'll go back to what we used to be. Like you'll start to believe in our potential, see even though you said you never loved me..I did. It's pathetic and sad but I'm not ashamed to admit it. The past is the past although deep down inside I feel like you actually did. But that could just be my positive side seeping through my sheet of pessimistic. I'll make sure to love you at a distance. Because even after all of this I'm not done trying. I'm not done trying. You won't forget this.

5

Some people think I'm so deep A dark and mysterious being Just living amongst the blithesome ones "Oh look at Dorothy She's zoned out again Wonder what she's over there thinking" Contemplating on life's blow your mind out questions Like Why don't you ever see baby pigeons? Or Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? And If someone with multiple personalities threatens to **** herself, is it considered a hostage situation? Those are my life's crazy questions Even Google's search bar has more imagination I'm far from puzzling, tangible to say the least You don't have to read into much to get to know me My mind is not a challenging maze I lack any form of craftsmanship And I've come to realize that because of this I turn out to be just another friendship or romance phase It's okay This is what you get I am Ms. Ordinary Joe It's your choice to accept it Because regardless of my bland taste I wont force myself to ever change shrugg

0

Jun 26, 2014

Jun 26, 2014 at 9:40 AM UTC

Average Joe.

Some people think I'm so deep A dark and mysterious being Just living amongst the blithesome ones "Oh look at Dorothy She's zoned out again Wonder what she's over there thinking" Contemplating on life's blow your mind out questions Like Why don't you ever see baby pigeons? Or Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? And If someone with multiple personalities threatens to **** herself, is it considered a hostage situation? Those are my life's crazy questions Even Google's search bar has more imagination I'm far from puzzling, tangible to say the least You don't have to read into much to get to know me My mind is not a challenging maze I lack any form of craftsmanship And I've come to realize that because of this I turn out to be just another friendship or romance phase It's okay This is what you get I am Ms. Ordinary Joe It's your choice to accept it Because regardless of my bland taste I wont force myself to ever change shrugg

25

*But you're not supposed to prejudge me you're a poet!*

0

Jun 25, 2014

Jun 25, 2014 at 10:31 AM UTC

(10w)

*But you're not supposed to prejudge me you're a poet!*

5

I want you but then I don't I Love you but then I....... Wont lie I'll never stop loving you Not even when I "stop" loving you A garboil frenzy stirred up in me From our first encounter You shot my guarded with ten feet brick walls heart down Exposed me to something new The more nights I spent on the phone with you The more my feelings grew Don't let me physically see you That's a different story all on its own! One deserving its own poem. Hey, I'm just being honest We're all grown! But anyway You've got me swaying to your beat with your harmonious words and graceful flow Dazed and paralyzed from my curly haired head to my pedicured toes With this infatuation for you Wait nah, even though this is new I know it's more then pash puppy love This is real We are real No matter how many times I push away My feelings will never budge, or stray. We're not together yet and that's fine Cause you don't know it yet But you're already mine. My days are focused with serving Jehovah with my whole heart and ability The end of this system is coming fast So i make sure to walk in the right path Continuing to always please him in his eyes But Jehovah knows my other inner desires He knows how I want to share my days with a lifelong partner Title me passion ***** Love burns my fire We were built with abounding emotions A longing to share our tender affections with another person And I'm no different, almost ready for that serious commitment To share my world with an outstanding christian witness You fit that description.. So with his blessings my dream will come true And with his blessings that person will One day be you

0

Jun 25, 2014

Jun 25, 2014 at 10:18 AM UTC

Untitled

I want you but then I don't I Love you but then I....... Wont lie I'll never stop loving you Not even when I "stop" loving you A garboil frenzy stirred up in me From our first encounter You shot my guarded with ten feet brick walls heart down Exposed me to something new The more nights I spent on the phone with you The more my feelings grew Don't let me physically see you That's a different story all on its own! One deserving its own poem. Hey, I'm just being honest We're all grown! But anyway You've got me swaying to your beat with your harmonious words and graceful flow Dazed and paralyzed from my curly haired head to my pedicured toes With this infatuation for you Wait nah, even though this is new I know it's more then pash puppy love This is real We are real No matter how many times I push away My feelings will never budge, or stray. We're not together yet and that's fine Cause you don't know it yet But you're already mine. My days are focused with serving Jehovah with my whole heart and ability The end of this system is coming fast So i make sure to walk in the right path Continuing to always please him in his eyes But Jehovah knows my other inner desires He knows how I want to share my days with a lifelong partner Title me passion ***** Love burns my fire We were built with abounding emotions A longing to share our tender affections with another person And I'm no different, almost ready for that serious commitment To share my world with an outstanding christian witness You fit that description.. So with his blessings my dream will come true And with his blessings that person will One day be you

45

There's nothing in this world that can hold you back from your own life's progression. Remember that Trials of today is part of our growth that will later help us reach our ultimate destination. Not everything will come to you with ease Endurance along with persistence The two things we'll mostly need It is a prime key factor in achieving goals set The one who is brave, not phased by fear is the one that will vanquish the tallest concrete wall making what was once foggy and difficult, clear. You're worth more then what you think God put you on this earth, he gave you the gift of life And unlike us He never makes mistakes A beloved and deeply cherished poet recited: "When we come to it We must confess that we are the possible We are the miraculous, the true wonder of this world That is when, and only when We come to it." -Maya Angelou Words that will forever be a positive reinforcement on what we On what YOU could truly be.

0

May 28, 2014

May 28, 2014 at 11:43 AM UTC

It starts within

There's nothing in this world that can hold you back from your own life's progression. Remember that Trials of today is part of our growth that will later help us reach our ultimate destination. Not everything will come to you with ease Endurance along with persistence The two things we'll mostly need It is a prime key factor in achieving goals set The one who is brave, not phased by fear is the one that will vanquish the tallest concrete wall making what was once foggy and difficult, clear. You're worth more then what you think God put you on this earth, he gave you the gift of life And unlike us He never makes mistakes A beloved and deeply cherished poet recited: "When we come to it We must confess that we are the possible We are the miraculous, the true wonder of this world That is when, and only when We come to it." -Maya Angelou Words that will forever be a positive reinforcement on what we On what YOU could truly be.

24