cre·scen·do
/krəˈSHenˌdō/
noun
1. the loudest point reached in a gradually increasing sound.
"the music rose into a crescendo"
*the music swells around us, in this room where our eyes first met. the room i first saw you, i first saw myself.
my breath exits my mouth in short breaths, mesmerised by your soul and the way it greets mine*
2. the highest point reached in a progressive increase of intensity.
"the hysteria reached a crescendo around the parade"
the tears block my vision, my voice hoarse with anger. i hear your voice heighten, the temperature in the room rising. your voice is piercing. spitting venom. my breath exits my chest in quick, gasping breaths, fighting to stay together.
your soul stands before me rotting and splintering, hateful words directed at mine. your arm raises in an unfamiliar motion. ready to strike but your soul strikes before your hand can, venom seeping into the wound on my cheek
c.h.h.b end.
Nov 26, 2019
Nov 26, 2019 at 4:19 AM UTC
When the news of your death reaches my ears
How will I mourn?
How will it hurt?
Will it hurt at all?
I'm not sure
When the news of your death reaches me
Will I rejoice?
I never had a choice
except to pretend you didn't hurt me
anger me
When the news of your death reaches me
Will I care?
Will anyone?
why wouldn't we celebrate?
after all your actions
why would I cry?
When the news of your ended existence reaches my ears
how will I react?
not very much at all,
I expect
May 22, 2019
May 22, 2019 at 9:05 PM UTC
1. Look away. Don't meet their eyes, don't stare at their face. Just don't.
2. Don't think about them. Rid them from your mind, think of other 'better' things
3. Don't look at them when they are happy. When their eyes are shining and their smile is large. Don't let it make your heart sped up. Refuse.
4. When they are nice, remember that they are not doing it for you. They are polite. That is all.
5. When they talk to people like they talk to you, or they flirt with them. Don't be jealous. They are not yours.
6. You are not right for them. Remember that. Above everything else, you do not deserve such a imperfect masterpiece.
7. Give yourself space. No matter how much you want to be with them. You can't. You need to stop. Make sure you aren't attached. (You are though, you know that. Ignore it)
8. Distract yourself. Whenever you start thinking about doing something. Read a book. Get lost in the pages. (Realise the thought come back after the book is done. Accept that. Start another book. Drink lots of tea.)
9. Convince yourself that you don't care. They aren't that important. Only a friend. Only a peer. Nothing more.
10. You don't care, you can't. There is absolutely nothing that can make you care about them. (But then they smile)
11. Know that it will pass. (It won't)
12. Make sure to never be in same room alone. Your mind will wander, hopes will grow.
13. Make a list. Why are you not compatible what do you hate about them. (The answer: not a lot. Everything you don't like is manageable)
14: Quit. It's hopeless
May 19, 2019
May 19, 2019 at 8:42 PM UTC
Goodbye
I think I’ve known you were leaving for a while but
I just didn’t want to admit it
Goodbye
It was 4am
Tuesday 10th of February
Goodbye
You’ve given me a lot of memories
Ones I hope I’ll remember until I leave too
Goodbye
You left awhile ago
A long time since I saw you
I miss you
I wish you were here
Maybe I would be better if you were
Goodbye
It’s been 10 years
Since I saw you last
Since I saw you were here
Since I had a father figure
I was 7
I’m still unsure if the memories of you are real
Are mine
Or if someone told me about these memories I’m supposed to have
Goodbye
I miss you still
I’ll never stop
Goodbye
I don’t like to think of you
It scares me
It makes my eyes water
Goodbye
I like to pretend you’re still here
It makes it easier to breathe
Like every day isn’t my imagination just continuing without you
It makes it easier to cope
Goodbye
Mar 7, 2019
Mar 7, 2019 at 11:32 PM UTC
хаос
I never stopped thinking about how we had to leave because of you
How you got to stay there and we had to escape
страх
I know she was still worried you would come to find us
that you would attack when we were alone
Прекратите, пожалуйста
I still remember what happened when you were drunk
I was young but I see the memories through a fish tank
Храбрый
I still get scared around you
But I never flinch
Прощай
Feb 6, 2019
Feb 6, 2019 at 10:15 PM UTC
love
hidden looks, touches
shared breaths
stormy eyes
LOVE
BODIES CONNECTING
SCREAMING FIGHTS
BROKEN HEARTS
FORGIVEN
Love
Holding Hands
Sharing Stories, Secrets
Life Lived In Unison
Together
love
my knowledge of love is limited
the information i thought was true is recondite
_________
Feb 6, 2019
Feb 6, 2019 at 10:04 PM UTC
Tomorrow is when we try
So I don’t have to pretend I’m okay today
A shadow guards me
Encasing me in this glass prison
Shallowed out breath
Teardrop filled eyes
But they won’t leak
I have to be careful when I escape this prison
The scars on my arms paled but not yet gone
Memories of blood and tears
empty promises and doubt
A meticulous escape plan must be created
One to let me escape unscathed
Let me leave this prison unbroken
Feb 5, 2019
Feb 5, 2019 at 5:24 PM UTC
I knew you before I knew myself.
Before I had truly become myself.
You were always there,
a mere thought in the back of my mind.
I never noticed how much I relied
on seeing your trusting eyes to keep me going,
I still think of you sometimes,
how I clung onto you like a lifeline.
How I never should have done that,
I wasn’t yours to fix
I'm no ones to fix but myself
I have to STOP relying so much
On the breathing of others to save me
I know now that's why you left
Its the only thing I can think of
I think I'm better now
Not completely
But more aware of who I was before
Less selfish maybe
Trying
Hoping
More scared though
Maybe freer
My words still get stuck in my throat
A locking door, deadbolted
But s o m e t i m e s,
Sometimes I can pick the lock
Its never unlocked for long though
I miss you
I don’t know if I’ve ever missed anyone more
I miss you so much sometimes
I know I shouldn’t
But I thought I could have loved you
And I can’t let that go yet
I don’t hear your name anymore
Unless I’m the one to say it
It doesn’t hurt to say anymore
More of an empty ache
One day I know I won’t need to mention
Want to mention you
One day it won’t still hurt that you left me
Because you did
You left
Without explanation
Refusing to explain
Why didn’t you just tell me
I would have tried to be better
I am better
It took longer than it should of
But no one was telling me what I was doing wrong
Instead, people just left
Again
Why do people always leave
I don’t think I can handle someone else leaving
I need to be perfect
I want to be perfect
I’m not perfect
In any way
I’ll never be perfect
And that’s why people leave
And I just have to deal with it
I have to learn to read the minds of the ones I lost
The ones who left without even a goodbye
Is it because I’m too sad?
Someone said that to me once
That I was too sad
and that it was my fault that they left
That I made them leave
How did I make them leave?
All I wanted was them to stay
I wanted to better for them
Why didn’t they tell me I was wrong?
It's hard to fix your brain when you don’t know what's broken
When you can feel something wrong
but you can’t find the issue
The virus that poisons me
Reaching into my head
My heart
Blackening it
Filling it with hatred
I don’t want to hate
I want to love
And be loved
And I want people to STop leaving
But they never do
People never stop leaving
Some days I want to be left behind
Maybe if I fold into myself
If I leave people first
Then it won’t hurt as bad
But I don’t want to
I want to be happy
Not happy like
A pill that lasts only a few hours
I want my happiness to replaced my sadness
My sadness to replace my happiness let them switch out
Live each other's lives for a while
Maybe then I can learn to be myself
_____________________________________
Feb 3, 2019
Feb 3, 2019 at 8:19 PM UTC
Sometimes time stands still
in the most excruciating way
and I can't bring my self to take a deep breath
TO let myself be fixed
To admit I can be fixed
Can I be fixed?
AM I broken?
Am I scared?
I am scared that when time stands still
the air becomes stale, harder to swallow
My eyes sting with tears
Deep painful breath
shut eyes
stop tears
don't cry
not here
not now
later
when I'm safer
when my breath doesn't hurt so much
when time is moving a little faster
Feb 3, 2019
Feb 3, 2019 at 7:22 PM UTC