dr-sam-burton - Hello Poetry

She is really sweet and 潇芙 Tender but strong Kind and hard to find She is also silent and cool As a feather on the water of a pool She is the medicine and cure She's so lovely and pure A gorgeous princess full of sweetness Born for a cause Active withous a pause Isn't she so sweet And so hard to beat. Sam Burton (c)

0

Oct 24, 2014

Oct 24, 2014 at 8:54 AM UTC

Sweet & 潇芙

She is really sweet and 潇芙 Tender but strong Kind and hard to find She is also silent and cool As a feather on the water of a pool She is the medicine and cure She's so lovely and pure A gorgeous princess full of sweetness Born for a cause Active withous a pause Isn't she so sweet And so hard to beat. Sam Burton (c)

14

What a shame When someone loses fame For doing nothing Because of a shortcoming For days, he was liked Taken care of and prized But once he had to be away Got forgotten and castaway He was called a liar To be put on fire He was blamed Accused and defamed For, frankly speaking, no reason Yet he was charged with treason Days ago was a family member Now he's put at stake of timber Indeed, very odd is man When he is subject to ban When jealousy driven And heart-striken Lucky is a freeman Who refuses to live in a can Lucky is the man Who is not fried on a pan. Sam Burton(C) Today is Friday, Oct. 11, the 284 day of 2014 with 81 to follow. The moon is waning. Morning stars are Jupiter and Venus. Evening stars are Mars, Mercury, Neptune, Uranus and Saturn. In 1845, the U.S. Naval Academy was formally opened at Fort Severn, Annapolis, Md., with 50 midshipmen in the first class. In 1886, Griswold Lorillard of Tuxedo Park, N.Y., fashioned the first tuxedo for men. A thought for the day: We all should rise above the clouds of ignorance, narrowness and selfishness. -- Booker T. Washington Quotes for the day: A good traveller is one who does not know where he is going to, and a perfect traveller does not know where he came from. ------------------------ All women's dresses are merely variations on the eternal struggle between admitted desire to dress and the unadmitted desire to undress. Lin Yutang "What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise." Oscar Wilde "It takes but one positive thought when given a chance to survive and thrive to overpower an entire army of negative thoughts." Robert H. Schuller My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to. Rita Rudner It is only by following your deepest instinct that you can lead a rich life, and if you let your fear of consequence prevent you from following your deepest instinct, then your life will be safe, expedient and thin. Katharine Butler Hathaway TIVIA What made Lucky Lindy so special? Charles Lindbergh was not the first man to fly the Atlantic. He was the sixty-seventh. The first sixty-six made the crossing in dirigibles and twin-engine mail planes. Lindbergh was the first to make the dangerous flight alone. Can your brain hurt? Only figuratively -- Pain from any injury or illness is always registered by the brain. Yet, curiously, the brain tissue itself is immune to pain; it contains none of the specialized receptor cells that sense pain in other parts of the body. The pain associated with brain tumors does not arise from brain cells but from the pressure created by a growing tumor or tissues outside the brain. Where can you see a lot of magnets? More than 7,000 magnets are on display at the Guinness World of Records Museum and Gift Shop, located on the Las Vegas Strip. The exhibit is a portion of the more than 26,000-magnet collection of Louise J. Greenfarb, dubbed "The Magnet Lady," whose accumulation was designated by the Guinness Book of World Records as the world's "Largest Refrigerator Magnet" collection. Poetry Evening Star Edgar Allan Poe 'Twas noontide of summer, And mid-time of night; And stars, in their orbits, Shone pale, thro' the light Of the brighter, cold moon, 'Mid planets her slaves, Herself in the Heavens, Her beam on the waves. I gazed awhile On her cold smile; Too cold- too cold for me- There pass'd, as a shroud, A fleecy cloud, And I turned away to thee, Proud Evening Star, In thy glory afar, And dearer thy beam shall be; For joy to my heart Is the proud part Thou bearest in Heaven at night, And more I admire Thy distant fire, Than that colder, lowly light. Vocabulary Strudel noun : a pastry made from a thin sheet of dough rolled up with filling and baked Example: Strudels are usually made with high-gluten flour to increase the malleability of the dough. "The Supremes belted out a song on the radio, their voices as smooth and flawless as the ribbon of cream Kirsten poured from the pitcher onto her father's strudel, and the whole house smelled cheerfully of pork and spiced apples, laced with a note of butter. — From Rebecca Coleman’s 2011 novel The Kingdom of Childhood Health and Beauty Tip Mineral Water for greasy hair If you have oily hair, use a shampoo that contains zinc. It's okay to condition if you feel you need it -- just don't use it on your roots and scalp. JOKES Funny News From the Churchdown Parish Magazine: "Would the Congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the Church, labelled 'For The Sick,' is for monetary donations only." -o- From The Guardian concerning a sign seen in a Police canteen in Christchurch, New Zealand: 'Will the person who took a slice of cake from the Commissioner's Office return it immediately. It is needed as evidence in a poisoning case." -o- From The Times: A young girl, who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth, was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast-guard spokesman commented: 'This sort of thing is all too common these days.' -o- From The Gloucester Citizen: A *** line caller complained to Trading Standards. After dialling an 0891 number from an advertisement entitled 'Hear Me Moan' the caller was played a tape of a woman nagging her husband for failing to do jobs around the house! . Consumer Watchdogs in Dorset refused to look into the complaint, saying, 'He got what he deserved.' -o- From The Barnsley Chronicle: Police arrived quickly, to find Mr Melchett hanging by his fingertips from the back wall. He had run out of the house when the owner, Paul Finch, returned home unexpectedly, and, spotting an intruder in the garden, had visiting Mrs Finch and, hearing the front door open, had climbed out of the rear window. But the back wall was 8 feet high and Mr Melchett had been unable to get his leg over. -o- From The Scottish Big Issue: In Sydney, 120 men named Henry attacked each other during a 'My Name is Henry' convention. Henry ****** of Canberra accused Henry Pap of Sydney of not being a Henry at all, but in fact an Angus. 'It was a lie', explained Mr Pap, 'I'm a Henry and always will be,' whereupon Henry Pap attacked Henry ****** whilst two other Henrys - Jones and Dyer - attempted ! to pull them apart. Several more Henrys - Smith, Calderwood an! d Andrew s - became involved and soon the entire convention descended into a giant fist fight. The brawl was eventually broken up by riot police, led by a man named Shane. -o- From The Daily Telegraph: In a piece headed "Brussels Pays 200,000 Pounds to Save Prostitutes": "[T]he money will not be going directly into the prostitutes' pocket, but will be used to encourage them to lead a better life. We will be training them for new positions in hotels." -o- From The Derby Abbey Community News: We apologise for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that 'Mr Fred Nicolme is a defective in the police force.' This was a typographical error. We meant of course that Mr Nicolme is a detective in the police farce. -o- From The Guardian: After being charged 20 pounds for a 10 pounds overdraft, 30 year old Michael Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll to 'Yorkshire Bank Plc are Fascist! *******s.' The Bank has now asked him to close his account, and Mr *******s has asked them to repay the 69p balance by cheque, made out in his new name. -o- From The Manchester Evening News: Police called to arrest a naked man on the platform at Piccadilly Station released their suspect after he produced a valid rail ticket. -o- An Austrian circus dwarf died recently when he bounced sideways from a trampoline and was swallowed by a hippopotamus. Seven thousand people watched as little Franz Dasch popped into the mouth of Hilda the Hippo and the animal's gag reflex forced it to swallow. The crowd applauded wildly before other circus people realized what had happened. -o- An elderly woman at a unit for sufferers of senile dementia passed round a box of mothballs thinking that they were mints. Eleven people were taken to hospital for treatment. Confessional Etiquette The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions. The old priest says, "Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see,' 'yes,' 'go on,' 'I understand,' and 'how did you feel about that?'" The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than saying, 'Whoa... What happened next?'" So Funny A guy purchased Willie Nelson's hair for $37,000. ***** removed his braids and the guy bought them for $37,000. This is the kind of decision you make after spending the day on Willie's tour bus. David Litterman Did you hear what happened to Willie Nelson's hair? They sold it. There was an auction this week and a pair of Willie Nelson's braids sold for $37,000. It's a good deal because each braid has a street value of $80,000. Jimmy Kimmel Quick Blonde Jokes Q: Why did the blonde keep putting quarters in the soda vending machine? A: Because she thought she was winning. Q: Why did the blonde take 16 friends to the movies? A: Under 17 not admitted! Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days? A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125. Have a very nice Saturday!

0

Oct 11, 2014

Oct 11, 2014 at 1:36 AM UTC

What a shame!

What a shame When someone loses fame For doing nothing Because of a shortcoming For days, he was liked Taken care of and prized But once he had to be away Got forgotten and castaway He was called a liar To be put on fire He was blamed Accused and defamed For, frankly speaking, no reason Yet he was charged with treason Days ago was a family member Now he's put at stake of timber Indeed, very odd is man When he is subject to ban When jealousy driven And heart-striken Lucky is a freeman Who refuses to live in a can Lucky is the man Who is not fried on a pan. Sam Burton(C) Today is Friday, Oct. 11, the 284 day of 2014 with 81 to follow. The moon is waning. Morning stars are Jupiter and Venus. Evening stars are Mars, Mercury, Neptune, Uranus and Saturn. In 1845, the U.S. Naval Academy was formally opened at Fort Severn, Annapolis, Md., with 50 midshipmen in the first class. In 1886, Griswold Lorillard of Tuxedo Park, N.Y., fashioned the first tuxedo for men. A thought for the day: We all should rise above the clouds of ignorance, narrowness and selfishness. -- Booker T. Washington Quotes for the day: A good traveller is one who does not know where he is going to, and a perfect traveller does not know where he came from. ------------------------ All women's dresses are merely variations on the eternal struggle between admitted desire to dress and the unadmitted desire to undress. Lin Yutang "What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise." Oscar Wilde "It takes but one positive thought when given a chance to survive and thrive to overpower an entire army of negative thoughts." Robert H. Schuller My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to. Rita Rudner It is only by following your deepest instinct that you can lead a rich life, and if you let your fear of consequence prevent you from following your deepest instinct, then your life will be safe, expedient and thin. Katharine Butler Hathaway TIVIA What made Lucky Lindy so special? Charles Lindbergh was not the first man to fly the Atlantic. He was the sixty-seventh. The first sixty-six made the crossing in dirigibles and twin-engine mail planes. Lindbergh was the first to make the dangerous flight alone. Can your brain hurt? Only figuratively -- Pain from any injury or illness is always registered by the brain. Yet, curiously, the brain tissue itself is immune to pain; it contains none of the specialized receptor cells that sense pain in other parts of the body. The pain associated with brain tumors does not arise from brain cells but from the pressure created by a growing tumor or tissues outside the brain. Where can you see a lot of magnets? More than 7,000 magnets are on display at the Guinness World of Records Museum and Gift Shop, located on the Las Vegas Strip. The exhibit is a portion of the more than 26,000-magnet collection of Louise J. Greenfarb, dubbed "The Magnet Lady," whose accumulation was designated by the Guinness Book of World Records as the world's "Largest Refrigerator Magnet" collection. Poetry Evening Star Edgar Allan Poe 'Twas noontide of summer, And mid-time of night; And stars, in their orbits, Shone pale, thro' the light Of the brighter, cold moon, 'Mid planets her slaves, Herself in the Heavens, Her beam on the waves. I gazed awhile On her cold smile; Too cold- too cold for me- There pass'd, as a shroud, A fleecy cloud, And I turned away to thee, Proud Evening Star, In thy glory afar, And dearer thy beam shall be; For joy to my heart Is the proud part Thou bearest in Heaven at night, And more I admire Thy distant fire, Than that colder, lowly light. Vocabulary Strudel noun : a pastry made from a thin sheet of dough rolled up with filling and baked Example: Strudels are usually made with high-gluten flour to increase the malleability of the dough. "The Supremes belted out a song on the radio, their voices as smooth and flawless as the ribbon of cream Kirsten poured from the pitcher onto her father's strudel, and the whole house smelled cheerfully of pork and spiced apples, laced with a note of butter. — From Rebecca Coleman’s 2011 novel The Kingdom of Childhood Health and Beauty Tip Mineral Water for greasy hair If you have oily hair, use a shampoo that contains zinc. It's okay to condition if you feel you need it -- just don't use it on your roots and scalp. JOKES Funny News From the Churchdown Parish Magazine: "Would the Congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the Church, labelled 'For The Sick,' is for monetary donations only." -o- From The Guardian concerning a sign seen in a Police canteen in Christchurch, New Zealand: 'Will the person who took a slice of cake from the Commissioner's Office return it immediately. It is needed as evidence in a poisoning case." -o- From The Times: A young girl, who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth, was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast-guard spokesman commented: 'This sort of thing is all too common these days.' -o- From The Gloucester Citizen: A *** line caller complained to Trading Standards. After dialling an 0891 number from an advertisement entitled 'Hear Me Moan' the caller was played a tape of a woman nagging her husband for failing to do jobs around the house! . Consumer Watchdogs in Dorset refused to look into the complaint, saying, 'He got what he deserved.' -o- From The Barnsley Chronicle: Police arrived quickly, to find Mr Melchett hanging by his fingertips from the back wall. He had run out of the house when the owner, Paul Finch, returned home unexpectedly, and, spotting an intruder in the garden, had visiting Mrs Finch and, hearing the front door open, had climbed out of the rear window. But the back wall was 8 feet high and Mr Melchett had been unable to get his leg over. -o- From The Scottish Big Issue: In Sydney, 120 men named Henry attacked each other during a 'My Name is Henry' convention. Henry ****** of Canberra accused Henry Pap of Sydney of not being a Henry at all, but in fact an Angus. 'It was a lie', explained Mr Pap, 'I'm a Henry and always will be,' whereupon Henry Pap attacked Henry ****** whilst two other Henrys - Jones and Dyer - attempted ! to pull them apart. Several more Henrys - Smith, Calderwood an! d Andrew s - became involved and soon the entire convention descended into a giant fist fight. The brawl was eventually broken up by riot police, led by a man named Shane. -o- From The Daily Telegraph: In a piece headed "Brussels Pays 200,000 Pounds to Save Prostitutes": "[T]he money will not be going directly into the prostitutes' pocket, but will be used to encourage them to lead a better life. We will be training them for new positions in hotels." -o- From The Derby Abbey Community News: We apologise for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that 'Mr Fred Nicolme is a defective in the police force.' This was a typographical error. We meant of course that Mr Nicolme is a detective in the police farce. -o- From The Guardian: After being charged 20 pounds for a 10 pounds overdraft, 30 year old Michael Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll to 'Yorkshire Bank Plc are Fascist! *******s.' The Bank has now asked him to close his account, and Mr *******s has asked them to repay the 69p balance by cheque, made out in his new name. -o- From The Manchester Evening News: Police called to arrest a naked man on the platform at Piccadilly Station released their suspect after he produced a valid rail ticket. -o- An Austrian circus dwarf died recently when he bounced sideways from a trampoline and was swallowed by a hippopotamus. Seven thousand people watched as little Franz Dasch popped into the mouth of Hilda the Hippo and the animal's gag reflex forced it to swallow. The crowd applauded wildly before other circus people realized what had happened. -o- An elderly woman at a unit for sufferers of senile dementia passed round a box of mothballs thinking that they were mints. Eleven people were taken to hospital for treatment. Confessional Etiquette The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions. The old priest says, "Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see,' 'yes,' 'go on,' 'I understand,' and 'how did you feel about that?'" The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than saying, 'Whoa... What happened next?'" So Funny A guy purchased Willie Nelson's hair for $37,000. ***** removed his braids and the guy bought them for $37,000. This is the kind of decision you make after spending the day on Willie's tour bus. David Litterman Did you hear what happened to Willie Nelson's hair? They sold it. There was an auction this week and a pair of Willie Nelson's braids sold for $37,000. It's a good deal because each braid has a street value of $80,000. Jimmy Kimmel Quick Blonde Jokes Q: Why did the blonde keep putting quarters in the soda vending machine? A: Because she thought she was winning. Q: Why did the blonde take 16 friends to the movies? A: Under 17 not admitted! Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days? A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125. Have a very nice Saturday!

140

She stunned me when I first saw her looks Never seen like her even in books An angel who dropped from the sky To say to me "Sam! Hi!" She instantly got my full attention And I at once shown no pretention She lives now in the corridors of my mind You won't find a lady so gentle and kind Now I miss her as I miss the air when I stop breathing She lives in me, so God help me her seeing Sam Burton (C) Today is Friday, Oct. 10, the 289th day of 2014 with 82 to follow. The moon is waxing. Morning stars are Jupiter, Uranus and Venus. Evening stars are Mars, Mercury, Neptune and Saturn. Quotes for the day: "Correction does much, but encouragement does more." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe "The first requisite for success is the ability to apply your physical and mental energies to one problem incessantly without growing weary." Thomas A. Edison POETRY Israfel Edgar Allan Poe In Heaven a spirit doth dwell "Whose heart-strings are a lute"; None sing so wildly well As the angel Israfel, And the giddy stars (so legends tell), Ceasing their hymns, attend the spell Of his voice, all mute. Tottering above In her highest noon, The enamored moon Blushes with love, While, to listen, the red levin (With the rapid Pleiads, even, Which were seven,) Pauses in Heaven. And they say (the starry choir And the other listening things) That Israfeli's fire Is owing to that lyre By which he sits and sings - The trembling living wire Of those unusual strings. But the skies that angel trod, Where deep thoughts are a duty - Where Love's a grown-up God - Where the Houri glances are Imbued with all the beauty Which we worship in a star. Therefore thou art not wrong, Israfeli, who despisest An unimpassioned song; To thee the laurels belong, Best bard, because the wisest! Merrily live, and long! The ecstasies above With thy burning measures suit - Thy grief, thy joy, thy hate, thy love, With the fervor of thy lute - Well may the stars be mute! Yes, Heaven is thine; but this Is a world of sweets and sours; Our flowers are merely - flowers, And the shadow of thy perfect bliss Is the sunshine of ours. If I could dwell Where Israfel Hath dwelt, and he where I, He might not sing so wildly well A mortal melody, While a bolder note than this might swell From my lyre within the sky. BEAUTY AND HEALTH TIP Strengthen your nails Before you go to bed every night, use a nail-strengthening cream on your nails (and under, if they're long). This also keeps them hydrated, which is essential for healthy nails. Trivia Where did the name “Revlon: come from? Nail polish distributors Charles Revson and his brother Joseph, along with nail polish supplier Charles Lachman, who contributed the "L" in the Revlon name, gave birth to the Revlon cosmetics company in 1932. Starting with just one nail product a nail enamel unlike any before it the three men pooled their paltry resources and developed a unique manufacturing process. Using pigments instead of dyes, Revlon was able to offer to women rich-looking, opaque nail enamel in a wide variety of shades never before available. In only six years, the company became a multimillion dollar organization, launching one of the most recognized cosmetics names in the world. How many atoms are there in the universe? Astronomers believe that the universe contains one atom for every 88 gallons of space. How do animals influence the weather? Living creatures create tiny weather systems called microclimates in their nests and burrows. For instance, bees fan their wings at the hive entrance during hot weather. This makes a cooling draft blow through the hive. VOCABULARY Splenetic adjective : marked by bad temper, malevolence, or spite Examples: I know David was in a bad mood all day, but the splenetic tone of his reply to Brenda’s question was not necessary. "If he were 10 or 15 years younger (or at least looked like he was), [Charlie] Sheen would be perfect as the splenetic, screed-spouting anti-hero of John Osborne’s 'Look Back in Anger.'" — From an article by Ben Brantley on the New York Times Arts Beat blog, May 26, 2011 Did you know? In early Western physiology, a person's physical qualities and mental disposition were believed to be determined by the proportion of four ****** humors: blood, phlegm, yellow bile, and black bile. The last of these was believed to be secreted by the spleen, causing feelings of disposition ranging from intense sadness (melancholia) to irascibility. This now-discredited association explains how the use of "splenetic" (deriving from the Late Latin "spleneticus" and the Latin "splen," meaning "spleen") came to mean both "bad-tempered" and "given to melancholy" as well as "of or relating to the spleen." In later years, the "melancholy" sense fell out of use, but the sense pertaining to ill humor or malevolence remains with us today. Courtesy of Merriam-Webster, Inc. JOKES Female Comebacks Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine. Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator. Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized. Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing. Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there? Seminars for MEN (Prepared and Presented by Females) 1. Combatting stupidity 2. You too can do housework 3. *** Learn when to keep your mouth shut 4. How to fill an ice tray 5. We do not want ****** underthings for Christmas: give us money 6. Understanding the female response to your coming in drunk at 4am 7. Wonderful laundry techniques (formerly titled, "Don't wash my silks") 8. Parenting: It doesn't end with conception 9. Get a life; learn to cook 10. How not to act like a ******* when you're obviously wrong 11. Spelling: Even you can get it right 12. Understanding your financial incompetence 13. You: The weaker *** 14. Reasons to give flowers 15. How to stay awake in public 16. Why it is unacceptable to relieve yourself anywhere but the bathroom 17. Garbage: Getting it to the curb ! 18. You can fall asleep without it if you really try 19. The morning dilemma if IT is awake: Take a shower 20. I'll wear it if I **** well please 21. How to put the toilet lid down (formerly titled "No, it's not a bidet") 22. "The weekend" and "sports" are not synonyms 23. Give me a break: Why we know your excuses are bull 24. How to go shopping with your mate and not get lost 25. The remote control: Overcoming your dependency 26. Romanticism: Ideas other than *** 27. Helpful postural hints for couch potatoes 28. Mothers-in-law: They are people too 29. Male bonding: Leaving your friends at home 30. You too can be a designated driver 31. Seeing the true you (formerly titled, "You don't look like Mel Gibson when naked") 32. Changing your underwear: It really works 33. The attainable goal: removing **** from your! vocabulary 34. Fluffing the blankets after flatula! ting is not necessary 35. Techniques for calling home before you leave work The Bacon Tree There are two guys who have been lost in the desert for weeks, and they're at death's door. As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a tree off in the distance. As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly-raw bacon, all sorts. "Oh my, Pepe" says the first bloke. "It's a bacon tree!!! We're saved!!!" "You're right!" says Pepe. So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree, there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets. His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe! Pepe! What on earth happened?"... With his dying breath Pepe calls out... "Ugh, run, run!... it's not a Bacon Tre! e... Scroll Down... ...it's a Ham Bush" HAVE A SUPER NICE FRIDAY and a GORGEOUS WEEKEND!

0

Oct 9, 2014

Oct 9, 2014 at 6:51 PM UTC

SHE

She stunned me when I first saw her looks Never seen like her even in books An angel who dropped from the sky To say to me "Sam! Hi!" She instantly got my full attention And I at once shown no pretention She lives now in the corridors of my mind You won't find a lady so gentle and kind Now I miss her as I miss the air when I stop breathing She lives in me, so God help me her seeing Sam Burton (C) Today is Friday, Oct. 10, the 289th day of 2014 with 82 to follow. The moon is waxing. Morning stars are Jupiter, Uranus and Venus. Evening stars are Mars, Mercury, Neptune and Saturn. Quotes for the day: "Correction does much, but encouragement does more." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe "The first requisite for success is the ability to apply your physical and mental energies to one problem incessantly without growing weary." Thomas A. Edison POETRY Israfel Edgar Allan Poe In Heaven a spirit doth dwell "Whose heart-strings are a lute"; None sing so wildly well As the angel Israfel, And the giddy stars (so legends tell), Ceasing their hymns, attend the spell Of his voice, all mute. Tottering above In her highest noon, The enamored moon Blushes with love, While, to listen, the red levin (With the rapid Pleiads, even, Which were seven,) Pauses in Heaven. And they say (the starry choir And the other listening things) That Israfeli's fire Is owing to that lyre By which he sits and sings - The trembling living wire Of those unusual strings. But the skies that angel trod, Where deep thoughts are a duty - Where Love's a grown-up God - Where the Houri glances are Imbued with all the beauty Which we worship in a star. Therefore thou art not wrong, Israfeli, who despisest An unimpassioned song; To thee the laurels belong, Best bard, because the wisest! Merrily live, and long! The ecstasies above With thy burning measures suit - Thy grief, thy joy, thy hate, thy love, With the fervor of thy lute - Well may the stars be mute! Yes, Heaven is thine; but this Is a world of sweets and sours; Our flowers are merely - flowers, And the shadow of thy perfect bliss Is the sunshine of ours. If I could dwell Where Israfel Hath dwelt, and he where I, He might not sing so wildly well A mortal melody, While a bolder note than this might swell From my lyre within the sky. BEAUTY AND HEALTH TIP Strengthen your nails Before you go to bed every night, use a nail-strengthening cream on your nails (and under, if they're long). This also keeps them hydrated, which is essential for healthy nails. Trivia Where did the name “Revlon: come from? Nail polish distributors Charles Revson and his brother Joseph, along with nail polish supplier Charles Lachman, who contributed the "L" in the Revlon name, gave birth to the Revlon cosmetics company in 1932. Starting with just one nail product a nail enamel unlike any before it the three men pooled their paltry resources and developed a unique manufacturing process. Using pigments instead of dyes, Revlon was able to offer to women rich-looking, opaque nail enamel in a wide variety of shades never before available. In only six years, the company became a multimillion dollar organization, launching one of the most recognized cosmetics names in the world. How many atoms are there in the universe? Astronomers believe that the universe contains one atom for every 88 gallons of space. How do animals influence the weather? Living creatures create tiny weather systems called microclimates in their nests and burrows. For instance, bees fan their wings at the hive entrance during hot weather. This makes a cooling draft blow through the hive. VOCABULARY Splenetic adjective : marked by bad temper, malevolence, or spite Examples: I know David was in a bad mood all day, but the splenetic tone of his reply to Brenda’s question was not necessary. "If he were 10 or 15 years younger (or at least looked like he was), [Charlie] Sheen would be perfect as the splenetic, screed-spouting anti-hero of John Osborne’s 'Look Back in Anger.'" — From an article by Ben Brantley on the New York Times Arts Beat blog, May 26, 2011 Did you know? In early Western physiology, a person's physical qualities and mental disposition were believed to be determined by the proportion of four ****** humors: blood, phlegm, yellow bile, and black bile. The last of these was believed to be secreted by the spleen, causing feelings of disposition ranging from intense sadness (melancholia) to irascibility. This now-discredited association explains how the use of "splenetic" (deriving from the Late Latin "spleneticus" and the Latin "splen," meaning "spleen") came to mean both "bad-tempered" and "given to melancholy" as well as "of or relating to the spleen." In later years, the "melancholy" sense fell out of use, but the sense pertaining to ill humor or malevolence remains with us today. Courtesy of Merriam-Webster, Inc. JOKES Female Comebacks Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine. Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator. Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized. Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing. Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there? Seminars for MEN (Prepared and Presented by Females) 1. Combatting stupidity 2. You too can do housework 3. *** Learn when to keep your mouth shut 4. How to fill an ice tray 5. We do not want ****** underthings for Christmas: give us money 6. Understanding the female response to your coming in drunk at 4am 7. Wonderful laundry techniques (formerly titled, "Don't wash my silks") 8. Parenting: It doesn't end with conception 9. Get a life; learn to cook 10. How not to act like a ******* when you're obviously wrong 11. Spelling: Even you can get it right 12. Understanding your financial incompetence 13. You: The weaker *** 14. Reasons to give flowers 15. How to stay awake in public 16. Why it is unacceptable to relieve yourself anywhere but the bathroom 17. Garbage: Getting it to the curb ! 18. You can fall asleep without it if you really try 19. The morning dilemma if IT is awake: Take a shower 20. I'll wear it if I **** well please 21. How to put the toilet lid down (formerly titled "No, it's not a bidet") 22. "The weekend" and "sports" are not synonyms 23. Give me a break: Why we know your excuses are bull 24. How to go shopping with your mate and not get lost 25. The remote control: Overcoming your dependency 26. Romanticism: Ideas other than *** 27. Helpful postural hints for couch potatoes 28. Mothers-in-law: They are people too 29. Male bonding: Leaving your friends at home 30. You too can be a designated driver 31. Seeing the true you (formerly titled, "You don't look like Mel Gibson when naked") 32. Changing your underwear: It really works 33. The attainable goal: removing **** from your! vocabulary 34. Fluffing the blankets after flatula! ting is not necessary 35. Techniques for calling home before you leave work The Bacon Tree There are two guys who have been lost in the desert for weeks, and they're at death's door. As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a tree off in the distance. As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly-raw bacon, all sorts. "Oh my, Pepe" says the first bloke. "It's a bacon tree!!! We're saved!!!" "You're right!" says Pepe. So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree, there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets. His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe! Pepe! What on earth happened?"... With his dying breath Pepe calls out... "Ugh, run, run!... it's not a Bacon Tre! e... Scroll Down... ...it's a Ham Bush" HAVE A SUPER NICE FRIDAY and a GORGEOUS WEEKEND!

160

I am what I am So please accept me ma'am Remember! My name is Sam Who likes jam And who drove a Dodge Ram On a dam When there was no traffic jam Today is Tuesday, Oct. 7, the 280th day of 2014 with 85 to follow. The moon is waxing. Morning stars are Jupiter, Uranus and Venus. Evening stars are Mars, Mercury, Neptune and Saturn. A thought for the day: “Ambition has one heel nailed in well, though she stretch her fingers to touch the heavens.” Lao Tzu Quotes for the day: “Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.” Alan Watts "Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen." Michael Jordan "Men are not flattered by being shown that there has been a difference of purpose between the Almighty and them." Ralph Waldo Emerson Poetry Excelsior Henry Wadsworth Longfellow The shades of night were falling fast, As through an Alpine village passed A youth, who bore, 'mid snow and ice, A banner with the strange device, Excelsior! His brow was sad; his eye beneath, Flashed like a falchion from its sheath, And like a silver clarion rung The accents of that unknown tongue, Excelsior! In happy homes he saw the light Of household fires gleam warm and bright; Above, the spectral glaciers shone, And from his lips escaped a groan, Excelsior! "Try not the Pass!" the old man said: "Dark lowers the tempest overhead, The roaring torrent is deep and wide! And loud that clarion voice replied, Excelsior! "Oh stay," the maiden said, "and rest Thy weary head upon this breast!" A tear stood in his bright blue eye, But still he answered, with a sigh, Excelsior! "Beware the pine-tree's withered branch! Beware the awful avalanche!" This was the peasant's last Good-night, A voice replied, far up the height, Excelsior! At break of day, as heavenward The pious monks of Saint Bernard Uttered the oft-repeated prayer, A voice cried through the startled air, Excelsior! A traveller, by the faithful hound, Half-buried in the snow was found, Still grasping in his hand of ice That banner with the strange device, Excelsior! There in the twilight cold and gray, Lifeless, but beautiful, he lay, And from the sky, serene and far, A voice fell, like a falling star, Excelsior! Health and Beauty Tip Choosing Eyeliner Make sure the color of your eyeliner complements your eyes. Dark brown eyes benefit from plum shades. If you have lighter eyes, try navy and charcoal. Brown eyeliner works well no matter what color your eyes are! JOKES Taxidermist This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orderes a mudslide. The bartender looks at the man and says "You're not from round here are ya?" "No" replied the man, "I'm from Pensylvania." The bartender looks at him and syas "Well what do you do in Pensylvania?" "I'm a taxidermist." said the man. The bartender, looking very bewildered, now asked "What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?" The man looked at the bar tender and said "Well, I mount dead animals." The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar which is staring at him "It's okay, boys! He's one of us!" No Ears There was this man who was in a horrible accident, and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both of his ears. As a result of this "unusual" handicap, he was very self-conscious about his having no ears. Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business, so he decided with all this money he had, he now had the means to own a business. So he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The first interview went really well. He really liked this guy. His last question for this first candidate was "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy said, "Now that you mention it, you have no ears." The man got really ups! et and threw the guy out. The second interview went even better than the first. This candidate was much better than the first. Again, to conclude the interview, the man asked the same question again, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy also noticed, "Yes, you have no ears." The man was really upset again, and threw this second candidate out. Then he had the third interview. The third candidate was even better than the second, the best out of all of them. Almost certain that he wanted to hire this guy, the man once again asked, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy replied "Yeah, I bet you are wearing contact lenses." Surprised, the man then asked, "Wow! That's quite perceptive of you! How could you tell?" The guy burst out laughing and said you can't wear glasses if you don't have any ears! The birds and the bees A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" Little Johnny said, bursting into tears. Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. "Oh Pop," Johnny sobbed, "For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you're telling me now that grownups don't really have *** I've got nothing left to believe in!" HAVE A VERY NICE TUESDAY!

0

Oct 6, 2014

Oct 6, 2014 at 7:12 PM UTC

Sam

I am what I am So please accept me ma'am Remember! My name is Sam Who likes jam And who drove a Dodge Ram On a dam When there was no traffic jam Today is Tuesday, Oct. 7, the 280th day of 2014 with 85 to follow. The moon is waxing. Morning stars are Jupiter, Uranus and Venus. Evening stars are Mars, Mercury, Neptune and Saturn. A thought for the day: “Ambition has one heel nailed in well, though she stretch her fingers to touch the heavens.” Lao Tzu Quotes for the day: “Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.” Alan Watts "Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen." Michael Jordan "Men are not flattered by being shown that there has been a difference of purpose between the Almighty and them." Ralph Waldo Emerson Poetry Excelsior Henry Wadsworth Longfellow The shades of night were falling fast, As through an Alpine village passed A youth, who bore, 'mid snow and ice, A banner with the strange device, Excelsior! His brow was sad; his eye beneath, Flashed like a falchion from its sheath, And like a silver clarion rung The accents of that unknown tongue, Excelsior! In happy homes he saw the light Of household fires gleam warm and bright; Above, the spectral glaciers shone, And from his lips escaped a groan, Excelsior! "Try not the Pass!" the old man said: "Dark lowers the tempest overhead, The roaring torrent is deep and wide! And loud that clarion voice replied, Excelsior! "Oh stay," the maiden said, "and rest Thy weary head upon this breast!" A tear stood in his bright blue eye, But still he answered, with a sigh, Excelsior! "Beware the pine-tree's withered branch! Beware the awful avalanche!" This was the peasant's last Good-night, A voice replied, far up the height, Excelsior! At break of day, as heavenward The pious monks of Saint Bernard Uttered the oft-repeated prayer, A voice cried through the startled air, Excelsior! A traveller, by the faithful hound, Half-buried in the snow was found, Still grasping in his hand of ice That banner with the strange device, Excelsior! There in the twilight cold and gray, Lifeless, but beautiful, he lay, And from the sky, serene and far, A voice fell, like a falling star, Excelsior! Health and Beauty Tip Choosing Eyeliner Make sure the color of your eyeliner complements your eyes. Dark brown eyes benefit from plum shades. If you have lighter eyes, try navy and charcoal. Brown eyeliner works well no matter what color your eyes are! JOKES Taxidermist This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orderes a mudslide. The bartender looks at the man and says "You're not from round here are ya?" "No" replied the man, "I'm from Pensylvania." The bartender looks at him and syas "Well what do you do in Pensylvania?" "I'm a taxidermist." said the man. The bartender, looking very bewildered, now asked "What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?" The man looked at the bar tender and said "Well, I mount dead animals." The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar which is staring at him "It's okay, boys! He's one of us!" No Ears There was this man who was in a horrible accident, and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both of his ears. As a result of this "unusual" handicap, he was very self-conscious about his having no ears. Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business, so he decided with all this money he had, he now had the means to own a business. So he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The first interview went really well. He really liked this guy. His last question for this first candidate was "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy said, "Now that you mention it, you have no ears." The man got really ups! et and threw the guy out. The second interview went even better than the first. This candidate was much better than the first. Again, to conclude the interview, the man asked the same question again, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy also noticed, "Yes, you have no ears." The man was really upset again, and threw this second candidate out. Then he had the third interview. The third candidate was even better than the second, the best out of all of them. Almost certain that he wanted to hire this guy, the man once again asked, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy replied "Yeah, I bet you are wearing contact lenses." Surprised, the man then asked, "Wow! That's quite perceptive of you! How could you tell?" The guy burst out laughing and said you can't wear glasses if you don't have any ears! The birds and the bees A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" Little Johnny said, bursting into tears. Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. "Oh Pop," Johnny sobbed, "For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you're telling me now that grownups don't really have *** I've got nothing left to believe in!" HAVE A VERY NICE TUESDAY!

93

Gone unto Heaven Unto the Heavens she hath gone Leaving me with an only bun My mother has passed away So got no more time to work on clay With her death, time recalled all hert past While I sailed alone in a boat with one mast I remembered all what she didwithout a fee And how much she eagerly wished to see me Her words are still alive in my mind A lady like her is so hard to find So mother rest in peace We all miss you even my niece Sam Burton Today is Friday, Oct. 3, the 275th day of 2014 with 90 to follow. The moon is waning. Morning stars are Jupiter, Mars and Uranus. Evening stars are Mercury, Neptune, Saturn and Venus.f In 1950, the Peanuts comic strip by Charles M. Schulz was published for the first time. In 1959, The Twilight Zone, with host Rod Serling, premiered on U.S. television. In 1967, Thurgood Marshall was sworn in as the first African-American justice of the U.S. Supreme Court. A thought for the day: The upward course of a nation's history is due in the long run to the soundness of heart of its average men and women. -- Queen Elizabeth II Quotes for the day: A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. ------------------------ A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. ------------------------ A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. J. Marx Every instance of heartbreak can teach us powerful lessons about creating the kind of love we really want. Martha Beck "With the exception of women, there is nothing on earth so agreeable or necessary to the comfort of man as the dog." Edward Jesse "Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction." John F. Kennedy "All you need is the plan, the road map, and the courage to press on to your destination." Earl Nightingale Poetry PLAYBACK Lauren Camp Let there be footfall and car door. Let me be finished with fire. Let the man get on a plane for his morning departure, erasing each reverie. Soon there will be only daylight, maybe a blue envelope, torn. Maybe bracelets of color from the petunias. I will need to know how to recover the familiar, how to open the door in the evening. How to again lock it. Almost everything about me goes unspoken, but commas and colons. I live with this heart rate, multiple times, its direction, its tempo: my 4/4 with acceleration, sometimes tuned to an alternate signature. Think of Brubeck's "Take Five." Those blocky chords were the result of an accident-dead on arrival, they said, after he smashed to the surf. Think how he switched it around, made his hands do what he wanted to hear, and forgive me for the analogy. May I never rush a surge for a better experience. Every Sunday all over the country, apologies gather. When I'm not in this small cottage, unreacting, I cascade sound and a few sentences from a cramped room to whoever will listen. I know some people think it is sinful to love such temptations, but I stay with my face soft against microphone, announcing my moral directions. Sometimes, I'm convinced my blood needs all those crossings. I'm not after absolution. The man I love taught me to want without lyrics. Remember I haven't gone anywhere. I'm in a thirsty way sort of possessive. I shouldn't show you this side of myself. Try to remember I'm also praised for my kindness. We each need to learn to turn off some dreams so we can play hours without creases. About this poem "Sometimes my poems are clearly focused on a single topic, but more and more they seem to need to be about many things because that's how I experience the w orld-so much going on all the time. Given the chance, I'll always try to make c onnections-in this case between jazz, love, humanity and potential error." -Lauren Camp About Lauren Camp Lauren Camp is the author of "The Dailiness" (Edwin E. Smith Publishing, 2 013). She hosts "Audio Saucepan," a global music/poetry program on Santa Fe Public R adio, and lives in Santa Fe, New Mexico. *** The Academy of American Poets is a nonprofit, mission-driven organization, whose aim is to make poetry available to a wider audience. (c) 2014 Lauren Camp. Distributed by King Features Syndicate Health and Beauty Tip No matter what kind of ****** cleanser you use, check what kind of water you have access to. Hard water can be just as detrimental to skin as plain soap, and can dry it out. JOKES Toddler Property Laws 1. If I like it, it's mine. 2. If it's in my hand, it's mine. 3. If I can take it from you, it's mine. 4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. 5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way. 6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine. 7. If it looks just like mine, it's mine. 8. If I think it's mine, it's mine. 9. If I... Oops! I'm sorry, I goofed! Instead of typing in the Toddler Property Laws, I've been typing in Bill Gates' primary business plan. Phone Call A young boy answers the phone. A man says, "Hello is your dad around?" The boy whispers, "Yes." The man then asks if he can talk to him. "He's busy at the moment," the boy whispers. "Then is your mom there?" "Yes" the boy whispers. "Can I talk to her?" "No, she's busy," the boy whispers. "Is there anyone else there?" "Yes" whispered the boy. "Who?" the man asked. "A policeman," came the whispered reply. "Well, can I talk to him?" "He's busy too," the boy whispered. "Is there anyone else there then?" "Yes" whispered the boy. "Who then?" the man asked. "A fireman," the boy whispered. "Can I talk to him?" "No," the boy whispered, "he's busy." Annoyed, the man asked what they were all doing. "Looking for me." the boy whispered. Hard Working? A business owner decides to take a tour around his business and see how things are going. He goes down to the shipping docks and sees a young man leaning against the wall doing nothing. The owner walks up to the young man and says, "Son, how much do you make a day?" The guy replies, "150 dollars." The owner pulls out his wallet, gives him $150, and tells him to get out and never come back. A few minutes later the shipping clerk says to the boss, "Have you seen that UPS driver? I left him standing around here?" Presidential Quotes "If Lincoln were alive today he'd roll over in his grave." --Gerald Ford (president, 1974-77) --- "A friend of mine was asked to a costume ball a while ago. He slapped some egg on his face and went as a liberal economist." --Ronald Reagan --- "I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job." --George Bush Football and Confession Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportsmanlike manner at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents." "Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat. "That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents." "Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark. "There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players in the . . . in a sensitive area." "Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin' when you did these awful things?" "Southern Methodist." "Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve, "boys will be boys." Have a super nice Friday and a very dazzling weekend!

0

Oct 3, 2014

Oct 3, 2014 at 8:43 AM UTC

Gone unto Heaven

Gone unto Heaven Unto the Heavens she hath gone Leaving me with an only bun My mother has passed away So got no more time to work on clay With her death, time recalled all hert past While I sailed alone in a boat with one mast I remembered all what she didwithout a fee And how much she eagerly wished to see me Her words are still alive in my mind A lady like her is so hard to find So mother rest in peace We all miss you even my niece Sam Burton Today is Friday, Oct. 3, the 275th day of 2014 with 90 to follow. The moon is waning. Morning stars are Jupiter, Mars and Uranus. Evening stars are Mercury, Neptune, Saturn and Venus.f In 1950, the Peanuts comic strip by Charles M. Schulz was published for the first time. In 1959, The Twilight Zone, with host Rod Serling, premiered on U.S. television. In 1967, Thurgood Marshall was sworn in as the first African-American justice of the U.S. Supreme Court. A thought for the day: The upward course of a nation's history is due in the long run to the soundness of heart of its average men and women. -- Queen Elizabeth II Quotes for the day: A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. ------------------------ A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. ------------------------ A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. J. Marx Every instance of heartbreak can teach us powerful lessons about creating the kind of love we really want. Martha Beck "With the exception of women, there is nothing on earth so agreeable or necessary to the comfort of man as the dog." Edward Jesse "Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction." John F. Kennedy "All you need is the plan, the road map, and the courage to press on to your destination." Earl Nightingale Poetry PLAYBACK Lauren Camp Let there be footfall and car door. Let me be finished with fire. Let the man get on a plane for his morning departure, erasing each reverie. Soon there will be only daylight, maybe a blue envelope, torn. Maybe bracelets of color from the petunias. I will need to know how to recover the familiar, how to open the door in the evening. How to again lock it. Almost everything about me goes unspoken, but commas and colons. I live with this heart rate, multiple times, its direction, its tempo: my 4/4 with acceleration, sometimes tuned to an alternate signature. Think of Brubeck's "Take Five." Those blocky chords were the result of an accident-dead on arrival, they said, after he smashed to the surf. Think how he switched it around, made his hands do what he wanted to hear, and forgive me for the analogy. May I never rush a surge for a better experience. Every Sunday all over the country, apologies gather. When I'm not in this small cottage, unreacting, I cascade sound and a few sentences from a cramped room to whoever will listen. I know some people think it is sinful to love such temptations, but I stay with my face soft against microphone, announcing my moral directions. Sometimes, I'm convinced my blood needs all those crossings. I'm not after absolution. The man I love taught me to want without lyrics. Remember I haven't gone anywhere. I'm in a thirsty way sort of possessive. I shouldn't show you this side of myself. Try to remember I'm also praised for my kindness. We each need to learn to turn off some dreams so we can play hours without creases. About this poem "Sometimes my poems are clearly focused on a single topic, but more and more they seem to need to be about many things because that's how I experience the w orld-so much going on all the time. Given the chance, I'll always try to make c onnections-in this case between jazz, love, humanity and potential error." -Lauren Camp About Lauren Camp Lauren Camp is the author of "The Dailiness" (Edwin E. Smith Publishing, 2 013). She hosts "Audio Saucepan," a global music/poetry program on Santa Fe Public R adio, and lives in Santa Fe, New Mexico. *** The Academy of American Poets is a nonprofit, mission-driven organization, whose aim is to make poetry available to a wider audience. (c) 2014 Lauren Camp. Distributed by King Features Syndicate Health and Beauty Tip No matter what kind of ****** cleanser you use, check what kind of water you have access to. Hard water can be just as detrimental to skin as plain soap, and can dry it out. JOKES Toddler Property Laws 1. If I like it, it's mine. 2. If it's in my hand, it's mine. 3. If I can take it from you, it's mine. 4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. 5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way. 6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine. 7. If it looks just like mine, it's mine. 8. If I think it's mine, it's mine. 9. If I... Oops! I'm sorry, I goofed! Instead of typing in the Toddler Property Laws, I've been typing in Bill Gates' primary business plan. Phone Call A young boy answers the phone. A man says, "Hello is your dad around?" The boy whispers, "Yes." The man then asks if he can talk to him. "He's busy at the moment," the boy whispers. "Then is your mom there?" "Yes" the boy whispers. "Can I talk to her?" "No, she's busy," the boy whispers. "Is there anyone else there?" "Yes" whispered the boy. "Who?" the man asked. "A policeman," came the whispered reply. "Well, can I talk to him?" "He's busy too," the boy whispered. "Is there anyone else there then?" "Yes" whispered the boy. "Who then?" the man asked. "A fireman," the boy whispered. "Can I talk to him?" "No," the boy whispered, "he's busy." Annoyed, the man asked what they were all doing. "Looking for me." the boy whispered. Hard Working? A business owner decides to take a tour around his business and see how things are going. He goes down to the shipping docks and sees a young man leaning against the wall doing nothing. The owner walks up to the young man and says, "Son, how much do you make a day?" The guy replies, "150 dollars." The owner pulls out his wallet, gives him $150, and tells him to get out and never come back. A few minutes later the shipping clerk says to the boss, "Have you seen that UPS driver? I left him standing around here?" Presidential Quotes "If Lincoln were alive today he'd roll over in his grave." --Gerald Ford (president, 1974-77) --- "A friend of mine was asked to a costume ball a while ago. He slapped some egg on his face and went as a liberal economist." --Ronald Reagan --- "I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job." --George Bush Football and Confession Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportsmanlike manner at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents." "Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat. "That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents." "Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark. "There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players in the . . . in a sensitive area." "Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin' when you did these awful things?" "Southern Methodist." "Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve, "boys will be boys." Have a super nice Friday and a very dazzling weekend!

147

Whales have no wings to fly But they have eyes to cry Whales are so big but kind They're not easy to find Whales are definitely so nice **** them not to eat with rice. Today is Saturday, Sept. 28, the 269th day of 2014 with 94 to follow. The moon is waxing. Morning stars are Jupiter, Uranus and Venus. Evening stars are Mars, Mercury, Neptune and Saturn. In 1825, in England, George Stephenson operated the first locomotive to pull a passenger train. A thought for the day: No place epitomizes the American experience and the American spirit more than New York City. -- Michael Bloomberg. QUOTES FOR THE DAY: He who is void of virtuous attachments in private life is, or very soon will be, void of all regard for his country. There is seldom an instance of a man guilty of betraying his country, who had not before lost the feeling of moral obligations in his private connections. ------------------------ How strangely will the Tools of a Tyrant pervert the plain Meaning of Words! Samuel Adams In university they don't tell you that the greater part of the law is learning to tolerate fools. Doris Lessing “The character inherent in the American people has done all that has been accomplished; and it would have done somewhat more, if the government had not sometimes got in its way.” Henry David Thoreau "Everything you can imagine is real." Pablo Picasso “Ugly. Is irrelevant. It is an immeasurable insult to a woman, and then supposedly the worst crime you can commit as a woman. But ugly, as beautiful, is an illusion.” Margaret Cho POETRY TO THE THAWING WIND Robert Frost Come with rain, O loud Southwester! Bring the singer, bring the nester; Give the buried flower a dream; Make the settled snowbank steam; Find the brown beneath the white; But whate'er you do tonight, Bathe my window, make it flow, Melt it as the ice will go; Melt the glass and leave the sticks Like a hermit's crucifix; Burst into my narrow stall; Swing the picture on the wall; Run the rattling pages o'er; Scatter poems on the floor; Turn the poet out of door. About this poem "To the Thawing Wind" was first published in Frost's collection "A Boy's Will" (Holt, 1915). About Robert Frost Robert Frost was born on March 26, 1874, in San Francisco. He was the recipient of four Pulitzer Prizes during his lifetime and read at President John F. Kennedy's inauguration. Frost died in Boston on Jan. 29, 1963. *** The Academy of American Poets is a nonprofit, mission-driven organization, whose aim is to make poetry available to a wider audience. Email The Academy at poem-a-day[at]poets.org. This poem is in the public domain. Distributed by King Features Syndicate A TIP FOR WOMEN Choosing Eyeliner Make sure the color of your eyeliner complements your eyes. Dark brown eyes benefit from plum shades. If you have lighter eyes, try navy and charcoal. Brown eyeliner works well no matter what color your eyes are! JOKES WHALES A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl: said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher: asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl: replied, "Then you ask him". JURY SELECTION The tiresome jury selection process continued, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors. Don O'Brian was called for his question session. "Property holder?" "Yes, I am, Your Honor." "Married or single?" "Married for twenty years, Your Honor." "Formed or expressed an opinion?" "Not in twenty years, Your Honor." Questionable Predictions Nostradamus recently turned 500. Here are some other predictions from lesser lights: - Law will be simplified (over the next century). Lawyers will have diminished, and their fees will have been vastly curtailed. --Junius Henri Browne 1893 - By 1960, work will be limited to three hours a day. --John Langdon-Davies - Hurrah, Boys, we've caught them napping. We'll finish them up and go home to our station. --George A. Custer, 1876, prior to the Battle of Little Big Horn - Get rid of the pointed-ears guy. --NBC executive, regarding Mr. Spock of STAR TREK, 1966 - Telephones (will) bring peace on earth, eliminate Southern accents, and save the farm by making farmers less lonely. --printed in THE WALL STREET JOURNAL, Century-old Pronouncements, 1995 Stupid True Headlines - Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says - Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers - Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted - Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case - Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents - Farmer Bill Dies in House - Iraqi Head Seeks Arms - Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? - Stud Tires Out - Prostitutes Appeal to Pope - Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over - Soviet ****** Lands Short of Goal Again - British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands - Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms - Eye Drops off Shelf - Teacher Strikes Idle Kids - Include your Children When Baking Cookies - Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim - Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66 - Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Axe - Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told - Miners Refuse to Work after Death - Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant - Stolen Painting Found by Tree - Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies - Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter - Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years - Never Withhold ****** Infection from Loved One - Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in '84 - War Dims Hope for Peace - If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While - Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures - Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide - Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge - Deer **** 17,000 - Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead - Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge - New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group - Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft - Kids Make Nutritious Snacks - Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy - Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire - British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply - Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood - Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees - Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half - New Vaccine May Contain Rabies - Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing - Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing - Air Head Fired - Steals Clock, Faces Time - Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff - Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni - Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board - Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors - Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction - *** Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training HAVE A FABULOUS SUNDAY!

0

Sep 28, 2014

Sep 28, 2014 at 1:41 AM UTC

Whales

Whales have no wings to fly But they have eyes to cry Whales are so big but kind They're not easy to find Whales are definitely so nice **** them not to eat with rice. Today is Saturday, Sept. 28, the 269th day of 2014 with 94 to follow. The moon is waxing. Morning stars are Jupiter, Uranus and Venus. Evening stars are Mars, Mercury, Neptune and Saturn. In 1825, in England, George Stephenson operated the first locomotive to pull a passenger train. A thought for the day: No place epitomizes the American experience and the American spirit more than New York City. -- Michael Bloomberg. QUOTES FOR THE DAY: He who is void of virtuous attachments in private life is, or very soon will be, void of all regard for his country. There is seldom an instance of a man guilty of betraying his country, who had not before lost the feeling of moral obligations in his private connections. ------------------------ How strangely will the Tools of a Tyrant pervert the plain Meaning of Words! Samuel Adams In university they don't tell you that the greater part of the law is learning to tolerate fools. Doris Lessing “The character inherent in the American people has done all that has been accomplished; and it would have done somewhat more, if the government had not sometimes got in its way.” Henry David Thoreau "Everything you can imagine is real." Pablo Picasso “Ugly. Is irrelevant. It is an immeasurable insult to a woman, and then supposedly the worst crime you can commit as a woman. But ugly, as beautiful, is an illusion.” Margaret Cho POETRY TO THE THAWING WIND Robert Frost Come with rain, O loud Southwester! Bring the singer, bring the nester; Give the buried flower a dream; Make the settled snowbank steam; Find the brown beneath the white; But whate'er you do tonight, Bathe my window, make it flow, Melt it as the ice will go; Melt the glass and leave the sticks Like a hermit's crucifix; Burst into my narrow stall; Swing the picture on the wall; Run the rattling pages o'er; Scatter poems on the floor; Turn the poet out of door. About this poem "To the Thawing Wind" was first published in Frost's collection "A Boy's Will" (Holt, 1915). About Robert Frost Robert Frost was born on March 26, 1874, in San Francisco. He was the recipient of four Pulitzer Prizes during his lifetime and read at President John F. Kennedy's inauguration. Frost died in Boston on Jan. 29, 1963. *** The Academy of American Poets is a nonprofit, mission-driven organization, whose aim is to make poetry available to a wider audience. Email The Academy at poem-a-day[at]poets.org. This poem is in the public domain. Distributed by King Features Syndicate A TIP FOR WOMEN Choosing Eyeliner Make sure the color of your eyeliner complements your eyes. Dark brown eyes benefit from plum shades. If you have lighter eyes, try navy and charcoal. Brown eyeliner works well no matter what color your eyes are! JOKES WHALES A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl: said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher: asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl: replied, "Then you ask him". JURY SELECTION The tiresome jury selection process continued, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors. Don O'Brian was called for his question session. "Property holder?" "Yes, I am, Your Honor." "Married or single?" "Married for twenty years, Your Honor." "Formed or expressed an opinion?" "Not in twenty years, Your Honor." Questionable Predictions Nostradamus recently turned 500. Here are some other predictions from lesser lights: - Law will be simplified (over the next century). Lawyers will have diminished, and their fees will have been vastly curtailed. --Junius Henri Browne 1893 - By 1960, work will be limited to three hours a day. --John Langdon-Davies - Hurrah, Boys, we've caught them napping. We'll finish them up and go home to our station. --George A. Custer, 1876, prior to the Battle of Little Big Horn - Get rid of the pointed-ears guy. --NBC executive, regarding Mr. Spock of STAR TREK, 1966 - Telephones (will) bring peace on earth, eliminate Southern accents, and save the farm by making farmers less lonely. --printed in THE WALL STREET JOURNAL, Century-old Pronouncements, 1995 Stupid True Headlines - Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says - Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers - Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted - Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case - Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents - Farmer Bill Dies in House - Iraqi Head Seeks Arms - Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? - Stud Tires Out - Prostitutes Appeal to Pope - Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over - Soviet ****** Lands Short of Goal Again - British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands - Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms - Eye Drops off Shelf - Teacher Strikes Idle Kids - Include your Children When Baking Cookies - Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim - Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66 - Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Axe - Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told - Miners Refuse to Work after Death - Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant - Stolen Painting Found by Tree - Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies - Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter - Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years - Never Withhold ****** Infection from Loved One - Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in '84 - War Dims Hope for Peace - If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While - Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures - Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide - Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge - Deer **** 17,000 - Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead - Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge - New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group - Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft - Kids Make Nutritious Snacks - Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy - Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire - British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply - Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood - Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees - Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half - New Vaccine May Contain Rabies - Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing - Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing - Air Head Fired - Steals Clock, Faces Time - Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff - Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni - Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board - Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors - Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction - *** Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training HAVE A FABULOUS SUNDAY!

136

Class Pictures have always been the best Wherever you go east or west They really remind you of the good old times When you were young and your pocket full of dimes Class pictures ought to be always handy Seen and enjoyed with a rainbow candy Sam Today is Friday, Sept. 27, the 270th day of 2014 with 95 to follow. The moon is waxing. Morning stars are Jupiter, Uranus and Venus. Evening stars are Mars, Mercury, Neptune and Saturn. In 1950, U.N. troops took the South Korean capital of Seoul from North Korean forces. In 1960, the first televised presidential debate aired from a Chicago TV studio. It featured candidates John F. Kennedy and Richard M. Nixon. A thought for the day: A good hockey player plays where the puck is. A great hockey player plays where the puck is going to be. -- Wayne Gretzky QUOTES FOR THE DAY: A play should give you something to think about. When I see a play and understand it the first time, then I know it can't be much good. ------------------------ An election is coming. Universal peace is declared and the foxes have a sincere interest in prolonging the lives of the poultry. Thomas Stearnes Eliot If we can connect in some tiny way with a human that doesn't agree with us, then maybe we won't blow up the planet. Nancy White POETRY THE EPISTEMOLOGY OF CHEERIOS Geffrey Davis this the week of our son's first upright wobble from kitchen to living-room and he begins planting tiny Os wherever his fleshy fingers can reach each first shelf each chair cushion each pair of shoes he goes to bury a piece behind the TV inside the pool of exposed wires we've been saving him from since he took to motion and I let him go for it he survives but why this risk how costly this whole- grain crumb back from the wilderness of worry for whom About this poem "This poem is part of a new series on fatherhood tentatively titled 'The Daddy Notebooks.' A recurring tension of the series is the struggle to balance the forces of belief and worry." -Geffrey Davis About Geffrey Davis Geffrey Davis is the author of "Revising the Storm" (BOA Editions, 2014). He teaches at the University of Arkansas and lives in Fayetteville, Ark. *** The Academy of American Poets is a nonprofit, mission-driven organization, whose aim is to make poetry available to a wider audience. Email The Academy at poem-a-day[at]poets.org. (c) 2014 Geffrey Davis. Distributed by King Features Syndicate A Tip for WOMEN Open your eyes To accentuate your eyes, use a little white eyeshadow just under the brow at each corner of the eye. JOKES Siblings A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not **** Getting Gray? One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?" Class Pictures The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead." Science Lesson A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty." Have a super nice Saturday!

0

Sep 26, 2014

Sep 26, 2014 at 7:04 PM UTC

Class Pictures

Class Pictures have always been the best Wherever you go east or west They really remind you of the good old times When you were young and your pocket full of dimes Class pictures ought to be always handy Seen and enjoyed with a rainbow candy Sam Today is Friday, Sept. 27, the 270th day of 2014 with 95 to follow. The moon is waxing. Morning stars are Jupiter, Uranus and Venus. Evening stars are Mars, Mercury, Neptune and Saturn. In 1950, U.N. troops took the South Korean capital of Seoul from North Korean forces. In 1960, the first televised presidential debate aired from a Chicago TV studio. It featured candidates John F. Kennedy and Richard M. Nixon. A thought for the day: A good hockey player plays where the puck is. A great hockey player plays where the puck is going to be. -- Wayne Gretzky QUOTES FOR THE DAY: A play should give you something to think about. When I see a play and understand it the first time, then I know it can't be much good. ------------------------ An election is coming. Universal peace is declared and the foxes have a sincere interest in prolonging the lives of the poultry. Thomas Stearnes Eliot If we can connect in some tiny way with a human that doesn't agree with us, then maybe we won't blow up the planet. Nancy White POETRY THE EPISTEMOLOGY OF CHEERIOS Geffrey Davis this the week of our son's first upright wobble from kitchen to living-room and he begins planting tiny Os wherever his fleshy fingers can reach each first shelf each chair cushion each pair of shoes he goes to bury a piece behind the TV inside the pool of exposed wires we've been saving him from since he took to motion and I let him go for it he survives but why this risk how costly this whole- grain crumb back from the wilderness of worry for whom About this poem "This poem is part of a new series on fatherhood tentatively titled 'The Daddy Notebooks.' A recurring tension of the series is the struggle to balance the forces of belief and worry." -Geffrey Davis About Geffrey Davis Geffrey Davis is the author of "Revising the Storm" (BOA Editions, 2014). He teaches at the University of Arkansas and lives in Fayetteville, Ark. *** The Academy of American Poets is a nonprofit, mission-driven organization, whose aim is to make poetry available to a wider audience. Email The Academy at poem-a-day[at]poets.org. (c) 2014 Geffrey Davis. Distributed by King Features Syndicate A Tip for WOMEN Open your eyes To accentuate your eyes, use a little white eyeshadow just under the brow at each corner of the eye. JOKES Siblings A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not **** Getting Gray? One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?" Class Pictures The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead." Science Lesson A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty." Have a super nice Saturday!

69

Life without a wife Is like a knife So strife For a better life. Friends, Life is short, but it is so beautiful. Make use of every minute. Do not waste your time on something worthless. Be always good and wear a smile all the times. Give a hand to all those who are in need of it and always expect the unexpected. Sam Today is Thursday, Sept. 25, the 267th day of 2014 with 98 to follow. The moon is waxing. Morning stars are Jupiter, Uranus and Venus. Evening stars are Mars, Mercury, Neptune and Saturn. A thought for the day: Jim Henson, creator of the Muppets, said, The most sophisticated people I know -- inside they are all children. QUOTES FOR THE DAY: I don't like being told what to do. ------------------------ I don't need a lot of money. Simplicity is the answer for me. ------------------------ I think hard drugs are disgusting. But I must say, I think marijuana is pretty lightweight. Linda Eastman McCartney Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half. Gore Vidal (1925 - ) "Don't worry about failure; you only have to be right once." Drew Houston POETRY MANIC PANIC Marisa Crawford Live fast and dye your hair. That's what I wrote on my Converse in 8th grade. Maybe it was the way the feeling pulled me like a girl pulling a ponytail. Maybe I didn't get the job cause of the polka dots. Maybe I don't care cause of the wave. Today I'm blue. Tomorrow I could be anywhere. All these pop songs about dying young like it's gonna be so epic. The only difference between 8th grade and now is the blowing up the use of color & perspective. Things that are with you when you wake up & you feel like someone's there. Same rainbows under her eyes clouds floating in the air. About this poem "When I wrote 'Manic Panic,' I was thinking about mass violence, about being a kid versus being an adult, about our culture's obsession with staying young forever contrasted with the reality of dying young in some form of violence or tragedy. There's so much focus all around us on the power and allure of youth, on 'stopping aging,' for women in particular, but this poem is about what happens to that power as you keep on living." -Marisa Crawford About Marisa Crawford Marisa Crawford is the author of "The Haunted House" (Switchback Books, 2010). She lives in Brooklyn, N.Y. *** The Academy of American Poets is a nonprofit, mission-driven organization, whose aim is to make poetry available to a wider audience. Email The Academy at poem-a-day[at]poets.org. (c) 2014 Marisa Crawford. Distributed by King Features Syndicate A TIP FOR WOMEN Change your pillow case What does changing your pillowcase have to do with health and beauty? Everything! Think of everything you use in your hair and on your face ... where do you think it goes at the end of the day? Change your pillowcase often -- about every other night is good -- to prevent breakouts. JOKES Barbecue? As the coals from our barbecue burned down, our hosts passed out marshmallows and long roasting forks. Just then, two fire trucks roared by, sirens blaring, lights flashing. They stopped at a house right down the block. All twelve of us raced out of the back yard, down the street, where we found the owners of the blazing house standing by helplessly. They glared at us with looks of disgust. Suddenly, we realized why.........we were all still holding our roasting forks with marshmallows on them... Swimming Lesson A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim. "It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard. "First you must take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly..." "This is certainly most helpful." said the member. "I know that my kid sister will appreciate it." "Your sister?" said the lifeguard. "In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She'll learn in a hurry." Tidbits "To celebrate the 30th anniversary of the moon landing President Bush met with Neil Armstrong. There was one odd moment when President Bush said, 'I hear you're doing well in that Tour de France.'" --Conan O'Brien --- After examining a woman the doctor took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all." "Me neither doc," said the husband, "but she's a great cook and really good with the kids. --- "My son's into extreme sports, my daughter's into extreme makeovers, and my husband's into extreme denial." Insurance A client called to report an accident and ask if her insurance rates would go up. "Our underwriting department determines that", I said. Then I asked for her license number. Verifying her information, I asked, "NMF? Is that N as in Nancy, M as in Mary, and F as in Frank?" "Well... yes," she said. "But could you please tell your underwriters that it's also N as in Not, M as in My, and F as in fault?" Computer Virus Humor Recently, the "Love Bug" Virus circled the globe, damaging computers in it's path. There have recently been some new mutations or variationsof this virus that you should be aware of. * The "I Love You, But I'm Shy" virus never actually invades your computer, but collects data about it worshipfully from afar. * The "Love The One You're With" virus hangs around your computer, but the whole thing is just temporary until it can find the computer that it really wants to invade. * The "Happily Married" virus invades only one computer and stays with it for life. * The "Unhappily Married" virus spends a long time negotia- ting with a computer, finally invades it, and then strays to other computers from time to time. * The "I Want A Divorce" virus sends repeated, hard-to-read messages that your computer isn't working and takes half of your computer's best data in an ugly network session. * The "Stalker" virus spends unnatural amounts of time monitoring your computer, collecting data your computer has thrown away and tries to record all of its functions. And it writes rude messages to any other computer with which yours connects on any regular basis. * The "Forever Single" virus causes your computer to focus solely on other computers with which it is totally incompatible or prove generally unavailable. * The "Deadbeat" virus invades your computer, spawns an entirely new database, then refuses to help update it as it grows. HAVE A DAZZLING THURSDAY!

0

Sep 24, 2014

Sep 24, 2014 at 7:03 PM UTC

LIFE

Life without a wife Is like a knife So strife For a better life. Friends, Life is short, but it is so beautiful. Make use of every minute. Do not waste your time on something worthless. Be always good and wear a smile all the times. Give a hand to all those who are in need of it and always expect the unexpected. Sam Today is Thursday, Sept. 25, the 267th day of 2014 with 98 to follow. The moon is waxing. Morning stars are Jupiter, Uranus and Venus. Evening stars are Mars, Mercury, Neptune and Saturn. A thought for the day: Jim Henson, creator of the Muppets, said, The most sophisticated people I know -- inside they are all children. QUOTES FOR THE DAY: I don't like being told what to do. ------------------------ I don't need a lot of money. Simplicity is the answer for me. ------------------------ I think hard drugs are disgusting. But I must say, I think marijuana is pretty lightweight. Linda Eastman McCartney Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half. Gore Vidal (1925 - ) "Don't worry about failure; you only have to be right once." Drew Houston POETRY MANIC PANIC Marisa Crawford Live fast and dye your hair. That's what I wrote on my Converse in 8th grade. Maybe it was the way the feeling pulled me like a girl pulling a ponytail. Maybe I didn't get the job cause of the polka dots. Maybe I don't care cause of the wave. Today I'm blue. Tomorrow I could be anywhere. All these pop songs about dying young like it's gonna be so epic. The only difference between 8th grade and now is the blowing up the use of color & perspective. Things that are with you when you wake up & you feel like someone's there. Same rainbows under her eyes clouds floating in the air. About this poem "When I wrote 'Manic Panic,' I was thinking about mass violence, about being a kid versus being an adult, about our culture's obsession with staying young forever contrasted with the reality of dying young in some form of violence or tragedy. There's so much focus all around us on the power and allure of youth, on 'stopping aging,' for women in particular, but this poem is about what happens to that power as you keep on living." -Marisa Crawford About Marisa Crawford Marisa Crawford is the author of "The Haunted House" (Switchback Books, 2010). She lives in Brooklyn, N.Y. *** The Academy of American Poets is a nonprofit, mission-driven organization, whose aim is to make poetry available to a wider audience. Email The Academy at poem-a-day[at]poets.org. (c) 2014 Marisa Crawford. Distributed by King Features Syndicate A TIP FOR WOMEN Change your pillow case What does changing your pillowcase have to do with health and beauty? Everything! Think of everything you use in your hair and on your face ... where do you think it goes at the end of the day? Change your pillowcase often -- about every other night is good -- to prevent breakouts. JOKES Barbecue? As the coals from our barbecue burned down, our hosts passed out marshmallows and long roasting forks. Just then, two fire trucks roared by, sirens blaring, lights flashing. They stopped at a house right down the block. All twelve of us raced out of the back yard, down the street, where we found the owners of the blazing house standing by helplessly. They glared at us with looks of disgust. Suddenly, we realized why.........we were all still holding our roasting forks with marshmallows on them... Swimming Lesson A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim. "It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard. "First you must take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly..." "This is certainly most helpful." said the member. "I know that my kid sister will appreciate it." "Your sister?" said the lifeguard. "In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She'll learn in a hurry." Tidbits "To celebrate the 30th anniversary of the moon landing President Bush met with Neil Armstrong. There was one odd moment when President Bush said, 'I hear you're doing well in that Tour de France.'" --Conan O'Brien --- After examining a woman the doctor took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all." "Me neither doc," said the husband, "but she's a great cook and really good with the kids. --- "My son's into extreme sports, my daughter's into extreme makeovers, and my husband's into extreme denial." Insurance A client called to report an accident and ask if her insurance rates would go up. "Our underwriting department determines that", I said. Then I asked for her license number. Verifying her information, I asked, "NMF? Is that N as in Nancy, M as in Mary, and F as in Frank?" "Well... yes," she said. "But could you please tell your underwriters that it's also N as in Not, M as in My, and F as in fault?" Computer Virus Humor Recently, the "Love Bug" Virus circled the globe, damaging computers in it's path. There have recently been some new mutations or variationsof this virus that you should be aware of. * The "I Love You, But I'm Shy" virus never actually invades your computer, but collects data about it worshipfully from afar. * The "Love The One You're With" virus hangs around your computer, but the whole thing is just temporary until it can find the computer that it really wants to invade. * The "Happily Married" virus invades only one computer and stays with it for life. * The "Unhappily Married" virus spends a long time negotia- ting with a computer, finally invades it, and then strays to other computers from time to time. * The "I Want A Divorce" virus sends repeated, hard-to-read messages that your computer isn't working and takes half of your computer's best data in an ugly network session. * The "Stalker" virus spends unnatural amounts of time monitoring your computer, collecting data your computer has thrown away and tries to record all of its functions. And it writes rude messages to any other computer with which yours connects on any regular basis. * The "Forever Single" virus causes your computer to focus solely on other computers with which it is totally incompatible or prove generally unavailable. * The "Deadbeat" virus invades your computer, spawns an entirely new database, then refuses to help update it as it grows. HAVE A DAZZLING THURSDAY!

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