Sunlight peeks In between silk curtains,
Sparking my whole being into motion.
Today starts.
11:00am -
I roll out of bed
And wake up to a sweet goodmorning
From you.
I keep this huge smile
While my morning shower washes away
The sins of yesterday's memories.
While I make bacon and eggs,
You make your way to my door.
Your knock is like the alarm clock
For the butterflies in my stomach
Scrambling all over.
3:00pm -
Our moans fade into a sweet ambience;
Your bare skin on mine feels like
I'm lounging in the clouds above our heads.
We basque in the amazing energy
Our seeds of love bloomed into.
Please stay. Pretty please?
7:00pm -
Our nap comes to an end.
We hope our goodbye kisses
Are merely just holding us over til tomorrow.
You might be going back to your house, but
*You and I both know
Your home is where my heart is.*
1:00am -
I've been in bed for three hours,
Restlessly tumbling from side to side in bed
Trying to get to sleep.
With you in my life,
No dream compares
To another breath I share with you.
I love you. So much.
Jan 8, 2014
Jan 8, 2014 at 9:17 PM UTC
Sticks and stones break bones.
The whole world rushes over
To sign your cast - okay..
So if the mind cracks,
But no one cares to listen..
Does it make a sound?
If we go to war
With ourselves regularly,
Who's the terrorist?
I would say being
Mentally sick's more about
Being sane than calm.
Day One - It All Starts.
The sunshine dims, with daylight
Dwindling to dark.
Day Two - It sets in.
Scars and wounds are kept freshly
Scarlet red. It hurts.
Day Three - It Doesn't.
Sadly, it all becomes moot.
Now, it's your routine.
Day Four - Friends Notice.
That's why they stopped trying to
Convince you to live.
Day Five - Mom Worries.
She loses sleep, sort of like
How you have. Scary.
Day Six - You Give In.
Staring at the ceiling is
All you can manage.
Day Seven - You Choose.
You've had enough. **** it all.
You plan it all out.
Waking up at 4
In the morning, trying to
Drown in your own blood.
Taking the doctor's
Pills and shoving them all down
Your throat with no voice.
To secure things, you
Get your childhood blankie
And tighten a knot.
All your tears cascade
Upon the floor. you're thinking,
"What else do I have?"
You sum up your guts,
Step on the stool, and look out
The window. Goodbye.
Just as you jump off,
You catch yourself. Still in bed.
Profusely sweating.
It was all a dream.
You cry until dry heaving
Saps your energy.
You last one more night;
Amen. Warriors like you
Deserve to fight on.
You are stronger than
Sticks, stones, words, pills, razors, life -
Keep going. I beg.
Jan 7, 2014
Jan 7, 2014 at 1:28 AM UTC
Depression suffocates me
until I am begging
for just one more breath on the floor -
the aftermath of my overdose taking its toll.
Poetry is my oxygen tank.
It is a bit challenging to accept
that after feeling so low,
I felt that getting high was my only choice.
To wake up to hell for 16 hours a day,
only to have nightmares
I have never found myself able to outrun,
no matter how fast the alcohol seeps into my bloodstream -
it's almost scary to realize
that my life has fallen to this.
Long nights in basements
filled with scarlet red cups become synonymous
with dreadful episodes in the bathroom
staining the sink blood red -
We're merely trying to escape.
Depression, however, isn't just a phase -
It's a lifestyle.
Depression isn't feeling sad
when everything goes wrong -
it's not being able to accept
that everything is alright.
It isn't crying over spilled milk,
it's being the delicate glass
that was tipped just too hard,
rolled over and cracked
with a resounding smash
on the ground.
What people don't get
is that no matter how much tape or glue you use,
that glass will never be the same as its original self -
It isn't temporary - it's permanent.
It is hard to admit that I am sick.
The pills won't help,
the drugs won't help,
the people won't help -
the scariest part is that
I have to help myself.
When you've fallen into a hole this deep,
you don't simply climb out -
you claw and fight
until you can finally get a grip
on the beauty that life holds for us
and keep it to you tighter than ever.
Whenever I love something,
I hold onto it like the Earth
keeping the moon in perfect orbit
until the end of time,
in the hopes that it's not
just another wandering asteroid
that accidentally found its way into my atmosphere,
in which case the impact
leaves permanent craters on my psyche,
splashing the debris into the air,
covering up the sun
until I'm done tripping out and finally come to.
On one random Wednesday,
I blacked out.
Hours of my life in my memory
are simply gone.
Over the course of two hours,
I found my way
to the 5th floor of an unknown dorm,
face down and unresponsive in my own *****
The next two hours consisted of EMTs
trying to force me to keep going;
all I uttered for those 7200 seconds:
**** me.**
When they held my body,
Long detached from conscious thought,
I felt like I was being pressed into nothing.
As they held me down
with enough force to subdue my thrashing nervous system,
my world slipped away,
l i t t l e b i t b y b i t .
I felt the dry heaves push out
any remnants of life I had remaining.
When they stuck me with the IVs,
needles pierced every inch of my body
for hours on end.
I saw hell for one night -
scary enough, in my period of unresponsiveness,
I crossed the threshold of life and death once.
I lost my heartbeat for three seconds.
Who knew that one **** hit
would almost give me one last night on Earth?
We all have our ways of coping.
Some cut.
Some rebel.
Some don't care.
I write. I speak. I live.
Poetry is my lifeline.
Somehow, words become much more
than just a collection of letters;
they become my heartbeats
translated into English.
It's almost scary that the only words
besides 'kill me' that I remember from my trip are,
'you have to write about this. people have to know.'
Poetry is my oxygen tank.
Take a deep breath with me.
Jan 6, 2014
Jan 6, 2014 at 2:02 PM UTC
I can't.
Bombs and missiles are flying everywhere;
Gunshots are whistling past my ears,
These nights are becoming the battleground of wars
Between my logic and my love;
Mind and heart fight back and forth
With neither daring to give up any ground.
Blood seeps into the soil,
Feeding this seed you planted inside of me,
And a flower grows amidst all chaos.
You kiss me to make it all feel better,
The tears you drop fall on the budding rose,
Its thorns scraping my feet while i try to run away from whatever hurts the most at the time -
I get tangled in its lengthening vines..
Until finally, your love has me constricted, gasping for air,
I need a fresh breath,
A momentary cease in fire,
A lapse in everything -
An I love you.
But this time, a real one.
Jan 5, 2014
Jan 5, 2014 at 1:18 AM UTC
So..
Ive been thinking about you a lot lately.
At this point in time, i should probably be studying Mathematics
But instead, I'm looking to add us two together
Because it wouldn't be nearly as complicated as long division
To subtract all the zeroes in my life
Until its just you and I as a final product.
The only thing I really got out of calculus
Was that a great relationship could be our derivative.
I think the function for Y
This is happening is because
You have made
an X-ceptional difference
In my life;
Your beauty's limits are just imaginary numbers.
But -
I think I should review my English notes,
Because, I swear- We're just like Romeo and Juliet!
... minus the whole killing ourselves thing,
There aren't enough words in any dictionary
To completely envelop the feelings I have that make me so wary,
Now that you've torn down my walls, I hate being vulnerable,
You've gotten so close, so fast -
i can almost feel you hugging my soul.
Pero, uhh, donde esta mi libro de Espanol?
Porque
hay una mujer que domina mis sentidos con solo tocar mi piel,
y solo por un beso con ella soy feliz.
But in all seriousness.
The Chemistry we have is undeniable.
You take away all the oxygen in the room
When you get my blood boiling
And stomach toiling
when our eyes lock;
A limitless amount of reactions are unfolding
With you being my catalyst for my heart beating
Every time our hands are meeting.
Its now 5th period, Psychology,
When we kiss, its visualized neurology
Because my lips still tingle when you allow me
To go clinically crazy,
I'm only left to plead insanity
After our physiological fallacy.
Or maybe i should crack open my History textbook,
Because all I ever hear about
Is how Benjamin Franklin was a ****
And that crazy chick from 300 stabbed her love affair,
Or, quite simply,
How nothing good ever lasts.
Well, I don't know why I'm even in school anymore,
Because I feel like you and I reversed millenniums
Of misguided relationships,
Because with finger locked,
We ran through Berlin Walls that said
High school romance was stupid,
And practically caused World War 3
When so many jealous lovers realized
That the only weapon of mass destruction
Is the undeniable army of two that we have become.
I'd say
We're a bit closer
To that old couple from The Notebook!
..wait..
they die too.
So the last bell has rung,
You made me late to every class,
But if my homework was just to love you,
There'd be no doubt that I'd pass.
Jan 5, 2014
Jan 5, 2014 at 12:51 AM UTC
When I saw you, I knew already
That you were the kind of girl
boys like me write poems about.
We first met on our way to the beach
But I figured
You'd be giving me the tan
Because your smile
Was at least 10 times as bright
As the sun;
I didn't dare call you beautiful
Because I felt like it'd be an insult
To not fully encompass
How fast my jaw dropped
When we made eye contact.
You probably haven't given me
Much of a second thought,
But to be honest, I haven't either -
My mind is still stuck on the first time
You pierced my conscious
And staked claim on my attention
As if it was just another sandcastle
You wanted to name after yourself.
You crashed into me
Like waves of saltwater
And knocked me down
With the surprise
That God decided he'd rather watch one of his angels
Play tag with my senses while i try to pinpoint
Exactly what it is about you
That's has left me mesmerized.
You're the cool breeze.
You give me goosebumps when you come my way,
Pacifying the billions of beads of sand
To make way for a queen entering her throne.
You are the setting sun,
Making everything you touch
Just a bit more breathtaking by association,
making me wish i could freeze time
Just so i could completely absorb
All that you have to offer.
Your laugh reminds me
Of the gentle ebb and flow of the tide,
A serenade reminding you that,
For the time being,
Everything will be alright.
The next time I go to the beach,
I do not want the saltwater kissing my skin,
I want to walk on water
From your lips kissing mine.
I really wish this day
Would never end.
Jan 5, 2014
Jan 5, 2014 at 12:49 AM UTC
When I felt you tremble,
I felt the earth quake beneath me
Like I stood on high grounds;
You pounded emotion into me
With playful punches
And hard stares;
But I'm not supposed to like you like this.
The way your hair falls
And the way my finger feels curling in it;
The freckles on your face
And the heart I formed connecting them,
Your voice that is a song playing on repeat, repeat, repeat
Release me from your spell -
Because I am not supposed to like you like this.
Tension builds like the walls I put up
To protect myself from a girl like you,
A girl that will come marching through
With the audacity
To make me break rules set in stone,
Because I don't care that
I'm not supposed to like you like this.
Your teeth align in your smile
Like the planets during a solar eclipse -
Girls like you come along once every other millennium,
You are the reason I pray to God
For every good thing that has happened to me
On days when nothing goes right
You are the hammer that shattered any standards I had.
You are the reason I am walking like a KING.
You are my QUEEN.
You look so beautiful right underneath me;
This isn't just another hook up
Why are my lips tingling
and my mind mingling
Somewhere between us and the heavens?
When will I remember to start breathing again?
You are not just a friend -
you are the girl
That I am not supposed to meet.
Why am I connecting to you
like steel chains that cannot break?
Emotions became synonymous with skyscrapers -
We're touching the clouds,
We're getting higher and higher
My lips
fall lower and lower;
You
Get closer and closer,
I am being pushed
Further further,
Im not supposed
To be writing a poem like this.
Your moans should not be in perfect harmony
With my panting,
You should not have a necklace of hickies and bite marks,
Your pants should not be on the floor,
I'm not supposed
To be feeling good about this.
Jan 5, 2014
Jan 5, 2014 at 12:47 AM UTC
The last time I made an 11:11 wish,
I asked God to remind me
what the definition of amazing was.
And then you came along.
I almost thought I was going half crazy
because you were half perfect and half impossible;
Please tell me how
You were able to demolish walls I had put up
To stop girls like you from
Making my nervous stutter come back,
Or how you show me the Earth
In your vibrant green eyes;
Two worlds spinning,
Two different realities,
You put me in a new world,
You have me playing hopscotch on the clouds -
Please, let your lips put me on high again.
I'm not exactly sure
How you could numb my whole body
With just one touch,
And I'm still puzzled
As to why my stomach scrambled
When my fingers filled the gap between yours,
These freezes in time come along
With my heartbeat halting -
The only thing keeping me alive
Are the shocks you send up my spine,
Explaining how you leave the hairs on my neck
Standing at attention.
I find constellations
In your freckles,
Marvel at the aligning of stars in your smile,
Trace tails of comets down your curves,
Let's come back down to earth,
Cause earthquakes from how hard you hit me,
Dive head first into my mind the size of the seven seas,
Swim to the new places and things you've shed light on;
This new world you have shown me,
I feel like an alien on it
Because I didn't think it really existed
Before our spaceship took off.
I'm not too sure
I want gravity to pull me down again.
Jan 5, 2014
Jan 5, 2014 at 12:46 AM UTC
*We loved
With a love
That I didn't know existed.*
This is not a love poem;
This is a ballad
Of all the sweet love songs
that finally made sense,
This is a dictionary
Defining the new outlook on life you gave me,
This is the final scene
Of something so perfect,
It had to be nothing much more than fiction.
God stitched together
All of my cuts and wounds
With thread made of your touch,
Your scent, your voice,
Your laugh, your hair flip,
Your 'I love yous', your leftover strands of hair
Still clinging to all of my clothes,
As if this distance between us
Was never there in the first place.
We were like Romeo and Juliet,
Discarding what everyone had to say.
I loved you like I was an abused dog
Straggling along, pouncing on any piece of meat
That came my way
Until you held me tight close to you,
Letting me know that
It'd all be okay.
Your love rivaled that
Of the Sun and the Moon,
You had shed light on my world
When I couldn't see
Past my insecurities and downfalls,
And brought shooting star showers down upon me
When it seems like the bad days could not get any longer.
We trekked over hills and valleys
And sure, sometimes, we slipped -
but we always made sure
That we got back up and kept going.
Our love was a perfect melody,
And sometimes, we struck a sour note,
But your voice was always a beautiful symphony
That slowed everything back down to its right pace.
I loved you
like diamonds yearning
For the perfect ray of light
To grace its surface
So that it may project a perfect spectrum
Upon your naked left ring finger
That i had daydreams every day
Of staking as my territory.
We were a binary solar system
In supposed equilibrium
Until your gravitational pull
Ripped away all my outer layers
And you left me vulnerable,
so that you could use all my flaws
To become a black hole
and tear my whole being to shreds.
I loved you
Like the breeze loves flowing through
Your hair, making a cascading waterfall
that left me drowning in your beauty.
But now -
You're not mine anymore.
And I'm not okay with that.
Jan 5, 2014
Jan 5, 2014 at 12:36 AM UTC
I've become afraid of the dark.
I lost my sunshine,
The reason I wake up
The way all my deep rooted efforts bud
The light on my path of love;
I lost you.
I find myself too many times
Wondering when you're gonna fill the space in my bed
Because you already filled the hole in my heart,
So I figured you'd be open to the idea.
My fingers never stop twitching
And I can't help but think
That they're looking for yours
To latch on to and never let go
like teenage summer nights
Filled with pinky promises
In which we both realized
That you cant break something
as sacred as us.
My mind is always running now.
I think its trying to catch up to you
Lapping past any other thought process in my head,
Speeding faster than my heartbeat
When we make eye contact
and I fall in love with you all over again.
There's plenty of girls out here in college
But now that I'm at the point
That my eyes dart from girl to girl,
Frantically hoping that one of them will save me
By taking the shape
of the most beautiful girl in the world
And being you by surprise,
I start to notice
That I bite my nails now more than ever,
Nervous that if you become anything less than my primary concern, my body wont know how to respond anymore.
My legs wont stop moving
Because they're a bit lost
Now that they're not trying to trip you
Until you fall a little bit more in love with me;
I think my ADD is growing.
I cant focus on anything
except trying my hardest
To remember
the feel of your curves,
the grace of your hair,
The tingle in my lips when we kiss,
The perfect harmony of your voice,
The slight slouch of your stance,
The heartwarming laugh you make
Before you smile,
The way your tears felt on my chest
The last time I was able to hold you.
I think
I'm in love.
I think
My body is trying to escape it, but
I think
I finally found out
What its like
To feel alive.
You gave me ADD -
Addictively Deep Devotion.
Jan 5, 2014
Jan 5, 2014 at 12:30 AM UTC