I wish I knew how to feel ten times bigger than myself
but I get so lost in the swarm that is me, that is inside of me
this being and entity that I am sometimes too out of touch with
and sometimes I can't separate myself from
I need to feel you, I need to feel that you feel me and I need to know that you see me
but I can't even see myself
can't even fix myself
I get so lost in the sadness that comes from constant failure and I lose touch with all the love that surrounds me
animals who loves me, the man who loves me
I want a man who tells me he needs his girl
you always need your girl
I love you so much
I love you so much for wanting me
I feel like you love me despite of who I am, how I am, who I am, how I am....
what separates my actions from who I am as a person, as a partner?
I may forget everything else, but I will never forget my love for you
I will never forget the pain that comes from just the thought of losing you
I want this to work, I want to work, I want to make this work
I can't' lose myself, but I myself am lost
I can't lose this, I can't lose you
what am I to do?
Where will we be in ten years time, will we love each other still or will our frustrations stopped our hearts from feeling the love despite what we are together?
I want you to love me for who I am, I need you to love me for who I am
not despite who I am...
I need to love me for who I am
not despite who I am
Sep 30, 2017
Sep 30, 2017 at 11:53 AM UTC
This is where you lift me up
Just so I have farther to fall
The harder I hit the ground, the further into the mud and grime I will sink
And that is where I will stay, if you have any say about it
You don't, though, do you?
I am the one who dictates my own thoughts. The hauntings and memories of a past life whisper to me sweet nothings that will keep me in this ground, under here where I am safe and sound from the challenge of the world
But I will leave nothing behind me in life because that is exactly what the memory of you is to me.
Nothing.
You will never win. You never did.
You didn't trap me like you promised that night so long ago, you couldn't make me stay to accompany your orchestra of pitifully arranged mind tricks you thought would hold me.
I am something more than you and your lies will never be, I am whole.
Jun 4, 2017
Jun 4, 2017 at 11:14 PM UTC
Dangerous convictions take such long walks
and change so much after simple talks
I'm overwhelmed when my mind's unkind
but I'm healthy in my body and my mind
Tell me what's good and how to abstain
but going backwards is not my game
I don't need you to tell me what is real and whats not
Im hid from it all and I don't have no thoughts
Spacious in here, inside my mind
Don't tell me what to do cause you'll just waste my time
here i can stay till the end of my time
but don't worry..
I'm healthy in my body and my mind
What do you do when you're all out of time
But it's all you can do to not lose your mind
Say what do you know as you take some to unwind i
Why don't you sit down and we'll do another line
Cause I'm healthy in my body and my mind
People's advice when they pretend that they know
All you can think is how they put on a show
Do you really know what it is to be sane?
I can't remember my own name
you tell me what to do and you tell me you won't
you say i remember what you don't
I force my memory to stay the same
cause you can't tell me what you can't explain
Can't count how many times ive cried
But I'm healthy in my body and my mind
Dec 4, 2015
Dec 4, 2015 at 8:45 AM UTC
Oh, I don't know what it is
Can't place it
The man wants to stay so I erase him
Left so often at the foot of his bed
Crumpled up with his sheets the morning after
Oh, I was so bitter
but I am better now
You might have seen me, I was trying
But don't you see that I was sliding,
down that spiral, I was dying
Left so often so wide open
Got it together just the same!
I didn't let you board my train
Oh, I was so bitter
but I am better now
You may have had me in your pocket
You may have broken into me
Left so often so wide open
Got it together just the same!
I didn't let you board my train
Aug 26, 2015
Aug 26, 2015 at 7:53 PM UTC
Leap to see where they bring you when you do exactly what everyone does
Go to see where the bronzed and shiny, the blonde and skinny, the buff and the beautiful, the catchy things sleep here, it's all about the trend and the he said this she said that magazines plastering a wallpaper of celebs and what's-hot on the interior walls structuring my mind
do they feed on your self confidence too?
They crush youth and make believe that caring will be the death of them, that a soul gets ripped free of it's shackles everytime something genuine and real happens, something naked and imperfect, something totally weird and not what you'd say is the norm, here now, won't you see me as I am? It's progressive to be a little bit different now?
What else do they say to you when you are breathless and sighing on the ground- we all see when things are wrong, but everyone here is so small when the big man wants their money and their cars and things, it's easier to have nothing but the stuff that is shoved down our throats has become something everyone needs.
Sep 12, 2014
Sep 12, 2014 at 9:43 PM UTC
My shattered brow is not wilted by the weight of disgust and I am lifted from agony
I will lift you out of yours.
Nothing is forever, but pain never heals
It can make some stronger
and for some, the cracks only get wider
This passion that escapes me radiates outwards like a Mandala
and it reminds me not to forget,
but to let it go
I feel the words that will pour down from the lips,
and they will be beautiful once again.
Experience is always behind you,
take it away, take it away
Jul 5, 2014
Jul 5, 2014 at 9:52 AM UTC
I can hear the shadow come
living amoung our tainted hearts
it will sink into your mind
attracted to all of these damaged parts
when you see this simple start
to a tragic end that's yet to come
you must fight with all your might
you time has yet to come
when you stare into the empty mist
can you see yourself in the headlight?
it pulls you into it so you are lost
you are lost
why oh why can't you recognize
when your heart is not your own
it gets so hard to realize
when it seeps into your bones
I think I've lost my tragic end
I see a light now but it's warm and bright
this ancient recipe for pain and gain
will only see you through for a small part
The rest is up to you
when you start to see
It kills you from the bottom up
It can't be hard to see
sitting there right in front of you
can't be hard to see
why oh why can't you recognize
when your heart is not your own
it gets so hard to realize
when it seeps into your bones
I know I see you sitting there
but you are not alone
your mind is filled with such despair
you are not alone
I cry- and you hear
and you tell me it's an act
am I an actress
in a movie?
Should I know these lines?
Dec 17, 2013
Dec 17, 2013 at 10:33 PM UTC
I have to stop
looking into that mirror
I memorize lines that have never yet crossed my face
I agonize over every detail of what may come and what we may become
it creeps into your mind and it's all you can see at night
when you are wide awake
and it's gnawing away at the only thing that keeps you alive at times like this-
that feeling of adequacy that washes over your bad thoughts like an ocean will wash stones clean and smooth,
she falls in love with every man she cannot help
sometimes there are moments that are simply perfect
but he's interrupting me
he is talking over me
I can smell the alcohol on his breath over the phone he reeks so bad
Oct 2, 2013
Oct 2, 2013 at 12:49 AM UTC
You didn't just let me fall, you triumphed only by towering above me and pushing me as far beneath you as I could go.
I am here to tell you that you did not win.
YOU DID NOT WIN. YOU DID NOT BEAT ME.
I AM NO LONGER AFRAID OF YOU.
Aug 17, 2013
Aug 17, 2013 at 3:26 PM UTC
Sometimes I think about how okay with being sad some people are
how they tread so lightly in their lives
to avoid unsettling the dust that might change something.
I hear you thinking
sometimes
about how we shouldn't be standing so still
but you sit so cleanly on your throne of discontent
and I've never seen to you do more than stand and fall back down
wash away the empty, push it into the water and weigh it down with stones because it doesn't exist
And will never weigh you down as much as your own routine
Dec 13, 2012
Dec 13, 2012 at 2:43 PM UTC