I was thinking about you today
While I was shopping
I saw something and thought of you
And for a moment
I forgot…
I saw your face
In my head
Picturing you opening your gift
And for a moment
I forgot…
I felt you there with me
Knowing you’d be laughing
And for a moment
I forgot…
I forgot you weren’t there
That I’ll never see your face
Or hear your voice
And for a moment
I forgot…
But then the pain crashed in
And my heart broke again
That I’ll never see you again
Because you're gone
But for a moment
You were here
Nov 27, 2023
Nov 27, 2023 at 1:19 AM UTC
I refuse to be a checklist:
A ✔ for those three little words
A ◻ for flowers
A ✖ for a gift
A 〰 for my time
I refuse to be a checklist
When my emotions are at stake
I refuse to allow you to downgrade me
To a piece of paper
To be written off
As nothing more than a 'to-do list'.
A scrap of paper
To be thrown away
Once you've ticked off each box
I refuse to be a checklist:
A ✔ for those three little words
A ◻ for flowers
A ✖ for a gift
A 〰 for my time
Feb 1, 2021
Feb 1, 2021 at 2:37 PM UTC
I wonder if I don’t text you first
If I don’t call you first
If I don’t message you first
Will you keep talking to me?
I wonder if I don’t start every conversation
If I don’t make an effort
Will you still be in my life?
Being the one to always start
I wonder what would happen
If I simply chose not to be the first.
How long would it take you?
To call me,
To text me,
To find where I am?
Would you notice if
I never came back
I never called you again
I never made my presence known?
Sitting here alone
Day after day
I wonder
Would you really care if…
…
…
…
…
…
I never came back…?
Dec 22, 2020
Dec 22, 2020 at 12:04 AM UTC
In the land of shadows,
The demons hunt,
Stalking their prey with uncanny silence
And unerring accuracy.
Slipping through the night,
Wicked laughter
And an unnatural stillness,
Left in their wake.
Haunting the darkness,
The demons lurk,
Waiting in the perverted quiet,
For just…
…
…
The right…
…
…
Moment…
…
…
To…
…
…
POUNCE!
Oct 25, 2018
Oct 25, 2018 at 11:47 AM UTC
I went through my pictures today
And I realized I used to be happy.
Something I haven’t been in a while.
The person I see in those photos
Is not the same person looking back through the mirror;
There’s a faint resemblance, nothing more.
I used to smile and laugh, always so joyful;
I still do, but it’s no longer genuine
No longer healthy.
People used to say my smile made their day
And all I could think was
It’s just a smile, how can it make such a difference?
I never understood what they meant
When they said the smile should be seen in the eye;
That there should be a glitter, a sparkle.
Now when I laugh, when I smile,
It’s polite, lacking reassurance
Missing the light heartened warmth
I went through my pictures today
And I realized I used to be happy.
I finally know what that glitter, that sparkle is.
.
.
.
It’s what’s missing from the mirror.
Sep 20, 2018
Sep 20, 2018 at 6:07 PM UTC
I’m a contradiction
Of happiness and peace
With chaos and depression
There are the days I find peace
With the world
With myself
With everything that has happened
There are the days I find chaos
With the world
With myself
With everything that has happened.
There are the days I find happiness
Within the chaos and depression
And find a way out
There’s a light at the end of the tunnel
There are the days I find depression
Within the peace and happiness
I finally see a way out
Only to be snatched back unsuspectingly
Sep 20, 2018
Sep 20, 2018 at 11:47 AM UTC
She stands on the side of the lake
Watching the water caress the reflections on the surface
The glittering shine of the moon and stars
In the endless depths of water
She stands there thinking
*I loved you with everything I had
I could have been by your side
I gave you all that I am*
She stands with her head to the sky
With the water kissing her feet
As she asks the moon
Why wasn’t I enough?
She stands on the edge
As the winds play with her hair
Wondering and thinking of all that was
Waiting for an answer from the ethereal goddess above
Sep 20, 2018
Sep 20, 2018 at 11:13 AM UTC
When I was a young girl
I fell in love for the first time.
It started out as a hate
But slowly grew into something more.
When I was a teenager
My love was the only thing there for me.
It was my solace
But was slowly turned against me.
When I was in my late teens
My love left me for the first time.
It was on again and off again
But then it completely disappeared.
When I was a young girl
I fell in love for the first time.
But it wasn’t with a person
It was with words.
When I was a teenager
My love was the only thing there for me.
My friends left and I was alone
But I always had my words.
When I was in my late teens
My love left me for the first time.
The depression got me
It stole my words from me.
A few days ago
I fell in love again.
My words found a way back to me
And the pages flew beneath my fingertips.
A few days ago
I fell in love again.
There was a light in the darkness
And it ripped its way forth
Reminding me of what we once had.
When I was a young girl
I fell in love for the first time.
A few days ago
I fell in love again.
It started out as a hate
But slowly grew into something more.
My words found a way back to me
And the pages flew beneath my fingertips.
Sep 5, 2018
Sep 5, 2018 at 5:29 PM UTC
In the darkness of night
I wonder if it’s all worth it.
The thoughts pounding in my head
Am I worth it?
Wouldn’t it be better if I was gone?
I’ll never amount to anything
In the darkness of night
I wonder why I’m still here.
Nothing to look forward to
Where’s the motivation to keep going?
What is there to live for?
I have nothing keeping me here
In the darkness of night
I wonder if anyone would care.
Friendless
Never making lasting impressions
When has anyone put me first?
No one listens to what I have to say
In the darkness of night
I wonder if it’s the oppressing stillness.
Or are the demons whispering in my ear?
Some say it’s just a chemical imbalance
But in the silence, they come from inside
Whispers of never being enough
May 31, 2018
May 31, 2018 at 4:35 AM UTC
To the woman who is my best friend
Who has always had my back
Even when we don’t get along;
To the woman who always knows what I need
Who is always by my side
Through the good times and the bad;
To the woman who will never let me down
Who fights for me
Because what’s best for me is what’s best for her;
To the woman who shows me how to live right
Who showed me what the world has to offer
And that all I have to do is make it mine;
To the woman who brought me into this world
Who taught me right from wrong
Always having more to show the world;
To the woman who is my mother
Who personifies all that comes with that word
Loving, caring, kind, beautiful, teacher, and everything else;
Happy Mother’s Day
I Love You and would never change what we’ve gone through
You’ve made me into who I am today
May 13, 2018
May 13, 2018 at 3:18 PM UTC