This life’s so long
I just wish it would end
Before you move on
Cause you’ve seen who I am
Will you still love me
When my beauty fades
Cause I’m good for nothing
I’m weak, I’m insane
Do you still love me
I’m more than afraid
I can’t eat
I can’t sleep
I need you to stay
I try so hard
To be strong in my mind
I build myself up
Then fail every time
I keep having this dream
And I’m watching myself
Lying down in a casket
So peaceful and still
So far away from the things that I’ve done
Can’t be touched by anyone
Can’t be told I’m not good enough
Cause I’m finally dead and I’m finally gone
And all the ones that called me weak
That cut me down to meet their needs
Needed me to scoff and say
“At least I’m not living that way”
They flock to see my lifeless corpse
And poke fun one last time of course
Cause she was the worst of us all
The lowest, how dare she struggle and fall
And that confirms it, you’ve seen it first here
Watching I shudder, my very worst fear
She’s everything we said she was
A terrible daughter, always worrying us
She does it for attention
“Wait that’s not what we meant”
Your opinions don’t matter cause I’m already dead
May 5, 2022
May 5, 2022 at 9:04 PM UTC
Small between my fingers
Like dainty colored lights
Red and green like winter
Yet we’ve only touched July
I love it when we walk this way
My soul is pure
My thoughts don’t stray
We don’t have to speak to love
To be alive feels good enough
Please let’s walk just one more time
I killed the girl that crept inside
She was ugly, stupid, all she did was complain
I can’t escape the mirrors
She’s right in my face
Brandishing puppets of people I’ve known
I only see you but my fingers are cold
The game is endless yet I can’t resist
I hate when she laughs but I knew she’d win
I’ll keep on running towards the warmth of July
You’ll never see how that girl has died
May 2, 2020
May 2, 2020 at 11:53 PM UTC
Being nice in this world
It doesn’t get you so far
It’s okay to be cold
Let the stickers on your heart
Encapsulate your muscles
Constrict your veins
If you never let it out
It’s only yours to contain
The agony inside
Crying out to feel
The laughter that hides
Saying it all isn’t real
I take black stickers
I cover myself
It’s easy to be bitter
There’s no one to tell
May 1, 2020
May 1, 2020 at 7:44 PM UTC
I hate any man
That looks me in the eye
In the lobby as we stand
In darkness as we lie
I despise any man
That pinches my hip
A wretched hand groping past raw, silent lips
I hate the man who thinks he must be the one
Upon my thoughts non stop when it’s all said and done
Darling don’t you know you aren’t in control of me?
Darling don’t you know I’m darker than your darkest deed?
Darling don’t you know your ********** just won’t last?
Once I’ve gotten what I need another fool has passed
Darling don’t you know those nasty hands around my throat?
They’ll beg and plead and pinch my hips
Baby please don’t go
May 1, 2020
May 1, 2020 at 7:41 PM UTC
I had a dream about us
Before I said the things I did
I felt the warmth of your love
Like the sun's gentle kiss
We'd run around in the backyard
Pretending we were fish and sharks
Grandma said don't open your eyes
Rainbows dancing 'round the lights
The chlorine burned but it's fun to see
Changing shapes and warped little feet
I carried you, you carried me
Now it's all too heavy for me
Even just to drag myself
I'm always looking for someone's help
I'll never admit when I'm in need
I just get mad when no one sees
My mind is no else's to read
I should really be able to do these things
*I had a dream...
Before I said...
Sunburned shoulders...
Chafed and red...
Don't open your eyes...
Be home on time...*
No one else can read my mind
Jul 17, 2019
Jul 17, 2019 at 5:08 AM UTC
Nothing I do ever seems to make sense
I'm just a fool with selfish intent
The things I like do nothing for me
Except get me so high I forget what it means
To keep someone's promise or show up on time
It's all I can think of, only thing on my mind
You'd think I'm a fiend when I'm all out of tree
Suddenly everything makes sense to me
The concept of family, having goals in life
They say it's what happens
Your motivation dies
It's inevitable, what your brain does
When instead of reading books you grow up doing drugs
"Your mom's a teacher you can't be that way"
"If you only knew" I just want to say
"Your dad's been there, can't you talk to him?"
It's hard to be an advocate
For someone who doesn't want to help themselves
Someone you thought you knew so well
Someone who was funny, and brave, and smart
From the rest they seemed so far apart
I've become the person I thought I'd never be
Nothing I do makes sense to me
Jul 14, 2019
Jul 14, 2019 at 7:46 PM UTC
I can see why you'd be mad
I can see the times we had
A movie when I close my eyes
Happy days and better times
When I try to get out now
It's wrong, I really don't know how
When you asked what keeps me sane
I should've said what I wanted to say
I can see why you'd be mad
You're all I've really ever had
I close my eyes and run so fast
Stumbling along this rocky path
I should've called when I had the chance
I threw away the trust we had
Jul 12, 2019
Jul 12, 2019 at 2:05 AM UTC
This is the worst it's ever been
It's raining outside
Can't get back in
My keys are buried in the ground
Guess I was hoping they wouldn't be found
Now they're just impossibly deep
Too far for you, way beyond me
I can see them in my mind
Taunting me behind my eyes
I shouldn't have left but I did
Singing birds and screaming kids
Empty hands - lost fingertips
This is the worst it's ever been
Jul 12, 2019
Jul 12, 2019 at 2:00 AM UTC
I thought of this off the top of my head
The wind really ***** when the light's almost dead
I turn my back or try cupping my hand
If that doesn't work, find a new place to stand
Sometimes the trees start to freak me out
Looking so alive like they'd scream and shout
If they had a voice I wonder what they'd say
"My arms are asleep and the suns in my face" ?
They must see a lot being stuck in one place
Giving us life as we take it away
I'm so greedy but it's not the same
I often see things I'd like to take
Before I reach out I feel so ashamed
There isn't much value attached to my name
I'd rather wait, there's less risk involved
Every time I take a chance I end up losing it all
May 15, 2019
May 15, 2019 at 7:58 PM UTC
I want everything back
But would I really trade it all?
The times we had, good and bad
I just wish I could call
You're right here but I've pushed you away
I guess there isn't much I'd change
I know I'm so impossible to love
Afraid you'll get tired
Knowing you'll give up
So I let go before you can
There's not as much pain when the blade's in my hand
May 14, 2019
May 14, 2019 at 9:25 PM UTC