dean-1Whisper

American

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converse, inverse, it can't get worse.She doesn’t let herself think about it anymore. She has a schedule now, a timetable, something that might look like a life if you don’t scratch the surface too hard. / Wake up, call the hospital. Tend her garden, call the hospital. Get driven to the hospital and sit with Dean for hours, hours, hours, go home, cry. Lather, rinse, repeat. The only thing that changes in her life is the sky and the inversion it brings. / She walks on the sky when it clouds, because it’s more solid and sure under her feet than the traitorous ground that swallowed her children whole.

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apolloyou asked me if i / thought it hurt when / icarus threw himself into the

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youyou stopped caring about yourself around the same time that / she stopped fighting, which is / to say circa 1977, when president

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much ado about nothing (a haiku)their clocks tick. sure, his / is off-beat much like his life / and hers ticks along

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my heart's the same.I’m praying for Pangaea so I can run to the ends of the earth for you. Mixed signals are cancerous so I swallow yours down to keep you safe. Sure, souls like fire in my bloodstream burn on the way out but they’re streaming for you into this chest cavity missing a heart, my own Judas, betrayed me for your eyes. Even saints can be lost causes, darling, but you’re neither. You’re a superhero, all technicolour capes and dollar-store disguises and you’d think I’m the damsel in distress but I’m your nemesis. Why else do you think I’m burning Earth to the ground, for my own perverse enjoyment? I’m pulling your hair, putting tacks on your seat because I’m too afraid to say I love you, which is a truth, which is a bomb to defuse before our bed becomes ground zero. I laugh at your jokes and offer myself up for slaughter but you’re not biting so I’m walking home in the snow, alone. I’m cold, I’m frozen. I’ve gone home to a Heaven of ice, heads in the freezer like a good luck charm, your words carved into my palms so I won’t forget. Back to the lab, back to the drawing board. Maybe I’ll close the warplans for tonight. / I know you belong to her but I’m jealous, baby, I’m so jealous. I’ll tell you to bow down, defer, sing a hallelujah to lull me to sleep before I remember how much it hurts to love you. And tomorrow when you’re gone I’ll plan death: hell, maybe the world’s. You might love me then. I’m not too hopeful.

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consider the hairpin turnyour hands were smooth in california but i miss them / rough, on mine, in toledo / and in far-off colorado where you decided

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take one daily as directed by doctor take with a small meal if upset stomach occurs do not drink alcohol while taking this medication this medication may cause dizziness do not operate heavy machinery without knowing how this medication affects youit has been [43] days since i missed a dose / of you / strange to think

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i don't wanna live like this but i don't wanna diethis is panic: / your heart forgets how to beat, / every muscle in your body tenses, sets a good example

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let's do some living after we dieit’s not nearly as romantic as you’d thought; watching the world burn / having it crumble under the weight of your gaze / but here we are, the lucky ones beneath the gallows,

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MondayIf I didn't visit / I would forget how to miss you / And the worst part is

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