You've beat me, pushed me down,
Thrown me away, Thought I was finished.
Curb stomped my dreams, my hopes,
Crushed my Soul, My spirit Diminshed,
I lost my visions, lost my morals,
Sick of who you'd made me become,
I question why I'm still here,
Why I've survived being so dumb,
Everything I sacraficed for this,
was forever faithful to only you,
Even when you beat me back down,
I did everything to stay true,
You give me nothing to believe in,
yet here I am, forever the fool,
You think I don't know anymore,
But I'm not just here as a tool,
The things you've done and said,
I know too much of this ********
I know even if I ask you about it,
You'll never have the respect to admit,
I promised you I'd always be there,
No matter what happens, and I'm here,
But realize, I wont be pushed anymore,
You're no longer my near and dear,
Maybe I'm still a foolish dreamer,
You may always be the love of my life,
But I didn't deserve all that pain,
I never deserved that much strife,
Yet I still have the good memories,
I wish I could just forget the scars,
But I can't talk to you without hurting,
Feelings that would put me behind bars,
Aug 2, 2013
Aug 2, 2013 at 12:23 AM UTC
I still dream about it, that smile.
And i Know it's been quite a while.
Yet here we are, talking like friends.
But neither of us have made amends.
So familiar, this feeling of deja vu.
Yet who is this person, Who are you?
Is she the one I was sure was the one
or has all that bonding been undone?
It feels like we're just strangers now
wanting to reconnect, don't know how.
You're just someone I used to know
You left, felt you just had to go.
Everyone tells me to just turn you away
Not listen for a moment to what you say.
I want to, but I don't think I can
Maybe that makes me a much lesser man
The things you did were unforgivable
helping you shouldn't be on the table.
Yelling at you, cussing you out, anger.
No. Instead, like a tool, I pay her.
Why cant I just let go, once and for all?
How long can I maintain this, until I fall?
I don't know you now, but I wish I did.
This obsessions starting to go morbid
Yet I can't just turn away or be cruel.
But how long will I have to be your fool?
Aug 1, 2013
Aug 1, 2013 at 10:15 PM UTC
Escaping the bad dreams to find another day,
Shoes, Hat, Out into the city shining bright,
The world waking up, coming to life,
Coffee, Conversations, Off to the daily plight.
The same routine, always, day in and day out,
The same demons, hidden behind these shades,
The same bitterness, the anger and longing,
The same dreams, even as their light fades.
Everything's changed, nothings as it was,
You won't get close, it'll stay locked inside,
I won't allow it to come out again and be hurt,
buried deep in the darkness, it'll hide.
The same excuses, always a load of crap,
The same lies, never an ounce of respect,
The same person, despite claims of change,
The same results, I know what to expect.
Even though the pain subsided long ago,
The miserable work of art and ink remains,
Reminders of memories long since laid to rest,
All this just in one name, etched above the veins.
The same pain, no matter how deeply it's buried,
The same Worry, no matter how badly it went,
The same feeling, that horrible, empty pain,
The same loss, blackness, void, slipping away.
You'll never understand, no matter how I try,
It's just who I am, I just can't hate you.
God knows I wish I could, despise your existence,
But nothing will ever make you feel that way too.
Aug 1, 2013
Aug 1, 2013 at 9:59 PM UTC
You'd bring it up and remind me,
I'm the only liar here, you'd say.
Yet you're too ashamed to admit,
You Lied and Used me every day.
You needed the money and help,
And I tried not to hold it against you,
But you manipulated me with your lies,
Swore to me "I want to try again, I do"
Always made sure you got what you wanted,
Not caring if it meant I'd go without,
Gifts, Tattoos, Food, Alcohol, Anything at all,
You didn't care if to you I was Devout.
You got what you wanted, and you left.
Yet you still had the stones to blame me.
You got so mad when you were called out on it.
So mad when you were laid out for them to see.
They called you a ***** as **** a liar.
You were offended people we knew said that.
A few guys said "She's done this all before"
"She'll never grow up and stop being a brat"
Oh, she'll mope about losing her kids.
Or claim how poorly he treated her.
She'll always blame him as the bad guy,
Even after the memories start to blur.
Yet he's an idiot, ignoring their advice.
"Take her to court, sue her, get it all back"
Maybe he should stop caring and do that,
Even though she begged him for slack.
He would have done anything for this woman,
But she used him only for a means to an end.
And even though missing her, more than he should,
He knows she'll never really be his friend.
She's too self centered and greedy,
in the end, she only cares about her.
And how life's just so 'unfair and mean',
and how she misses how things once were.
Maybe it's time to give her a reason to hate,
the person she used and disposed of.
Make her as miserable as she has made you,
Make her regret using your love.
But what is the point, since as much as you know,
You still worry about her, you still care.
Where's the joy in taking your just revenge?
When it leaves you feeling black, empty, and bare?
Jul 26, 2013
Jul 26, 2013 at 7:51 PM UTC
It's been a good while now,
Since you walked away.
You never told me the truth,
And I still have a lot to say...
People have told me these things,
Things I never really wanted to know,
But everyone says you're happy now
And maybe I'm just confused, so...
You say you're hurting for money,
Food Stamps, you said, kept you going,
Some stupid old urge to offer help,
Lost dreams, feelings, forgoing.
Yet why do I still feel this way?
Is it just cause the last one left?
Am I just on the rebound right now,
or is it your attention of which I'm Bereft?
Would I still honestly do Anything for you?
Is this confusion just the heat and the hunger?
Do I still Dream of that smile sometimes?
Or just Nostalgia of days when we were younger?
I don't know what to say right now.
My life's just in a complete mess.
I won't ever interrupt your happiness,
But I'm still in love with you, I confess.
Jul 20, 2013
Jul 20, 2013 at 3:17 PM UTC
I used to claim "I love the Rain",
But that was when I had you.
It used to be an enjoyful thing,
The things you and I could do.
And now it's just a dreary pour,
Another day with cloudy skies,
Bleak and Pointless and icy cold,
As the memory of you dies.
No comfort here, in the rain.
No soul warming ray of light.
Just soggy clothes, we cigarettes,
Bad memories of every fight.
My own little world, of grey gloom.
Feelings of Numb, empty, and anger.
Knowing I could have handled it better,
That I didn't need to be so mean to her.
But it doesn't matter anymore, not now.
The past is the past, never again.
I'll have my brooding, silent smoke,
Til the sky clears, but till then,
I used to claim, "I love the Rain",
But I'm not so sure these days.
Nothing but hurt and memories,
Wishing we hadn't parted ways.
May 17, 2013
May 17, 2013 at 6:16 PM UTC
I met my one, Total dud.
Girlfriends, they come and go.
Lies, Manipulations, Fakes.
A few friends, even more so.
Family then? Disapproval.
Hatred, Fights, Anger.
My Soul Mate? My other Half?
Abandoned. I do miss her...
So what's left? Who's here?
No one but my shadow today.
Always with me, Truly loyal,
S'okay, I don't need others anyway...
At least it won't judge me,
Tell me I'm not good enough.
Won't manipulate or Use me.
Won't mind if I'm not that tough.
It's a bit lonely with him though.
He's not a very talkative guy.
I'd lose what's left of my mind,
If he's all I'll have till I die.
So maybe I'll be more open.
Stop dwelling on being *******
Maybe meet someone new, Decent,
That might improve this foul mood.
May 17, 2013
May 17, 2013 at 6:04 PM UTC
How is it a simple praise
From you, can make my day?
Yet you leave me hurt, numb,
Unsure of what to say...
The object of my affection,
Yet now a Cold, Hard *****
Not sure if I should still want you,
Or wish you dead to rot in a ditch.
This Dark and Deadly storm,
Of hateful thoughts in my mind,
Yet when the squall calms,
I always Reflect and find,
Despite your Lies and Abuse,
I find myself still missing you.
None of these others satisfy it,
Feels like insanity, what to do?...
Just keep trying to move on.
Because we can never go back.
Our lives can only go forwards,
Yet everything feels out of whack...
Memories of times long gone,
Thoughts of feelings dying.
If I said I don't miss the laughs,
You'd know I'd just be lying.
But we can never go back,
Because you walked away.
Decided I wasn't worth it,
Nothing would make you stay.
I hope you find your happiness,
After all the fights, you deserve it.
I'll just stay here, forgotten again.
No surprise that life's gone to ****
May 17, 2013
May 17, 2013 at 6:00 PM UTC
And now we've hit the end,
Not sure how I feel anymore,
Is this Pain and Guilt and Shame?
Lies of the promises we swore.
Anger and Jealousy and Hurt,
I never claimed to be perfect.
It's hard, trying to be positive.
When you're struck with Defects.
So maybe I just tried too hard,
To tell you that you had no flaws,
Tried in vain to bandage the broken,
Couldn't be fixed by any tape or gauze.
Just maybe wasn't meant to happy,
Yet you'll always mean so much.
You've gone off so far, so distant,
Removed from my life and clutch.
My loyalty wasn't good enough,
Tried to be honest, you didn't care.
Yet I let you burn me, Twice now,
Leaving for yet another affair.
I'll never stop worrying and caring,
But right now I don't forgive you.
You used me like the fool for you I am,
without caring the damage you'd do.
I'll just turn and walk away for now,
There's no point in trying so hard anymore,
No clue if I'll ever hear from you again,
But I'll be here, like always, if you want an Encore.
Apr 27, 2013
Apr 27, 2013 at 11:33 AM UTC
How far did he go?
How long did he try?
He doesn't even know,
If any of it mattered.
I saw him today,
Flashed him a smile,
Sent him on his way,
through the mirror.
At work to clear his mind,
12 hours of work, exhausted,
Trying to leave memories behind,
Always easier said than done.
And yet I am still here,
Greeting him in the mirror,
Sharing hope and fear,
Reminding him there's a tomorrow.
He'll go to bed, unsettling dreams,
Wake then Work, trying to forget,
Depression ripping at his seams,
Exhausting himself more and more.
This morning he stopped to have a look,
Stopped and studied me a moment,
"Maybe we'll start a new chapter in our book",
Perhaps he doesn't hate me after all.
He tries to be happier now,
Maybe he didn't need her.
He'll be fine if he'll just allow,
Himself to embrace the future.
Apr 27, 2013
Apr 27, 2013 at 11:09 AM UTC