The silence is deafening
And so painful are the memories.
So damaged was I in love
The rose colored glasses masked our unpleasantries.
You have scarred me
And the nights promise pain.
You made me feel less than enough.
This shadow lurks silently as it preys on my sane.
I have become stronger now, yes
I have become wiser indeed.
The only trouble I face now
Is finding someone who gives me what I need.
Oct 29, 2016
Oct 29, 2016 at 2:28 AM UTC
I wake with the hope of hearing you
I wait with impatience moment by moment
Lost I feel when we don't converse
A day with you is every second worth it.
How much I've grown from before
To know these emotions once again
I know this isn't perfect
But in my heart I cannot pretend
I am driven to hold tight
To every little thing we create
But the emotions I hold inside
Are much stronger than I could anticipate
Friends laugh and tease as they wish
Transparent am I for they can see
I cannot lie to them now
That I want it to be you with me
I know that this may be a bit sudden
Upon the things we have said not to do
But I can't help but whisper ever so silently
"I love you."
Jun 1, 2015
Jun 1, 2015 at 9:57 AM UTC
Cold air remains where warm air once stayed.
I prefer your true, cold heart than your lying warm passions.
Within myself, I curl closer; within my heart, I plead silently.
He can provide more for me where you never did.
Wither to dust in this truth, for you are nothing.
See that you were never a good man.
So stop with your lies, your petty games.
I don't cry for you. I cry for myself.
Only this man catches me when I fall
And dries away my salty tears.
You are expendable and he just took your place.
Bloodshed never seemed so sweet.
The cold spot is now warm again.
Now I can breathe once more; in his arms I shall remain.
He shall keep me safe. He shall obliterate your toxic waste.
I shall grow once more. I shall be once again the queen.
Jun 1, 2015
Jun 1, 2015 at 9:18 AM UTC
Look into my eyes
What is it that you see?
Do you see inside the pain within?
Can you hear my screams of loneliness
Crying for your soul as I claw at my mind?
The darkness inside, can't you notice
How it swallows me whole
Only to consume what little strength I have?
I'm crippling, I'm fading, I'm nothing.
Perhaps you do not see these pleas.
You only see my plastered smile
And hear my cheery, soft voice.
"Everything is great," I lied.
"I'm dying on the inside, help me." I hide.
May 31, 2015
May 31, 2015 at 1:53 AM UTC
Distant have I been
Even to those who know me best.
Life has thrown its curve *****
Pain and suffering through each test.
A standstill is where I am
Do I go left, do I go right?
My mind does not know.
My heart quivers in fright.
Changed have I become.
Layers have been removed plenty
The masks of my face still lie about.
All this happened before the year of twenty.
Sep 27, 2013
Sep 27, 2013 at 3:06 AM UTC
Like a snake, you enter my thoughts.
You are cunning,
You are venomous,
You are deceitful.
Your eyes are black with hate.
Your smile is all but promising.
What is it that you want?
What sick favor do you ask of me?
Do you think me stupid?
I was once struck by your flair,
Your true self cleverly hidden.
I was foolish
To trust such a serpent.
I was foolish
To believe that you cared.
Yet I know the truth.
**You never cared,
You never bothered,
You never did feel a thing.**
Empty is your soul
And dark as night is your heart.
The little I have known you
I have put up with much.
I was there with you
For all laughs,
All fun,
All sadness,
All struggles.
How do you repay me?
**Lies.
Betrayal.
Games.**
You wanted me
Out of your life for good.
You get whatever
You wish for.
That's how you play
Your foolish, selfish game.
*Think you're the only person here
That can play hardball?*
I am not sweet.
I am not gentle.
And this time,
I may not be so forgiving.
*You didn't tear me down.
You built me up,
You made me stronger than ever.*
A flaw in your design
That you cannot fix.
So into your cold eyes
I glare right back.
I am not scared of you.
I am not intimidated by you.
I am better than you.
I am stronger than you.
Do not judge my gender,
**For I am more of the man
You will ever be.**
I ban you from my sanctuary!
Leave my conscious!
Or succumb to your darkest demise.
*Crack!
Snap!
Whack!*
Sep 12, 2013
Sep 12, 2013 at 12:01 AM UTC
I was foolish
To believe you
I was foolish
To befriend you
You played me
Emotions and lust
You betrayed me
With lies alone
I had cared
With honest reason
You didn't see
You didn't care
I was angered
I was hurt
My temper released
Why to me
A good "friend"
Did I deserve
This cruel stabbing
You laughed and
Said **** you"
"Gladly, good riddance"
I seethed back
Aching through strength
Suffering through dreams
That was then
This is now
I am stronger
I am better
You will regret
That one day
You lost me
Maybe not today
Maybe not tomorrow
But one day
You will soon
Remember that I
Was the one
Who stuck around
Because I truly
Deeply, sincerely, cared
When that happens
I won't hesitate
To show you
That I am
Better than you
Sep 9, 2013
Sep 9, 2013 at 3:55 AM UTC
I am spellbound under you.
I cannot explain what it is that you have done.
Do you know what you started?
Do you know the spell you have cast?
You knew that I fancied you,
And you have worked some unknown magic
To make me bound to you.
I cannot pry myself from the thoughts you have awaken in me,
Nor can I patiently wait to see your face.
I am lusting after you,
That much is true.
But there is more than just human desire.
There are things about you that I admire
And truly find exhilarating and interesting.
When I am in your presence, I feel light and airy.
I finally feel the truth of attraction.
Do not let this steer you away,
For I am always dramatic in this setting.
Things may be rushing too fast, that I know,
However I cannot help but feel happy and free.
I like you.
You like me.
With you, while under your spell
I feel like a new woman with new desire.
You have awakened a different side of me,
One I thought that would never be released.
This rebellion that roars loud like a lion.
Do you know the spell you have cast?
Do you now know what you have started?
Jun 25, 2013
Jun 25, 2013 at 4:24 PM UTC
*I know this wasn't a wise choice.
But I had to do something,
And release the truth from my voice.
No matter what trouble it would bring.
Night after night, I dreamed.
Trouble, confusion, lust.
Each one was harder than it seemed.
But I had to do what I must.
A spark was ignited first,
And I know not how or why.
Ridiculous, I thought with a curse.
Yet, the truth came slick as a lie.
I did not want to face this.
My ties were already bound.
But even I saw what was amiss.
That was when he shook the ground.
Hiding myself away, as did before,
I couldn't just let go.
Consequently my emotions craved more.
A plan in mind that I didn't know.
When I told you, I thought myself foolish.
He doesn't see the same as you.
But our plans, it was a game I had wished.
However, you thought the same too.
I do not know your mind.
But I know that now it cannot be made.
Your words I believe true, even if hard to find.
I still expect that promise you told me, to be paid.*
Jun 8, 2013
Jun 8, 2013 at 3:58 PM UTC
A flower only grows
When love is there
It can stretch its long stem
High into the sky
Soft, beautiful petals
Are then bright, warm and reach out
That flower is now wilting
Magnificent petals curl and dry
Its stem, its backbone bends in sadness
A flower can only grow
When love is there
But for this night and more
Love will not be there
May 25, 2013
May 25, 2013 at 2:30 AM UTC