I thought about you again,
but not in the way I used to.
Not in the place I used to.
Soapy water running down my legs,
but it’s not enough.
Hot water gashing rouge stains into my skin.
It’s not enough.
Will I ever be clean?
It is in this period that I become a tender-hearted soul who feels
too much.
Too many things remind me of the silence.
. . .
This silence that I feel is temporary but why does it come to haunt me now?
Always now.
It’s so solemn like a thunderstorm.
It’s so rich like the sun.
But the sun hurts my eyes when I look at it for too long.
I get struck by lightning when I’m in a storm for too long.
The overbearing silence that is loud in its own unique way.
The silence that makes me feel like a singular sunflower in a valley full of nothingness.
But in this valley, a butterfly comes along.
A thought that leads to more thoughts.
My mind, constantly plagued by you,
by your presence
by your lack of presence
by your scrupulous yet reckless actions.
You paint pictures that you say aren’t misconstrued but all I see is blobs and splotches.
You say they have meaning and I believe that they could but you leave them on your easel.
You leave them hanging lopsided on your wall.
I leave my paintings hung evenly spaced,
level
But does that matter?
Or am I feeling “too much”?
I feel your deception but you’re not even here.
I feel and see you everywhere but when I turn or blink I find out that what I was staring at was just a piece of furniture.
I want you out of my life but you already are.
What can I do to get rid of you once and for all?
And when I do, will I still feel this lonesomeness or will I finally be able to shake off that feeling?
The silence.
The urge to be clean.
Feb 11
Feb 11, 2026 at 4:03 PM UTC
Limerence is an odd thing.
I went over to your house again.
The same situation, all over again.
Except this time it was slightly different.
I had more control and felt euphoric.
Now I feel insane when I’m without you.
When you’re gone, who will I talk to?
I want to be so close to you that I can’t get any closer.
I guess I was when we were together.
With you, I feel happier than ever.
Are we meant to be together?
I think it’s best if we stay apart,
But oh how it hurts my heart.
I don’t wanna leave your side.
Maybe I am broken inside.
I hope, I ache, I reach for love but you can’t see my true face.
You only see my silhouette
You can see me but you can’t see who I am.
You’ve crossed every border of my skin,
But never asked who lives within.
When I think of you my palms get clammy and my stomach turns.
This doesn’t feel like love should.
This is just wrong.
When I think about you I get anxious.
So do I really like everything about you?
And do you like everything about me?
Or do you just make me feel loved?
And do I just satisfy you?
Do I like you?
Or do you solve my Limerence?
Jul 17, 2025
Jul 17, 2025 at 2:06 PM UTC