I dreamed of rose gold and days where you’d spend forever in your studio only for me to have to come remind you to eat.
I remember long talks about being with you and buying a house, where the light would shine through every window and we’d be at peace.
The house would be in between the city and the country.
You’d have your painting studio and i’d have my library.
On Sundays we’d go to the market and buy our week’s groceries and sometime’s go to the local art fair.
I’d be in the garden and you’d be asleep, midday. You were up all night painting.
I dream of rose gold and sunset yellow seeping through the windows.
I dream of the life I longed to live with you.
Nov 29, 2016
Nov 29, 2016 at 10:09 PM UTC
What do you do when you don't feel anything anymore?
What do you do when the person who filled the void is redundant?
The feelings you were sure were true this time around just ended up like the past
The raging waves caught up to you again and you're not sure where to go from here
You feel trapped.
You want to go back to where you were,
Back to what you've become accustomed to
But you've grown
Face it, you've grown apart
You don't feel the same as you did once upon a time,
You don't get the butterflies you used to feel,
You have to force yourself to speak,
To feel
Because part of you thinks it can go back to the way it was
That you can feel those feelings again,
Feel the butterflies,
Feel safe and secure
Just face it, it's not the same and it never will be.
Jul 27, 2016
Jul 27, 2016 at 1:38 AM UTC
Let me sleep
Let me eat
Let me forget
The taste of you and the smell of alcohol on us both
Let me shower again
Let my dreams not be filled with you
Let the “harmless” teasing stop
Because everyone believes its harmless but I really can't get you out of my head
Let my thoughts be free
Let me feel okay again
Let my skin feel like mine
Without the ghost of your hands all over it
It was nice
It was not supposed to happen
Let it go away
Let me move on
Let it be okay to keep talking to you
Without it seeming awkward or wrong
Let It Be....
Jul 9, 2016
Jul 9, 2016 at 5:09 AM UTC
Tripping, stumbling through the unknown
Hoping I can find my way home
Where my wounded heart resides
Wandering further and further
From where I want and who I want to be
Striving to protect the one I love,
though I don’t reveal it
Floating in the wayward wind
I’ll get to where I want to be
Eventually
Apr 15, 2016
Apr 15, 2016 at 4:51 PM UTC
Step 1, 2, 3
Three more days, the moment my heart has been waiting for
Shining as bright as a star
Dazzling the crowd as center stage
Feeling free, strong, and bright
The moment I’ve been training for
Step 1, 2, 3
Crack
Screaming, bright lights, tears
Shattered
Apr 15, 2016
Apr 15, 2016 at 2:11 PM UTC
I feel like my heart was wrenched from its place
It was beating so strongly.
I told you how I felt
And heard as your tone of voice turned my world upside down.
“Forget it ever happened”
*But I can't forget. *
I can't ever forget my feelings for you.
The pain burns.
It hurts knowing that you'll never reciprocate those feelings
And I'm stuck drowning
Without you to help me
Apr 4, 2016
Apr 4, 2016 at 2:00 PM UTC
I want to scream
For that gut wrenching feeling
The feeling that is keeping my words stuck in my throat
The feeling that if I say the words my mouth refuses to mutter, I'll be pushed aside
I need to scream
The words I want so desperately to show themself to you just cower in the corner
Words that I want to say, that I want to be heard
...words that I want to be understood
Understood by more than just me
I want to let the words flow but instead I keep them wrapped in a cloth, hidden away from your grasp.
Apr 4, 2016
Apr 4, 2016 at 1:55 PM UTC
Everywhere,
there are things that remind me of you
bamboo, chocolate, snuggles
Things so common,
but I always think of you
lemonheads, games, stylus
Things so feasible,
so easy to associate with anyone
art, late nights, dark rooms
Yet…
You make them seem like so much more
Feb 1, 2016
Feb 1, 2016 at 3:52 AM UTC
Dark nights in summer.
The moon gives off a glow, a longing awaits there.
The stars, so faintly visible still a reminder of home
Indecisiveness radiates in the light
To go with you or to go back to where I once knew
The moon reminds me of you
The stars bring me home
Where do I go if I want both as my own
Feb 1, 2016
Feb 1, 2016 at 3:38 AM UTC
Water droplets on skin and tears mesh together
It shows nothing
You can’t see it
It’s there
It weighs you down then breaks you slowly
You try to fight it
It’s oh so hard
You want to give up
You want to wait
You want to see the day when your breathing isn’t cold
When your heart isn’t filled with black ink
When you can smile easily again
But for now
You’re filled with cold ink
The kind that fills every area
The kind that takes something you love and covers it
The kind that you try everything to make it go away and sometimes
it turns clear
You can’t see it
But it’s there
Jan 26, 2016
Jan 26, 2016 at 2:46 PM UTC