A lover is no answer
A lover is a person &
Not a means to quell
The darkness
A lover is just a lover
A lover is no shining sun
(The SUN is the shining sun)
A lover is a puddle in which
To splash dry feet
But a lover – a sun?
A lover is just a lover.
I don't drink much, he
Liked that, that's cool
I poured back a ten pack whiskey
The next week, clarifying
"I don't drink OFTEN".
When I do drink, I shatter very quietly
I go off like a gun, he,
My makeshift silencer.
I tell him I "struggle" –
With what?
A life is no brazen leopard
(A life does not charge)
A life is no sad song
(A life does not comfort)
A life is a life (and
That's it)
Later, he
Fell into my arms stumbling
I told him a lover is no answer
He didn't like that
I wondered, is this it? (It was).
He kept searching
(Like a bloodhound
But a man is no bloodhound)
I stopped, still and sturdy,
A table's leg, to ask:
"Is this it?"
After all these
Years, I
Think so,
Yes.
Jul 16, 2024
Jul 16, 2024 at 7:42 AM UTC
I know you're sick of hurting
Patience turned into abuse
I don't think that I'm done learning
My boundaries are coming loose
My father was a rigid man
Stern and didn't give a ****
I know that you're nothing like him
But still, it fills me to the brim
My mother is no sound of reason
She lets me push her till she cries
She never taught me boundaries
Or how to pay a price
I don't think my heart can handle
Ultimatums and goodbyes
But I can recognize
I've been crossing lines
No one else has cared
Enough to stay and try
I was so extremely scared,
I called my mom to cry
She came over and held me while
You were still asleep
I told her I just didn't know
What life has made of me
Uncanny is an understatement
I don't think I grew from three
But if you can tend my soil with patience,
I'll sprout up slowly like a tree
I don't mean reproach or blame,
I just can't take the cold goodbyes.
I see and understand your claims,
They travel through a troubled mind.
I need safety, release from pain,
Which comes out in crossing lines.
I read the words I said to you,
And most of them were lies.
I don't recognize myself,
I don't believe my troubled mind.
I know it's no excuse,
I know that it's not right.
I get caught up in such abuse
Convinced that otherwise I'll die.
(I've never seen myself like this –
A broken mirror I can't fix.)
Jul 4, 2024
Jul 4, 2024 at 5:36 AM UTC
Treat people like passengers,
Whether friendly or cold.
These varied guests don't matter
As much as your soul.
It's only fair – they'll treat you the same.
They'll take heapings before leaving
Just to smear your troubled name.
Dreams are nice, but unlikely;
Illusions will mislead you well.
You will think, 'Everyone is like me
And those who are not, I can tell.'
Indeed, beware illusions – they are passengers too,
Treat them as such.
Don't let them take over your home,
Sleep on your couch,
Or raid your fridge.
Jul 1, 2024
Jul 1, 2024 at 1:28 AM UTC
"Always fighting some demon
Always finding some reason
Not to off yourself
**** off and get some proper help."
My therapist says I'm acting strange;
I'm in awe of her professional insight!
I'm rabid as a dog, deranged
But "all you need is sunlight!"
I know the things I have to do
Clean my room and body too
I just can't get it through my skull
What don't I comprehend?
You think me dull because you're full
Of **** and not my friend.
Jun 30, 2024
Jun 30, 2024 at 4:13 PM UTC
Having mistaken my bruised face for a sunset
With its bashful hues of yellow, purple, red
I went to touch it, for a moment
Then wished I'd touched the moon instead.
(I have a feeling like none other
A feeling which makes sense
When I raise my fist and cover
My body up with dents)
Beauty is somewhat subjective;
You cannot argue that.
I find this method most effective,
My body as a punching bag
Which never can fight back.
Jun 30, 2024
Jun 30, 2024 at 3:43 AM UTC
Abject misery – trashpile and **** –
Things whoever said and did –
Overthink and reminisce –
Until your brain collapses in.
Onward goes The Will, they say –
Like Wind persists throughout the day
Without a thought, a choice, a say –
A slave to Will, Till our decay!
**** a man, a woman too
For percieved wrongs they did to you
Score matters more than life or death
Beat them till there's no one left
Roam around the streets with bats,
You still won't get your lovers back
'I can't lose you' all you want,
But love is not a greedy taunt
'I can't leave you', all you say?
Just give up, he's on his way.
Jun 27, 2024
Jun 27, 2024 at 1:47 AM UTC
Love's embrace, once gracing comfort,
Encased in blackest shadow slumbers
Through the sweetest, softest pleads
And leaves hearts heaving, wrought with need.
A creature's wail for understanding,
A confusing nuisance to the neighbor.
A gruesome scream all too demanding,
Taken lightly by a stranger.
If love could do a dove one favor
And reassure it of its safety,
Maybe she could quit her labor
And fall asleep just like a baby.
Though strong bonds ensure endurance,
A chirp unheard turns quick to hurting.
Deserted birds incur the worst things,
Left to wonder if it's deserved.
A foolish choice two hearts arrange,
Songbirds sing without an aim.
Love, which always starts with play
Ends mainly with its victims maimed.
That's just how it goes for most:
The greatest wave degrades the coast.
Still, we light potential tinder,
Hoping once, love stays for dinner.
Dec 20, 2023
Dec 20, 2023 at 6:57 AM UTC
You haven't quite lived till you've bred.
At least that's what my old doctor said.
He said, 'You haven't quite lived till you've greyed;
Not till youre weathered, abrasive, decayed,
Not till you've worked your own bones to the grave
And believe life's a grand play without meaning or make.
'Doctor, I feel bad,
Negative, scared.
Sometimes I don't bother
Brushing my hair.'
'Ah yes, I've seen this,
Many times before!
Clearly, you're INSANE! I implore you not to attempt a self refection.
You need my own intervention.'
He called my soul's crying a shocking anomaly.
He gave me these pills that 'will give me autonomy';
'You've got to be medicated in this **** economy.'
I got a new doctor, but that doctor ***** too.
Why does this happen to me? What should I do?
Aug 4, 2023
Aug 4, 2023 at 2:34 PM UTC
'How I love you, how I do!'
Said the hammock to the noose.
'Thank you kindly, much ado,'
Fled the bluebird from the goose.
Then said the bonnet to the bee:
'I've been there for you all along,
I'm so patient, caring, strong;
Why's it that you don't love me?'
'Sting I must and sting I do.
I have my reasons – good ones too.
This doesn't mean I don't love you.'
Aug 4, 2023
Aug 4, 2023 at 2:33 PM UTC
He leaves in a hurry
I need him to stay
Otherwise worry
Becomes my day-to-day
A dozen short poems
Forgiveness abound
In order to show him
I want him around
I tell him I'm broken
I need to be fixed
He says that he's hoping
I'll get over it
Aug 4, 2023
Aug 4, 2023 at 2:30 PM UTC