Summer-blue skies and a warm breeze, nostalgia heavy in the air with all my fondest memories of love and youth.
On the tip of my tongue is a promise of things to come, sweet and sour like ice cold lemonade.
One sip too many and it will taste like pain.
Beautiful, unyielding, clear night skies;
a night without a meteorite to wish upon or moonlight to guide the way.
Endless seas of unreachable stars and light, bittersweet and haunting.
The ache of your hand on my heart and the weight of yours in mine.
Sep 26, 2019
Sep 26, 2019 at 11:03 PM UTC
i was thirteen the first time i told you i loved you
it came out more of a question than a statement
because i was young and really, what did i know of love
but i believed it, i did
i was fifteen the next time i told you i loved you
but there were salted trails leaving uncomfortable truths on my face
you didn't believe me then and who could blame you,
i didn't believe myself either
i was eighteen the first time i thought i meant it
i was happy and whole and i was so, so free
the world was new and shiny and the past was behind me
so, like a flash of summer rain, i yelled it to you with all the joy of my youth
i was nineteen when the summer rain turned to floods and i swallowed the words alive
ugly, twisted vines wove their way through my carefully manicured gardens
ripping through the flowers and seeping sickness into everything they touched
i didn't love you then, i couldn't, i was broken and i was angry
and i was burning red
i was twenty five the next time i tried to say it
i wanted to mean it, i did, but even you could tell i was lying
i had spent years weeding all the thorns from my garden, begging the flowers to grow
and even though they were finally blooming, their roots were shallow
i am twenty seven when i tell you i love you now
i mean it now, like i've always meant it, even when i thought i didn't
it's not a perfect statement, it was hard to bring myself to say before your gaze, but i did it
looking at my reflection in the mirror, there's a smile on your face as you finally, finally say it back
Sep 24, 2019
Sep 24, 2019 at 4:08 PM UTC
In the stillness of your love, I write myself a gentle ending.
I didn’t believe in happily ever after, but now I don’t have to.
I believe in you, instead.
Sep 6, 2019
Sep 6, 2019 at 8:17 PM UTC
how is it possible to love the world so deeply
yet the hate the me who experiences it?
in the darkness of my mind i fall deeper and deeper
down into the shadows and then, once my feet hit the bottom,
i ricochet upwards, gasping for air
it's like a game to see how long i can stay under
and still return to the surface to breathe
a dangerous game of chicken that will have to end someday
i stare at the sun but cast my shadow as far back as possible
the higher i go, the less likely i'll survive the fall
the deeper i swim the less likely the sea in my mind will let me go
Aug 19, 2019
Aug 19, 2019 at 3:16 PM UTC
under a gold sun you dream about the future
there's a road before you that continues after the horizon blurs it's path
you wonder if you made the right choice, if you were supposed to come this way
but you couldn't turn around if you wanted to
the paths you left behind wouldn't be there any more
there's a map that's meant only for you to fill
and you fill it with all it's dead ends and sharp turns and broken bridges
you wonder if there was an easier way as the unforgiving sun beats down upon you
you wonder if there was a path that was filled with trees and flowers
under an endless sky you find your footing
there's a cracked earth beneath your feet but you see the weeds coming through
you begin to see their likeness in your self, your roots are deep and your will to live deeper
and so you grit your teeth and though your shoes are worn, you feel lighter in step
there's an ocean at the end of the road that's more beautiful than you'd ever seen
maybe it's blue and maybe it's not, but you bury your hands in the sand as the waves reach out to greet you, beckon you to follow
there's salt in the air and you know if you drink the water you'll drown
so you sit back and let your aching feet heal in the coolness of it's embrace
when you open your eyes it's to a gentle rain
in the distance there's a storm just off the horizon but the wind is carrying it far away
there's a desert behind you and a different kind of desert before you, but here you're safe
here you've found the end of the road that you'd begun years before
map gently folded beside you filled with anecdotes of the stories that led you here
there's a boat tie to the shore by a single pier with only a small sail and a life preserver to offer
but it whispers to you in your sleep that it's ready for adventure
you look to the stars and see the next map in it's constellations, the next course you need to take
but your feet have healed under the cool embrace of the maybe blue sea and there's hesitation in your heart as you feel the presence of that long distant storm past the waters before you
the next time you open your eyes it's maybe blue surrounding you
there's wind in your hair and a blank canvas before you
you look at the stars and remember that golden sun you looked at when dreaming of the future
with pen in your hand, you dip your hand into that maybe blue and drink from the sea that saved you once
the rumble of the storm is distant but you know you'll be able to face it when it comes
you drink from the sea, but you do not drown
Jun 7, 2019
Jun 7, 2019 at 2:04 PM UTC
you love a boy who doesn't love you back
your bones become bleached under a relentless sun
but you whisper to your heart that it's fine
you've never loved the rain
you love a boy who doesn't love you back
and you wonder what it's like to born with a green thumb
the flowers in your soul seem to wither and die
there's no life blooming in an endless winter
you love a boy who doesn't love you back
you throw down the shovel after burying your latest truth
you want to say you're sorry but it was necessary
you were bound to miscarry anything but a lie
you love a boy who doesn't love you back
and you let it destroy you
Jun 7, 2019
Jun 7, 2019 at 11:25 AM UTC
My mother once said that falling in love was like playing with fire
She didn’t say that the match was in one hand and kindling in the other
Nor that the pyre was set and the ropes were bound
As a child, I couldn’t understand that sometimes a witch set the fire herself
The first time I fell in love, I learned that sometimes we are desperate to swim but are doomed to drown
That when they offer water at the alter it will turn to sand in our mouths
I quickly learned that it’s not possible to live with a sea or desert surrounding you
That it’s not possible to thrive when they bind your feet and turn gardens to wastelands
What my mother had told me was a cautionary tale
That sometimes a witch would seal her fate if careless
What she never told me was that a witch born again from the ashes would never burn again
That a witch once drowned would walk on water in the next life
Nor that barren wastelands could turn fruitful with the seed of hope
My mother told me a cautionary tale of love returned turned brittle, but not of the strength of self love
That by loving herself, a witch would return anew and find happiness and a love returned grown strong
So we burn and drown and watch gardens waste away, and then
We rise, we swim, and we bloom
Dec 8, 2018
Dec 8, 2018 at 12:21 PM UTC
The first time I loved and lost
The wound bled so much I cauterized my own heart
Blended pain with pain and hoped maybe I would turn numb to it all
First loves always hurt the worst
The second time I loved and lost
The ridges of my scars scared me
Id run my fingers along their gruesome edges and realized that I would never be beautiful and unblemished again
Second loves leave the worst scars
The third time I loved and lost
I went to war
Hid those scars beneath armor, pierced my blade into my lover’s chest
Retreated into the dark abyss and told myself that this was growth - I survived.
Third loves leave carnage behind
The fourth and final time I loved and lost
He handed me a flower from the garden
Ran his hands through my unruly curls
And called those ugly scars of mine art
In this story, I lost to a man who loved me first
My armor sat collecting dust for years, and even if it wasn’t my happily ever after, I learned to plant peace instead of war
Fourth loves leave only flowers
Jul 2, 2018
Jul 2, 2018 at 2:35 PM UTC
we were not fire and ash,
passion so raw we swallowed
the sun.
we were not ruin and madness,
tear stained faces twisted
into angry masks.
we were like summer rain -
peaceful and calm;
long days staying in bed
just to trace constellations in your eyes
and I may not have watched the world burn to have you,
but that doesn’t mean I love you any less.
Jun 27, 2018
Jun 27, 2018 at 7:07 AM UTC
She didn't know how or why,
but lately there was a fire she couldn't quell
burning in depths of her mind.
It started as an ember , small and fragile -
a single breath, and the light goes out.
Somewhere along the way it has become much larger.
The blood in her veins boiling, the warmth in her eyes
no longer kindling.
She supposes all humans have a breaking point -
an edge, an abyss - one step too far and you'll fall into core of the earth.
Sometimes when the fury tries to swallow her whole, she stomps out the light.
Those times, her body turns to ash and her mind is a soot covered tomb - a graveyard of skeletal memories and charred dreams.
But sometimes, when she welcomes the burn, her body becomes a temple and the fire becomes a great beast -
a guardian that lashes at those who cause her harm and howls in worship at the inferno in her veins.
At night in the mirror, the beast will stare out at her with red eyes and a violent smile.
More and more often, she finds her self smiling back
Jun 25, 2018
Jun 25, 2018 at 2:45 PM UTC