~ I mould my feelings into words that I can read,
and even then I find that what I feel the most is in the spaces in between ~
Jul 18, 2020
Jul 18, 2020 at 10:17 PM UTC
I always save room for goodbyes
I've been cast aside too many times
I don’t think I've ever let anyone experience me whole
No one's ever truly discovered what lies deep inside my mind and soul
You may have caught a glimpse of my sparkle and my love
But I never gave you more than I gave the One watching me above
I have fallen into the rhythm of goodbyes
Deep inside the realm of my mind
It's become a custom, almost a routine, always intertwined
Almost always like a waiting game, while you keep me near
Will you leave today, tomorrow or maybe next year?
I used to sew people into the fabric of my skin
Then find myself grieving by their absence because I wore my heart too thin
Now you'll find my heart buried beneath my chest
Protected from the heartache of the world while I'm on my quest
Reserved for the one brave enough to break through my wall
And be there both on my good days and those days when I fall
So when you find a way to my heart make sure you keep it secure
For only then will I know that your love is pure
I want you to run your fingers through the sweet soil in my soul
And realise that this is the place where beautiful things grow
But until then, know that these are my necessary lessons
They build me up and help me make progressions
Maybe this is a blessing in disguise
Maybe this is my chance to climb, a chance for me to rise
And I want you to understand that every time you leave
You're giving me the opportunity to catch the smell of a new breeze
So leave if you must
I always save room for goodbyes.
© Hannah.
Jul 18, 2020
Jul 18, 2020 at 5:49 AM UTC
I found your name in the dictionary,
It was under "dangerous" and "witty" and "myth"
You are defined as a legend,
No wonder I was subconsciously fascinated
And immediately fixated
Magnetized by your maddening, euphoric aura
A beautiful mystery clad in a gorgeous enigma
Grasping the air around you, destroying the surrounding stigma
There's something behind your flashing smile
That I was hoping to discover after a while
But you remain a beautiful mystery
While I strive to unearth your vague history
I can see some sadness hiding between your eyes
Will you let me in to comfort your silent cries?
There's an orchestra on your tongue, playing a melody I can't forget
Matching the tempo of the drums in my heart, without breaking a sweat
I can almost feel the warmth of your kisses against my cheek
If only you knew that it is your exquisite scent that I truly seek
You are a poet's pen, running out of ink
I'm still trying to figure out how one gaze from you can make my heart sink
The moon is nothing compared to the light in your eyes
Eyes so deep it seems as though I'm staring into the skies
The warmth they hold makes me feel lost at sea
They are so captivating that I lost all hope of ever being free
You're the lightning that reveals where the ocean stops and the sky begins
The sparkle in the snow and the snow angel's wings
You're the fierceness of the wind and the glitter in the rain
How can one person define all the things that I can't explain?
You are the raw words read aloud by the daring poet,
Standing beneath the midnight moon,
You're the breath of a whispered promise,
A place I would like to call home soon
But you're still a mystery,
A beautiful,
beautiful
mystery.
© Hannah.
Jul 18, 2020
Jul 18, 2020 at 5:16 AM UTC
If I could sleep
For one night
It would be under the stars
When the stars are smiling and the moon is bright
Where the breeze is cool and there is no light
Where I can lay against the dark earth
Where it feels safe
I want it to envelope me, hug me tight
Allow my eyes to shut slowly, with ease
With my arms out like a starfish
Bare
Vulnerable
Raw
Real
Yet so astonishingly safe
I want to fall asleep in its serenity
And dream
If I could sleep
For one night
It would be on the soft sand
Where the night sky blends with the ocean's rim above me
Where the sounds of the waves ease my eyes shut
Calming the storm in my mind
Where I can dream with no fear
And allow my dream to carry me across the ocean's waves
Blissfully
If only I could sleep
For one night
Listening to the sounds of breaking waves
Crashing
Threatening to consume me
knowing I am safe
With my eyes closed
My fingers relaxed beneath the soft grains of sand
As I delve deep into the crevices of my mind
A place where dreams seem to come true
© Hannah
Jul 17, 2020
Jul 17, 2020 at 4:14 AM UTC
They're just never-ending sounds.
Never-ending noises piercing through my ever-sensitive ears.
Each sound causing pain to travel through my clouded mind.
Shocking it.
Awakening it.
Reminding me that I'm alive.
That I'm a person.
That I feel.
They're never-ending sounds.
They're not stopping no matter how hard I try to shut the doors in my mind, blocking them.
They don't stop.
Every sound is heightened.
And my mind can't seem to comprehend reality anymore.
I can't seem to structure my thoughts in a linear motion anymore.
Every thump, every voice
Seem to be piercing through the crevices of my mind
Crippling it.
Every door shutting,
One after the other, with every subsequent sound, and I feel lost.
I feel lost without my subconscious.
I feel alone.
And I just lay there.
Looking alive, healthy, "sleeping".
But little do they know, that with every crippling sound they make, I am rather vigorously digging at the skin under my fingernails, creasing my forehead, and screaming.
Internally.
Screaming at my subconscious to burst open the door.
To come out and balance my jungle of thoughts.
To keep them in order.
and arrange them into their respective rooms,
But I'm still screaming as I write this.
Rather shakily.
Can't you tell?
The screeching sounds of the outside world have become too loud for my subconscious mind…
So it barricaded itself
Wanted to disappear
Leaving me all alone with my cryptic thoughts,
Each one entangled with the excruciating sounds of reality.
© Hannah.
Jul 17, 2020
Jul 17, 2020 at 3:46 AM UTC