cordelia-rilo - Hello Poetry

I'm a drug addict I'm sorry I don't have anything better to say. Did you know I have secrets I keep from everyone? Is that normal? The things I've done for drugs would make me sick so I don't think about them. Everyone wants to be a better parent than their parent because they did such a bad job, but they did their best and my best will only be sub-par. Where are we going? Are we just looking through the rear view mirror as we drive away from the fire?

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Dec 16, 2019

Dec 16, 2019 at 12:46 PM UTC

Hollowgram

I'm a drug addict I'm sorry I don't have anything better to say. Did you know I have secrets I keep from everyone? Is that normal? The things I've done for drugs would make me sick so I don't think about them. Everyone wants to be a better parent than their parent because they did such a bad job, but they did their best and my best will only be sub-par. Where are we going? Are we just looking through the rear view mirror as we drive away from the fire?

8

I want to remember quotes from Intervention because they're honest I watch the show to make myself feel better but I usually feel worse and then when I'm sober I get upset I didn't enjoy my high so much, and what's wrong with being high? I feel like a zombie with no purpose, an unhappy zombie this is all going to be deleted delete delete delete, that's a hard word to type out I watch the clock but I don't know what I'm waiting for October? when my life will be complete? everything seems like it will be inevitably sad bad outcome sorry ma'am you didn't make it

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Dec 14, 2016

Dec 14, 2016 at 5:08 PM UTC

I am human remains

I want to remember quotes from Intervention because they're honest I watch the show to make myself feel better but I usually feel worse and then when I'm sober I get upset I didn't enjoy my high so much, and what's wrong with being high? I feel like a zombie with no purpose, an unhappy zombie this is all going to be deleted delete delete delete, that's a hard word to type out I watch the clock but I don't know what I'm waiting for October? when my life will be complete? everything seems like it will be inevitably sad bad outcome sorry ma'am you didn't make it

12

all I do is wait for your number all I do is wait for your call what's the point of even keeping tract now why do I have any faith at all when did you stop caring if I called you when did I start caring that you stopped now I only fumble through recent contacts but it never says "missed call"

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Sep 29, 2016

Sep 29, 2016 at 4:06 PM UTC

369-7228

all I do is wait for your number all I do is wait for your call what's the point of even keeping tract now why do I have any faith at all when did you stop caring if I called you when did I start caring that you stopped now I only fumble through recent contacts but it never says "missed call"

8

When I was 6 the Devil spoke to me told me not to believe all the lies they had told that nothing was real, not even myself At 9 I met God he drove away with my mom in the car she waved goodbye through the window pane said she was leaving for a better place Then at 18 I saw them together both holding pills of different shapes and sizes I chose the red one and when I awoke You stood beside me said it had all been make believe So I packed my bags and drove off in the night praying to heaven or hell it was just another night

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Sep 29, 2016

Sep 29, 2016 at 3:59 PM UTC

Dream Sequence Begin

When I was 6 the Devil spoke to me told me not to believe all the lies they had told that nothing was real, not even myself At 9 I met God he drove away with my mom in the car she waved goodbye through the window pane said she was leaving for a better place Then at 18 I saw them together both holding pills of different shapes and sizes I chose the red one and when I awoke You stood beside me said it had all been make believe So I packed my bags and drove off in the night praying to heaven or hell it was just another night

16

Mama there's boys in my bed, they won't let me out I cry and yell but they hold me down tight Their faces melt together, their bodies grow big They wrestle and fight, my blood filling their mouths I lay pinned and fastened I'm cold and I'm wet Mama there's holes in my clothes and I tried and I tried but the tears they still rolled

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Sep 29, 2016

Sep 29, 2016 at 3:52 PM UTC

Should Have Known Better

Mama there's boys in my bed, they won't let me out I cry and yell but they hold me down tight Their faces melt together, their bodies grow big They wrestle and fight, my blood filling their mouths I lay pinned and fastened I'm cold and I'm wet Mama there's holes in my clothes and I tried and I tried but the tears they still rolled

8

I stand at the kitchen sink pull the tiny glass from the cupboard and make sure no one is looking I keep my ears alert for footsteps approaching take the bottle down from behind the coffee cups pour it quickly drink it fast with eyes closed I feel the burn run throughout my throat and chest clean the glass put it away I sit back down eyes heavy now brain mushy Do it again in an hour

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Jun 6, 2016

Jun 6, 2016 at 2:25 PM UTC

work

I stand at the kitchen sink pull the tiny glass from the cupboard and make sure no one is looking I keep my ears alert for footsteps approaching take the bottle down from behind the coffee cups pour it quickly drink it fast with eyes closed I feel the burn run throughout my throat and chest clean the glass put it away I sit back down eyes heavy now brain mushy Do it again in an hour

14

my depression's thick and heavy cold & wet I run towards mountains the cold air slapping my cheeks & freezing my lungs their white tops gleaming in the distance -catch me if you can- I want the years back they took when I was young make them disappear walk away from those sociopath lovers I stop running there's a part in the trees stare up & I'm blinded -Seattle's always sunny- I write my name in the tree's skin & it suddenly doesn't look right you write yours next to it draw a heart around them I smile at you & shake my head yes pout my lips & say "no" my eyes open it's all gone it's still today & I'm naked in your bed -better than any drug-

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May 30, 2016

May 30, 2016 at 6:33 PM UTC

We'll Water Our Love

my depression's thick and heavy cold & wet I run towards mountains the cold air slapping my cheeks & freezing my lungs their white tops gleaming in the distance -catch me if you can- I want the years back they took when I was young make them disappear walk away from those sociopath lovers I stop running there's a part in the trees stare up & I'm blinded -Seattle's always sunny- I write my name in the tree's skin & it suddenly doesn't look right you write yours next to it draw a heart around them I smile at you & shake my head yes pout my lips & say "no" my eyes open it's all gone it's still today & I'm naked in your bed -better than any drug-

25

I fell in love with a girl who picked flowers instead of arguments and had no time for bad things because she so carefully curled herself against them. you were summer recklessness but you always had these two rules: stay with me and don’t become a ghost.

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Apr 23, 2016

Apr 23, 2016 at 8:49 PM UTC

Memories

I fell in love with a girl who picked flowers instead of arguments and had no time for bad things because she so carefully curled herself against them. you were summer recklessness but you always had these two rules: stay with me and don’t become a ghost.

11

My depression hits hard and heavy like black curtains on the windows like nothing your medicines will cure I sat in my window today watched the birds gather on the roof across from me their feathers fluff and flatten flatten and fluff decided to stay there until they flew off enjoy the beauty in the landscape then had thoughts of jumping off the sill (13 stories down) it seemed like a normal train of thoughts it's been windy lately leaves whipping at my door stems bending as it blows hurts my bones and makes my body ache but you'll never understand

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Mar 24, 2016

Mar 24, 2016 at 3:18 PM UTC

Like Black Curtains on the Window

My depression hits hard and heavy like black curtains on the windows like nothing your medicines will cure I sat in my window today watched the birds gather on the roof across from me their feathers fluff and flatten flatten and fluff decided to stay there until they flew off enjoy the beauty in the landscape then had thoughts of jumping off the sill (13 stories down) it seemed like a normal train of thoughts it's been windy lately leaves whipping at my door stems bending as it blows hurts my bones and makes my body ache but you'll never understand

17

I watched you drive off through rain stained windows too angry to stop you too shocked to move Since you left nothing's been the same stars we once saw they've all gone dim I haven't seen the sun in weeks the skies permanently gray I saw your sock in my laundry pile I washed it couldn't bare to throw it away The seasons keep changing from warm brown to cold black and I still get your mail sometimes but not your calls I run my fingers against your plastic encased name on the envelopes and hope silently you don't stay gone

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Mar 1, 2016

Mar 1, 2016 at 6:08 PM UTC

I rest my fingers on piano keys and sing.

I watched you drive off through rain stained windows too angry to stop you too shocked to move Since you left nothing's been the same stars we once saw they've all gone dim I haven't seen the sun in weeks the skies permanently gray I saw your sock in my laundry pile I washed it couldn't bare to throw it away The seasons keep changing from warm brown to cold black and I still get your mail sometimes but not your calls I run my fingers against your plastic encased name on the envelopes and hope silently you don't stay gone

17