every crease in every sheet i smooth,
my eyes fallen to the floor. i do not reach
for your hand. you wake from fitful sleep,
rise with the eagles and the saints.
the whole earth awaits your next move.
i brace for impact, your voice upon my ears.
the dream catcher swirls, a feathery mobile.
i fall forward into nothing, dust off my skirts.
i will take you with the dawn.
you with your perfect balance; movement of earth.
before i was bereaved, i felt complete.
now i wish for the day i am released.
you and i; a tale of espionage and broken trust.
in the window i stand,
in the doorway i am crushed.
grief is another word for silence.
my pen won't bring back the laughter;
tragedy does not halt the change of seasons.
is this what i am meant to be?
i became a citizen of the sun.
i cannot risk this, too.
i cannot give away my only peace.
i will not fight you for my soul, or my heart.
both are empty and mean nothing to me.
i only need you to understand.
we cannot remember where it begun;
when the waves came.
i will not force retreat.
dust of my skies, my voice, my name,
this is how you tell me to leave.
i am the current and i sweep you away.
we light up again. we change.
you fall asleep by my side and i count the days
the moments we built up to
that never came.
the sun rose; the rooster crows.
i wake you up with ringing bells.
you roll on your side, threaten to **** me.
i would have gladly obliged.
take me now, for the wind and for the fire.
forget the quickness, the quiet
the steady hand when you shut the door.
let us bloom into something different.
let me come to your defense immediate.
let us flow and fly, remember and return.
May 12, 2016
May 12, 2016 at 10:44 PM UTC
in the beginning it was only hope and dust and fragments
of a grave never visited, never touched.
you talk with your hands, you leave your palms
resting on your chest.
i was never meant to be.
i was never meant to come alive.
and all you ever did to find me was die.
that was it. that was me lying in bed
deciphering messages.
i could not be convinced
of coincidence.
but i wanted to believe.
to have something.
i always knew, i always thought
i will not rest.
maybe i am still scared to rot.
scared that i will burn,
that when i get a good look at you,
that will be it. i will be done.
i will be silenced. i will become
your phantom. i am not the limb
you missed. i am not the wind.
i am faith and gut and circumstance.
that is all we are.
that is all it took for me to find you.
to love you.
but you,
you had to die.
Jul 19, 2015
Jul 19, 2015 at 11:40 AM UTC
i dream of you in color
old black and white portraits
on the kitchen counter
and i thought
i was the only one
who loved you.
you are so old fashioned
no message i ever send
seems to get through.
if love is a drug,
these are the side effects.
i hold a shell
up to my ear,
expecting to hear the ocean.
i hear nuclear tests
and the challenger explosion.
and i can't breathe anymore
when it stops my heart
just to know where you are.
and if someone asked you
things that are blue, you'd say,
the sky, the sea,
and all i can think of
is being every color in your life,
the paint to your palette.
but it is too late.
you are color blind and
you will never see how bright i am.
Feb 1, 2015
Feb 1, 2015 at 1:38 PM UTC
I was a baker in France
in the 19th century,
a poet, an alcoholic,
an ancient Egyptian,
a cancer patient,
a victim of the plague,
a father, a mother,
a soldier, a lover.
But, my darling,
no matter who I was,
or who you were,
you always loved me
and I always loved you.
Jan 23, 2015
Jan 23, 2015 at 8:44 PM UTC
They'll use Martin Luther King day to sell anything from mattresses to cars.
Even he has been ripped up and replanted,
capitalized, like Christmas or Easter,
by the people who give us images of a white Jesus,
but you bet they don't pay everyone equal.
We have boulevards, schools, and libraries named after King,
but streets over, we have Confederate soldiers carved into a mountain,
we call 'em heroes, that's what I was taught,
the ones who fought, the ones who ate lead,
But, they aren't talking about who really put a bullet in Dr. King's head.
What the **** is wrong with us?
America will go see Selma in millions,
this weekend, go back home to their all white neighborhoods,
thinking about how it was bad then, but now, it's all good.
Who are we really trying to fool?
Stand up for the pledge in school
Put your hand over your heart and forget
all this country denies you
telling you that there isn't a heart of a human beating inside you
because you're gay, you're black, you're not like that,
She was a flirt, she wore a short skirt,
Every day you try to heal the hurt
Justice for all? Like are you kidding me?
There ain't such a thing here as liberty
Do you know where you stand
was Native American land?
Ripped from their bleeding hands
And don't even get me started on Iraq and Iran.
You know that mountaintop?
The one I was talking about,
Did they tell you it was a KKK meeting spot?
Bet not.
I wonder, is the clay here red from all the blood?
We hide our history,
sing promises of liberty,
say that racism ended with slavery,
and it's Stonewall Jackson, he's a hero, they say
but never speak of Stonewall Riots any day
and I'm afraid for our children and what they will learn,
in classrooms, will they be silenced?
Come here kids, let me tell you a story,
of Ferguson, New York, Hong Kong,
about how people will look back and see they were wrong,
But some never did, some died with hatred,
some died because of it,
Let me tell you about homeless LGBT youth
Let me tell you about all these issues
Let me tell you the truth
And there are different ways of seeing it,
but only one way to say it,
you and I both know,
You just have to listen for it.
Jan 18, 2015
Jan 18, 2015 at 11:41 PM UTC
Sylvia and Vincent
Won't you come visit
me in the night
He'll paint and she'll write
Tulips and sunflowers
I am counting down the hours
Till I meet you
But you are hard to get to.
She put her head in the oven,
he put his in his hands
but you're not so different,
Sylvia and Vincent.
Her pen races, his brushstroke
how did they know
what to say, what to paint
Did it come from their pain?
And you may never see the reward,
the effect on the world
of your gripping emotion
and how it made time frozen
But this comparison is nonsense
only two creatives plagued by madness
and so, like them, I hope for acceptance
from a world that barely notices.
Jan 18, 2015
Jan 18, 2015 at 11:18 PM UTC
lipstick, mirrors, mysteries
i have a secret i can't keep
and it grows inside of me
til it is too deep
i see the ghost's grin, manifesting
through the glass, maybe
you were just a dream
when i slept in class
i know your name, but it doesn't fit
nothing could possibly contain your essence
through a hole in the fence
you saw me in the garden on a bench
and sometimes i pretend
this is all my imagination
break a dish, put it in the cupboard again
as if it never happened
watching the olympics
talking about who'd win
everything is a war these days
it's time we work out an armistice
Jan 12, 2015
Jan 12, 2015 at 6:07 PM UTC
you said, "you're not afraid to love
you love kittens, you love rainy weather,
you love shakespeare and sweaters
movies and being kissed
on the tip of your nose
new york city, you love beaches
and the few times it snows
you love crime tv, you love poetry
so why is it that when it comes to me
you feel hesitant?"
i said, "i will tell you, the reason
that i am guarded
yes, i love all of the things
that you listed.
but shakespeare never wrote me a sonnet
and then disappeared, leaving me stranded
new york city may drive me crazy
but it will always be here, you see
poetry may tear me apart
but it won't look me in the eyes as it does
do you have an answer, now, to your satisfaction?
please listen, believe me,
i do not fear rejection.
i fear giving up all of my secrets
only to find you've painted yours
on someone else's skin."
Jan 11, 2015
Jan 11, 2015 at 7:54 PM UTC
i don’t know how to write you anymore
maybe you’ve fallen out of favor
maybe you’ve fallen off trees
all i really know is that i can’t see
whatever you had the strength to believe
double homicide on the streets
blood, kiss, silent, dreams,
i only recall a number of things
that had me by the throat
but never made me choke
i know you’re in there somewhere
pushing me out of your home
and i remember nowhere
and wanting to be alone
cross the train tracks
let’s pretend we’re never going back
let’s get wasted
let’s let them waste us
smear black under your eyes
blow away my mind
i don’t need no medicine
i haven’t got the time
i wanna breathe you, please you, tease you, take you
curse myself cuz i know i’ll never be with you
i know i’ll never hate you
no, it’s never enough
and they show them put his wrists in handcuffs
like he’s a symbol, with charges so unfair
Smooth Criminal, she quivers at his stare
bow and arrow, female hero
don’t make me go where you wanna go
wash the blood out, wear my mind out
write me sonnets, Shakespeare’s on it,
i’ll drift through the universe
i cannot hold this life on my surface
this is a curse
don’t worry baby i’ll buy you some time
i’ll give you some of mine
i know it’s gonna hurt, i know it’s gonna bite
but i’m never gonna let them put a sword in my side
i’m never gonna let them control my mind
Jan 11, 2015
Jan 11, 2015 at 4:55 PM UTC
the year opened on two kinds of olympics:
Sochi and selfie.
we spent months looking for
one missing plane
276 missing girls,
and 43 missing students.
from Ukraine to Mexico,
Palestine to Venezuela,
to Ferguson,
the front of the battle lines
were crammed full.
their stories captivated us,
their movements motivated us.
we snapchatted, we vined and instagrammed,
we remembered their names.
Malala Yousafzai
to Mike Brown.
Eric Garner to Ebola.
we made some friends
and some enemies.
and I think,
when I look back,
years from now,
at the year 2014,
the first thing to come to mind will be,
"I was there."
Dec 31, 2014
Dec 31, 2014 at 10:00 PM UTC