THE BOY IN THE TOILET HOLDS A BLADE TO HIS WRIST.
YOU AREN’T IN LOVE WITH HIM. AT LEAST, NOT YET.
NOW, HE DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO HOLD YOU
WHEN YOU BREAK APART OF WHEN YOU FALL ASLEEP
RIGHT NOW, ALL HIS HANDS KNOW ARE THE WAYS
TO MAKE SELF DESTRUCTION FEEL A LOT LIKE SELF INDULGENCE.
HE LOOKS AT THE MIRROR AND INSIDE HIS EYES
YOU CAN SEE THE WAY HIS UNDECIDED WHITES MIX WITH HIS BLUES
PREPARING FOR A WAR IN HIS MIND
TO GIVE UP ON ALL THAT LIFE HAS TO OFFER.
HE DOESN’T SEE THE WAY HIS BLUE-GREEN ORBS SWIRL,
LIKE THE WAVES OF THE PACIFIC OCEAN CRASHING ONTO THE SHORE.
HE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THAT BLUE IS NOT ONLY THE COLOUR
OF THE SUIT HIS FATHER WORE IN HIS COFFIN BECAUSE
THE SHADE ONLY SEEMS TO REMIND HIM OF THE WAY
HIS FATHER USE TO TELL HIM THAT HE WAS DISAPPOINTED.
HE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THAT BLUE IS ALSO THE COLOUR
OF FREEDOM AND IF HE WENT OUT OF THE HOUSE ENOUGH
HE WOULD HAVE SEEN IT IN THE CLOUDS AND THE BIRDS
BUT NOW ALL HE CAN DO IS STARE AT HIS REFLECTION
IN THE TOILET OF THE FLESH AND BONES THAT CARVE HIS DEMEANOUR AND SOMEONE NEEDS TO TELL HIM
THAT HIS EYES REPRESENT THE OCEAN
AND THE WAY IT IS RELUCTANT TO GIVE UP KISSING THE SHORE
NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES IT HAS BEEN SENT BACK.
DO NOT GIVE UP.
SOMEONE NEEDS TO TELL HIM THAT HIS EYES
ARE MORE THAN JUST BLUE AND HIS SKIN
IS MORE THAN JUST SCARS BECAUSE IF WHAT HE WANTS
TO CARVE OFF IS NOT JUST SKIN AND BLOOD
BUT THE PAIN FROM THE BEATING PULSE BENEATH IT
TELL HIM TO MOVE ON FROM HIS FATHER’S DEATH
BECAUSE THAT WOULD HURT A LOT MORE
THAN JUST STOPPING THE PULSE.
DO NOT GIVE UP.
SOMEONE NEEDS TO TEACH HIM THAT THE BLADE
IS NOT THE ANSWERS OF ALL HIS PROBLEMS
BECAUSE EVEN IF SCARS HEAL, LIFE MAY NOT BE ABLE
TO FORGIVE YOU FOR THE TIME YOU SPENT MOURNING IN GUILT.
DO NOT GIVE UP.
THE BOY IN THE TOILET HOLDS A BLADE TO HIS WRIST.
YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH HIM. AT LEAST, YOU THINK YOU DO
BUT YOU STILL CAN’T QUITE UNDERSTAND WHY THE DEMONS
CHOOSE HIM AND WHY HE REFUSES TO LET GO BUT TONIGHT
HE PUTS DOWN THE BLADE AND THE BLAME
BECAUSE HE HAS YOU.
YOUR TOUCH BURNS HIM MORE THAN THE BLADES EVER HAVE
AND HE THINKS THAT THE SCARS ARE HEALING
BUT HE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THAT PEOPLE LEAVE SCARS TOO
SO HE HOLDS YOU AT NIGHT
AS YOU WHISPER EMPTY PROMISES IN HIS EAR.
DO NOT GIVE UP.
HE LISTENS AS YOU TELL HIM THAT HIS EYES
REMIND YOU OF THE GALAXIES
AND EVERY TIME THAT YOU ARE WITH HIM
YOU CAN FEEL THE STARS BURNING IN YOUR STOMACH.
DO NOT GIVE UP.
YOU TEACH HIM THAT GRIEF HAS TO BE LET FREE
AND YOU WATCH AS HE TURNS INTO SOMEONE
YOU NO LONGER RECOGNISE,
HAPPIER, LIGHTER, SO FULL OF LIFE.
DO NOT GIVE UP.
THE BLADES ARE NO LONGER IN THE CABINET UNDER THE SINK
BUT AT THE DRUGSTORE IN PERFECT LITTLE PACKAGES WAITING TO BE BOUGHT.
HE DID NOT GIVE UP.
THE BOY IN THE TOILET HOLDS A BLADE TO HIS WRIST.
YOU ARE NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM. AT LEAST, YOU WERE ONCE.
HIS EYES SLOWLY GATHER MORE BAGGAGES AND
HE DOESN’T EVEN RECOGNISE HIMSELF
WHEN HE LOOKS AT THE MIRROR
BECAUSE ALL THAT STARES BACK IS AN EMPTY SHELL.
HE FINALLY UNDERSTANDS WHAT YOU MEANT
WHEN YOU TOLD HIM THAT PEOPLE COULD LEAVE SCARS TOO
BECAUSE THERE IS ONE, KNUCKLE DEEP, IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS HEART
AND HE URGES HIS EYES TO START THE ENDLESS WAR
BUT INSTEAD HE STARTS TO SEE THE GALAXIES
AND THE STARS IN HIS EYES THAT YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH
SO TONIGHT HE PUTS DOWN THE BLADE.
HE STARTS TO UNDERSTAND
THAT EVEN THOUGH OTHER PEOPLE CAN SHOW HIM
THE LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS,
IT ONLY DEPENDS ON HIM TO PICK UP THE BROKEN PIECES.
Feb 25, 2016
Feb 25, 2016 at 5:35 AM UTC
I have stopped writing poetry
a little after you left me
because I could no longer
find someone else
to paint metaphors
and shape similes.
I have stopped writing love poetry
two years after you left me
because i have been so devoid of emotion
that my abyss itself seems more than
just empty
but i still bleed poetry
i still choke on poetry
i still cry poetry
because the scars have left
but i still hurt
Jan 3, 2016
Jan 3, 2016 at 11:40 AM UTC
TELL ME SOMETHING TO MAKE ME STAY
YOU WALKED OUT THAT DOOR RIGHT AWAY
WITHOUT EVEN BOTHERING TO SLAM IT SHUT
HOW DARE YOU NOT ASK ME TO ASK YOU TO STAY
I COULD TELL YOU WERE ANGRY THAT NIGHT
YOU DIDN’T NEED WORDS, I COULD SEE IT IN YOUR EYES
HOW DARE YOU NOT ASK ME TO ASK YOU TO STAY
I WAS WAITING FOR THE BURST OF FURY
TO UNRAVEL OUT OF YOU BUT YOU JUST LEFT
HOW DARE YOU NOT ASK ME TO ASK YOU TO STAY
I KNOW YOU WERE NEVER GOOD WITH WORDS AND
AND YOU STRUGGLED WITH VOICING YOUR THOUGHTS
HOW DARE YOU NOT ASK ME TO ASK YOU TO STAY
IF IT WAS ME WALKING OUT THAT DOOR INSTEAD
I WOULD HAVE YELLED
I WOULD HAVE SCREAMED
I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU
THAT I NEVER LOVED YOU
AND YOU WOULD HAVE FLINCHED
BUT YOU COULD SEE IT IN MY EYES
THAT I DIDN’T MEAN ANYTHING.
IF IT WAS ME WALKING OUT THAT DOOR INSTEAD
I WOULD HAVE MADE A SCENE
I WOULD HAVE SLAMMED THE DOOR
I WOULD HAVE STORMED MY FEET
AND WALK SLOWLY DOWN THE STREET
HOPING THAT MAYBE
YOU MIGHT JUST
CHASE AFTER ME.
IF IT WAS ME WALKING OUT THAT DOOR INSTEAD
YOU WOULD HAVE CAUGHT ME
YOU WOULD HAVE KISSED ME
YOU WOULD HAVE EXPLAINED
THAT LOVE IS FRAGILE BUT
WHAT WE HAVE
IS MORE THAN JUST GLASS.
IF IT WAS ME WALKING OUT THAT DOOR INSTEAD
I WOULD HAVE TOUCHED YOU
I WOULD HAVE DOUBTED YOU
I WOULD HAVE ASKED YOU
TO TELL ME SOMETHING
TO MAKE ME STAY.
IF IT WAS ME WALKING OUT THAT DOOR INSTEAD
YOU WOULD HAVE HELD ME
YOU WOULD HAVE CARESSED ME
YOU WOULD HAVE TOLD ME
THAT YOU LOVED ME
AND I WOULD HAVE STAYED.
BUT IT WAS YOU WALKING OUT THAT DOOR INSTEAD
AND YOU DIDN’T YELL
AND YOU DIDN’T SCREAM
AND YOU DIDN’T SLAM THE DOOR
AND YOU DIDN’T WALK SLOWLY
AND YOU DIDN’T ASK ME FOR A REASON TO MAKE YOU STAY.
Jan 3, 2016
Jan 3, 2016 at 11:34 AM UTC
my mother occasionally reminds me
that it is unfair to take your own life
because it is yours
and sometimes not
at the very same time
because you were made
from the same bones and flesh
as the thing
growing in your mother’s womb
and life didn’t start with you
it started with two people
in love
out of love
stupid
smart
careless
careful
and your life
sometimes belongs to you
and also sometimes
it belongs to them
my mother occasionally tells me
how tiring it was
to raise me as a child
because i wasn’t all peek-a-boo
and nursery rhymes
i was also sleepless nights
and endless tears
with a loud voice for screaming
and sometimes my life is mine
and sometimes it also isn’t
it belongs to two people
together
separated
dead
alive
happy
sad
and my life
is sometimes up to me
but also not up to me
and if it wasn’t up to me
to be brought into this world
why would it be up to me
to leave this world
and i know
that if i left this world
my parents would be more
disappointed than sad
because my mother
occasionally tells me
that it is unfair
to take my own life.
Jan 3, 2016
Jan 3, 2016 at 11:33 AM UTC
Some people think
that they need love
to survive and yes
the comfort is
essential but most
times, you also
need to learn
to be okay
with being alone.
Oct 26, 2015
Oct 26, 2015 at 9:38 AM UTC
a boy once told me
that his biggest fear
was being something
he didn't want to be
and i never thought
that it was ever
possible
until i saw myself
turn into a monster
my parents wanted
me to be
Jul 13, 2015
Jul 13, 2015 at 11:13 AM UTC
Honestly, I fear it
straight to my bones.
The fear of falling in love really
and knowing that a person
could so easily leave
pushes the very thought off my mind.
But we need some faith in humanity
and we need some faith in love
and I need some faith in you.
Jul 3, 2015
Jul 3, 2015 at 12:09 PM UTC
it's over.
six months gone
and i'm still breathing.
i never thought
i would make it
to see this day.
my mother calls it
pessimism,
my father calls it depression.
i don't actually know
but the end seems inevitable
and all happiness
seems to fade
the moment it reaches my bones.
and i'm afraid.
it's over
Jun 10, 2015
Jun 10, 2015 at 9:53 PM UTC
the weighing scale speaks to me
it is lying
i don't feel like this
i feel as though i have
twenty donkeys
thirty elephants on me.
two months ago
i would have been
perfectly happy feeling this way
but now that i've reached
it feels nothing like i imagined
and so much worst
Apr 13, 2015
Apr 13, 2015 at 8:34 AM UTC
1) Take our your headphones and listen.
you might not be as alone as you think.
2) When making decisions you don't want to regret, imagine yourself 6o years in the future, looking back, not a hormonal teenager. that way, you'd make choices good choices you'd remember.
3) Share the love with everyone.
kiss your parents, hug your siblings, tell the people you love that you love them. whether you are 10 or 54, it's never too late to show some affection. appreciate them before they are gone.
4) Your health is more important than your grades.
if you have a big exam coming out and your eyes are closing, your mind barely functioning, your soul exhausted beyond control, walk to your fridge. eat a few scoops of ice cream and go to sleep. there's nothing more you need than a good night rest. after all, all that actually matters at the end of the day is your mental health. if you can take care of yourself, you can survive in this world with whatever grade you get.
5) Remember happy moments.
take a jar, or a notebook or maybe just an app and write down a good thing that happens to you each day. each day may not be a good day but there is good in every day. when you're ever feeling down, just read them and they would lighten your life up.
6) Stop worrying.
whatever is going to happen is meant to happen and you'd be able to get through it. you have tried your best.
7) Don't stop believing.
even if you don't believe in Something with a capital 'S', just pray, or even talk out loud. it's nice to feel like someone is listening to you, to feel wanted, to feel appreciated, to feel like someone is looking out for you. to not feel alone.
8) Don't be afraid to put your heart out there.
chances are, your first love won't love you as much as you love them, but it's okay. because you'd always find someone or something you love more than them (like how I found my love for poetry in my first heartbreak)
9) Live your life adequately.
to live your life to the fullest does not mean to literally spend everyday partying and drinking but to be able to look back at each day and realise that you have no regrets because you have made those choices and you are who you are. the choices are you. the sooner you make peace with your choices, the sooner you enjoy your life.
10) Be selfless.
you don't need the last slice of pizza. someone else might.
11) It's okay to be sad.
you are not expected to be happy all the time, you are human after all and you need a break too.
12) Sometimes you've got to forgive people if you want them in your life.
not everything is about your ego, say sorry if you did something wrong. don't keep the hatred too long.
13) Sleep early, wake up early.
the night doesn't have much to offer but the morning is filled with magic. go out and have a look.
14) People just need someone to listen to them.
sometimes, you don't need to keep talking, it gets you nowhere. listen to the people talk and you'd realize you'd get somewhere, learn something.
15) It's okay to make mistakes.
i know it's cliche, but it's okay to be wrong. sometimes making mistakes just proves we have lived it before.
Mar 29, 2015
Mar 29, 2015 at 11:43 AM UTC