connor-c-blake - Hello Poetry

You know, whenever I think of my heroes, it’s never the champions that come to mind… the ones who can hit harder, or always save the day. No. Honestly, it’s the ones who take all hits I admire most. The ones who have to battle each day, just to be here, because anyone can be win a fight. It’s a lot harder to lose one, and choose to stand back up anyway, knowing full well you will get knocked down again. I know now that strength is not measured by how much you’ve won, the only strength that matters is built up brick by brick from your losses.

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Oct 3, 2020

Oct 3, 2020 at 2:07 AM UTC

Heroes

You know, whenever I think of my heroes, it’s never the champions that come to mind… the ones who can hit harder, or always save the day. No. Honestly, it’s the ones who take all hits I admire most. The ones who have to battle each day, just to be here, because anyone can be win a fight. It’s a lot harder to lose one, and choose to stand back up anyway, knowing full well you will get knocked down again. I know now that strength is not measured by how much you’ve won, the only strength that matters is built up brick by brick from your losses.

11

It just feels like no matter how much ground I gain or far I run, it’s still always there, right at my back, this extra gravity. And I know I’m supposed to be okay with that and accept it, because this...thing... is just a passenger in my life now, and it's not going anywhere. But **** if doesn’t still knock me down. And every time I find a home without it, it seems to eventually find its back to remind me just how tired I am. At best it is white noise, always chattering in the background. At worse...well you know it goes; it deafens and it cripples. I think we all just want to know, "how far do I have to run, how long do I have fight...to be normal again?" Somehow, knowing that question doesn't have an answer doesn't make it go away.

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Oct 3, 2020

Oct 3, 2020 at 1:32 AM UTC

On the Bad Days

It just feels like no matter how much ground I gain or far I run, it’s still always there, right at my back, this extra gravity. And I know I’m supposed to be okay with that and accept it, because this...thing... is just a passenger in my life now, and it's not going anywhere. But **** if doesn’t still knock me down. And every time I find a home without it, it seems to eventually find its back to remind me just how tired I am. At best it is white noise, always chattering in the background. At worse...well you know it goes; it deafens and it cripples. I think we all just want to know, "how far do I have to run, how long do I have fight...to be normal again?" Somehow, knowing that question doesn't have an answer doesn't make it go away.

5

We are blood. Our veins run red and thick with oceans of each other. Our hearts are linked electrically with velvet wires. And for every ounce we spill with hate, There’s hundreds more we give away. We choose to give ourselves to one another. Until the imaginary lines between us Begin to blur and then fade. We live in houses made of one another. And in this way we cannot die, Only move. And should my cells move into you I think that’d be okay too.

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Jan 27, 2020

Jan 27, 2020 at 2:41 PM UTC

We Are Blood

We are blood. Our veins run red and thick with oceans of each other. Our hearts are linked electrically with velvet wires. And for every ounce we spill with hate, There’s hundreds more we give away. We choose to give ourselves to one another. Until the imaginary lines between us Begin to blur and then fade. We live in houses made of one another. And in this way we cannot die, Only move. And should my cells move into you I think that’d be okay too.

14

You were a sold out music hall And I was just a record on your wall And I'd turn and turn and hope that you would sing along While you played symphonies for us all

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Jan 18, 2016

Jan 18, 2016 at 6:33 PM UTC

Concerts

You were a sold out music hall And I was just a record on your wall And I'd turn and turn and hope that you would sing along While you played symphonies for us all

4

Soft padded sheets with a chalk-white fade Contours from repeated pressure illustrating a familiar shape Indented rivets in the overused cushion where you tried to hide Red-turned-brown spots dried, markers of where you failed to keep it inside Timid stains of salty moisture once fallen from your eyes Now just a faded gravestone to the bliss simplicity brought before your fight died Deaf ears and the pleas that pass through their shallow halls But the sound changes octaves as it bounces off the thin beige walls And so it echoes unheard as it falls One too many close calls to accept the sound that emulates from it all Trembling bones under heavy skin clutching the bed-frame with an iron grip Second only to the pressure your upper teeth have on your lower lip Revolving doors unhinged, flooding your thoughts as they race Tired eyes stay bolted open, not recognizing the shape of your own face in the jagged glass that now lays fractured and stained from the image you tried to replace But it still didn't go away “This is it,” you say Cavernous holes, Once whole, Now just hollow shells you used to call home Empty of all heart and all hope And you brace for the hit, the moment where it finally all goes black And the silence will finally answer back, telling you you've ****** it up, it's all rotted through, you didn't fight hard enough and now you're done And every single time you're still surprised when that moment never comes And despite the tremors and daggers, your stubborn heart carries on So find the narrow sliver of air where reality and your mind meet And take in all the oxygen like it isn’t always free There isn’t much too it, You just put your head down and breathe Because if there’s only one thing of which you can be sure It's that these souls were designed to endure And "this too shall pass" will become true once more Let your heart and its resting pace made amends Once the shaking stops you can finally stand And wear that smile until courage finds you again Somewhere inside you always knew this isn’t how it ends.

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Jan 15, 2016

Jan 15, 2016 at 5:52 PM UTC

Sheets

Soft padded sheets with a chalk-white fade Contours from repeated pressure illustrating a familiar shape Indented rivets in the overused cushion where you tried to hide Red-turned-brown spots dried, markers of where you failed to keep it inside Timid stains of salty moisture once fallen from your eyes Now just a faded gravestone to the bliss simplicity brought before your fight died Deaf ears and the pleas that pass through their shallow halls But the sound changes octaves as it bounces off the thin beige walls And so it echoes unheard as it falls One too many close calls to accept the sound that emulates from it all Trembling bones under heavy skin clutching the bed-frame with an iron grip Second only to the pressure your upper teeth have on your lower lip Revolving doors unhinged, flooding your thoughts as they race Tired eyes stay bolted open, not recognizing the shape of your own face in the jagged glass that now lays fractured and stained from the image you tried to replace But it still didn't go away “This is it,” you say Cavernous holes, Once whole, Now just hollow shells you used to call home Empty of all heart and all hope And you brace for the hit, the moment where it finally all goes black And the silence will finally answer back, telling you you've ****** it up, it's all rotted through, you didn't fight hard enough and now you're done And every single time you're still surprised when that moment never comes And despite the tremors and daggers, your stubborn heart carries on So find the narrow sliver of air where reality and your mind meet And take in all the oxygen like it isn’t always free There isn’t much too it, You just put your head down and breathe Because if there’s only one thing of which you can be sure It's that these souls were designed to endure And "this too shall pass" will become true once more Let your heart and its resting pace made amends Once the shaking stops you can finally stand And wear that smile until courage finds you again Somewhere inside you always knew this isn’t how it ends.

37

White sheets, won’t you dry? Stuck to wire outside You shake in the wind, trying to fly Truth comes with a lie You only hear the parts that you like Know that the view ain’t from the height And know that your truth ain’t the same as mine Black boots, won’t you slow? Picking up mud as you go Dragging my feet further from home Time makes ghosts of us all Stuck in these pictures we haunt We measure what’s real by what we’ve lost These hands were never worth much Always shaking and cold to the touch Hollow bones ache looking for love They bend and they break but it's not enough But I’ve seen your grey skin The way you stretch it, trying to fit it all in I know that your colors all lie within I know that your colors all lie within

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Jun 15, 2015

Jun 15, 2015 at 7:36 PM UTC

Colors

White sheets, won’t you dry? Stuck to wire outside You shake in the wind, trying to fly Truth comes with a lie You only hear the parts that you like Know that the view ain’t from the height And know that your truth ain’t the same as mine Black boots, won’t you slow? Picking up mud as you go Dragging my feet further from home Time makes ghosts of us all Stuck in these pictures we haunt We measure what’s real by what we’ve lost These hands were never worth much Always shaking and cold to the touch Hollow bones ache looking for love They bend and they break but it's not enough But I’ve seen your grey skin The way you stretch it, trying to fit it all in I know that your colors all lie within I know that your colors all lie within

21

This moment was never mine But somehow I found the arrogance to hold onto it To fear it, to fight it, to somehow decide if it was wrong or if it was right or if I was even alive inside it, and if I would survive it To see the next one roll around and drown whatever fragile solace I found. But before the answer finds me, the next moment and I meet. And this one isn’t too keen to let me believe it’d be okay to just breathe Without thinking about the million little reasons I'm too scared to leave So I’ll stay And I’ll huff and I'll puff But no amount of breath will ever be enough To satisfy the divide between my lungs and my mind Whatever moment is next to be, but I guess it’s not meant to be Because I never find the next moment, it always finds me But there doesn’t seem to be any peace in this fresh start Only faster thumps from my restless heart Telling my fingers and knees to shake so violently, The pillars of sand beneath my feet dissolve back into the sea And leave me bobbing for air like it isn’t free And then a new moment hangs its noose around me and tightens an iron grip around my throat taunting “think fast kid, dead bodies don’t float” But I can’t let go, so I just sit there and watch myself choke And just when the oxygen no longer comes A new moment claws its way down to the pit of my lungs Digging up an old ladder with a new set of rungs I’m still alive, right? The wires are crossed, but they’re still clicking, the gears are still spinning, clock hands still ticking, So why am I so incapable of winning? Which moment am I living in? Or maybe there’s not much difference between now and then But before my mind and I can make amends A new moment interrupts and begins it all again Send help, dear friend.

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Mar 26, 2015

Mar 26, 2015 at 10:55 PM UTC

Moment to Moment

This moment was never mine But somehow I found the arrogance to hold onto it To fear it, to fight it, to somehow decide if it was wrong or if it was right or if I was even alive inside it, and if I would survive it To see the next one roll around and drown whatever fragile solace I found. But before the answer finds me, the next moment and I meet. And this one isn’t too keen to let me believe it’d be okay to just breathe Without thinking about the million little reasons I'm too scared to leave So I’ll stay And I’ll huff and I'll puff But no amount of breath will ever be enough To satisfy the divide between my lungs and my mind Whatever moment is next to be, but I guess it’s not meant to be Because I never find the next moment, it always finds me But there doesn’t seem to be any peace in this fresh start Only faster thumps from my restless heart Telling my fingers and knees to shake so violently, The pillars of sand beneath my feet dissolve back into the sea And leave me bobbing for air like it isn’t free And then a new moment hangs its noose around me and tightens an iron grip around my throat taunting “think fast kid, dead bodies don’t float” But I can’t let go, so I just sit there and watch myself choke And just when the oxygen no longer comes A new moment claws its way down to the pit of my lungs Digging up an old ladder with a new set of rungs I’m still alive, right? The wires are crossed, but they’re still clicking, the gears are still spinning, clock hands still ticking, So why am I so incapable of winning? Which moment am I living in? Or maybe there’s not much difference between now and then But before my mind and I can make amends A new moment interrupts and begins it all again Send help, dear friend.

34

There are still bad days. Days where it’s easy to forget that a world exists outside my bedroom. Days where the moments in-between each breath feel like an unmapped ocean and no one’s really sure if there’s land on the other side. Days where I’m not sure if there will be other days. Days where the calendar smiles coldly and says, “yeah, you wish.” Days where I’m not always able to keep the fire inside. Days where I burn. And get burned. There are still bad days. And I’ve seen better days. But I’ve also seen days a hell of a lot worst. So I’ll limp my way through the bad days with a bucket of water for my burning heart and an extra roll of duck tape for my tattered appendages Because at least now there can be good days. Days where I can look gravity in the face and stand up straight. Days where I remember my name. Sometimes I even say it out loud. Days where I can let the dust settle on the noose. Days where I remember why I didn’t go quietly. Days where I can see it. Days where my eyes wander upwards and the sky almost looks like it did before it fell down on my head. Days where I pick up the needle and find another part of myself to sew back on. Days where I think about other days, and what they’ll be like when they get here. Days that I love. And am loved. So yeah, I’ve seen better days, but I’m getting better in the face of the bad days. Because I don’t lack the vision, it’s the method that I always seem to misplace. But I think I’ll be able to hold onto it... one of these days…

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Jan 5, 2015

Jan 5, 2015 at 12:47 PM UTC

The Good Ones

There are still bad days. Days where it’s easy to forget that a world exists outside my bedroom. Days where the moments in-between each breath feel like an unmapped ocean and no one’s really sure if there’s land on the other side. Days where I’m not sure if there will be other days. Days where the calendar smiles coldly and says, “yeah, you wish.” Days where I’m not always able to keep the fire inside. Days where I burn. And get burned. There are still bad days. And I’ve seen better days. But I’ve also seen days a hell of a lot worst. So I’ll limp my way through the bad days with a bucket of water for my burning heart and an extra roll of duck tape for my tattered appendages Because at least now there can be good days. Days where I can look gravity in the face and stand up straight. Days where I remember my name. Sometimes I even say it out loud. Days where I can let the dust settle on the noose. Days where I remember why I didn’t go quietly. Days where I can see it. Days where my eyes wander upwards and the sky almost looks like it did before it fell down on my head. Days where I pick up the needle and find another part of myself to sew back on. Days where I think about other days, and what they’ll be like when they get here. Days that I love. And am loved. So yeah, I’ve seen better days, but I’m getting better in the face of the bad days. Because I don’t lack the vision, it’s the method that I always seem to misplace. But I think I’ll be able to hold onto it... one of these days…

25

There’s a reason for all of this There has to be a reason for all of this Millions of billions of cells had to multiply, divide, and die just so you could stand here and say there’s no reason for any of this? No I refuse to believe this It’s not an accident that we exist Because someone once told me existence is resistance And we can still win this All we need is a little patience and persistence Because objects in the mirror Are always closer than they appear And the only illusion here is the length of the distance You’re going to be fine You’re going to make it out alive Repeat what I just said And if doesn’t sound right, repeat it again Because every time you draw breath, it's another protest To every life death has possessed And the fact that you made it this far with this shadow at your back Means your stubborn lungs make up for something your hopes lack Know that there’s truth when they say this too will pass And each moment you hate is immediately replaced with one that stands atop the past This pain simply cannot last But sometimes simple anchors aren’t enough so we’ll tether our ships to mountains and brace for bad weather Taking each wave like the ground takes the rain until it cleans us for the better So look up and pull yourself together There’s still a sky hidden up there behind the clouds This is all just the prologue And there’s still a truth somewhere up there in the sun Slow down, there’s nothing to outrun We are not the ghosts of the things we’ve done So curl up your fingers into a fist And let stubborn knuckles meet the concrete Don’t worry if your hands bleed Instead, greet the earth with the same force it gave you every time you fell down Then, protest gravity by standing up and making yourself perpendicular to the ground Go slowly now, But speak so loud that the silence has no choice but to listen And exit now if you want to but promise to come back because this isn’t over, it’s just an intermission Because no matter where we were when it began I promise, it’s nothing compared to where we’ll be at the end So please, stick around and see how it ends.

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Dec 4, 2014

Dec 4, 2014 at 5:35 PM UTC

Existence is Resistance

There’s a reason for all of this There has to be a reason for all of this Millions of billions of cells had to multiply, divide, and die just so you could stand here and say there’s no reason for any of this? No I refuse to believe this It’s not an accident that we exist Because someone once told me existence is resistance And we can still win this All we need is a little patience and persistence Because objects in the mirror Are always closer than they appear And the only illusion here is the length of the distance You’re going to be fine You’re going to make it out alive Repeat what I just said And if doesn’t sound right, repeat it again Because every time you draw breath, it's another protest To every life death has possessed And the fact that you made it this far with this shadow at your back Means your stubborn lungs make up for something your hopes lack Know that there’s truth when they say this too will pass And each moment you hate is immediately replaced with one that stands atop the past This pain simply cannot last But sometimes simple anchors aren’t enough so we’ll tether our ships to mountains and brace for bad weather Taking each wave like the ground takes the rain until it cleans us for the better So look up and pull yourself together There’s still a sky hidden up there behind the clouds This is all just the prologue And there’s still a truth somewhere up there in the sun Slow down, there’s nothing to outrun We are not the ghosts of the things we’ve done So curl up your fingers into a fist And let stubborn knuckles meet the concrete Don’t worry if your hands bleed Instead, greet the earth with the same force it gave you every time you fell down Then, protest gravity by standing up and making yourself perpendicular to the ground Go slowly now, But speak so loud that the silence has no choice but to listen And exit now if you want to but promise to come back because this isn’t over, it’s just an intermission Because no matter where we were when it began I promise, it’s nothing compared to where we’ll be at the end So please, stick around and see how it ends.

42

Let’s stay as long as we can And not worry about the end But rather, enjoy the time in the middle As much as we did the time when we first began Show me your hand Slowly unravel your fist I want to memorize the contours of each fingertip And the way the river of your skin flows down to your wrist Oh god don’t let me forget this Just this Let me at least just keep this I know the nature of our lives could never let this last But nobody told me it’d slip away this fast But even if this is all the time I get And the rest just ends in heartache I swear to whatever’s above; it was well worth it That you were the one truth I couldn’t break I think I always knew the color of your eyes The way the light bends in the corners like the edge of the sky Even if appearance is just a lie Something behind the confines of your soft blue stare shook my soul awake inside It's only time and a name we can't carry through But this beautiful shape, we'll never lose Our hearts are already too intricately intertwined And if even if those bonds bend they'll always be realigned So I’ll picture the way your head feels on my chest until it all goes black With the hope that the moment I see you again it all comes flooding back Even if my mind can never find the time we stayed up all night studying the way our bodies can burn I’ll stain my soul with pictures of fire and bones until I find you all over again and learn So slow down….please Sit down with me and watch the sunset It doesn’t matter which one of us it’s for Let’s just watch it end And then ripple throughout the pond Creating waves big and small that stretch on and on Through different times and spaces across different lives and places Until all the movement comes back together in the middle And I can remember every first time I saw your face Even if we can’t stay right here in this moment I’m not quite sure that means we have to forget Let’s carve memories into our hearts and fingertips So that the next time they meet they’ll know exactly where each finger fits And even if I can’t stay right here with you in this song I’m not quite sure that means I have to be gone too long So come find me when you fall asleep I promise to leave the lights on in case it’s too dark to see I’ll shout so loud my voice will echo across the ages So that when the sound bounces back the octave changes And even though my words occupy a voice you’ve never heard I promise you’ll remember the song’s words But I can’t promise this won’t hurt And that our hearts will always be able to mend I can only promise that each time the tide resets I’ll make my way to shore and find you again Someway Someplace Someday

0

Nov 11, 2014

Nov 11, 2014 at 10:26 PM UTC

Ripple

Let’s stay as long as we can And not worry about the end But rather, enjoy the time in the middle As much as we did the time when we first began Show me your hand Slowly unravel your fist I want to memorize the contours of each fingertip And the way the river of your skin flows down to your wrist Oh god don’t let me forget this Just this Let me at least just keep this I know the nature of our lives could never let this last But nobody told me it’d slip away this fast But even if this is all the time I get And the rest just ends in heartache I swear to whatever’s above; it was well worth it That you were the one truth I couldn’t break I think I always knew the color of your eyes The way the light bends in the corners like the edge of the sky Even if appearance is just a lie Something behind the confines of your soft blue stare shook my soul awake inside It's only time and a name we can't carry through But this beautiful shape, we'll never lose Our hearts are already too intricately intertwined And if even if those bonds bend they'll always be realigned So I’ll picture the way your head feels on my chest until it all goes black With the hope that the moment I see you again it all comes flooding back Even if my mind can never find the time we stayed up all night studying the way our bodies can burn I’ll stain my soul with pictures of fire and bones until I find you all over again and learn So slow down….please Sit down with me and watch the sunset It doesn’t matter which one of us it’s for Let’s just watch it end And then ripple throughout the pond Creating waves big and small that stretch on and on Through different times and spaces across different lives and places Until all the movement comes back together in the middle And I can remember every first time I saw your face Even if we can’t stay right here in this moment I’m not quite sure that means we have to forget Let’s carve memories into our hearts and fingertips So that the next time they meet they’ll know exactly where each finger fits And even if I can’t stay right here with you in this song I’m not quite sure that means I have to be gone too long So come find me when you fall asleep I promise to leave the lights on in case it’s too dark to see I’ll shout so loud my voice will echo across the ages So that when the sound bounces back the octave changes And even though my words occupy a voice you’ve never heard I promise you’ll remember the song’s words But I can’t promise this won’t hurt And that our hearts will always be able to mend I can only promise that each time the tide resets I’ll make my way to shore and find you again Someway Someplace Someday

57