cleanslate - Hello Poetry

I could deal with the pain. I could deal with this hurt this new test, this horrible challenge. I could deal with it if you were here. Instead, the pain is doubled. Every time something happens, I think, "If only you were here, we could talk about it. You would know what to do." But you're not, so it hurts. It hurts twice as much. And I'm not sure I can handle it.

0

Jul 8, 2015

Jul 8, 2015 at 11:02 PM UTC

Untitled

I could deal with the pain. I could deal with this hurt this new test, this horrible challenge. I could deal with it if you were here. Instead, the pain is doubled. Every time something happens, I think, "If only you were here, we could talk about it. You would know what to do." But you're not, so it hurts. It hurts twice as much. And I'm not sure I can handle it.

13

**** I’m not good enough, am I?  **** I don’t care enough, do I? ****  I’ll never be enough, will I?

0

Jul 8, 2015

Jul 8, 2015 at 10:58 PM UTC

Untitled

**** I’m not good enough, am I?  **** I don’t care enough, do I? ****  I’ll never be enough, will I?

6

I miss you. Again. I miss how you used to send me those stupid gifs, to distract me from life. I want you. Again. I want you back by my side talking, laughing, making me feel whole at last. I need you. Again. I need you, but this time you’re not here, and it hurts more than ever before. I miss you. Again. I miss you every morning, and every night; at every silence, I break apart. Again.

0

Mar 19, 2015

Mar 19, 2015 at 3:16 PM UTC

Again.

I miss you. Again. I miss how you used to send me those stupid gifs, to distract me from life. I want you. Again. I want you back by my side talking, laughing, making me feel whole at last. I need you. Again. I need you, but this time you’re not here, and it hurts more than ever before. I miss you. Again. I miss you every morning, and every night; at every silence, I break apart. Again.

25

I feel so broken and I don’t understand why. It’s not like we had anything, but now that you’re gone, I just… It’s not even like you’re really gone. I still have ways to contact you that are left untried. I just thought that… No, I didn’t think. I’m still not thinking. I don’t know what to do. Should I let it go? Should I cut my losses, take a clean break and run? Should I reach out to you? Should I hope that you still want to talk to me? Is it better for me to wonder what could have happened if I’d tried? Or is it better for me to risk knowing for sure that you don’t want me? I don’t know what to do. All I wanted was you. I just liked to talk to you. I liked to hear you laugh. I liked your jokes, and the way you could cheer me up no matter what. I liked how you were always so caring and supportive. I liked how you seemed confident, but were actually sensitive inside. I liked you. Not because of your looks. Not because of your age. Not because of your gender. None of that mattered. It still doesn’t. I liked you for you, because you brought out the best side of me. And I liked who I was when I was with you. Now that you’re gone, I don’t know who I am without you, I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what I’m feeling, I don’t know what I did. All I do know is that I want you back. Please.

0

Feb 21, 2015

Feb 21, 2015 at 5:09 PM UTC

Please.

I feel so broken and I don’t understand why. It’s not like we had anything, but now that you’re gone, I just… It’s not even like you’re really gone. I still have ways to contact you that are left untried. I just thought that… No, I didn’t think. I’m still not thinking. I don’t know what to do. Should I let it go? Should I cut my losses, take a clean break and run? Should I reach out to you? Should I hope that you still want to talk to me? Is it better for me to wonder what could have happened if I’d tried? Or is it better for me to risk knowing for sure that you don’t want me? I don’t know what to do. All I wanted was you. I just liked to talk to you. I liked to hear you laugh. I liked your jokes, and the way you could cheer me up no matter what. I liked how you were always so caring and supportive. I liked how you seemed confident, but were actually sensitive inside. I liked you. Not because of your looks. Not because of your age. Not because of your gender. None of that mattered. It still doesn’t. I liked you for you, because you brought out the best side of me. And I liked who I was when I was with you. Now that you’re gone, I don’t know who I am without you, I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what I’m feeling, I don’t know what I did. All I do know is that I want you back. Please.

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