Chris Lafleur wrote a new note: dear future self
Dear future self,
i am writing this as a reminder of the misery associated with drug abuse.
At this point in my life i am addicted to heroine and crystal **** I own nothing and live for a fix thats broken me down to a point that i can no longer stand on my own two feet. everyone i love has given up on me, and most of them cant stand to be in my presence, without feeling sick to their stomach. but i dont care because im to numb to feel. my emotions have become artificial only brought on by drugs. i live in a pretend world where my choices have no consequences, and my smile is only a side effect thats brought on by smoking crystal **** i work everyday yet i have no coins in my pockets. its a struggle to wake up in the morning and my priorities are out of order, so badly that my beautiful son has been taken from me cause they deem me a bad influence, an unfit parent who cannot take care of him. i miss him so much its sickening . I try not to think because my problems are overwhelming. and im to high to deal because society does not accept what they do not understand . i wear sunglasses to sleep since im to ashamed to be seen, cause my eyes tell a story that i cant share with the public. lost touch with reality and love is nothing more than a word that i relate to painful memories. I must be crazy since i self inflict this misery. this day to day life i lead is a sad existance.and excuses mean nothing ten years later. time has passed me by i wasted life on getting high. i dont respect who iv become or any of the people i surround myself with and my best friend is heroine. sleep has become a luxury and its beggining to show in my apperance . im not the person i used to be iv changed drastically some for the better but im far from normal, my mind is constantly growing but with what iv witnessed, iv come to realize im my own worst enemy.
Jul 6, 2015
Jul 6, 2015 at 3:54 PM UTC
Chris Lafleur wrote a new note: fighting myself
12 hrs ·
im a mess and im aware of it
thanks for noticing,
but for some reason i cant find it in me to quit
cause every time is my last,
followed by relapse
typical cycle for anybody with this type of tolerance
still i keep making excuses, to give into temptation.
like its friday, or im single or i enjoy the conversation.
but the attention im getting, is negative
and consists of alterior motives
the people that surround me, are pathetic and desperate
we just share an addiction that controls our every action, predictable, insane , and defined by our habits
yet i still struggle to overcome it
because satisfaction is so comforting
I crave a fix thats so damaging
yet i continue abusing myself and neglecting the side effects
its been so long that iv adapted amongst the monsters
and brought myself to accept it
i understand the effects its had on my life
and still cant change,
i mean i try constantly, and have the right idea
just seem to fail repeatedly, and its becoming discouraging to never acheive whats expected from me
Ive earned a bad reputation that i carry with me
everywhere i go, and its obvious im not a model citizen
not that im bad person ,i posses a kind heart , a beautiful mind, and the ability to be what i chose
i beleive in god and i try to do whats right
its society that doesnt agree
they say im sick, confused , selfish , or bad
this was not my intention when i began on this mission
and i never ment to hurt anybody?
yet i hv a book full of victims
that cant understand how i reason
in my defense i was curious, it all started as an experience but i underestimated the consequences that are associated with the sensation
sharing pills with my friends and creating memories
seemed beneficial at the time being
but now i see it was toxic and i was only bringing everyone down, a bad influence disguised in desire
destroying relationships and hurting each other
so i cant be sick since that implys theres a cure
more like twisted and stuck in reverse
and i cant escape this place since its myself that im avoiding
a problem thats affecting my entire existance.
ive forgotten how to smile without being under the influence, and loves become just a word i use to my advantage that i abuse amongst women to have *** without meaning, cause i do enjoy the company means i must contain misery
so at this point im sensless
incapable of feelings, without inducing them artificially
ive lost all direction,and theres no signs pointing towards the exits,
just time wasted standing in the same position
Searching for somewhere i can feel wanted
a paradise,where i can be accepted for who i am
but without a clue how to get there i stumble through life without a destination in sight
im lost in the darkness, and cant remember how i got here
i understand that its not right, and do appreciate the concern
but in the end this is my life and i have to find the light on my own terms
Jul 6, 2015
Jul 6, 2015 at 3:35 PM UTC
Everything society fears, is what i feed on.
People stay away because i tend to be a bad role model.
Nobody can keep up, cause when i drink i go native.
When Im ****** up on drugs, Yeah my minds so creative.
I know who i am. does this frustrate you ?
Good at being bad. Do i scare you?
In love. Because I want you!
Crazy by most standards. Because I choose too!
Who are you to tell me who to be?
when I gaze inside the mirror, Im proud of what i see.
Not ashamed of who i am, can only blame myself for the things iv'e done.
Beautiful as a flower, from the parents i got
Knowledge is power, and Iv'e learnt enough
I choose to be this way,
Because it affects you
Frustrates and scares you
This is who i want to be
**** you and your two sense
Because your pennies are out of courency
Jun 2, 2014
Jun 2, 2014 at 1:45 AM UTC
Feels like im in twilight
These eyes only see star-lite nights
Step under sun, and my skins pushing crystal
It's like a dream but this ***** actually happening
Baby, my touch isn't free
Ill play grim Reaper
Your time is valuable to me
Sounds like the script to a romantic fantasy
Like a sixth sense
I can see what I believe
And this metaphor seems real to me
Happiness is my opinion
The nights just when im living
To the chronicles of the AOE (Army of Excellence)
When Saint Christopher grew his wings
To become a savior to the human king
Took flight and saved the image of the living
These are just stories
Now here comes a parody
It's pure and so euphoric
A joke, so cheap everyone can afford it
Making circles in history
But I could die tommorow, and no amount of money
Would be able to buy these types of memories
Jun 2, 2014
Jun 2, 2014 at 1:27 AM UTC
Poetic,
Sometimes sympathetic
A villain,
Convicted fellon
Refined like nickel,
Under the sun Im silver
Knight in armour
A compassionate killer
Named the flower
Along with the children
Lover and Fighter
Not sure which is better
The speed demon, Saint Christopher
Now tell me whats it matter
x2 What's it mean to ye
Cause it makes no difference
Death's just a new beggining
Raised a hood rat
Low income's my haven
Mother's an angel
father's a Demon
Im just a product
Of the environment i live-in
I got a rough exterior
But my heart is golden
So whats the meaning
for all the cursing
x2 What's it mean to ye
It makes no difference
If i can find happiness
I slave to the grind
Money's the fruit of my harvest
A machine is my temple
And at work im an artist
Got tree's in one pocket
The sun's in the other
Combine them together
And inhale magical fire
Work and play
Not sure which is better
Need them both to survive
Now tell me what's it matter
x2 What's it mean to ye
Cause it makes no difference
It's my life, now let me live it
Jun 2, 2014
Jun 2, 2014 at 1:02 AM UTC
I float in your presence
When your around i feel wonderful
So full i have to wonder
If these feelings are mutual
Once upon a time
I felt like exploding
a bomb full of love
Able to move mountains together
Nothing we couldn't overcome
While creating an empire
we could call home
Just recording our story
Like it's a romantic novel
Without devastation
It can't be true love
So embrace the pain as it comes
It just builds character for the end
In order to be remembered
Our ****** must be epic
Nothing last's an eternity
Everything comes to an end
So be sure once you close the cover
Things will get left a cliff hanger
For a later date, To be brought back to life in a sequel
Jun 2, 2014
Jun 2, 2014 at 12:43 AM UTC
To a Sickness Im a victim, The symptoms i can't tame
All the darkness that comes with it
Has made me so ashamed
I had no knowledge of being broken
Except to feel i needed change
For these choices Iv'e been making
Are becoming much to grave
Now the madness is my medicine
And i wrote myself the perscription
Problem is im not a doctor
MD is just my given name
So all these pill's that iv'e been popping
Have become the cause of all my conflict
Like all actions have reactions
These pills they come with side-effects
The euphoria's followed by paranoia
How all pain associates pleasure
Sleep has become impossible
But im able to converse with devils
This sickness stole my freedom
All my choices are influenced by addiction
and when weighing out my options
The Speed Demon's always winning
Jun 2, 2014
Jun 2, 2014 at 12:07 AM UTC
Remember the paranoia will destroy ya?
Turns out it's more truth then myth
Paranormal you could call it, With all the noises coming from my basement
I get an overwhelming feeling, I'm being watched by a demon
He's aware of all my secrets, and knows exactly how to push my buttons
Now Iv'e lost myself, and fear the person I'm becoming
Would this make you nervous?
To go insane over such non- sense
Constantly thinking, and conspiring alone
Not just hurting myself, but everyone around
Now hear come the risks, of fighting against your shadow
Losing all faith, and second guessing yourself
*** drugs, and rock & roll, Just some of my faults
Gathered through time and corked into a bottle
Fermenting, and waiting for the explosion
Now my eyes are always open, When it's time for sleeping
Searching through the darkness, for the monsters that come out under moonlight
So sleeps become a luxury, replaced with the fear of missing something
Come to beleive, my shadow's my conscious
Able to summon all skeletons from the bottom of my closet
Un-earth what I buried under all my ***** laundry
And return it to life, like an invisible zombie
My challenge, is to overcome the side- effects Associated with the crystal **** The amphetamines have awakened him
and taken me from reality
Now my shadow wont stop following
Starting to become somewhat frightening
Witnessed my every decision
Impossible to deceive him
My Shame is his best weapon
Used to cloud over my self-esteem
Catch me regularilly, checking my shoulders
As a constant reminder of my more then human counter-part
To make me feel alive, and not part of the after life
Jun 1, 2014
Jun 1, 2014 at 11:56 PM UTC
So this is the price you pay, to compose a work of art now days.
It's become a curse of words, Growing more tangible with every phrase.
Truth be told, feels like im dancing with the Devil
Discovering who I am, Reaching into the darkness and embracing my affliction
Only now im realizing, im only dancing with my other half
Searching for a way out, but its so dark inside.
Like a dreamless night, but I know there's a light at the end of every tunnel,
So I continue to dance with the Devil
If I can keep him from killing myself, At least something else will get the chance.
Anything's better then dancing in hell, so I remind myself
To survive the worst, Require's the best.
Or Maybe its up to Fate, In order to create the brightest light from the darkest space.
To rise above Temptation, and laugh in her face.
But Until the day comes, Where I can find the light at the end of the tunnel
Ill keep dancing with the Devil!!!!
Jun 1, 2014
Jun 1, 2014 at 11:29 PM UTC
The Sudafed's begun to take it's effect again
Sending a shockwave, through my nervous system
Round and Around the wheels begin spinning
Only stop for speed bumps
To re-fuel and motivate me to write lines
Now at full speed words race through my mind
Running on cold rails, like a train through the night
Chasing after stars, conducting a work of art
May 31, 2014
May 31, 2014 at 5:54 PM UTC