It was subtle, but he touched my soul in a way that no other could. He calmed my inner dialogue and put my fears to rest.
The monsters aren't as scary when you have someone else slay them with you and comfort you in the darkness.
And in this new calm state, still, I stirred and grabbed deep down, a fire in me I long forgot about
You've lent me a pair of glasses which showed all the beautiful parts of me I couldn't see
Most important of all, you never judged me, not once, for just being me
©2021 Christina Jackson
Feb 13, 2021
Feb 13, 2021 at 4:12 AM UTC
I wrote this down for you
so I would remember
all the best parts we shared
the kiss within the kiss
that sweet moment
before our lips touch
a faint memory
little ghosts dancing on
the surface of my lips
where you once belonged
I wanted to write you something
beautiful so that you would remember
that it wasn't just an illusionary concept
I conjured up in my mind
And I don't want to feel anymore
because living isn't living without you
and these headaches from the tears I've cried
are starting to deplete my energy slowly
I hate it; I hate it so much
and I can't feel you next to me anymore
curled up in your arms
I stare at the bed, and it's not the same
Can anyone hear me scream?
How can this much pain be so silent
And I wipe away the tears from my eyes
little droplets of salty memories disappear
The heat rising in my chest up and down my neck
from holding my breath
And the release isn't enough
nothing is ever enough
because living isn't living without you
and I thought I was fine, but I don't
sleep the same anymore, and my heart
aches when I hear your voice
my knees still get weak
I feel everything and nothing all at the same time
And I thought I was so sure
I didn't have to spend time looking for someone
anymore
I thought you were it and so I stopped trying to find
something I already had
I know why you did what you did
but ****** if I'm not still angry with myself
even though you told me I was enough
somehow I don't believe one bit of it
In the end, I was just another distraction
from your wounded, barely healed heart
I feel so used, but I can't fault you for hurting
and I can't be angry with you for the decisions you made
in the end, you did what you did for yourself
I wish these tears would somehow erase these
new marks I've acquired on my fragile heart
but they just dry up and start again
If only I drowned in them
maybe I wouldn't have to deal with this pain
and the realization that you were never mine
but I'll always be a little bit yours
©2020 Christina Jackson
Nov 30, 2020
Nov 30, 2020 at 1:43 AM UTC
There is hope for us yet
When words fail
and only actions speak
These hands become healers
Tracing every line
of your shape
Ear to chest
I can feel the shallow
breaths
Heart skipped a beat
The ever-growing tension
shatters-
When these hands hold
your face and kiss
you softly
dissolving the pain
Those eyes speak volumes
my heart hurts
When you grabbed my hand
and wouldn't let go
These healing hands
they shake
with indecision
Terror running through
my veins
The denial of something
real and concrete
A self-sabotaging trait
I wish to eliminate
I want you to want me
for me, not some convoluted
fantasy
I fashion metaphors
and wear them like armor
to deflect
All I want is to **** the air
from your lungs
Hold me tight
oh healing hands
don't fail me now
I need you now
more than ever
As they glide up
and down my spine
Now I'm naked
holding my heart out
to you
©2020 Christina Jackson
Oct 13, 2020
Oct 13, 2020 at 1:22 PM UTC
I would beg on bent knee
for all the gods to bring you
back to me
We were giants once
Do you remember?
The days we basked in
the sunlight
On the rocks, where the waves
crashed down upon us
Skin warmed and kissed
by the dying rays
I would beg on bent knee
for all the gods to bring you
back to me
When we became shrunken
like the voodoo heads
That hang in car windows
Do you remember?
You smiled back at me
Crookedly, lovingly
Your tender heart could
not bear the darkness
As I have welcomed it in
Easily, like an old friend
And I'd rip these trees
Root and stem
Beg on bent knee
For you, back again
And where will I stand?
When the earth opens up
and swallows me whole
Like the hole in my heart
Back in the place I left you
is where you'll find me
Down on bent knee
Earth rumbling with anger
I'll never be free
©2020 Christina Jackson
Oct 12, 2020
Oct 12, 2020 at 10:22 AM UTC
And I'll whisper your name on my lips
That brief moment when I could still feel you there
It's an empty space that I don't wish to replace
anytime soon
You meet certain people at the right time
They come into your life for a few minutes, hours
even years
Sometimes you get those people who are meant to be
lessons, mixed up with the ones who will always stay
And sometimes you fall so ******* hard
you stumble through the days
Forget time exists
Your brain is wasted on fantastical thoughts
and unrealistic expectations
That narrative you wrote in your head
doesn't actually exist
And if we don't tell the people we fall for
how we feel, are we supposed to go
through life wondering what if?
Cut the ******* cord
burn it to ash
God **** just tell that person
and who knows
the feelings may not last
A temporary feeling
They could just crumble away
and isn't that so true of the time we are given?
I won't let myself wait for you
We waste it away
and wonder years later
what happened to that person
we thought we loved so much
It was like a fire inside of my heart
the logs burned long and bright
Oh, but darling it was snuffed out
without a fight
I was never worth fighting for
And if you don't go down screaming
for the ones you love
what is the ******* point?
I want to feel ALL of you
the warm breath on my skin
Whispering nonsensical ********
into my ear
it doesn't even matter
or have to make sense
And to taste you would
be a sweet ******* dream
Always slightly out of reach
And that hail storm hits you
knocks you off that pedestal
where I so foolishly held you
And your fingers, those hands
once held this face, these hips
and I forgot what it felt like
to love, the way you taste
To have any ounce of hope
and it ******* hurts
Knowing I can't have you here
the way I want you
Unavailable in so many ****** ways
I crush my own heart
I don't need help from anyone else
And yet you are still here, not
actually here with me
An intangible thought
Your body makes me want
to commit sins the gods would
strike me down
for thinking such thoughts
Please, forgive me, I'll confess
Your lips leave me hanging here
like the former shell of a human
a ghost without a home
because home was always with you
I could turn these buildings to ash
with these flames inside of my chest
It was beautiful to watch it all burn
I was worth fighting for
We were worth fighting for
and you let it all go to ****
All of these moments with you
disappear into the abyss
© 2020 Christina Jackson
Jun 13, 2020
Jun 13, 2020 at 6:18 AM UTC
The spring that wouldn’t end
We locked ourselves in
Sunlight became
Fluorescent bulbs and
candlelight for some
And we couldn’t breathe
airways became sirens
and the world fell silent
Out of the storm
We have united-
A shift in consciousness
It was the spring
that wouldn’t end
We thought we were
Invincible
But found out how
dispensable we had become
And becoming became a
part of our daily ritual
and our guns became
masks and bleach
We thought we were safe
The lies spilled out
over the news station
radio waves
Official orders became
streetlights
As if we were all grounded
for staying out after dark
We weren’t smart
playing dead was
no longer a game
Sunday morning cartoons
became one thousand people dead
and all before 8 a.m!
We the people disobeyed
the chief in command
A murderer
The 1% will never understand
Nurses and doctors
suddenly became war
heroes
We cheered them on and
though they tried
Thousands started dropping
like flies
They called it mismanagement
I call it a crime
The spring that wouldn’t end
bleeds into summer
and the traffic lights are
blinking warning signs
We are moving too fast
it will never end
And the tyrants started
to look like giants
We’ve drawn back
the curtain
between love and hate
Division of lives
we conquered divided lines
and we drew lines in the sand
S.O.S
Screaming at the top
of our lungs
Lungs that have grown
vulnerable, to an invisible enemy
Picking its victims at random
And our answers to
questions unanswered
lie at the bottom of Petri dishes
And our kitchen cabinets
became locked targets
People hoarded the markets
of supplies, ripped out
root and stem
We bought all the wrong things
and we’re surprised when
it didn’t keep us safe
And those megaphones
turned into noise
canceling headphones
Your words don’t matter
But hey, take solace in
knowing we still have each other
Hugs turned into construction
barricades
Don’t stand so close to me
When coughs and holding
hands became the most
dangerous weapons to wield
So we used soap as shields
Kept each other in our
“thoughts and prayers”
Still believing something
invisible could cure us
When the very thing was
killing us
They called you a martyr
for leaving your home
in plain clothes
Menacing eyes follow you,
remember
Stay six feet apart
Because “droplets won’t spread
that far” -we promise!
And to the man who
led the command
you didn’t keep us safe
Your words became
bioweapons
terrorizing the land
And it didn’t matter
if you turned off the t.v
you were still there
spreading lies
spewing hateful
rhetoric
And the history books
won’t forget about us
Not again
We will always remember
the spring that
wouldn’t end
Our news feeds
were filled up
The grids became slower
We didn’t plan for this
[oh but we did, I tell ya!]
There are some who
are thriving
Finding their way in
the darkness
Pardon me, could you be
a little more quiet?
You’re disrupting the
regularly scheduled
program on war and
violence
And some became so
blinded by hate that
country of origin
was more important
than a human life
And how did they report it?
We became experts
in the art of hard targets
We had more
coffins than nails
and hammers
Virtual funerals
became a thing
When family and
friends “Party of 20”
didn’t mean the
same thing
Quickly, hide your children
hide the old and the wise
“They are most vulnerable”
lock them up inside
And we tried to
save the college
graduate
Who had no known
preexisting conditions
and as he gasped
for air
He blamed the politicians
for sending them down
the wrong path to
righteousness
And he became
just another number
on any given day
During the spring
that wouldn’t end
So we partied on
live streams-
danced in virtual
clubs
Made friends with
strangers
learned how to love
There were those
who logged
hundreds of hours
building their fantasy
worlds
Where Tim and Tom became
just as prolific as Jack and Jill
And somehow through
it all
We found love in the
time of COVID-19
During the spring
that wouldn’t end
© 2020 Christina Jackson
May 18, 2020
May 18, 2020 at 12:32 AM UTC
Fresh painted
were the nails
scratching the pavement
She screamed
The rag which gagged
her mouth
reeked of kerosene
she felt skin breaking
scraping against pavement
cold and wet
She screamed
Calloused hands gripped
and groped her ******* tight
Twisting like screws into wood
All the air left her lungs
Trembling, shaking
he whispered "just take it" and
"you probably won't make it"
She was defeated
she couldn't scream
****** bruised and broken
And though she made it
Her hands could never
touch pavement-
again
© 2020 Christina Jackson
May 10, 2020
May 10, 2020 at 3:30 AM UTC
When you lose the motivation
to keep breathing
Feeling-
The apathy settles in
Like an old friend
Unwelcome, locked doors
keys thrown aside
You tried
You feeling nothing anymore
it's all been a lie
© 2020 Christina Jackson
May 8, 2020
May 8, 2020 at 1:01 AM UTC
I am not for the meek
the weak
or the faint of heart
I am fire
And passion
Blazing trails of dust
in the faces of every man
that wronged me
And now I wake
Rise to the occasion
and let the sorrow in
Today is for the wicked
and tomorrow we sin
© 2020 Christina Jackson
May 8, 2020
May 8, 2020 at 12:54 AM UTC
And new callouses formed-
hardening the once bloodied
and broken skin
Roots broke through
old dirt
now renewed
Part the seven seas
The veins of earth,
need to breathe
We've come undone,
time to reweave-
the fabric of ourselves
hath been redeemed.
©2020 Christina Jackson
Apr 4, 2020
Apr 4, 2020 at 5:58 PM UTC