the blinking of a cursor opens the doors to possibilities
creation of worlds and relationships
but for me it reminds me of what i do not have
'list the 10 people closest to you'
8 of the 10 are family
people close to me due to blood relation and law
the last two slots remain empty
filled only with the steady rhythmic beat of the cursor
in a world where screens connect us, mine reminds me of how disconnected i am
that i lack social relations outside of my family
and who am i to tell my family that i am lonely when i have them?
who am i to tell them that i crave for relationships that are not mandatory and are instead of our own free will?
Jan 19, 2021
Jan 19, 2021 at 9:42 PM UTC
i had lived multiple lifetimes by the age of ten
by then i knew love and loss
what it was like to cry during the last hours of night
how do you mourn for someone you barely even know?
the elusive memory that becomes a dream
mother turn stranger all by the age of three
though she's still breathing she rots inside my head
the dream no longer relevant
no need for flowers to be sent
Mar 11, 2020
Mar 11, 2020 at 12:15 PM UTC
you're smiling at me
is it pity?
it doesn't quite reach your eyes...
'they feel sorry for you'
you're laughing
is it real?
there is an edge to it...
'they don't find you funny'
you're telling me to be happy
but my voice is comming from your lips
"stop being sad, you're annoying when your sad"
'they want you to leave'
im doubting every expression you make
every word spoken turns against me
the world is no longer welcoming
'they are telling you what you already know'
"YOU DISSAPOINT ME"
"YOU NEVER LEARN"
'do it'
"WE DON"T NEED YOU"
"STOP BEING SAD"
"YOU HAVE NO REASON TO BE SAD"
'do it'
"UGLY"
"FAT"
"STUPID"
"DEPRESSES"
'do it'
"IWILLNEVERLOVEYOUYOUWILLNEVERFITINALONELOOSERWHYCANTYOUJUSTBENORMALWHATISWRONGWITHYOUSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDJUSTGOAWAYWEAREBETTEROFFWITHOUTYOU"
'DO IT'
stop
please
just stop
but the words aren't yours
they're mine
Feb 22, 2019
Feb 22, 2019 at 2:25 PM UTC
its so wrong
we both know it
but we still cling to each other
our bodies move in sync
the electricity around us increases
we fit so well together
but then there is her
the one that came before me
the one that is still there
she haunts us in the back of our heads
you should be with her right now
but you're with me instead
we know how worng this is
yet we continue with our affair
what she doesnt know wont hurt her
Jan 15, 2019
Jan 15, 2019 at 3:10 PM UTC
sometimes the jokes go to far
but i still laugh at them
because i know that if i say something
you'll only laugh at me more
so i sit and i smile
and pretend everything is okay
so that i can try have a normal life
but eventually
i wont be able to handle it anymore
and you'll be able to see me
soaking in my blood filled tub
Dec 18, 2018
Dec 18, 2018 at 12:45 PM UTC
beneath the covers
alone in the dark
she listens to the birds that live in her heart
she hurts and she cries
the melody sad and sweet
yet no matter how hard she tries
she still hears each and every tweet
Nov 8, 2018
Nov 8, 2018 at 1:06 PM UTC
i met you
as the leaves fell
and the sky turned grey
the world grew cold
as my heart turned warm
i missed you
as the leaves grew back
and the sky turned blue
the world grew warm
as my heart turned cold
Oct 30, 2018
Oct 30, 2018 at 2:21 PM UTC
it all started at one dinner
"all of that is for you?"
"how can you eat so much?"
"are you sure you want all of that?"
was it wrong for me to eat what i wanted to?
i remember looking at my plate
i left it untouched the rest of the dinner
i thought it would never happen again
but again i was attacked with words
"girls dont stay skinny forever you know"
"you are going to get fat, stop eating"
"do you want to be fat?"
i was confused
had i done something wrong?
where was all this coming from?
what do you want me to do?
the tv made it worse
"look at how skinny she is"
"no wonder she has a husband"
"her child will be just as beautiful as her"
i curled into a ball ashamed of myself
why were you telling me this?
why were you being so mean?
how do i fix things between us?
i had stopped eating
the emptiness in my stomach no longer hurt
water was my only meal each day
my sleepless nights were filled with crying
"dont eat that"
"not that either, you have to stay skinny"
"you can go with one less meal"
my friends didnt know
they knew i didnt eat alot
but he knew right away
he knew something was wrong
"hey do you want this slice?" the pizza was put in front of me
one look at it and i was crying
"are you okay? whats wrong?"
i pushed the slice away and left
he was silent at first
he knew to give me my space
but you didnt
no you were still there beside me
"look what you did fat girl"
"you know skinny girls dont act stupid"
"what a fat freak"
when i finally told him what was wrong he smiled
"those are lies and you know it"
"you are so beautiful"
"you are stronger than those words"
and since then the words didnt hurt as much when you said them
sure you kept saying it
and you still do today
but i know that i am beautiful
my best friend had said so and he never lies
you cant hurt me anymore
Jul 19, 2018
Jul 19, 2018 at 10:35 PM UTC
people never understand that love is temporary,
like the sharpie drawings i drew on your skin
love always finds a way to leave,
like the way the water turned gray from the ink
but love lingers in our memories,
just like the way the ink stayed like a ghost on your skin
May 11, 2018
May 11, 2018 at 1:35 PM UTC