when i'm with you,
my heart does not beat.
it drums and thuds and thumps
until i can feel it in my feet.
i walk with you everywhere
and hope you can feel every ache,
that you feel my blisters
bubble under your skin.
not so long ago,
my heart was just a pump,
functional, rational, steady.
now, it encompasses every thought.
i would like you to stay a while,
the longer you are here
i can be sure yours is drumming too.
although,
i doubt as much.
while i'm drowning in the blood
my heart has forgotten
how to control,
you are lost in your wit.
i am afraid that
you enjoy the idea that
you have ruined the
notions of my purely pumping heart
instead of the
idea of me.
and i'm alone,
i'm alone,
i'm alone,
i'm alone.
Dec 10, 2012
Dec 10, 2012 at 7:57 PM UTC
i wish i could swim the pacific ocean and back.
and when i came back to sit in front of a burning burning fire
until it dried me to the bone.
and for my skeleton to be hung above your bed
to act as a catcher of your night terrors
and it would work
because you would know that i was magical.
because i swam the whole pacific ocean and back.
for you.
Sep 26, 2010
Sep 26, 2010 at 6:08 PM UTC
i have been told one million times that
love conquers all but it seems the coordinates
of my existence have never been found or
voyaged too. i thought i had found my destination
in you, i guess the atlas i used was obsolete and rotten.
i tried to sail away from you but i arrived
at stormy seas, the north star i followed burned
like your kisses, which scorched my mouth like
my first menthol cigarette. when i tried to
soar, you crashed into me like a wrecking ball.
and we came down, blaring, burning as you
touched my skin turning it to ash
Jul 18, 2010
Jul 18, 2010 at 7:30 AM UTC
i have relied on circumstance and fate all of my life.
god has never shone down on me and occupied
my life with luck.
i have lived with compromise and attainment without the need for belief
i have never had a calling or had the
ghost pierce through my organs and save me.
today i watched you make your first communion and
you have never been so bright. your innocence,
highlighted in your glow. faith enveloped you
and you enveloped me.
Jun 29, 2010
Jun 29, 2010 at 4:23 PM UTC
loneliness crept on every breath
Jun 29, 2010
Jun 29, 2010 at 3:52 PM UTC
I felt every cell of each of your knuckles
As it collided with my cheekbone
And as my face was ripped from its symmetry
I felt my heart crash into my stomach
And regurgitate out of my lips.
Jun 29, 2010
Jun 29, 2010 at 3:21 PM UTC
inhaling the ocean breeze and feeling it empty my lungs makes me feel completely intact
i can taste the salt in its entirety on my tongue and i try to scrape it all off with my front teeth
i feel the waves roaring over my heart, liberating it from veins and its arteries, the sea filling the orifices of my organs
the shores stones crowd at my toes and break my skin, but i am cleansed
i stride into the water and it seeps into my nostrils and my intellect becomes infiltrated by the sea, my lungs are suffocated by the wet
and i am completely intact
Jun 29, 2010
Jun 29, 2010 at 3:14 PM UTC
i feel choked by my words,
they are swelling inside my skull
and they are lathering me in sentiment and folly.
my pen has become my enemy
and a regret that i cannot conquer.
they join inside of me
and plait themselves together in sentences
weaving into my brain and stifling their
surge to my fingers and suffocate my wit.
if i could i would wrap my mouth
around my head and heave the knitted words
from my brain and lay them
onto my white blank page, but,
my words, they imprison me, they grip
me behind steel bars of language
and i anguish, i anguish.
Jun 29, 2010
Jun 29, 2010 at 2:46 PM UTC
like sitting beside the window feeling tortured by the torrential rain, wishing that it was pounding at my surface, scratching away at my pores.
having bluegrass melodies sweeping up my ears, filling them with banjos and voices as cavernous as the grand canyon
and watching you laying on the carpet, your legs crossed, rolling a cigarette as if you were caressing skin,
being careful as if you were rolling my veins, controlling the blood flow to my heart,
making it swell to burst.
Jun 21, 2010
Jun 21, 2010 at 8:29 AM UTC
grief struck me like a lightning bolt
the anguish thundered in my gut, tasting the
sting of it's acid decimating my throat
you were never a nice man, your habits
ate away at my bones. my skin has been desolate
of adoration, my heart barren of beating
but when you allowed the sickness to overcome
your wit, i became your carer again, i was able
to caress your skin and wash your pores of bad
i was necessary for you, you howled for me.
my palm engulfed your fingertips while
you were lowered to rot in the ground.
i wake up every morning with a kick in the teeth, blood
swelling in my temples. remembering your last words to me,
‘words mean nothing when i can feel your heart in mine'
Jun 21, 2010
Jun 21, 2010 at 8:28 AM UTC