Today was not a great day
But tomorrow will be better
Sometimes I try to feel something positive
And I fail miserably
I know that each failure actually pushes me closer to my goal
It is scary to try and be happy, if you anticipate a heavy pang of pain to follow your smile or laughter
But if I get more discouraged
My days can’t get better
So I will keep laughing and smiling
Until there’s no pain behind it
Jun 2, 2017
Jun 2, 2017 at 11:39 AM UTC
Trust is a flower
Delicate and easily broken
It can grow again
With a lot of love and dedication
It is also like glass, also delicate and easily broken
Except with glass it can’t be fixed to look the same as before the break
And it can shatter
Can cut and cause pain when broken
Trust is a component of faith
Faith requires you to believe in something you can’t really see
Trust requires you to believe someone or something without all the proof
To have trust in someone is giving them your most prized possession without worrying
For me the possession is my heart
It was full of trust, gifted to someone because trust
But now I am that delicate flower, that shattered piece of glass
May 31, 2017
May 31, 2017 at 3:33 PM UTC
Hello father
it's me
the daughter you couldn't love
the one you never see
Hi dad, it's me
The one that looks just like you
The chocolate skin, the smile, lips and nose
The daughter you don't know
Hi "father", "dad"
it sounds foreign coming from my lips
because since the day I was pushed from my mother's hips
you have been a shadow, only appearing for brief moments and not when needed
you know that I am special
but do you know why?
did you know that as a little girl for you I used to cry?
When the boys felt me up in the halls of my middle school-- I wanted your advice
do I push them away or let their hands stay
When my heart was broken I wanted you there to tell me I was beautiful
that it would all get better
I wanted confirmation of my value
When I started college I wanted you there to help me move into my dorm room and give me all these rules that I'd agree to only until you left
I see the pain in your eyes and between the lines of the words you say
I see the see the pain of what your daddy didn't for you
the pain of how you've failed your children too
This is in't meant as a disrespect to you
but an admission of the truth
but daddy, I forgive you
For all you didn't do
But I am also disappointed
because the failure were acknowledged
and you said you wanted change
but your actions are still the same
and my efforts seem in vain
So I am throwing my hands up
Not sure it's a cause we are both fighting for
Goodbye dad
I hope one day you'll be
everything I always needed and more
May 2, 2017
May 2, 2017 at 11:55 AM UTC
single mother
no job
no place to live, no car
somehow made it far
a mother that never quite loved her enough
a father just the same
countless men that showed her she wasn't worth anything
She now has a degree
and a daughter to whom she'd give the world
still stressed
but also blessed
because of her little girl
she can feed and clothe her
make her smile and laugh
and she left behind the demons of her past
Blessings sometimes have the timing of a snail
slow and inconvenient
but their arrival is the water on a blazing hot day in the desert
they happen when needed yet unexpected
Apr 29, 2017
Apr 29, 2017 at 6:33 PM UTC
there's endless poems of broken hearts and broken dreams
there's endless stories of what could've been
I think about what we were
and how I become a part of the cliche in which I am another woman
broken down like a little girl
because of the infidelities that I thought would stop because you said you love me
I have realized that love has become an excuse
to hurt others and for others to accept it
I accepted your lies
time and time again
now I am another cliche
broken by the relationship you let fall to pieces
Apr 27, 2017
Apr 27, 2017 at 11:53 PM UTC
You're beautiful!
Your skin is so beautiful!
Those bullies are wrong, they've lied to you
Your skin is silky and smooth
It is dark as night
Where stars shine bright
Your skin is what makes you...you!
Its deep cocoa hue
its glow
You ARE beautiful
You should know
People may bully you and tear you down
But they can never take away
What stands as truth
You are beautiful
Every part of you
Apr 27, 2017
Apr 27, 2017 at 12:16 AM UTC
Future Me...
I see you happy
I see you healthy
I see you striving
I see you smiling
There is
Less pain in your eyes
Less anguish in your cries
No longer are you afraid to always say what's on your mind
no longer do you need perfection for validation
you know your value to its full extent
Future me,
I see you free
Free of worry, stress, anxiety
Future me, you are a Phoenix, risen from the ashes, new and refreshed
Apr 25, 2017
Apr 25, 2017 at 11:45 PM UTC
I'm not sure where to start
Not certain where's the end
I've got some observations
and some reservations....
Observation Number 1
Take care of yourself
Which seems complicated to do when all I can think about is...did that little girl sleep tonight, or did she stay up tortured by the images of her ******
Number 2
Competence is necessary
Of course I already knew this
But apparently in some it doesn't exist
Competence means knowledge it means understanding
Competence is knowing that this family didn't magically appear with issues
No, its been generations, cycles of people whose one commonality, other than DNA, is struggle
Struggle of addiction, struggle of poverty, struggle of depression, struggle to be happy
Competence means understanding that policies are also barriers to real change sometimes
Which leads me to observation Number 3
Policy
It's complicated, it's bureaucratic
It's sometimes diplomatic.
It's the reason we have registered *** offenders
But also the reason we had severe DFCS budget cuts
It's why my client can never seem to have enough money to provide for all 3 of her children
Reservations?
Am I cut out for this? Can I really evoke change?
Can I handle hearing about another 12 year old being abused?Can I really watch another child cry while they're separated from the mother that beat him unconscious?
Maybe it’s my passion to heal those who are broken
Maybe it's because for years I listened on the phone while someone I loved told me about what HE did to her over and over
Day after day
From age 10 until I'm not even sure when it ended
Maybe it's because I have my own story and troubles that I wish someone could've saved me from
But when I look in a child's eyes and see that longing for happiness
That longing for normalcy
I know this is where I belong
Here in social work
With the good, the bad, the ugly
The unknown
I can't let the fear of failure dominate me
I have too many lives to change
Apr 25, 2017
Apr 25, 2017 at 11:33 PM UTC
Is it normal,
that whenever I see those mushy love scenes
The lightened up face of another woman being chased by the man of her dreams
That I scream?
Because I know it isn't real and I question if it could ever be me
Because all of the love I've known ends in heartache and tragedy
Is it normal that at the end when they've said "I love you" or "I dos" that I feel a tinge of jealousy
for something that isn't even reality
When a lover realized that love had no boundaries
or that a job across the country wasn't more important
or that living without that person wasn't an option
or when the bad guy is defeated and prince and princess unite
or when lovers make up from a terrible fight
I think
Will I ever know this love?
...does this love really even exist or is it some made up fiction for the world of dreamers and those who hope?
Apr 24, 2017
Apr 24, 2017 at 5:48 PM UTC
My eyes got heavy
And so did my sleep
And it was then that I dreamed you were visiting me
I still haven't accepted that you're truly gone
And I believe it was you, an angel now
Visiting me so that I could let go of my grief
I didn't remember it right away
But later in the day
When there was a throbbing in my heart
You were taken from me
By bullets of greed
But I will keep you alive through my memories
Apr 24, 2017
Apr 24, 2017 at 12:35 AM UTC