charlie-elston - Hello Poetry

That crippling loneliness with which I am well acquainted Waiting as a silent observer While I sit here and write Sat here decaying waiting for that call That vicious lump within my mother's womb Is it what we fear the most? That cruel diseases that took my grandmother from us too soon? Every second drenched in fear and terror Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick . .

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Oct 14, 2020

Oct 14, 2020 at 9:20 PM UTC

Wait

That crippling loneliness with which I am well acquainted Waiting as a silent observer While I sit here and write Sat here decaying waiting for that call That vicious lump within my mother's womb Is it what we fear the most? That cruel diseases that took my grandmother from us too soon? Every second drenched in fear and terror Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick . .

15

Yaknow, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to feel anymore. I know that I no longer pine for you like i once did nor hold the seething resentment that used to be so deeply entwined within my very soul at the mere suggestion of your existence. I know that no matter what I would never want you back, and that I barely think about you anymore. And yet- There's still something stopping me moving on, being able to live my life truly apart from you. Is there still an unfilled maw inside of me from all the pain you put me through? Why can I simply not trust a man with my body or my soul anymore? Why can't i just forget you ever burrowed your way into my life?

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Oct 14, 2020

Oct 14, 2020 at 9:09 PM UTC

Oh to forget~

Yaknow, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to feel anymore. I know that I no longer pine for you like i once did nor hold the seething resentment that used to be so deeply entwined within my very soul at the mere suggestion of your existence. I know that no matter what I would never want you back, and that I barely think about you anymore. And yet- There's still something stopping me moving on, being able to live my life truly apart from you. Is there still an unfilled maw inside of me from all the pain you put me through? Why can I simply not trust a man with my body or my soul anymore? Why can't i just forget you ever burrowed your way into my life?

8

That little ****** in my head That little itch at the back of my mind I thought I could ignore it at first but the longer I go on the louder and more prominent in my psyche he is. It started with whispers Quiet Ignorable But the more I ignored him the louder and angrier he got. He wouldn't let me ignore him He couldn't handle not being the center of my attention So he started screaming. Those screams Those dreadful screams I cannot sleep I cannot escape him I can only see One Way Out

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Jul 7, 2020

Jul 7, 2020 at 6:10 PM UTC

An unwinnable fight

That little ****** in my head That little itch at the back of my mind I thought I could ignore it at first but the longer I go on the louder and more prominent in my psyche he is. It started with whispers Quiet Ignorable But the more I ignored him the louder and angrier he got. He wouldn't let me ignore him He couldn't handle not being the center of my attention So he started screaming. Those screams Those dreadful screams I cannot sleep I cannot escape him I can only see One Way Out

18

To my dearest demons, How have you been? It's been a while since we've seen each-other Yet here you are again. Those weekly sessions of talking and crying to get you to disappear seems futile now Those dark feelings, those intrusive thoughts of pain, of death and destruction, Here you are again. The unwelcomed guest, the evil within how do I vanquish you once and for all? Why does nothing work? Why are you back to taunt me once again?

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Feb 10, 2019

Feb 10, 2019 at 5:22 PM UTC

My dearest demons

To my dearest demons, How have you been? It's been a while since we've seen each-other Yet here you are again. Those weekly sessions of talking and crying to get you to disappear seems futile now Those dark feelings, those intrusive thoughts of pain, of death and destruction, Here you are again. The unwelcomed guest, the evil within how do I vanquish you once and for all? Why does nothing work? Why are you back to taunt me once again?

13

That intense pain we caused Eachother Not of flesh but Soul Day after day Night after night Fighting Arguing Loving Hating Loving Hating Then it stopped. No more arguing No more fighting No more hating And yet somehow I miss it? How? How can I miss the awful times we went through?

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Apr 24, 2018

Apr 24, 2018 at 8:48 AM UTC

My masochistic heart

That intense pain we caused Eachother Not of flesh but Soul Day after day Night after night Fighting Arguing Loving Hating Loving Hating Then it stopped. No more arguing No more fighting No more hating And yet somehow I miss it? How? How can I miss the awful times we went through?

18

I hate you Truly From the bottom of my heart Because I loved you With it all I hate you Truly From the bottom of my heart So why Why do I miss you? I hate you Truly From the bottom of my heart So why can't I Stop thinking about you? I hate you Truly From the bottom of my heart So why Why can't I live without you?

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Nov 11, 2017

Nov 11, 2017 at 1:35 PM UTC

I hate you

I hate you Truly From the bottom of my heart Because I loved you With it all I hate you Truly From the bottom of my heart So why Why do I miss you? I hate you Truly From the bottom of my heart So why can't I Stop thinking about you? I hate you Truly From the bottom of my heart So why Why can't I live without you?

20

Your scratches and bites excited me at first The gentle clawing and nibbling my neck But you didn't stop there. You got harder and harder until I bled I asked you to stop You bit harder. It didn't take long for me to enjoy the pain again Because it was you Ours bodies embraced. That wasn't enough for you You saw my enjoyment and had to change it You saw my pleasure from your genetic violence You wanted to hurt me, irreparably. You attacked my body first, then moved to my brain, heart, soul Your words burnt like fire Your tongue lacerated my soul like a whip Constant agony. Unrequited love disguised with manipulation You were pretending all along And yet I stayed Now, I am gone. Forever yours in body, your little *********

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Mar 31, 2017

Mar 31, 2017 at 2:33 PM UTC

To the sadist who stole my heart.

Your scratches and bites excited me at first The gentle clawing and nibbling my neck But you didn't stop there. You got harder and harder until I bled I asked you to stop You bit harder. It didn't take long for me to enjoy the pain again Because it was you Ours bodies embraced. That wasn't enough for you You saw my enjoyment and had to change it You saw my pleasure from your genetic violence You wanted to hurt me, irreparably. You attacked my body first, then moved to my brain, heart, soul Your words burnt like fire Your tongue lacerated my soul like a whip Constant agony. Unrequited love disguised with manipulation You were pretending all along And yet I stayed Now, I am gone. Forever yours in body, your little *********

25

0

Mar 23, 2017

Mar 23, 2017 at 8:27 AM UTC

Untitled

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I guess that's it Him the straw Me the camels back I'm broken You're gone His now Or maybe all along I'm broken Your heart his Never truly mine Always distant Always in his arms Strange disappearances explained With him In mind Body Soul.

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Mar 11, 2017

Mar 11, 2017 at 1:28 PM UTC

Oh J.

I guess that's it Him the straw Me the camels back I'm broken You're gone His now Or maybe all along I'm broken Your heart his Never truly mine Always distant Always in his arms Strange disappearances explained With him In mind Body Soul.

17

Is this it? Is this goodbye? A farewell to all those good times The best times The times when it was just you and I against the world? Is this us over? Have I lost my soulmate My heart My desire? You're here and yet I feel you're already gone Your mind if not your body with someone else All that love, hope, desire His.

0

Mar 1, 2017

Mar 1, 2017 at 8:13 PM UTC

Is this goodbye?

Is this it? Is this goodbye? A farewell to all those good times The best times The times when it was just you and I against the world? Is this us over? Have I lost my soulmate My heart My desire? You're here and yet I feel you're already gone Your mind if not your body with someone else All that love, hope, desire His.

13