I want someone who doesn’t see the scars and scratches on my body
as a symbol of destruction and misery
I want someone who sees the scars and scratches on my body as
a piece of art – a representation of survival
Someone who sees me as a crumpled piece of paper
that is still, somehow, whole but
Simply crumpled
Apr 22, 2014
Apr 22, 2014 at 11:33 AM UTC
I feel like I was once a naked canvas
- a credulous artist was to be my creator,
his deepest desire was to fill the empty frame
with beautiful work of art and make it
the masterpiece of his life - well, see there was this one
significant problem - the canvas was never meant
to be beautiful
and so the artist smothered it with paint,
and ripped it with a rusty pocket knife,
and shouted at it in pure shame
that it could never be a masterpiece
with stains of dreadful paint,
and open wounds,
it stood on the painting easel
– all alone
worthless
Mar 5, 2014
Mar 5, 2014 at 11:49 AM UTC
Last night I dreamt of you,
We were running in the midst of daffodils and buttercups
The damp air bestowed you with tiny water crystals and
Birds above us were chanting the melody of dawn
With a teasing laugh I ran and told you: catch me if you can
Last night I dreamt of you,
We were running in the midst of dandelions and hogweed
The violent weather soiled me with poisonous raindrops and
Hawks above us were screeching the melody of night
Without a laugh you ran and told me: don’t you try to catch me
Mar 5, 2014
Mar 5, 2014 at 10:20 AM UTC
One day I adored you,
The next day I hated you,
The day after that I missed you,
And then I despised you,
Only to be longing for you
And then to loathe you
This is the cruel game of my mind,
The endless circle I am trapped in
Always torn between feelings
Of love and hate toward you.
And I still haven’t figured it out.
Please stop making my heart race when you smile,
And please stop irritating me with your arrogance.
Please just stop.
I don’t want to love you and I don’t want to hate you.
I don’t want you at all
Feb 17, 2014
Feb 17, 2014 at 11:06 AM UTC
My heart is aching
My throat is itching
My head is throbbing and
My sight is fading
Still I smoke the cigarette,
Inhaling the smoke so deep into my lungs,
That you would think it was for the last time
My mind is screaming,
My hands are buzzing
My legs are weakening
My chest is beating
Still I smoke the cigarette,
Inhaling the smoke so deep into my lungs,
That you would think it could ease my mental distress
My ribs are tightening
My eyes are burning
My lungs are ripping and
My scars are prickling
Still I smoke the cigarette,
Inhaling the smoke so deep into my lungs,
That you would think it could tame the beast inside me
One must always hope
Feb 15, 2014
Feb 15, 2014 at 10:47 AM UTC
a large sweater
and a single bite
then everything looks better
and I'll continue to hide
Feb 13, 2014
Feb 13, 2014 at 6:20 PM UTC
I find it remarkable
that I always say I’m scared,
scared that people will run away
as soon as they notice my true self
still I reveal it to one and all,
to anyone who will listen
I think maybe it’s because
I hope they will run away
that they will think I’m mad and bizarre
ill – absurd – ludicrous
so I can capture all their contempt
and hide it inside my chest
and continue to live in the darkness
where self-hatred represents all
that is where I feel secure
because no-one can hurt someone
who has already been beaten down
Feb 13, 2014
Feb 13, 2014 at 6:13 PM UTC
intoxicated bodies
leads to confessions of affection
confessions to be ignored when guilt takes over
confessions which we swear not be true
that our hearts beat strongly for each other
that is a truth - a reality which cannot be changed
or can it?
“practice makes perfect” you say
and I think I understand
because my heart is broken
and I have to practice
Feb 13, 2014
Feb 13, 2014 at 5:53 PM UTC
I keep forgetting how striking you are
How charming and stunning you are
I forget because I tell myself not to look at you
I forget because I don’t want to be longing for -
Your hands around my waist
Your laugh which overshadows my every thought
Your strong arms which once held me tight
Your broad shoulders which sheltered me into reassurance
I say that I keep forgetting,
But I always remember,
The second you take a look in my direction
Even for just a second
I remember it all
Feb 13, 2014
Feb 13, 2014 at 5:29 PM UTC
Sunlight, moonlight
Shine bright
Unravel me here
Exhibit my shattered heart
Let the world look into
My aching soul
And reveal my hidden art
Underneath my sleeves
Use your luminosity to mirror
The darkness of my psyche
Onto the ground
Where it belongs
Feb 5, 2014
Feb 5, 2014 at 2:58 PM UTC