I can't breathe
So I pant
Panting is just a form of breathing right
Sure I can't feel the air going all the way into back of my ribcage
But my heart is racing
That should count as breathing right
I can't let up
I feel like I'm going at a 100 and I can't remember how the brakes feel like
What if I lose this momentum
And forget how to start again
What happens then
I could pause
But that's all I can do for now
For now
Aug 10, 2025
Aug 10, 2025 at 9:57 AM UTC
Suddenly
Holding myself together because I have myself to hold
sad songs
sinks me into a lullaby of melancholy
wherever home is wherever i feel cradled
in the notes of the sad songs, slow and swaying
in the words of poetic lyrics
in the details of the mundane living
intentional movements in the yoga routine
in the focus of the joint movements of my knees bringing me to work
shuffling between my bed and place of work
Could I get myself out of this sadness
Perpetual, cyclical
I hope it isn't my default
the more inwards I look
the more I insulate myself from the outside
am I the lingering strum of someone's guitar
or the last of the embers of a burnt up note
can anyone know who I am
if I am as still as perfectly balanced stone
stillness
isn't a sign of lifelessness
but who would take the double take
to watch the stillness
in our fast paced world
who would even think of stillness
when fast encourage fast encourage fast
when flurry is all the hurry
stillness
wants to be noticed but it can't hurry
so it just stays still
and watches all which flurries
maybe stillness looks closely
and will find a hurry
wanting to be still
Jan 16, 2025
Jan 16, 2025 at 11:01 AM UTC
A Singaporean Story
Before the half drunkeness wears off
It is 20 minutes to 1am
Congratulations on the 3rd year at your first job
3 years ago today
nothing was planned.
Something was.
You believed that money buys you freedom
And you still do.
That money buys you freedom.
Your 401k's equivalent is a CPF
You have more now
Your tongue is stained purple
From the tannin of cheap wine
From a friend's client's appreciation dinner for clients
An adult's life is all about flattery and exchanges
What is real anymore
Other than the buzz you feel after 4 glasses of red wine
I used to prefer white
You can't sleep
Even if you do
It's not restful
Nothing is
You are tired
Because the environment made you so
Only money can buy you out of this mess
you still believe it so
And now you're here
Believing that 'enter' on the keyboard can prolong each waking moment
until when your world does not spin when your eyes closes
and when they do close
there is no dream
only darkness
restful darkness
Is the solace of a working adult
In the Singapore story
Congrats on the 3rd year anniversary of work
Where there is nothing
But the grind
But the grind
Until time passes
and fades
and your 401k equivalent looks fuller
to buy you peace when you are 80 or 90
I need rest
Real Proper Rest
May 2, 2024
May 2, 2024 at 12:48 PM UTC
Newly committed like a fresh coat of gel polish
The everyday motions has it worn down
Caught in the edges in the midst of hair washing
Fall in pieces until it becomes too much to live with
Like a band aid the whole is pulled off
Fresh bare nails underneath
Peek through like the sunlight after rain
No trace of the colour before
Whites of the new nails
Bare
To face the motion of the next day
And onwards it grows
If we gather all the old nails we've cut
And put it back together like the Ship of Theseus
Are we not continuous ships of the nights before
Inevitable
Unrelentless
Passing of time
O how cruel a mistress time is
Jun 12, 2023
Jun 12, 2023 at 11:59 AM UTC
These floruoscent lights
Sits behind the glabella
Black the highest quality of rest
Brown behind my lids
I need a break
Aug 16, 2022
Aug 16, 2022 at 4:17 AM UTC
Where the ends of the day settles into the dust of tomorrow,
In between
The quiet does not come.
Aug 31, 2018
Aug 31, 2018 at 12:59 PM UTC
I discover new songs
On nights like this
and stare blankly into the desk light
A daze
Of how much time had passed
Since I coped with you being away
Busyness
does not change
the dullness
from the space you once occupied
In the midst of catching a breath
recovering from a flu
And a dry cough
I realise
Maybe a wreck of me
will never be dulled enough
to numb your non-existence
away
Oct 14, 2017
Oct 14, 2017 at 1:29 PM UTC
This green-eyed deluge
Dammed with fear of consequence
Refer in third person
Because extraction makes a distance from 'I'
or so it seems
You know you are above this
Bird's eye view
Unhappy
so you look for distractions
to numb the strength of the whole spectrum
Why is this the most difficult to dispossess
Esteem must be cut from this
You are above this
Do not simmer in this
Feel,
no, but
do not feel.
Feb 17, 2017
Feb 17, 2017 at 7:33 AM UTC
Don't want to pretend to know
Lights out
Young cuticles
Scratching beneath the truth
Confusing
Reaching
Coming forth
Tell one more lie
Beautiful
but I'm not your love
Oct 24, 2016
Oct 24, 2016 at 2:06 AM UTC
A heart in free fall
So used to isolation
The mind's a safety net
I promise you
I will keep the ground
At arms' length.
Jul 17, 2014
Jul 17, 2014 at 1:23 PM UTC